Reactions: 3.14 “Dangerous Liaisons”

Alright, so I warned y’all on twitter that this reaction post was going to be intense. It’s also filled with so much straight-up bananas craziness, you don’t even KNOW. That’s what this episode did to us. It fills us with ALL THE EMOTIONS. But I can’t say any more. You’ll just have to read it 😉

Unfortunately Cin couldn’t be with us for this reaction post as she had to drive to Nashville — too bad she doesn’t have one of those magical TVD portkeys! — so she’s only here with us in spirit. But don’t worry. I fully expect an EXTREMELY long comment from her at some point.

Here we go!

Main Players: (Spirit of) Cin, Christina and Abby (SBH staff); Dayna, Melissa, Erin and Stephanie (SBH contributors and friends).

“Fondly, Klaus”
Christina: I can’t handle it! I can’t handle the goddamn adorableness of Klaus fucking FANCYING Caroline!
Spirit of Cin: I. KNOW! He told her he fancied her and enjoyed her! CHRIST! He gave her a drawing of her and a horse. I SHIP THEM SO GORRAM HARD!!!!!
Christina: ME FUCKING TOO! GOD! I mean, how did he KNOW that she was Miss Mystic Falls? The way he looked at her. The way… Jesus… the way he looked after she told him what was what, that he doesn’t try to understand people because he’s got some abandonment issues for real. And then the way he GAVE HER THAT DRAWING OMG THE SWOONAGE IS TOO HIGH DANGER DANGER MELTDOWN IMMINENT! GAAAAAHHHHH. 🙂
Spirit of Cin: I’M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!
Abby: HE DREW HER A PONY. CAROLINE AND A PONY. YOU GUYS, I JUST CAN’T. HE’S LIKE PERFECTION WRAPPED IN HOMICIDE AND I WILL LOVE HIM FOREVER AND EVER.
Christina: “Perfection wrapped in homicide.” JESUS, Abby. I love you so much, hahahahaha. Also, YES. Klaus just needs a fucking hug, and Caroline is just the person to give IT to him, don’t you think? Well, he needs more than that, but. I ship them. I ship them hard.
Stephanie: OMG Y’ALL! I WANT KLAUS TO DRAW ME PRETTY PICTURES. SERIOUSLY I JUST CAN’T. I WAS A PUDDLE OF MUSH EVERY TIME HE OPENED HIS FANCY MOUTH. ‘I FANCY YOU’?! I DIE.
Christina: ME TOOOOOO. Every time he opened that FANCY mouth of his. Even though I was alone, I was all, “SHUT UP HE’S SPEAKING!”
Stephanie: lol. Me too! I literally held my breath so I didn’t miss a single word that he uttered from those perfect lips. Seriously, how was Caroline NOT ripping off her dress and just telling him to take her especially after he offered to show her Europe?!
Christina: I don’t even fucking know. I can’t fathom wanting to be clothed around him after that either. I mean, JESUS. You know, I don’t quite know what it is about these two, but they drive me so bonkers with the thought of them being together. I ship them harder than anyone else I’ve ever shipped on this show.
Stephanie: WORD. SO MUCH DAMN WORD.
Dayna: I really liked how all of that played out. I would have been disappointed if Caroline had just swooned into Klaus’s arms after everything. The whole thing was perfection, from Klaus’s twitterpation to Caroline rolling her eyes and shutting him down to the screeching-record sound when she got his note and drawing in the jewelry box instead of the bracelet back. Absolute perfection. And I’m amused that, after 1000 years, Klaus really has NO game with the ladies.
Abby: Except us. Because Klaus has ALL THE GAME with us. ALL OF US. Except Caroline.
Christina: You’re absolutely right. I would have momentarily been please if she was like “TAKE ME KLAUS!” but in the long run, this is much better. Everything was just perfectly executed. And I guess Klaus doesn’t really have game because he’s been more concerned with other things for those 1000 years. Though you know he’s hella charming when he wants to be. He can turn it on and off. We’ve seen him do this. Like a fucking SWITCH right in the middle of conversations. It’s what makes him so terrifying. But yeah. He’s got a lot to learn. And, god, just the thought of him trying to COURT her. You guys… I can’t… I need to rewatch all of these scenes immediately.
Stephanie: I do love a good chase especially if we get more Klaus uttering magical sayings last night. I think it’s safe to say that Pacey Witter has been fired as ‘Ruiner of All Men’ for me and replaced by Klaus _______ (I refuse to give him the last name Mikaelson since, well, he’s not).
Christina: I’m about to say something shocking, so brace yourselves… I was never a Pacey Witter fan. I KNOW! I KNOW! I’m sorry! But it’s true. But WORD to Klaus ruining men. Klaus… I just. I really want to see another flashback (even if it HAS to be Vikings in Virginia again) just to see Elijah and Klaus both trying to date the same woman. Who wants to bet that it’s the same deal as with the Brothers Salvatore and their dynamic has changed — that Klaus was the timid one and Elijah was all powerful. Oh god, I’m giving myself the vapors just thinking about Elijah as POWERFUL.
Dayna: I want to see him working HIS woman-wooing magic!! *swoon* Like seriously, a woman is actually torn between him and Klaus?
Christina: That’s what I’m saying. I mean NOW, in the present… with Klaus the way he is, I would TOTALLY be torn. But I want to see if it was always the case. Like you said, how does he have zero game? He must never have had it. But then, how was the OP torn between Elijah and him then? I just want to see it.
Dayna: Totally. THAT’S the flashback I want. And I’m not sure how much I believe that they had agreed to the bros before hos thing BEFORE mama “took” the girl to use in whatever spellwork she was doing. That seemed… off when Elijah was describing it. Is it too much to ask to get an Elijah flashback where he’s telling his own backstory instead of someone else’s?
Abby: If Elijah starts wooing people, I think we’re going to need to pack the entire fandom in dry ice. OR WE’LL ALL DIE.
Christina: Yeah, I think that convo last week was for show. YOU GUYS! We totally forgot to mention something — not only was Klaus so goddamn swoonworthy… are we forgetting that Caroline was wearing the bracelet he gave her?! SHE WANTS IT TOO. GOD THESE TWO.
Stephanie: He even called her out on it when dancing and she had no answer. UGH! I CAN’T WITH THESE TWO. They make me feel ALL THE EMOTIONS.
Christina: ALL THE FUCKING EMOTIONS. And all the fucking emotions too. 😉
Dayna: (I think that would be fucking MOTIONS. No E.) I’m so torn. I WANT it to be all epic love story-y, but… this can’t possibly end well for Vampire Barbie, ya know? She’s gonna get hurt, either physically or emotionally or both.
Stephanie: DAYNA! DO. NOT. DESTROY. MY. DREAMS. Let me live in a land of delusion for at least today.
Dayna: But maybe before the inevitable happens, she can show him how he’s capable of such beauty and shit if only he’ll stop being an insecure, control-freak asshole who makes really bad choices all the damn time.
Christina: YES YES YES.
Stephanie: God, I hope so.
Abby: If they don’t at LEAST have one outrageously passionate, fandom-igniting kiss, I will be disappointed FOREVER.
Christina: OH, god. I am such a fucking tween. A kiss?! You almost killed me. Also, I agree. Disappointment for all eternity. I mean, I think Caroline is probably the first person in a really, really long time that Klaus has actually fancied. He almost had KLEARS in his eyes when she was shooting him down and being honest with him. And yet HE STILL GAVE HER THE DRAWING AND NOTE. And GOD I COULD TALK ABOUT THEM ALL DAY IM NOT EVEN TYPING WITH THE CAPS LOCK I AM HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY THAT IS HOW MUCH EMOTION I AM EXPERIENCING.
Stephanie: Damn, the shift key? That’s serious emotions.
Melissa: Damn ya’ll went to town! There’s almost not anything I can add. I kid. There’s a shit ton of stuff to add because ya’ll took care of the swooning and now I can insist on the analyzing. Because I need this to actually happen. I need Klaus to fall in love and still be like Klaus and all testy with everyone but to let Caroline in. And then Caroline can let Klaus in. As one does when a man draws them a picture. And gives them diamonds. And basically a pony. But small swooning aside, I really liked the fact that Caroline was considering Klaus’ words but she wasn’t buying it and she wasn’t going to be bought. I know that was a worry for some in the fandom (not us, because we basically ship everyone and adore Caroline and all things Original) that Caroline would become a crappy version of herself just for the sake of pretty things and some sweet words. But Caroline is so much better than that. I sort of went off on tumblr about this last night too but it was like she was compassionate and gracious with Klaus without allowing him to win the arguments. She kept calling him out to take responsibility for his own actions but she didn’t do it in a way that belittled his art or his relationship with his dad or the way he feels about different things. I want to compile these scenes into one video, send it to every other TV writer on the planet and say ‘This is how you write a storyline that seems impossible without assassinating your characters.’
Stephanie: Wow, Melissa you went to town yourself. [Christina: That’s what she said.] But yes I love how Caroline is still herself and isn’t giving into Klaus and being caught up in all his Prince Charming ways (unlike me who would have said ‘Fuck, you win’ last night). They truly, truly understand each other on a deeper level. She’s not afraid to call him out on his issues and he understands her need to feel appreciated and valued. Seriously, I hate using the line, but they complete each other.
Christina: I don’t understand these fandom people that would worry about her not yielding (hehe) to him right away. There was weird thing that happened this season, where they turned Caroline back into her former self, the superficial party planner, who dated *gag* Tyler. But I think this potential romance with Klaus is going to turn her into the badass ass-kicking chick that we know she can be. And the fact that she can deal with Klaus this way — not falling for his charm or his gifts, even though they are breaking her shell — makes her even stronger. She’s getting back to the Caroline that is fierce. And Klaus can help her become that.
Stephanie: WORD. I just hope she doesn’t adopt a nickname like ‘Sasha Fierce’.
Christina: Girl, don’t even.
Melissa: Don’t even suggest such nicknames! ICK. I was annoyed at the superficialness of Caroline’s character in some of these early episodes with Tyler but now that we’re a little further on in the story, I can see what they’re doing with that. Caroline’s big thing has been enjoying senior year and being a teenager and while I don’t doubt that she loves Tyler, I think it was in a lot of ways, Caroline trying to force herself to be a teen and to basically be human. And because she has shitty examples in the Salvatores on how to be a vampire, she only sees life as pushing one world away for an attempt at another. It’s either lose a lot of your humanity for the bloodlust or be pretty miserable for the sake of humanity. WHICH ISN’T TRUE. And that’s what Klaus is starting to show her, that she can love all of these other things without having to sacrifice who she is. Wow I rambled a bit. Pulling it back, I think sometimes in fandom, we go with the “how could she or why the hell would he” responses and forget that no matter how much crazy happens in an episode of TVD, the character development has always been a slow and natural process. So people think how on earth could Caroline fall for the guy who’s been so evil but the writers are smart enough not to let it happen overnight. Now I’m going to go all psych major for a minute but there’s this whole thing about how love triangles in stories, especially with a girl at the center (though I think it works for both), aren’t so much about the girl choosing the guy but about the girl choosing herself. It’s like each guy, in a way, represents an aspect of who she could be. So the girl in the triangle has trouble deciding or floats back and forth because she’s figuring out who she wants to be as an adult and as a person and until she gets there, both guys fit a part of who she is. Tyler, in this case, seems to represent the human side of Caroline while Klaus represents the vampire side. But I have the feeling that Klaus and Caroline together are going to help each other find balance between both of their natures, humanity and supernatural.
Christina: *wipes tear* I love you. That was amazing and sums up my thought so much better than I could ever dream of doing myself.
Stephanie: I’m stealing a Patrick Swayze line but DITTO.
Erin: I am going to make my husband read this. I for serious had to pause the show last night so that we could argue about Klaus. He doesn’t get why I am in love with him or the idea of him and Caroline. “Didn’t he murder so many people? Didn’t he make a mess with your precious Stefan? And you’re just going to forgive him?” YES!! Because he is beautiful and broken and perfect and he has an accent. Mostly the accent. “So if I had an accent, you wouldn’t mind if I murdered your loved ones?” You would also have to buy me way more diamonds and be good at drawing.
Stephanie: LOL.
Dayna: Perfection.

Double Agent. Sort of?
Christina: I think it’s very interesting that Elena is trying to lie to Elijah about what Mama Original was talking to her about. I mean, like she thinks she can really out master the master, ya know?
Spirit of Cin: Word! Elijah IS PERFECTION! YOU HEAR ME? That she even THINKS she can lie to him. I think he knows she’s lying to him. Right before the toast. The way he looked at her. He so knows.
Christina: Do you really think that he drank? I mean… not that… I was looking that closely… but his lips didn’t seem wet after he took a sip. Okay, I was unashamedly watching his mouth. I do not recall wet lips. And another thing: don’t you think they’d be able to smell the blood? Even if it was just “essence”?
Spirit of Cin: I think Elijah is Elijah and he’s smarter than these fuckers.
Stephanie: I’m with you both and think Elijah was like ‘fuck this pink champagne’ and did the fake drink motion. You know, the one you do when you’re playing drinking games to avoid getting alcohol poisoning.
Dayna: Someone asked Julie this at the Q&A and she confirmed that Elijah DID drink the kool-aid — er, champagne.
Melissa: Oh good to have that confirmation. Plus, I assumed that since the linking spell worked that Elijah drank. I don’t think that kickass family tree would’ve worked if he hadn’t.
Christina: Dammit 😦
Abby: I tell you what I think: I think Elena is OUT OF HER DAMN MIND. There is nothing in their brief shared history that suggests that lying to Elijah is a good idea. IT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA. On the other hand, I find it TOTALLY HILARIOUS that EVERYONE squirms at the very thought of lying to Elijah. The man can make his own mother squirm with guilt when he isn’t even in the room. It’s a beautiful thing.
Dayna: Are we ready for the RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE?!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus tap-dancing mother-loving CHRIST, Elijah has Rebekah and Kol, who are basically spoiled-brat 12 year-olds; Finn, who is a self-loathing Mama’s boy; Klaus, who is a sociopath and crazier than a goddamn shit-house rat, AND a mother who is trying to kill him. And now cunt-face bitch ELENA FUCKING GILBERT is going to screw him over AGAIN?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just… I can’t… come here, baby. Let me hold you and make it all better. All of these people can go mother-fucking FUCK THEMSELVES. [pant pant pant… okay, I think I’m all right now.]
Spirit of Cin: ROFL! Dayna, you are so fucking right. Elijah deserves so much better than all this shit.
Stephanie: Elena is officially on my shit list. How dare she conspire with Mama Original to take down Elijah. Bitch, I know you’re smarter than that. Actually, strike that because she has like zero commonsense. If a cult abducted Elena, she’d instantly drink the Kool-Aid and like it.
Christina: She would probably talk so much, the other members would willingly drink the damn stuff just so she’d shut up her self-righteousness.
Dayna: The ONLY thing that is going to spare her from my wrath at this point is if the bitch has a crisis of conscience next week and clues Elijah in. Otherwise, I’m coming for you, wench. And I’m a hell of a lot madder than Rebekah!
Melissa: I haven’t had a “defend Elena” moment in a while and I’ve got a few of those coming in this post so this should be interesting. From a story standpoint and a character standpoint, I love Elena’s choice. (And yes, I still love Elijah but I’m talking Elena for now). For 2 seasons now, the goal has been to get rid of Klaus and Elijah was merely a means to that end as far as Elena’s been concerned. Then we got to the end of S2 and Elijah caved to his family. I have no problem believing that Elena thinks he’ll do that again. She knows she’ll do anything, even if it isn’t right (Jer) or it seems crazy (Alaric), to protect the people she loves, and I think she gets that Elijah will do the same. So while I was pissed in the moment, I’m really proud of Elena for making that decision. It fit who she is, in making the hard choices to take care of the people she cares about.
Spirit of Cin: Proud? But it’s ELIJAH! YOU DO NOT FUCKING MESS WITH FUCKING BAMF ELIJAH. YOU JUST DON’T. NO.
Melissa: But more importantly, I like that even within this episode, she had second thoughts throughout and afterwards. Elena said when she stabbed Rebekah that her ability to care about people would make her a liability and I feel like that’s one of the great things about Elena. When something needs doing, Elena does it and then thinks through it afterwards. (Brief tangent but that also shows the difference between Elena/Caroline/Bonnie. Bonnie tends to overthink everything and all the ramifications and as a result things don’t get done. Caroline often acts but doesn’t worry about thinking things over later and Elena also steps up and acts but really analyzes her actions afterwards.) So I feel like after Elena did it, that she realized somewhere along the way, Elijah stopped being the guy protecting her endangered species list and he became one of the people on it.
Stephanie: Damn you Melissa and your responsible analysis of Elena’s actions. Fine. I guess maybe you’re right and Elena doesn’t deserve all the rage but she totally did in the moment.
Dayna: I could see her going along with Esther’s plan, but I really expected/wanted/needed her to give him the side-eye and stop him from drinking the champagne. And I do understand her reasoning, I guess, but still…
Christina: Ugh. Melissa, you and your logic. Elijah and Elena are very similar in that regard. It’s quite interesting actually. It makes sense for who she is (and for the record: TV Elena is SO MUCH COOLER than Book Elena). But I’m still mad because you do not fuck with Elijah. It’s the first and second rule of I Heart Elijah Club.
Stephanie: Is the third rule you make out with your hand while imagining it’s him?
Dayna: Your hand? Stephanie dear, there are things with batteries.
Stephanie: Dayna, I’m not going to make out with my vibrator but I’ll let my other set of lips go to town. Too far?
Dayna: I’m not sure the SBH HAS a too far.
Stephanie: Good point. PG-13 we are NOT.
Christina: NEVER! My favorite thing to do is make dick and ejaculation jokes. PG-13? Please 😉
Melissa: Us? PG-13? Ha. I am curious though, if Elijah & Elena can make up, do ya’ll think he’ll give her a pearl necklace? These Originals do have a thing for family jewels.
Stephanie: Pearl necklace? Nah. Maybe a couple of pearl earrings and a pendant.
Christina: HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU BITCHES.
Dayna: I’m suddenly wishing this show aired on HBO or Showtime.
Stephanie: COULD YOU IMAGINE?! We’d have a field day with episodes if they were on those networks.
Melissa: I don’t know if those networks could measure up honestly. I thought that last night after the hot as fuck Damon/Rebekah scene. I haven’t seen a scene that hot on cable for a long ass time. And those two were basically still clothed! Which also if they’d wanted to give us another minute or two of that scene, I wasn’t complaining.
Erin: This is too effing perfect. Lots of pearls for Elena. Maybe she wouldn’t be such an idiot if she was getting pearls regularly. Obviously lying to Elijah is a bad idea. He is going to end up saving her ass yet again and she’ll feel like a moron for lying. Mommy is not on our side. She wants to hurt Klaus and Elijah. Do what you want with Finn & Kol mommy but leave mine alone. Bitch.
Stephanie: Yes her vajayjay needs to be bedazzled by many pearls. Repeatedly.
Dayna: Bitch ain’t good enough for Elijah’s pearls right now. #bitter
Stephanie: That’s why she’ll get the pizza boy’s right now to maybe help her stop being so stupid. I honestly think her dumb decision making stems from sexual repression. Bitch might even need to swim in a pool of pearls before she can move from sexually repressed to just sexually dissatisfied.
Christina: Christ, you guys. Amazing, hahaha

Meet the Mikaelsons
Christina: So the gang was all dapper this evening. Did anyone else notice that Finn DPR was kind of Mama Original’s bitch boy? You know, I would not be surprised if they had some sort of weird incestuous thing going.
Spirit of Cin: That would be fucking hilarious.
Melissa: Oh my gosh, he so does. Or they do. Whatever. Because you know, fucking your son wouldn’t be an abomination but your kids must be because you turned them into vampires and then fucked with their minds! But um yeah please show give me a little weirdness with the Originals.
Stephanie: Dude, familial incest? That might be one historical accuracy they get right.
Melissa: Since we brought it up (don’t say dirty, it’s too easy), I know people were wondering if Klaus had a thing for Rebekah for a while. I totally disagree because they just seem like very close siblings who have each others’ back on everything. But Kol? Yeah he might have a few incestuous tendencies as well.
Stephanie: I think Kol and Damon totally did the nasty back in the day and Damon is that hook up he wishes he could forget. Not that I would ever regret hooking up w/ Damon but Kol seems high maintenance in the sack.
Christina: He’s the kind of guy who has mirrors on his ceiling.
Stephanie: And handcuffs. Possibly a whip and saddle.
Melissa: That’s right! Well I mean not totally but there was supposed to be a flashback scene between Damon & Kol in the 1912 episode and its been cut. No wonder Damon is all butt hurt that Kol doesn’t remember him. Though his ass probably hurt more back then. Kol doesn’t come across as gentle.
Christina: Oh, jaysus. You two. HAHAHA.
Stephanie: DEAD. I bet he’s a top and a spanker. Also 1912 episode? The one at the very beginning of the season? I didn’t think we had a Kol then. Or are we getting another flashback episode?
Melissa: We’re getting another flashback episode. The first one back after the 2 week hiatus, I believe.
Dayna: I thought the flashback was supposed to be Damon and Sage (who they changed to a girl from a boy like in the books)
Melissa: I think Carina mentioned something about it. Hang on, I’ll go figure it out. Yep, one of the things from the Q&A with Julie noted that there was going to be interaction between Damon & Kol but it was cut.
Dayna: Ah, okay. Dang. That little tete-a-tete between them last night was probably supposed to be more meaningful than it will end up coming off, then.
Melissa: It’s internet writing, the English language is always crying. Worse than Bonnie with that tendency. Yeah it was probably supposed to be more meaningful. I’m hoping there will be at least a mention of Kol & Damon meeting before so even if we don’t see the intercourse, I mean interaction, we at least know about it.
Stephanie: It’s a flashback episode so I’m happy. Love those. But also if I don’t see Damon and Kol practicing their downward doggie style I’m going to be so upset.
Melissa: I’m sure there’s fanfic for that.
Abby: I think he’s the oldest, (Finn, Elijah, Klaus, Kol, Rebekah, is my best guess for the age order) and I bet he was Daddy’s favorite. That’s probably why he’s been boxed the longest.
Christina: I think you’re right. Do you think that Klaus was Mommy’s favorite?
Abby: I don’t think Klaus has ever been anyone’s favorite. Thus his enormous luggage.
Christina: That is a good point. And that is incredibly sad. 😦
Abby: I KNOW. They’re killing me with all these glimpses of his deeper personality. Please, show, don’t kill Klaus. We NEED him.
Dayna: I can see Finn being the oldest. It’s definitely between him and Elijah.
Stephanie: Finn and Elijah obviously have a long standing sibling rivalry going on. I just hope Elijah rips Finn’s heart out because, honestly, I just hate his stupid face.
Dayna: I didn’t get that sense. Maybe a little wariness since Elijah is already suspicious, but I didn’t get much feel for what their relationship might have been.
Stephanie: I was just going by what little I saw of the two together. Plus if they really are the oldest two then a rivalry would definitely be happening especially in regards to their parents affections. I will say Elijah, probably a Daddy’s boy, and Finn, total Mama’s bitch.
Melissa: I believe, and I can’t check this one, but I am fairly certain that I heard that Finn shares his dad’s feelings towards vampires. With the whole, we’re evil and a blight on society and should kill other vampires rather than each other. He hasn’t had 900 years to share that with his family but I thought there was an interview that said that. It certainly fits with his willingness to work with his mother to kill all of his family. I also like the idea of Rebekah, Kol and Elijah forgiving Klaus because as it turns out, he made the right move in killing their mother all those years ago and joining with him to go after her and Finn. Actually wouldn’t it be cool if they (and I guess Bonnie) figured out a way to reverse the spell so it only linked Finn & Esther and then they just killed those two? I would enjoy this. I also do see a little bit of a sibling rivalry between Finn & Elijah.
Stephanie: Stop making me feel stupid Melissa 😉
Melissa: Oh! Okay since below has no semblance of decency, I’m going to bring up the other Mikaelson. [Christina: Decency? BAHAHA] Because I still sort of love Kol. Like madly love him. Sure he almost got on my shit list for threatening Matt but really if I didn’t forgive people for fucking Matt over, I’d hate everyone on the show. But I loved the way he looks at Damon and is all “you didn’t make an impression”, when we all know Damon has SUCH a thing for making an entrance. Plus he’s cute and his eyes crinkle up like Josh Hartnett’s and yeah I’m basically falling for Kol. (Though I will say that his accent went in and out like crazy in this episode. Nate’s gotta work out which one he wants to use when playing Kol).
Spirit of Cin: Yes. Love him. LOL at “you didn’t make an impression.” Perfect.
Dayna: I’m totally unimpressed. We already have one spoiled brat, immature Original. I didn’t need a male version of Rebekah. Cute only takes it so far, and it wasn’t nearly far enough for me.
Christina: Word, I’m with you, Dayna. The most impressive thing about Cole for me is that he looks just like Elijah, haha.
Melissa: I definitely can get that. I felt like Rebekah showed some growth in this episode, like Matt’s actions made her realize that she doesn’t have to be a brat but can have a life of her own, separate from either joining or defying her family. So I see her growing away from that a little. Plus the other thing for me with Kol, where I see some differences is that Rebekah can be stopped. He doesn’t. And he has some very “vampires are the greater race” mentalities. That, if he sticks around, could be quite fascinating. Klaus likes his power but he’s not all humans are stupid and vampire power or whatnot. Kol seems like that, making him a liability and a powder keg.
Dayna: Hasn’t Klaus said a lot of times that humans are only there to serve their (meaning the vampires’) purpose? He was talking to Tyler about that a couple eps ago, and back in 1492 w/r/t Katerina.
Melissa: Oh yeah, you’re right. My Klaus/Caroline squee was clouding my judgment and remembering Klaus as using humans but not dismissing them as completely inferior. Though he does seem to care a little more about humans than the impression I get from Kol. Like Klaus would actually consider the usefulness of a human whereas Kol is like, they aren’t useful ever so just kill them all. I just really like Kol you guys. Ya know that reaction you all had to Elijah when he first showed up, but it took me a couple episodes to fall in love? I’m having that reaction to Kol and I can’t explain it.
Christina: I have another question. They’re Vikings, right? Why is it not spelled Mikaelsson?
Abby: Are you really asking for correct surname spellings from the Virginia Viking family? REALLY, CHRISTINA?
Christina: Hey, I have my standards! We all know how I feel about the, to quote Dayna, “Jewish Virginia Viking family.”
Stephanie: It’s obvious they decided to go with the American bastardization of the name. At least they didn’t go with their Native American given name. That could have been just all types of awkward to write on the invitations.
Abby: Let’s here it for bastardization! #TeamKlaus
Christina: Wait, what’s their Native American name?
Stephanie: Isn’t it like Nightwalker or something like that? People would have thought they joined the Justice League or some shit.
Christina: Oh, hahah. I thought you were going to make something more Native Americany. (Is that racist?)
Stephanie: You mean like Bloody Lips which for Rebekah or Ester could have double meaning. And no that’s not racist, how else would we describe it?
Spirit of Cin: ROFLMAO. Stephanie, me love you long time.
Christina: Word. OMG, I actually just snorted at my desk. Yes, that’s what I meant. Or like Loves Same Woman.
Stephanie: Or Doggy Loving. Or maybe Straight Sword Fighters (hint, hint).
Christina: “I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let’s see how well you handle it.”
Stephanie: LOL. We’ve opened up a whole new can of worms.
Christina: I’ll tell you whose worm I’d like to see.
Stephanie: DEAD. I’m lucky I just swallowed my coffee before reading this.
Melissa: Fucking A you guys. Um, having skimmed through to here, and the things my eyes picked up were ‘using a different set of lips on a vibrator’, incest, and “bloody lips” as a nickname, my mind has gone to places I don’t think even Klaus could take me to.
Erin:Speaking of swords, husband said more than once last night that Stefan & Damon should probably duke it out with theirs. I am starting to legit think he wants to see that happen. I wouldn’t be totally opposed.
Stephanie: Why would anyone oppose that? I say let them go at it.

Abominations
Christina: So… I don’t like this plan. I mean, I’m down for killing Rebekah and DPR and even Kol Cole, but NEVER Elijah or Klaus. NEVER. I do not Mama Original. And I don’t trust her and her little minion DPR.
Spirit of Cin: Shut your mouth! YOU DO NOT KILL COLE. He’s too pretty. He can stay. But I agree. NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN will anyone kill Elijah or there will be HELL TO PAY. Let them just TRY it.
Christina: We will be on them like spider monkeys! But no, seriously. Why keep Cole around? They said it last night, he’s a psycho. He scares me, and I don’t trust him either. Like, this family got all the crazy. Only Elijah and Klaus… they’re the only ones I care about surviving this. Please, TPTB??
Spirit of Cin: Now if he’d killed Matty… We’d have problems, BUT now he’s started a feud with Damon. I mean Damon getting his ass kicked is always fun (unless he’s saving Matty or undaggering Elijah).
Melissa: I’m with the Spirit of Cin. Kol fucking with Damon is kinda fun. AND IF YOU PEOPLE KILL OFF TOO MANY ORIGINALS WE DON’T GET A SPINOFF.
Abby: I knew this was going to happen, I just knew it. Mama Original and her Witchier-than-thou attitude needs to GO. It is absolutely cosmically unacceptable to give us this whole clan of beautiful, dangerous, perfect vampires and then take them away. I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS, ESTHER. LEAVE YOUR KIDS ALONE.
Stephanie: How does Mama Original not love her kids?! I don’t understand it. They’re such BAMFs, well except Finn. He’s just a little bitch. Esther better check herself before she wrecks herself because I will NOT stand for her killing my beloved Elijah or Klaus. Hell, I’ll even be pissed if she kills Rebekah because after last night’s hot, steamy hatesex I’m going to need her and Damon to do more of that. Also do y’all think that if the original family dies then all the vampires die since they’re all sort of descendants from the Mikaelsons?
Dayna: Called that shit. *douchbadge*
Melissa: Squeezing in here to say that I wondered if all vampires die too. And for that matter, since Cindy McLennan brought up in her recap last week the fact that the doppelganger and Bennett witches are also intertwined, I’d be interested to know if it would take out them as well.
Dayna: I somehow doubt they’re going to just up and kill all of the Originals next week so I’m not super-duper worried that she’s going to succeed, but this plan of Esther’s is NOT OKAY, y’all! Klaus needs to kill the bitch again!
Stephanie: If not Klaus, then Elijah. This bitch needs to go back to the Dharma Initiative island on the other side.
Christina: I so knew it was going to be one of those dumb-ass “I brought you into this world, I can take you out” bullshit things. Klaus totally needs to kill her. I… just no.
Abby: Kill her AND draw a memorial picture!
Stephanie: Pretty much I just fucking hate all the witches on the show (except Lucy) because they always seem to try to pull this bullshit. NO JUST NO. Not this time you Nature Interpreter. I say nature wants its Original vamps so don’t you dare try to be like ashes to ashes.
Melissa: I agree that it won’t work and we all obviously called it about Esther being up to a lot more but I kind of loved that they just covered it and moved on. There wasn’t this, what is Esther’s plot, what is she up to drawn out thing. It was straight up, I’m going to kill all of my children because they’re an abomination. That is seriously fucked up on Esther’s part but I love that the show not only establishes her true goals in an episode but gets them halfway started in the same one. These back 9 episodes are going to be FUCKED UP.
Dayna: Two weeks in a row I’ve been totally disappointed with them going the obvious route. Last week, it was the Elijah/Klaus fighting over the OP. This week, we have confirmation that the Bennetts are descended from Ayanna. I just… it’s all just a little too ‘pat’, you know?
Abby: I can never decide if the story is being obvious or if the people I talk to most about the show are just exceptionally smart. That said, II, too, am hoping for some twists, as long as they don’t involve killing or removing Elijah, Klaus or Caroilne from the story. Because that would NOT be a good twist.
Stephanie: I feel the same way. I would like to think we’re insanely smart and are so in tune with the show now that we can see these things coming from a mile away but I believe, sadly, they’re just going with obvious right now. Some things that weren’t meant to be shocking I just reacted like, ‘Yeah I already figured that out so now get to the shocking part’ but they never do. I hope the writers have serious twists and turns coming up that none of us can see coming.
Melissa: Not to toot our own horns, but I think we are just that smart and in tune with the show. Because I read through some stuff on twitter or I look at other recaps occasionally (like recaps from people who get paid for it) and they miss pretty much all of this stuff. So I would say we hang out in a pretty damn intelligent corner of fandom and that means we figure things out quicker than most. But again, that’s something that I appreciate about the show. They don’t drag a lot of this stuff out forever. Some of it yeah, but I feel like the writers do pay attention to the theories and get to a point where they just answer that shit in a couple lines in an episode and move on. It surprises some people and it confirms stuff for others. I guess I just don’t mind not being shocked because I love to see how the characters react. I think Candice actually commented on that in an interview. She was like yeah, ya’ll know that Klaus & Caroline dance but you don’t know why, or what is said during it or what the reactions are after it. And that’s why I watch. I don’t mind knowing the plot twist if the character development around it is well done.
Christina: Oh, but back to the topic of hatesex. Ugh, hatesex. Usually I’m all for that shit, but it just felt wrong wrong wrong between them. I don’t want to see that.
Stephanie: What?! I thought it was insanely hot. I mean I knew I should have probably hated it and thought it was wrong but damn it made me consider running outside naked to just cool off. Also I’d let Damon/Ian push me up against a wall and ravage me from behind any day but just as long as Ian didn’t utter stupid Zoolander-esque shit.
Abby: Word. Christina, if you don’t want to see that, Stephanie and I will watch it for you. Because we’re generous like that.
Stephanie: TRUTH. I’ll watch it repeatedly just so I give you a thorough analysis as to why it is so hot.
Dayna: Count me on the “not hot” train. Not so much that it was wrong for Damon to do Rebekah; it’s just that her big “O” face was not attractive, okay? What?! I’m shallow!! Nice use of lyrics though. Hee.
Stephanie: Haha. I wasn’t even looking at her face. I just imagined it was me instead of her. It made the viewing much more enjoyable.
Melissa: THANK YOU DAYNA. I mean I too thought it was hot as fuck and I was totally down with the hate sex but her “O” face had some serious issues. It was like a fucking guppy. Close that shit Rebekah or put something in it. [Dayna: Bwah!!!] Though it wasn’t as bad as Buffy’s “O” face with Spike because geez that shit sucked.
Dayna: The hate-sex *I* want is Elijah-Katherine. Period. The end.
Christina: OH SHIT. Yeah, just… the whole thing made me uncomfortable. You know, I really think Bill/Sookie ruined me for hatesex. Because… it just creeps me out. Though Damon is admittedly WAY LESS creepy than Bill.
Dayna: Dude, Jeffrey Dahmer is less creepy than Bill. Hannibal Lecter is less creepy than Bill. Pretty much all the Stephen King anythings ever is less creepy than Bill. You mean Bill and Lorena? Because THAT was some motherfucking epic hate sex right there. No 8:00 p.m. show on the CW can possibly come close to that.
Christina: That was fucked, but no I mean Bill and Sookie in Season 3 in her childhood bedroom after she and Debbie were fighting. Like, they fucking had that hatesex right on the floor and it was… it was disturbing. And like, fucking OPETH was playing over it, haha. Yeah. Ugh.
Dayna: Oh, THAT scene. Wow. True Blood has, like, a LOT of hate sex.
Christina: True Blood has as much hatesex as Glee has nonsensical plot lines.
Melissa: DEAD.
Stephanie: True Blood sex is just fucking awkward to watch. My legs clinch up because my coochie is embarrassed by the type of fucking that goes on in that show.
Christina: ❤
Dayna: LOL!
Erin: Vampire Diaries does everything better than True Blood. Even on The CW, even at 8PM. And I am still floored that people refuse to see that. TB gets Emmy noms and they’re just going to ignore TVD? ANNA PAQUIN GETS EMMY NOMS??? Gotta be fucking kidding me. The Rebekah/Damon sex was HOT. The dress ripping? I seriously looked around my empty living room to see who might be witnessing my porn watching. And this is the way I love Damon. Love sick puppy Damon is such a fucking waste. People think I hate Damon. I just hate when he sucks.
Dayna: Depends on what he’s sucking on. I nominate Elijah Wood.
Christina: You mean Elijah’s wood?
Dayna: ExACTly.
Stephanie: DAYNA! I HEART YOU. But God, I’d kill to see Damon eat a banana on this show. Also bad, crazy Damon is the sexiest fucking beast ever.
Melissa: Dayna you officially win everything with that comment. But ya know what I love, even though there were a few issues with Rebekah’s mouth [Christina: HAHAHAHA], that scene was pretty hot on its own merits, even without context. Whereas True Blood (and for that matter a lot of HBO & Showtime shows) sex, even with the context, is just awkward. It so often doesn’t fit a story line or is just a chance to throw some shit in there and I tend to skip it because I just don’t give a shit, not because I feel a little worried that someone’s about to walk in and question my sanity. As was the case with tonight’s final TVD scene. WHY CAN’T PEOPLE RESPECT A DAMN CW SHOW FOR FIVE SECONDS?!

Another Freaking Ball
Christina: The best part about this is that everyone got their invitations DAY OF and yet still came dressed impeccably. I bet Elena had that gown in her closet.
Abby: Given the number of fancy events in Mystic Falls, that’s actually not too much of a leap!
Stephanie: Guys, don’t y’all know there’s a dress drive thru service in Mystic Falls? You just choose any of the 1-15 combo deals and viola you have a dress and accessories.
Christina: Shit. That business must be BOOMING! Come to think of it, they must do tuxes too. Matty cleaned up awfully nice. I don’t really see the Donovans (or Donovan as it is) as the kind of people (person) who can afford a tux ever. #poorMatty
Melissa: With all the events Carol Lockwood throws, I bet everyone has their own formal supply store in their house. Also, I have formal dresses in my closet. Not like old prom dresses either. I had a use for one once but several others are just sort of there in case I find an excuse to wear a formal dress. I have a weakness for buying them on sale. I’m aware that’s bizarre. But it means I totally excuse these kids for having dresses. Plus don’t like all teenagers have several prom dress options at any given time?
Stephanie: Oh Matty! I actually loved him last night. I think it’s because they’ve given him snarky dialogue and a sort of purpose. His truck compelling line was just awesome. And yes he does clean up rather nicely, but I too was wondering where he got the tux. Maybe Damon is his new bff and lent him one?
Dayna: Matt was awesome, basically telling Rebekah that she can get fucked (and, um, then she did). And no health insurance? #PoorMatty indeed!
Abby: I’m pretty sure that every resident of Mystic Falls gets a yearly subsidy on dress-up clothes. There’s no other way to explain it. Hell, that’s probably how Mayor Lockwood (the dead one) got elected in the first place.
Erin: I am slightly worried about Matty. I think we could lose him at any moment. I get panic attacks just thinking of it. And while I LOVE Klaus & Caroline, I would not be opposed to Caroline & Matt getting back together. Tyler can give himself a pearl necklace for all I care. But poor Matty. The kid needs a break.
Melissa: Erin, I love you for that Tyler comment. But I really am hoping that Matt is okay. The writers have emphasized throughout all 3 seasons that Matt grounds the others as the human element and that they want him to stay that way. I like the idea of bringing him into the fold more, as long as he doesn’t die. I need my Matty.
Stephanie: Don’t worry guys, Matt has Damon as his body guard. He’s his personal Edward Cullen.

Le Love Triangle
Christina: So, we already covered the hatesex, but you guys. This love triangle. I don’t know why I wasn’t surprised when Damon let it slip that he loved Elena. But meh. The part I was more interested in was that Elena clearly still loves Stefan, and this whole if he allows himself to feel all he feels is pain… There were almost STEARS, you guys. And you know how I can’t handle the STEARS.
Stephanie: Is it bad to say that I’m getting so frustrated with the back and forth of this love triangle that I’m finding it kind of boring lately? Yes I want Damon and Elena to get down and dirty, if only for a little bit, but all sides of this isosceles triangle are being drawn out. I’m more invested in every other triangle, whether obtuse or equilateral, at this point than the main one. Also in comparison to Klaus/Caroline/Tyler, Damon/Elena/Stefan are kind of lackluster. Maybe if the Salvatore’s threw around some 1800s vernacular every once in a while, I might start caring about which one Elena will choose. PS- I’ve been really missing Evil Stefan who gets my juices flowing.
Dayna: I really could no longer care less about Elena and the eternal struggle between the Salvatores. Seriously. And her being down with Stefan’s “Killing Klaus is the important thing, the rest are just collateral damage?” She is one teeny, tiny step away from “Better you die than I” territory, ya know?
Abby: I’m on board the “I don’t care about the love triangle” train. First class ticket, seriously. It’s not that the scenes aren’t compelling – the interactions between the three characters and the way they affect each other is beautifully written, acted, and great fun to watch. I just don’t give a damn who Elena ends up with. I’m interested in the characters individually, I have nothing invested in this trio’s specific romantic futures as long as I get to watch the story unfold.
Stephanie: WORD. I just want good storytelling. That’s it. As you said Abby, their interactions are compelling to watch but at this point it’s like who cares who Elena picks because I just want the Salvatores to pick each other while giving me good stories.
Erin: I want to say that I don’t care. I really want to. But when Stefan first held his arm out for Elena last night and I lost my breath, I also lost that war with not caring. They just…. IDK. I am moved by the entire thing. They came so close to kissing last night and I am PISSED but also a bit glad that they didn’t. Stefan’s entire bad boy thing has to have consequences. His struggle with it and with what would be best for Elena vs. what he really wants for himself is amazing to me. And Paul Wesley portrays it so flawlessly. He wears the pain right on his face. The man is perfection.
Christina: It really upsets me that I see the amazing acting (Paul Wesley is superb) and I’m moved by it, but I can’t really get myself to care. I held my breath for a moment when I thought they were going to kiss, but when he walked away, I was like “again? Alright, over it.”

Scenes From Next Week
Dayna: Can I rail about the promo for next week here? I am, like, enraged ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!
Christina: WHAT? My DVR cut it off 😦
Dayna: Well, Elena DOES come clean.
Christina: To Elijah?
Dayna: And now, Damon and Stefan want to FUCKING DAGGER ELIJAH AGAIN AND I JUST CAN’T WITH THIS DAGGERING SHIT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!
Christina: WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT *shift key* ELIJAH IS NOT THE GODDAMN PROBLEM. IT’S FUCKING MAMA ORIGINAL
Spirit of Cin: OH FUCK NO. HELL TO THE FUCK TO THE NO.
Dayna: It looks like he takes Elena to force Bonnie and Abby to help him undo what his mother has done. And because he’s “threatening” Elena the MOTHERFUCKING DAGGER HAPPY SALVATORES ARE ALL WITH THE DAGGER AGAIN. I just can’t keep doing this.
Christina: UGH if he gets daggered again…
Spirit of Cin: I am fucking DONE if they dagger Elijah again. UGH. No words can express the rage blackout. Elijah is the one of the only things I care about on this show anymore, and if they are going to dagger him again — THEY BETTER FUCKING BRACE THEMSELVES.
Christina: Oh, shit. Hurricane Cin!
Spirit of Cin: That’s fucking right! They cannot dagger him again. CANNOT. I FORBID IT.
Abby: WHY DIDN’T SOMEBODY GET RID OF THOSE GODDAMN DAGGERS? SOMEBODY LIKE ELIJAH?! FFS, THEY HAD THE CHANCE. WHY? WHY?
Dayna: Right?! All because Elena couldn’t fucking give Elijah a side whisper about ipsnay on the ampagne-chay. I am like a fucking nuclear explosion of rage right now.
Stephanie: I’m personally loving it. Your rage explosion.
Christina: These brothers, I swear to god. They treat the symptoms, not the disease.
Stephanie: I fucking hate Elena for lying to Elijah. Bitch
Spirit of Cin: PREACH!
Dayna: I’m at the point where I’m like “just fucking kill him and have it over with and stop fucking yanking on my emotions” because FUCKING GODDAMN
Christina: HAHAHAHA. That was beautiful
Stephanie: Dayna you’re my spirit animal today
Dayna: *panting* There’s really not enough caps lock in the world right now. I’m changing my ‘ship to “Elena + Woodchipper”.
Melissa: I will take my douchebadge next week if I’m right on this but I think, since Elena’s already started rethinking her decision, that she will work with Elijah to reverse the spell and THAT, not last night’s conversations, will be what truly breaks the Salvatores and her. I mean for now duh, it is the love triangle but I think Elena will help Elijah and Damon/Stefan won’t be able to deal. DO THIS ELENA AND YOU WILL BE FORGIVEN. But ya’ll the balls on this show are fucking huge. I didn’t think the spell would work (though I base that opinion off of Bonnie) and then it did and now they could all die and there are just a lot of shows that don’t have the balls to go there.

From the Tweetosphere
@onlymystory: ELENA, I TAKE YOUR SIDE ON NEARLY EVERYTHING BUT I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T FIX THIS, I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU.
@CharWright5 The Klears!!! #TVD @theSBH #ICantEven… (SO MUCH WORD)
@B_inShortsville Klaus. got. NO. game. ZERO. NONE. #TVD
@TVKelly2 I’m glad the whole town knows how to waltz. #TVD
@thomascgalvin So, where exactly did the dress-making mice set up shop? Next to the grill? #TVD
@caulkcrinolines IDIOT GIRL! Klaus > Tyler! UGH! #TVD
@AbbyGraham: Can I say how much I love that Elijah has this weird effect on everybody? He’s like a one-man campaign for civilized behavior.#TeamElijah
@jacobjunior7 When True Blood does “sexy” it comes off tryhard, cheap and icky. When The Vampire Diaries does sexy, I grab the tissues and lotion #TVD