Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Bonnie finds her mom, who no longer has the juju. CarDaddy, Bill, comes back to help Tyler resist the urge of the sire bond. We find out that Meredith is a vamp blood-stealing psycho. Elena tells Stefan about her and Damon’s kiss. Klaus gets all growly and finds the coffins. Blah blah blah whatever. But you guys. HOLY FREAKING GOD DAMON UNDAGGERED ELIJAH! CAN’T. BREATHE. Onward!
We pick up right where we left off: Klaus. Is. Terrified.
You can tell because when Elijah tries to get into it, Klaus deflects and tries to offer him a drink. But Elijah goes all honey badger on Klaus’ ass and punches him, and they get into a row.
Klaus throws open one of the other coffins and pulls the dagger out of a young man who bears a striking resemblance to Elijah and Zac Efron.
Klaus threatens to use it on Elijah, and Elijah dares him. If he does, he’ll have Kol (the recently undaggered brother) to deal with. First of all, no. I can’t. I can’t type the name Kol. Something about the “K” and the “ol” just make me feel really gaggy. Like… *gag*… I can’t… *retch*… I can’t. We’ll call him Cole. Deal with it.
To quickly change topics, Klaus tells Elijah that he killed Mikael. Elijah is happy, but mad that the family remains daggered. “Finn for 900 years, Cole for over a century.” Well, we know who the least favorite brother is, hmm? Klaus says that it’s all Stefan’s fault. There are secrets about their past – about their mother’s death, but Klaus never told Elijah, but apparently he’s ready now. He reminds Elijah of the oath of honor and loyalty for each other they took, “always and forever.” Oh, and Klaus redaggers Cole.
It’s just not his time yet, I guess.
Hey, Alaric is drunk. Well this is a pleasant change to things.
Elena tells him not to feel guilty about bringing Meredith over, and Alaric mentions how he “whiskey-dialed” her last night. Is that because they can’t say “drunk-dial” on the CW? Whatever. Bonding bonding happy family. Ding-dong.
Sheriff Mom is at the door, and she’s got an evidence bag with her. What? She can just traipse around town with that kind of stuff?
It’s the stake they found in the ME’s chest. It’s one of the set that’s in Elena’s parents’ lakehouse. And guess what. Only one clean set of prints… and it’s Elena’s!
Back inside, Elena is on the phone laying down the deets for Damon.
Damon suggests it’s Meredith, but Elena and Alaric are adamant that it wasn’t. Elena makes a dig about refusing to believe Alaric’s luck with women is that bad. Good, Elena. Wishing things away TOTALLY works. Damon then suggests, Klaus, who’s probably just fucking with them.
Elena suggests Stefan. And basically, they just have no idea.
Anyway, this whole time Damon’s been walking deep into the woods. Why? He’s “having tea with an old friend.” So that’s what they’re calling it now, eh? *elbow elbow* Whatever. The old friend is Elijah.
Damon tells him that he cleans up nice, but Elijah isn’t there for HoYay compliments.
Damon left a note in his pocket when he undaggered him.
Damon: Dear Elijah, let’s get together and plot the destruction of your brother. XOXO
Damon asks if he was right to undagger Elijah, or if there’s going to be a problem. Fuck no! Elijah is undaggered! No problem here! Oh, he was asking Elijah.
Elijah indirectly answers the question by saying that he’s there, so they can talk. Damon takes no time in asking him what kind of Klaus-killing weapon would be magically sealed inside a coffin. The hard hitting questions. Good boy, Damon.
Speaking of the coffin, Stefan and the Bennetts are down in the Cave of Historical Drawings. Since vamps can’t go in there, Stefan suggests they hang out there to avoid Klaus, and bullies Abby to “scrape out any magic you have left.” That sounds gross. Bored already.
Just outside the mouth of the cave, Elena has come to accuse Stefan of killing the medical examiner. She says she doesn’t know what he’s capable of anymore, so natch he must have done it.
But Stefan is all, “Have you asked Damon if he’s killed anybody lately?” And I think that’s a valid question. Elena, however, seems affronted. Oh well.
Over at the hospital, Caroline is there to talk see her dad and runs into Meredith who basically calls him a dick because he threatened to have her medical license revoked for saving him with vamp blood. Um, bitch?! Were this the real world THAT SHIT WOULD BE ILLEGAL. Even in Mystic Falls, the fucking questionable morals nexus of the universe, that’s GOT to be unethical. He has the RIGHT to threaten that shit. Meredith apologizes and says her bedside manner sucks on no sleep. No kidding.
Caroline just wants to take him home, and Meredith says she already signed his discharge papers. But he didn’t call Car. Meredith is all, “That’s gotta be hard. When your dad hates the one thing you can’t change about yourself.” Jesus, woman. She says she makes it her business to know all the vamps in town, but not to worry; she won’t blab.
Caroline and I both are a little taken aback by that whole conversation.
Over in the hallway, Caroline tells Elena it’s sweet that she’s making sure Alaric isn’t dating a psycho, but then shushes Elena when she starts to explain that Alaric is her family because she hears her dad’s phone ringing from… a random closet.
They sneak into the supply closet and find him sitting against a shelf with his throat slashed and a knife in his… ALL TOGETHER NOW…
Caroline runs over to him chanting “DON’T BE DEAD DON’T BE DEAD DON’T BE DEAD” and pulls the knife from his stomach. Elena reminds her that he has vamp blood in his system just before he gasps awake.
Back in the Cave of Historical Consternation, Bonnie’s arranged all her goddamn candles again.
Bonnie explains the history literally written on the walls. They also have a grimoire, but the page they probably need is torn out.
Abby points out a “blood knot” on the page, which indicates that two generations are needed to undo the sealing spell. I have a question: how do they know it was the same sealing spell? Are all sealing spells created equal? Bonnie’s all, “So unbinding it will undo the spell and unseal it… if we do it together?” Um, isn’t that what she just fucking said? Bored.
Oh. Well, HEL-LO Shirtless Stefan. May you lose your shirt and never be able to find it again. Damon needs him to get dressed (BITCH!) because they’re going to have an “old-fashioned sitdown” with him, Elijah and Klaus.
Aww, man. Where’d Stefan get that shirt from? Shame.
Damon says he just needs to buy the Bennetts time to get the top off the coffin. Stefan doesn’t think undaggering Elijah was such a good idea and shut up Stefan.
Damon explains that after what Klaus did to him, he’s natch going to be in vengeance mode, so perfect. Um, Damon, sweetie. Are you forgetting about how Elijah promised to help you kill Klaus and then, oh, lemme see if I remember this correctly… DIDN’T? Stefan obvs remembers this, and to counter, Damon’s all “I trust him as much as I trust you.” Noted. Also, not a strong bet then, is it?
Somehow this turns into a jealousy match over the Elena kiss. Because of course it does. Damon basically tells Stefan to suck it up because they have to go negotiate a fake truce and he doesn’t want his attitude to screw it up.
Back over at the hospital, Caroline has compelled nurses to stay out of the room, but Bill wants out. He’s hungry, he’s wired and his pulse is racing. Elena comes in asking about the attacker, but he didn’t see anyone.
But Car’s main concern is getting Bill some blood so he can finish transitioning, but he refuses. Elena expositions us by saying that if he doesn’t get blood in him, he won’t go through the transition, and he’ll die. But he’s fully prepared to do this.
Oh, noes, Caroline.
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Alaric is taking inventory of all his vamp-killing weapons. Elena brings in the knife used on Bill. It’s one of Alaric’s.
He says that it was in a crawlspace in the foyer, which means that Meredith knew where it was. I’m not really following this logic, but Elena points out that even so, it doesn’t mean that Meredith stole it. Alaric also points out a stake identical to the one that killed Brian the ME – which was in Damon’s trunk the night of the Founder’s Council Meeting/Gala. Where Meredith (and the entire town) was! Alaric says they’d be idiots if they ignored these clues, and I have a laugh.
Alaric’s verdict: Elena should get the knife to the police and go spend time with Caroline.
Across town (maybe?) at Klaus’ Mansion, the Brothers Salvatore have arrived.
Klaus: Damon. Stefan. Elijah tells me you seek an audience. Very bold. Let’s discuss the terms of our agreement like civilized men, shall me?
Elijah (to the Bros): Indulge him.
Stefan says that he didn’t come there to eat, and that the only reason he was there was because Damon told him he had to be or else Klaus wouldn’t hear them out. Klaus smiles and sits at the table.
Klaus: Well, we can sit and eat. Or I can reach down your throats and pull out your insides. Choice is yours.
Hellz yes. I love when Klaus is all subdued creepy! They all sit. Klaus urges Stefan to eat,
and Damon patronizes Stefan by saying “I thought we agreed to leave the grumpy Stefan at home,” so Stefan digs in. I like the way Klaus chews.
Klaus asks if this was what Damon had in mind when he undaggered Elijah and Damon is all “Originals.. the more the merrier,” and then he fucking WINKS at Elijah.
God, the HoYay in this scene is palpable. Klaus explains that he and Elijah have their differences, but they always stick together in the end. Stefan is all, “Like Rebekah.”
And this is clearly a sore spot for Klaus. Stefan reminds us all that she’s still daggered because Klaus is afraid to face her, but Klaus says he’s already come clean about killing their mother to Elijah.
Damon: Hey, Stef. Remember when you killed dad? You might want to dial down the judgment until dessert.
Ha! Stefan explains he’s not going to kiss Klaus’ ass for seven courses, and god in heaven this is the best scene of the episode hands down. Damon tells Stefan (and me) to pace himself.
So it’s on to Caroline’s front porch. Car can’t get a hold of Tyler, and Elena explains that Meredith looks pretty guilty, which is what she told Sheriff Mom. Caroline brings up something I hadn’t thought of: is there any chance that Tyler did it what with being sired to Klaus and all? Elena doesn’t think so. But Car is desperate to find answers; “I can’t just let my father die.” But Elena reminds her that he doesn’t want to feed; all he has is his choice. Caroline says that she hated him for how he treated her, but now all she wants to do is save his life, which Elena confirms is normal – he’s her dad after all. They give each other intense looks brimming with tears.
Caroline: What was the hardest part for you when you lost your dad?
Elena: Realizing all the things he that wouldn’t be there for. The things that, um, that you just need your dad for, you know?
Caroline does know. And that was such an emotional scene. Jay-sus.
Elena scoots closer and holds Caroline… but then someone walks up the sidewalk to them. It’s Matty!
Caroline gets up and pulls him into a rough embrace, and it’s so sweet!
Ooh dinner party time again! Elijah asks Stefan where Elena is,
and Stefan is all “why don’t you ask Damon?” while Klaus just laughs.
Elijah missed so much. “Trouble in Paradise,” Klaus explains.
Stefan threatens to end the dinner if anyone mentions Elena again, and Damon suggests they just add her to the list of things they can’t discuss, which of course Klaus does not do. See, he is no stranger to the Pull of the Petrova.
He asks Elijah if they should tell Stefan and Damon about “Tatia.” Elijah is all, “Why should we discuss what’s long since resolved?” Klaus just thought that maybe since they’re so drawn to Elena(r) and Katerina, that they’d be interested in learning about the “originator of the Petrova line.”
Damon is interested, so Elijah starts to tell the tale.
When the Original family first moved to Virginia, there was already this chick here named Tatia. She was very beautiful and all the men were in love with her, of course. Even though she had a child by another man. And both Elijah and Klaus loved her The Most. E and K’s mom didn’t approve, so she took Tatia, and used her blood when the Original family was turned into a bunch of vampires – they drank it in the wine. Tatia wouldn’t choose between them (sound familiar?), and Elijah and Klaus often fought, but in the end the “sacred bond of family” won out over all.
Elijah: Family above all.
Klaus: Family above all.
Back in the Cave of Misbegotten History, the Bennetts are chanting with their hands together over the coffin. Bonnie accuses Abby of not trying, and Abby blames it on the spirits hating her. Bonnie says the spirits wanted her to find Abby because she’s her mom; the problem is that Abby doesn’t want to open herself up to the power. Bonnie tells a sad tale about how it was easier to pretend she was dead than to wonder why Abby never came back for her. Y’all, I… I just don’t care. Abby tries again, and the candles sport their boners.
Bonnie has to call Damon. After she leaves, the coffin flies open, and Abby gasps.
Back at Klaus’ Mansion, Elijah wants to get down to the business of their truce. Damon wants Klaus and the Original family to leave Mystic falls, and leave him, Stefan and Elena to live happily ever after, no grudges. Elijah thinks it sounds fair, but Klaus says they underestimate how important having Elena’s blood is – he’ll never leave her behind.
He also smartly points out: how long until she’s hurt or killed by the two of them in their feuding? He posits that the most dangerous place for her to be is actually with the two of them. Damon doesn’t like hearing this and goes for some air, and Elijah follows.
Then as the asshole icing to the asshole cake, Klaus tries to get Stefan to join him in enjoying an “after dinner drink.”
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Matt is walking Elena home. Matty, whom I sometimes think is the smartest person in this town, says that it’s the town – being is Mystic Falls it’s hard for Elena and Co. to stay out of these dead-family members situations. So wise
like a miniature Buddha covered in hair, really because they walk in the house to find blood all over the place.
Because this is a horror movie again, they wisely decide to track the blood upstairs where they find Alaric, stabbed! Where?
I’m not even going to say it.
Comment, though: Alaric sure managed to get that damn blood everywhere.
Alaric doesn’t know who did it to him, and Elena is freaking out about how much blood there is. Alaric shuts her up by telling her he needs her to kill him –he doesn’t know who attacked him, so if she kills him, at least he’ll die a supernatural death and his ring will save him.
Back at Klaus’, the K-man is done drinking, so Stefan enough’s enough. He says that the only reason Klaus agreed to the evening was so that he could drive a wedge between Stefan and Damon.
Klaus: Oh, no, you’re doing that well enough on your own.
Heh. He explains that because of Elena, he’s going to lose his brother, and has only himself to blame. Just then Damon and Elijah come back in, and Damon wants to know Klaus’ decision on the truce. He wants a counteroffer. Klaus sits back down, looking rather amused.
Klaus: I offer Elena’s future happiness. You see, what she needs right now is to be rid of you lot, and to fall in love with a human. Maybe that nice football player. You know, the blond one.
Damon: Matt Donovan? Really?
Klaus: Yeah, why not? They’ll marry, live a long and fruitful life and pop out a perfect family.
Oh, man. I don’t know what it is, but the thought of Elena “popping” out kids makes me laugh. Stefan points out that this will perpetuate the Petrova blood line, which will result in a new doppelganger for Klaus to use every few hundred years. Klaus considers it a return on his investment (ROI) on keeping her safe. They give him the coffin, and he will ensure her safety for the rest of her natural life.
After his spiel is done, Klaus is all, “Deal or No Deal?”
Stefan says no deal, so Klaus, ever the gentleman, breaks his arm, breaks his leg and holds his hand into the fire.
Damon is about to make a move when Elijah vamp speeds and chokes him against the wall. He tells Damon to go get the coffin, and tells Elijah to go with him.
When they return, he promises to make good on his, um, promise to hand over the rest of their family to him.
Over at the Forbes’ Residence, Car goes to talk to her dad. He’s looking at a cheerleading trophy on her dresser.
They reminisce about how she was scared to join the squad, but he talked her into it. Bill starts to feel weak, tired. It seems Caroline is resigned to Bill’s decision, and the hurt and strength to act like nothing is wrong is written all over her face.
She asks if he wants her to call his most recent boyfriend, but he says no and just asks that she call him “when it’s over and the dust is settled.” Caroline agrees. At a last ditch attempt, Caroline tells him that he may have made a decision, but it’s not too late to change his mind. She’s sure he’s strong enough to be a vampire, he’s the strongest person she knows. He explains that his strengths is all in his convictions – he can’t become something that people aren’t supposed to become. People aren’t supposed to cheat death.
Caroline: How can you hate who I am so much?
Bill: No, no, no, sweetheart. I don’t hate you. I love you. You’re strong. You’re beautiful. You’re good. And even after everything that’s happened to you, you’re exactly who your mother and I hoped you’d grow up to me.
She starts tearfully (for her and for me) begging him not to leave her then. They embrace and he soothes her.
“Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children, Caroline. This is what it means. This is what it means to be human.” Ugh, fuck being human then. *cries with Caroline*
Back at Klaus’ Mansion, Stefan tells Klaus to just go ahead and kill him. Klaus is disappointed that there’s no fight left in Stefan. Where’s the RIPPAH? But he’s distracted in his taunting because Elijah comes back into the room. He hasn’t left with Damon…?
Elijah: Where are your manners, brother? You forgot dessert.
He uncovers a plate of daggers! And they don’t have Original siblings around them!
Cole is there! Impeccably dressed, I might add. And looking a shitton like Elijah. Well done, casting! And Finn too.
He stabs Klaus through the hand with one of the daggers. A couple of comments: 1) He’s totes got the crazy eyes, and that creeps me out. 2) He kind of looks like a pirate. What? They could afford new threads for Cole, but not Finn? 3) Finn? Ugh. I can’t stand that name either. It reminds me of a certain tone-deaf, stiff-jointed giant manboy, and I can’t. Finn, son of Mikael, brother of Elijah, I hereby dub thee, Dread Pirate Roberts because it is more pleasing to my senses. DPR for short. Yes, I quite like that.
Now that that’s settled, where was I? Ah, yes, so DPR stabs Klaus through the hand with one of the daggers. Klaus pulls away and there’s Rebekah with another dagger that goes right into his gut.
Klaus backs away and Cole holds his arms back. Elijah dismisses Stefan and Damon.
“This is family business.” Oh, shit.
Back at Caroline’s house, Bill has finally died.
And I can’t really handle these CEARS. At Elena’s Alaric is still dead. Elena asks Matt to stay until Alaric wakes up.
“I can’t lose any more family,” she cries. Matty is such a good comforter.
Out in the woods Stefan admits to Damon that undaggering Elijah turned out to be a good idea after all. But Damon says Stefan’s still not allowed to thank him for saving his life until Damon’s repaid Stefan for all the times he saved him. Stefan’s all, “you could have left me there.” Damon could have had Elena all to himself. Damon looks like this idea annoys him, just as Elena calls him. He ignores the call. The brothers both admit to each other that they love Elena. Aww, I guess.
Let’s get back inside the mansion!
But not yet, Sheriff Mom is on the phone with Elena. Meredith has a solid alibi for the time Alaric was attacked, so it can’t be her. However, Alaric makes the third attack on a member of the Founder’s Council. Just then Alaric wakes up, and he is not in good shape.
One of these days, that ring ain’t gonna work anymore. I dread that day.
Damon and Stefan travel back down to the Cave of Miraculous Magic-Casting, and find Bonnie passed out in the… foyer-ish area. Mama witch is unconscious too, and the coffin is open. Hmm… I can’t decide if this is all good news or not.
Yay, the mansion!
Rebekah is all “I love what you did with the place, Nick.” Then she fucking throws glass at a painting. Classy, that Rebekah is.
Klaus protests that the house was supposed to be for all of them, a place where they could all live together happily ever after, as a family. “None of us would ever have to be alone again.” Y’all, there is SO MUCH in that sentence… I can’t handle. Poor Klaus… kind of.
Elijah’s all, “You’re right. None of us will be.” DPR chimes in that they’re leaving him behind. Rebekah further explains that they’re leaving him after she kills “that doppelganger witch.”
Rebekah: Then you will be alone. Always and forever.
Klaus has those punished child tears in his eyes again. I can’t.
He starts shouting that he’ll hunt all of them down, and Elijah, all calmly, is like,
“Then you’ll become everything you hate: our father.” Oh, shit. Hit him where it hurts, Elijah. Klaus shouts that he’s the hybrid and can’t be killed, so he has nothing to fear from any of them. Again, Elijah speaks up, “You will when we have that coffin.”
The KLEARS are welling!
Suddenly there’s a noise of a door, and Klaus sees her. Shock, gasping.
IT’S THEIR MOTHER! Rebekah and Elijah are equally as shocked, though, it seems Klaus is more so. One thing: her clothes are impeccable for someone who supposedly died a thousand years ago. Klaus’ tears have spilled by the time she walks up to him and demands he look up at her.
Mama Original: Do you know why I’m here?
Klaus: You’re here to kill me.
Mama Original: Niklaus, you are my son. And I am here to forgive you.
Um, what? All, that… after all that… and… she’s playing the “why can’t we all just get along?” card?? Look, I didn’t want Klaus to die AT ALL, but… really? She turns to the rest of the family and says, “I want us to be a family again.”
WHAT?! WHAT?! Oh, she has GOT to be batshit crazy, right? This can’t be fixed so easily. There has to be a catch. But I guess we’ll have to wait…
(All screencaps courtesy of hotn-caps.com)