Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Bonnie finds Stefan hiding out in the old witch house guarding a bunch of coffins that he stole from Klaus. When they join forces, they get the witches to agree to help mask the coffins should Klaus ever stumble in. Bonnie also thinks the locked coffin might only open with a spell. Meanwhile Jeremy is bffs with Tyler, who really was just there to get the Jerm off the vervain so Klaus could compel him to walk in front of a speeding car. Alaric gets hit instead, he meets hot Dr. Fell (Meredith!). Damon finds out that Stefan sabotaged the killing of Klaus to save him, and they decide to join forces too. I love when brothers work together. Damon compels Jeremy to leave town, and oh yeah, Damon and Elena kiss on the porch. Moving on.
Oh, hey look Damon’s awesome shower! He looks awfully pleased with himself.
Elena on the other hand is beating the shit out of a punching bag.
Alaric all “wanna talk about it?” Elena’s all, “nothing to talk about.” Ooh, burn…
Stefan’s come over to the SBH to pick up Damon. They need to go to the witch house, because, as he puts it “Klaus isn’t going to spontaneously self-destruct.” And Damon, of course, can’t hide his gorram smile, and when Stefan asks him why he’s so chipper, Damon replies. “No reason.”
Back at Alaric’s pad, he wants to know what’s got Elena all worked up. She gives a silly excuse like being tired (which is so dumb because if she was so tired, why would she have all this extra energy to kickbox, hmmm?). They talk about how the magical rings seem to be low on batteries, and she says it’s another reason why Jeremy has to get out of town.
Then she lets slip that she’s kicking ass because she’s venting sexual frustration.
“I need coffee.” Nice diversion, Elena. But we heard you.
Alaric says that Damon’s compulsion worked because Jeremy was packing and talking about his new school in Denver. Speaking of Damon, had Alaric spoken to him today? He says no, why?
Elena’s all, “no reason.” And, ugh, I hope they don’t keep playing this game because it’s going to get old fast.
Back at Witch House, Bonnies got all her candles out and she’s doing a spell to try to open the coffin. When it doesn’t work she shouts at it, “why won’t you open?!”
When I can’t get my jars open, I usually shout that and it does the trick. Wonder why it doesn’t work here. Suddenly the coffins disappear. She calls out tentatively, but no one is there.
Outside, Damon’s asking why Stefan doesn’t want Elena to know, and he explains that keeping the coffins from Klaus is his #1 priority right now, so the fewer people who know the better.
But something seems suspicious.
A hybrid wanders out of the house and Stefan is waiting for it. The hybrid is ready to fight but Damon snatches his heart out from behind! Take that!
“These hybrids, really bringing the neighborhood down.”
Over at the school, Elena and Bonnie are decorating Caroline’s locker for her birthday! Man, no one ever did that for me. They chat about what they did that morning (shit, these kids are productive), and Elena decides to drop the bomb of Jeremy’s leaving on Bonnie.
Bonnie’s not too happy that they had him compelled, but Elena explains he’s off to have a better life, and she thought Bonnie would want to say goodbye. Aww, I guess.
Back at Witch House, Damon is slapping the locked coffin with a shovel in an attempt to get it to open. This method also works on jars, so I don’t know why it’s not working here. Damon’s getting really fed up and decides to do some Original Math and determines that the coffins hold Elijah and two other dead Originals, so whoever is in the locked box is still a mystery.
Then he gets all passive aggressive about how the witches can hide the coffins, but they can’t open them? Lame.
Stefan says that they can’t be sure that Klaus will stay away from Witch House until all the hybrids go bye-bye. And Damon’s all like, “yeah, sure, we’ll have ‘em pack a bag and go on vacation.” Damon. I think your sarcasm is showing. Stefan says he’s not going to play defense when he has what Klaus cares about more than anything in the world. Klaus does what he says or he’s going to make sure the coffins find a nice cozy resting place at the bottom of the ocean. Stefan is going to call his bluff.
Damon: The only way to call someone’s bluff, Stefan, is to be willing to lose everything if you’re wrong.
That’s not ominous at all.
Back at the school, Bonnie is saying her goodbye to Jeremy. He didn’t think she would care that he’s leaving, but she’s all “of course, I care.”
She was just hurt by the whole Anna business. Jeremy says he thinks he can have a better life there.
Bonnie’s like, “that’s exactly what Elena said,” sort of hinting at the fact that he’d been compelled. Jeremy isn’t always the sharpest, so maybe he didn’t notice.
Outside, Caroline is arriving, and for it being her birthday, she doesn’t really seem too happy about it. Tyler’s standing there and she’s all, “I can’t talk to you.”
She doesn’t want to hear it from him because he almost got Jeremy killed, and she wants to know what the hell he’s planning on doing about his sire bond to Klaus. He’s all “there’s nothing I can do about it, Caroline. That’s the point” and blah blah he wants to put her first before anyone blah blah blah, all I can really hear in this scene is the Coldplay song. Hmm… maybe I need to get my hands on that new album… Tyler apologizes, and Caroline says she’s sorry too.
Then Tyler gives her a charm bracelet for her birthday. It’s kind of kitschy and cute, but kind of looks cheap. Just sayin’. Kid’s the mayor’s son after all.
Back at Klaudius’ new Mansion, Klaus senses Stefan’s presence.
Stefan has come to have a little chat with him. Klaus is all, “well, if we’re playing this game, I was here first.” Ha! Stefan, not amused, starts right in on the hybrid business. He wants them gone;
Klaus says he likes having them around. They posture a bit, and Stefan is all “friends don’t strip friends of their free will.” Oh, snap. Klaus says he has a point, but he gets moody. “Just ask my siblings.” Ha! Man, Klaus is funny this scene.
Then he’s all like “speaking of whom,” and I’d just like to say how much I love Klaus’ use of proper grammar. It turns me on, alright? Klaus wants Stefan to hand the sibs back over. Stefan finally gives him the ultimatum:
Stefan: Get your hybrids out of Mystic Falls or I will remove them myself.
Klaus: You see, if you continue to threaten me, I’m going to be forced to retaliate. Kill people. And it will get messy. Again.
Stefan: Do whatever you want. I don’t really care. Or, you know what? Maybe I do. Maybe I care so much that I drop Elijah in the Arctic.
Cin & Christina: OH NO HE DI’D’T!
Klaus: Well maybe I’d be willing to lose one brother if it meant killing yours.
Stefan: Try me. Let’s find out.
Oh shit. Y’all, I think Stefan means business. One of the hybrids comes up to see if Klaus is okay, and Klaus says it’s okay. “Stefan was just leaving after failing to make his point.” So to make his point, Stefan fucking CHOPS OFF HER HEAD!
“Well, one down. You might want to send the rest away before it gets messy. Again.” OOOOOH BURN! Stefan is kind of a BAMF.
After school, Caroline comes home to Elena, Bonnie and Matt surprising her for her birthday.
Awwww, they’re so sweet. Apparently after her talk with Tyler, she blew off school, so she didn’t get to see their “work of art,” a.k.a., the locker decorations, so they brought them to her. Also, they have something planned for her at the Falls. She’s not really in the partying mood, and Bonnie, kind of bitchily if you ask me, reminds Caroline that she already declared it everyone’s favorite day of the year.
Caroline: Yeah, and now it’s jjust a remimnder that technically I’m dead.
She’s upset that she’s “stuck in a filler year.” Girl, at least it’s not 19 or 20. Those are the worst filler years ever. Caroline wants to wallow, but Elena says she has another idea.
Back at Klaus’ Mansion, some of his hybrid buddies are cleaning up the dead chick.
The guy asks “what should I do with the head?” Um, whatever the fuck you did with the body maybe? Ingrate. Klaus tells him to burn it, whatever, just get rid of it. Oh, goody. Tyler’s here.
Klaus needs Tyler to help him to something about what Stefan did. Tyler tries to tell him no, but he’s been sired, so it’s not like that’s going to work. He tries to give a sob story about how he lost all his friends and his girlfriend, and Klaus is like “speaking of your girlfriend, I need you to bite her.” Well, shit.
Klaus explains that Stefan pushed him too far so he’s pushing back. Tyler tries to stand up to him again, and Klaus is like,
“yeah, sure whatever, free will and all that.” But you KNOW it’s not that easy.
Over at some fancy schmancy shindig, Damon and Alaric are discussing Stefan’s willingness to throw everything away just to push Klaus into doing what he wants.
Damon hypothesizes that Stefan is running on more of a Humanity Dimmer Switch, which is even more dangerous that the regular kind. Alaric is all, “what? Suddenly you care who lives and dies? Talk about a Humanity Dimmer Switch.”
TOUCHE! Score one for the Ricster.
Oh, so apparently they’re at a Council Meeting under the guise of a fancy party. Alaric wonders if a council meeting can ever be just a council meeting? The answer is no.
Down in the cemetery, Elena has decided that Caroline needs a funeral for her old self so she can say goodbye to her old self and move on with her new one. Elena, Bonnie and Matt start listing out the things that she was (Cheerleader, 3rd grade Hop Scotch Champion, friend, daughter, Mean Girl, etc) and put her to rest. It’s actually really, really sweet in a morbid fucked up sort of way.
Bonnie lights up the candles on the cake and Caroline makes a wish.
Back at the Council Meeting/Gala, Alaric and Damon take a gander at the model of foreshadowing Wickery Bridge. Damon says it’s the bridge where Elena and Jeremy’s parents died. Alaric mentions that Elena seems preoccupied with something and Damon says he’s sure it’s Stefan. He walks away to write a philantrophic check.
Alaric is still looking at the bridge when Meredith comes over. She says it’s lucky he has that ring in a town full of vamps. Alaric looks at her all confused until she confirms that she’s on the council. She’s a Fell. Come on, Alaric. Last names are not a coincidence in this town. She says something about her prom date dumping her on that bridge back in high school. She didn’t push him over the side of it, but she should have. She holds a grudge. For some reason, I don’t think she’s joking.
She asks where Damon went because she’s supposed to hit him up for some money. Alaric says she should because Damon is loaded. That’s when Meredith tells him about the “British guy” who pledged to match every dollar that they’re able to raise. Uh, oh. There can only be one British guy in Mystic Falls…
DUN DUN DUN!
On the other side of the party, Damon finds Klaus. They’re being upper-class, rich-people nice to each other.
That is, they’re insulting each other to each other’s face, but doing it in a civil tone. Damon starts telling Carol Lockwood, who was talking to Klaus, that she was talking to an immortal Hybrid who ruined her son’s life by turning him into a hybrid too. Klaus is all, “well, maybe I did him a favor.” I can’t remember if Carol knew about Tyler being a hybrid, but she does now regardless. And Damon and Klaus don’t seem to care. Hmm.
Klaus explains to Carol that he’s very sympathetic to Tyler’s issues, and it seems like she trusts him. Klaus says he’s come to an agreement with her, actually. If they stay out of his business, he’ll stay out of theirs. Basically he’ll see to it that they live in harmony, but first he has to get Stefan to stop decapitating his hybrids. Carol backs him up saying that if Damon can’t get Stefan under control, then the Council will have to take action.
Klaus: Come on, mate. Give peace a chance.
And, I die.
Back at the cemetery, the gang is still having their morbid party. Elena catches Caroline texting Tyler. Caroline’s excuse: “What? I’m delicate.” She is precious and I love her.
Bonnie tells Elena to give her a break. “You can’t control what everyone does all the time.” OH SHIT. Burn. Bonnie’s finally speaking her mind about how much she disapproves of Elena having Jeremy compelled. Bonnie threatens to tell Jeremy, and Elena says she can’t. Bonnie’s like, “what are you going to do? Compel me not to?” Snap. Bonnie excuses herself from the party. Alright, Debbie Downer.
Back at the Council Meeting, Damon is consorting with Sheriff Mom. She says she’s not going to let Klaus hold the town hostage when Damon asks if she’s going to drink the Klaus Kool Aid like Carol did. Sheriff Mom also says that she’s not going to allow the town to be in the middle of a war between a vamp and a hybrid.
Damon: Liz, I’m impressed. You’re all strong and sheriff.
Elsewhere, Alaric finds Meredith talking to some dude. He’s warning her against something that could ruin her career, and she’s all “this coming from the guy who got his job from his dad.” She says it all full of disdain. Come on, Mer, like that’s not how pretty much all the founding families get their jobs? I mean, hello, legacies. This town loves ‘em. Alaric comes to the rescue when the dude, Brian, gets a bit handsy.
He warns Alaric that he should get to know Meredith before he becomes her white knight. Apparently she’s a bit of a psycho case, which is funny because in the books Meredith’s grandfather was in a psychiatric hospital. There’s some male posturing, and ugh, I’m tired of this scene already. Meredith tells him to go away, and she tells Alaric that was her senior prom date. “Then you definitely should have thrown him over the bridge.” Meredith explains he’s the medical examiner – “you know, the dude who signs his name on death certificates under ‘cause of death.’”
Just then Stefan walks into the party and all nonchalantly takes a butcher knife that was just lying on the counter. He takes it to kill one of the hybrids.
He stabs him and is about to cut his head off when Damon stops him. Stefan says he told Klaus to get the hybrids out, and obvs Klaus didn’t hear him, so he’s going to say it louder – by killing a hybrid at the party.
Damon tells him that if he kills one there will be consequences, like Elena dying, but Stefan doesn’t care anymore.
Damon says that if they’re going to beat the villain, they have to be smart.
Stefan: No, to beat the villain, Damon. You have to be the better villain.
Back at the cemetery, Tyler crashes the party/funeral. Caroline says it’s okay, and he asks to talk to Caroline for a second, so she follows him outside. NO GURL! DON’T DO IT! Elena asks Matt if he’s okay, and he’s all “yeah.”
He wants her to be happy – it’s what he wants for all of them who are stuck in their crazy lives. Elena starts to blah blah blah about how she has no right messing with Jeremy’s head, but he’s in danger here. She can’t lose anyone else that she loves.
Outside, Tyler tells Caroline that he won’t let Klaus control him when it comes to her. Caroline tells him it’s okay.
They need to except that they’re not made for each other and move on. Nope, he’s not hearing it. He’s all “I love you.” And they start making out… when Tyler FUCKING BITES HER!
Caroline starts to panic and shouts at him to get away from him.
Matt and Elena go out looking for her. They start to just kid around, not realizing Caroline is in danger… when suddenly Stefan is there and he throws Matt against a wall and takes Elena.
They’re in his car, speeding down the road when Damon calls. Stefan explains that he’s making his next move – what is Klaus going to do when he finds out he can’t make any more hybrids??
At the meeting, Damon goes to tell Klaus that Stefan has Elena. He warns him that he just might kill Elena; he’s “operating on crazy right now.” Hee.
Klaus thinks he’s just bluffing, but Damon tells him to reconsider his position.
Over at the Forbes’ residence, Matty is bringing Caroline home. He tells Sheriff Mom that Tyler bit her.
Matt says she’s been hallucinating, and no one is picking up their phones.
Back in Stefan’s car, Elena is trying to see calm, and asks Stefan what his plan is.
Stefan tells her about taking Klaus’ family. Elena asks what he’s going to do with her, just keep her in a cage? Stefan is all “maybe I’ll just turn you into a vampire.” Oh, snap. It’s happening! It’s happening!
She shouts at him to stop the car, but he only goes faster. He calls Klaus. He tells him to get his hybrids out of town, and Klaus is all “yeah, well, I want my coffins.” Stefan then says he’s just going to have to drive Klaus’ blood source, a.k.a. Elena, off the Wickery Bridge. Dude! That’s where her parents died, you dick.
Obvs Klaus doesn’t believe him, so Stefan bites his writes and forces feeds it to Elena.
He stomps on the gas, and they’re careening toward the bridge. She’s shouting at him to stop, and FINALLY Klaus believes him and tells him to stop the car.
Stefan finally does, and oooh Klaus seems pissed.
Also, Stefan doesn’t exactly seem triumphant.
She storms out of the car and basically yells at him that her parents died here; she almost died here. He knows that because he’s the one who saved her. Stefan doesn’t apologize but explains that she had to be scared because her fear is what sold it to Klaus. “What if he hadn’t?” Good point, Elena.
Stefan says he knew Klaus’ weakness, so he knows he could destroy him – “Destroying Klaus is all I have left.” Wah, wah, wah. Elena realizes he’s trying to make her hate him, but Stefan says he doesn’t care what she thinks about him anymore.
And then he gets back in his car and fucking leaves her on the bridge. Horrible. But also? LOLS.
Back at the Forbes’ residence, Klaus has come a-knockin’ on the door. Apparently/supposedly Tyler came to him and told him there had been an accident, that he bit Caroline. He explains to Matt, who had opened the door, that his blood can hear her, but Sheriff Mom has to invite him in. Sheriff Mom says she knows he wants something in return, but he says “just your support,” and she lets him in.
He goes into Caroline’s room, and she asks if he’s going to kill her.
Klaus: On your birthday? Do you really think that low of me?
Hee, Caroline. Klaus pulls back her blanket and sees the wound.
He apologizes to her. She was collateral damage; it wasn’t personal. He tells her he loves birthdays. “Yeah, aren’t you, like, a billion or something?” Klaus explains that vamps just have to adjust their perceptions when they become vamps, celebrate that they’re no longer bound by human conventions. “You’re free.” Caroline says, “No, I’m dying.” Aww, Car!
Klaus: And I could let you. Die. If that’s what you want. If you really believe your existence has no meaning. I thought about it myself once or twice over the centuries, truth be told. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: There’s a whole world waiting out there for you. Great cities and art and music. Genuine beauty, and you can have all of it. You can have a thousand more birthdays. All you have to do is ask.
You GUYS. Look, okay. I know that he told Tyler to bite her and everything but THAT SPEECH. The gentle way his eyes watered (y’all know how that gets to me), and the delicate way he stroked her arm in the middle of it. I die. I DIE.
But Caroline, it turns out, doesn’t want to. “I don’t want to die,” she tells him, and he pushes up his sleeve, and helps her to sit up before bringing her mouth to his wrist.
Klaus: There you go, sweetheart. Have at it. Happy Birthday, Caroline.
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Damon has driven Elena home. She thanks him for picking her up. What? Did she walk back to where her phone was after Stefan threw it out of the window to call him? Damon asks if she’ll be okay. “I’ll survive, somehow. Like I always do.”
Even though his methods suck, Damon explains that what Stefan did was for the greater good. They beat Klaus at his own game of being a villain. Elena tells him not to sound so impressed, and Damon says he can’t help but be a little proud. Haha. He asks her again if she’ll be okay, and for a second I think they’re going to kiss again.
Even Elena says he can’t kiss her again, it’s not right. He says he knows. But it IS right. It’s just not right right now. Huh. They say goodnight. Tension!
The next morning Jeremy is leaving. Bonnie just ran over, I guess. She came to say goodbye.
They hug, and that’s cool, I guess.
Over at Caroline’s, she’s all better! Yay Klaus’ blood!
And she finds a present there on her bedside table. The note says it’s from Klaus. She opens the box and there’s a diamond bracelet inside.
And it’s so strong and beautiful (like Caroline). And damn, that just sort of puts Tyler’s charm bracelet to shame, don’t it?
Out on the Wickery Bridge, Matt and Elena are chatting about how they’re stuck. Matt apologizes for being judgmental, but Elena says she does feel stuck. Like she’s been clinging to the girl who should have died there with her parents, who didn’t have a life with vampires. Matt says she’s not that girl, and it’s okay to let her go.
But she feels like she’s disappointing her old self and her parents, but Matt assures her she’s doing better than she thinks. And so they have a little funeral there, for her old self by throwing flowers off the bridge for her.
Over at the Mystic Grill, Alaric’s in his usual chair at the bar when Meredith comes in. “Oh, thank god, another day drinker.” Honey, what town have YOU been living in? She says she lost a patient, and Alaric is drinking because he put a kid on a plane. Not his kid… but it’s a long story.
Out in the woods, Sheriff Mom and Damon are looking at a crime scene. It’s Brian Meredith’s prom date! And he’s been staked like a vampire even though he wasn’t. It’s a MURDER! Who done it?!
(All screencaps courtesy of hotn-caps.com)