Episode 309 “Homecoming”
Previously on the Vampire Diaries: Things happen because of stuff. Alaric deciphers the runes, Rebekah gives Elena her backstory, only it’s not really her backstory because apparently Klaus kept some VERY important details from her. Like who REALLY killed their mother. Mikael was basically a giant pickledick to them, Mama Original was also Mama Original Witch (MOW), and they turned their kids into vamps after one kid was killed by the werewolves they lived near IN FREAKING MYSTIC FALLS way back when. After Mikael fled after going nuts and killed MOW, the remaining siblings vowed to always protect and side with each other. And yes, those siblings included Elijah! COME BACK TO US, ELIJAH! Onward!
Klaus is in Portland, which is a breeding ground for werewolves.
Stefan calls him and tells him that his father is dead. Mikael is daggered. Klaus is shocked and incredulous.
In a mini flashback to an hour ago, we see Stefan’s plan to have Elena dagger Mikael so he could tell Klaus he was dead and Stefan wouldn’t be lying. Elena is all, “what happens when he asks to see his body?” Damon says this is a good point since Stefan is compelled not to lie to Klaus. Turns out it’s Mikael’s idea to actually get daggered.
He said that Klaus will absolutely want proof, so they’ll lure him back to Mystic Falls and Mikael will take care of the dirty work of killing him. How? Oh, Mikael knows of a special stake made from the white oak tree from whence the Original-killing ash came. But of course he’s not telling our gang where it is. It’s his insurance policy.
He also reminds us that vamps die if they dagger an Original, so the task falls to Elena.
Mikael: Klaus will leave nothing to chance. Especially when it comes to trust.
Back in the present, Klaus is raving about how he wants to see the body, and Stefan invites him back to MF. You know, for all the product placements that this show does… why don’t they just SHOW Klaus with their AT&T/FaceTime/MiFi bullcrap? I mean, Jeremy and Bonnie used it. Are we supposed to believe that no one else has heard of it? Is Jeremy actually the most in-the-know person in town? Klaus is hip to the world, right? He doesn’t know about this? I mean, obvs, it’s because they want him to come back to MF, but still. Jesus. I mean, heaven FORBID a product placement be relevant on this show.
Klaus is all, “I’ll know if you’re lying to me,” but Stefan swears again.
In flashback, we see Stefan witness Elena stabbing Mikael. The phone gets passed off to Rebekah for more truth, and she confirms it.
Rebekah: It’s true. He’s out of our lives for good.
Klaus looks… relieved. She tells him she misses him and he says he’ll be back soon. He bought it! Once Rebekah hangs up the phone, Elena goes and pulls the damn dagger.
Bitch! You KNOW that was the wrong dagger. Dammit! Rebekah, you were with Klaus. Are you saying you don’t know where the hell the rest of your family is being kept? Come on! Throw us a bone here. Where is Elijah?!
Later, Mikael finally wakes up.
Rebekah tells him to save his fatherly rubbish. You go,
Glen Coco Rebekah! She says that Elena has the dagger now so Mikael can’t go after Rebekah.
She really is not in the mood to take his shit right now, and gets all in his face saying that she’ll give “Nick” what’s coming to him, but “Nick” wasn’t born a killer, none of them were. Mikael was the one who destroyed the family by turning them into vampires.
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Elena is griping about how she has nothing to wear to the formal, and Bonnie, all logical for once, suggests that Elena doesn’t have to go. OMGZ, Bonnie! For rill?! How can Elena NOT go to the Homecoming dance?! Kidding. Actually, Elena doesn’t want to skip out on the dance because y’all know how Caroline gets.
Elena notices that Bonnie is a bit mopey and reminds her that she can talk to her about Jeremy.
But Bonnie says that Jeremy fell in love with his ghost girlfriend, and lied about it. “What’s done is done.” Bonnie doesn’t want to talk about it, and Elena tries to tell her that she’s mad too. Bonnie says it’s not the same because he’s her little brother. So, no, she can’t talk to her.
Back at the SBH, Damon and Elena are putting together their stash of weapons. Elena is blah blah blahing about how she doesn’t know if they can trust Rebekah because Klaus IS her brother and she might still have some loyalty or some junk. She’s all, “There are too many things that can go wrong with this plan. Too many people who can make it go wrong.” Lucky for her, Damon has a “secret contingency plan.”
Just then Stefan comes in looking for some ties.
Elena suggests he just NOT go to the homecoming dance, but he’s all, “Shhyah. As if!”
He has to protect her and her track record at school dances suggests that she NEEDS his protection. He exits stage left to find some ties, and Damon shows that he doesn’t trust Elena to correctly or safely manufacture a wolfsbane bomb.
Stefan comes back in with some tie options and comments on how his freedom from Klaus relies on Damon and Elena. And well, because they’re Damon and Elena, excuse him for being cynical. Hee!
Elena is all, “I know you are but what am I?!” about how they have to worry about him spilling the beans if Klaus asks him one wrong question. But Stefan points out that the reason their plans usually fail is because one of them lets their humanity get in the way.
Well, he’s got this area clinched. Too late for him. As a side note, because I don’t say it nearly enough: I love smug, no-humanity Stefan. He’s fun.
Over at the school, Tyler is using a pressure washer with special glitter attachment to decorate that hippy van we saw back in “Smells Like Teen Spirit”.
Tyler asks Caroline if she wants to get a real bite to eat. Apparently Tyler knows where to find some fangbangers.
Caroline does not approve and tells Ty to stop hanging out with “Rebekah, the evil blood slut.” Haha! Oh, Caroline.
Now that that’s settled, Caroline asks who she’s bringing to Homecoming as her date, and Tyler says Matt.
Caroline, of course, rejects this proposition because Matty, unlike most everyone else in this town, is a good person who should not be going to dances with Evil Blood Sluts.
Tyler tries to defend her, and Caroline gets all, “please tell me this is a sire thing.” Like some sort of extended family loyaity deal where he has to love Klaus’ family because Klaus is his sire. Tyler is all, “I’m hanging streamers and I have glitter all over my hands. If I’m sired to anybody, it’s you.” Touche.
Back at the SBH, Elena runs into Rebekah who is admiring herself in that ugly red dress, talking about how she’s never been to a homecoming before because school was never really conducive to the on-the-run lifestyle she and Klaus used to live.
She’s clearly still very upset at Klaus. She doesn’t want to know of anyone’s plan. Just wants them to get it over with. She warns Elena that she ran from Mikael for a reason; he can’t be trusted. No one in her family can. Now Rebekah is starting to feel all the emotions again and blah blah blah, whatever.
Elena says that Rebekah looks beautiful, but she’s missing one thing – MOW’s necklace.
Awww, she gave it back. It’s a very touching moment… until Elena daggers her right in the back!
Harsh, Elena! You don’t even have the balls to face her when you do that? And then you apologize and say you can’t leave anything to chance? Lame? Where was your “I’m sorry” when you daggered Elijah? Huh? HUH?!
Damon helps Elena cover up Rebekah’s recumbent body, and Elena kind of tries to apologize.
Damon tells her it’s very “Katherine” of her, and he means it as a compliment. Sort of.
She says Stefan is right and someone is going to screw this whole thing up with their humanity, and it’s probably going to be her. Good. Glad you can acknowledge that, Elena. Now I’m going to acknowledge something: JESUS! Stefan’s room is bigger than my whole apartment!
Elena gives Damon the whole, “I care too much” spiel, and to make her feel better, Damon’s all, “well, she’s not really dead.” She says they need a better plan because Damon doesn’t trust either Mikael or Stefan to do the task correctly or to their liking. But Damon has an idea. He always does. When this all goes down, he doesn’t want her to have anything to do with it. Hmm, I wonder what that could possibly imply!
Back at the school, the gym is flooded and the dance is cancelled.
Caroline is seriously stomping her foot over it, and it’s kind of hilarious kind of annoying because this is OLD Caroline, and I thought we were done with her. Miraculously, the party is moved to Tyler’s house. Oh, good. Homecoming isn’t Homecoming unless there’s beer pong and kegs.
And My Morning Jacket with a backlit stage and damn. How did this happen so fast?
Bonnie and Caroline show up at the party.
Caroline is miffed that Tyler was able to put on a “better” party than she was in such a short amount of time (I’m guessing it was what? 15 minutes?) and Bonnie is irked because there are a ton of people there that she doesn’t know.
Outside, Stefan compliments Tyler on the party, but Tyler said it’s not his doing. He’s just doing what Klaus wants. Oh, so he’s here already! Tyler explains, “It’s not a party, man. It’s a wake!”
Y’all, Klaus is a great emcee. He thanks everyone for coming to the party and says that it’s been a “long time coming.” Awesome.
Elena shows up to the party with Matty. Apparently, SHE was his back-up date now that Rebekah is decidedly out of commission. Matty starts in on the “it’s weird we’re here, you and me,” conversation, and oh, just make out already.
Caroline comes in ready to bitch to anyone about how Tyler is all sired and letting his master throw a party. Neither Elena nor Matty seem surprised and Elena goes off to find Bonnie. Caroline is very passive aggressive about how Matt’s date was supposed to be Rebekah, and he just excuses himself for a drink.
For the record, red looks SO much better on Caroline than Rebekah.
Back outside, Elena spies Stefan and Klaus talking. Stefan compliments him on his party, and Klaus is all,
Klaus: I’ve been planning my father’s funeral for a thousand years. Granted, in no version it were these people invited, but you get the idea.
Hee. Stefan asks what now? Klaus answers that he’s
going to Disneyworld going to reunite his family. Stefan is all, “you mean the people you cart around in caskets.” Heh.
Klaus says there’s no reason for that anymore. YOU KNOW! You know what that means?! ELIJAH, SWEET ELIJAH, WE ARE COMING FOR YOU, DARLING!!
Klaus apparently likes to delay my goddamn gratification, so instead he asks where Rebekah is. He tries to catch Stefan in a lie, but Stefan really doesn’t know where she is. Instead, Stefan distracts Klaus by asking if he’d like to see his father. Well, a party isn’t complete without its guest of honor. Klaus demands Stefan bring Mikael to him. Stefan agrees, and bargains for his freedom in exchange, which Klaus promises as soon as Mikael is proved dead and his weapon is destroyed. In fact, it would be his pleasure to give it back to Stefan.
Alright, I’m forcing it here (that’s what… nevermind, that’s too graphic), but I just love the inflection Joseph Morgan puts on words.
Back at the SBH, Mikael comes into the library while Damon is partaking in a little blood. Damon wants to see the white oak stake, and it’s purdy.
It actually kind of looks like a recorder, and it would just fucking figure that that godforsaken instrument would be able to kill even an Original. Mikael says he’s going to hold on to the stake though. Yeah, in the position you’re in, Mikey, I wouldn’t trust anyone else with it either.
Damon goes ahead and asks why Mikael is into drinking vamps, and he explains that he drinks the predators, and never the innocent. Well, that was a nice aside.
Stefan comes in just then to report that they have to come to Klaus, and he hoped their plan didn’t depend on Klaus coming to the SBH. Damon’s all snarky and then Mikael bum rushes Stefan and drinks off him!
Noo! Oh, god, breathe. When he lets Stefan drop to the floor, Damon is all, “You couldn’t just break his neck?”
Mikael answers, “Well, it certainly occurred to me,” and just fucking walks out of the room. Heh. Jesus, man.
Back at the party, Tyler is admiring the party and says that his mother would freak out if she saw everything on their property right now. And Klaus delivers one of my favorite lines of the episode:
Klaus: Your mother won’t be a problem. I compelled her to go to church and pray for all your friends.
Again, JoMo’s freakin’ delivery, man! And the smile he gives when Tyler initially laughs. Oh, man. Is he not the most awesome creepy motherfucker ever? Tyler asks what he’s talking about, and I have NO DOUBT that Klaus actually did that. He tells Tyler to look around.
His four friends are there, but who are the other people? They’re “a few dozen friends” of Klaus’! They’re ALL hybrids. They’re ALL Klaus’ babies (and they love a good party, natch)! HOLY SHITBALLS. Klaus says that they’re sired by him, so if anyone makes a move to hurt him, all the babies will jump out to protect him.
Klaus: Feel free to warn your friends.
Inside the house, Tyler confronts Caroline about whatever plan she and her friends “think” they’re going to pull off. Caroline has no clue what he’s talking about though, but he doesn’t believe her. She knows nothing, but even if she did, she says she wouldn’t tell him because he’s “sired to Team Klaus now,” and he can’t be trusted.
To prove this, Tyler vervains her in the fucking neck! TYLER! WTAF?!
Outside, Klaus goes to have a chat with Elena. He thanks her for Mikael, and she says that he came at her and she didn’t have a choice.
Klaus’s impressed. She says it’s not the first time, and he’s all, “Right, Elijah.” *TEARS*But now it’s time to cut the crap cake.
He tells her that whatever she and her friends are plotting, beware, he is one step ahead. It’s pretty funny, actually, that his little speech mirrored Tylers almost exactly. Though I really enjoy the fact that Klaus said “one step” and Tyler said “two steps.” Aww, it’s just like a little kid to exaggerate on the behalf of his daddy. Sweet, really.
On the perimeter, Damon comes up and quickly dispatches the hybrid guard on duty by ripping out his heart.
He is not messing around, people.
Back inside, Tyler brought Matty to Caroline and tells him to get her out of there. He knows that he’s going to be at the behest of Klaus, so he’s protecting her – knocking her out and dragged her out of the house is the only way to protect her.
As soon as he gets downstairs, Damon bullies Tyler into the office. Tyler tries to warn him against Klaus, but Damon figures he’ll just strangle him instead.
Oh it is on! The only thing that keeps Damon from daggering Tyler with… is that
a talking dog?! the Original stake?! How did he get that?
FrankenBonnie Bonnie stopped them with the witchy-migraines. She also spotted the stake, and asks him how he got it. Apparently Mikael gave it to hi because he’s the only one who could get inside the house. Makes sense, I guess.
Back downstairs, Klaus is making beer pong his bitch when he gets news that he’s got a visitor named Mikael.
Klaus doesn’t seemed surprised at all. He takes a drink for courage and goes to meet his maker, literally. They do this whole “you come outside,” “no, you come inside. Oh right, you can’t” thing.
Klaus threatens Mikael with the hybrids – at the mere snap of his fingers, the hybrids will not hesitate to pounce.
Mikael is not scared. Not at all. He’s all condescending, calling Klaus a big-bad wolf hiding behind his playthings like a coward.
Klaus is clearly upset and I don’t like it. Mikael reminds him that the hybrids are still part vampire, so he can still compel them, which he’s already taken the liberty of doing to one of them. AND they’ve got Elena!
Mikael tells him to come out and face him or else Elena dies, but
Honey Badger Klaus don’t give a shit. Mikael reminds him that if Elena dies, that’s the end of any new hybrids; what he’s made is what he’s got. But Klaus stands strong – he doesn’t need them, all he needs is Mikael dead.
Mikael: To what end, Niklaus? So you can live forever with no one at your side. Nobody cares about you anymore, boy. Who do you have other than those whose loyalty you forced? No one. No one..
You guys, I can’t handle Klaus’ eyes getting all teary because Mikael’s words are cutting right down to the core. I hope you kill him, Klaus. I hope you kill him dead. Klaus calls Mikael’s bluff and tells him to kill Elena. Mikael is all, “
You’re right, I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass. Come outside and face me, you little coward, and I won’t have to.”
Klaus says that Mikael has underestimated him his whole life, so if he kills Elena, he’s lost his leverage. He basically dares Mikael to do it.
“Come on, old man. Kill her. KILL HER!”
Mikael now has the gall to fucking chuckle. “Your impulse, Niklaus. It has and forever will be the one thing that keeps you from truly being great.”
And we get the Single Perfect Man Tear™.
And Mikael stabs Elean!
((caption: I know, right?!))
Oh my god! But what’s this?! Damon spins in and stabs Klaus while he’s in shock.
NOOOOO! YOU’RE DEAD, DAMON! Lucky for Damon, he has TERRIBLE aim and seriously misses Klaus’ heart by like a goddamn football field. Dust settles and… Elena’s not dead! NO!
It was KATHERINE THE WHOLE TIME! We should have known. The hair gives it away. Every time. She throws wolfsbane grenades at the hybrids.
In the commotion, Damon’s pulled the stake out of Klaus’ stomach and is getting ready to go in for the kill when STEFAN tackles him off of Klaus.
Seeing his in, Klaus grabs the white oak dagger and plunges it into Mikael’s heart.
Anyone else smell BBQ?
Back inside, Stefan still has Damon pinned to the ground, and Damon asks him what the hell he’s doing. Klaus comes up and is all, “He’s earned his freedom.”
Stefan gets up and stares at Klaus all incredulously, and you guys. You guys, they look so much like they’re going to just start making out, I just want to put my hands through my screen and push their heads together. Klaus calls him his friend and thanks him. “You no longer have to do what I say. You’re free.” And he uncompels him.
Don’t tell me y’all weren’t moved by the little smile Klaus just gave Stefan. I GOT THE CHILL!
Over at the Forbes’ residence, Caroline is waking up in her own bed (still wearing her dress, I might add).
Tyler comes in an apologizes to her for stabbing her and says it was the only way to get her out of there. Caroline suggests he could have just told she was in danger
girl, and she would have left. He points out that if she knew that all her friends were going to try to take down Klaus, she wouldn’t have left. “There, I saved you from your own stubbornness.” Heh.
((caption: Only Caroline’s hair would be flawless after she wakes up from being drugged))
But Caroline isn’t amused – how is she supposed to be with Tyler when he’s sired to Klaus. Just me, or does this conversation feel like something that Sheriff Mom might have had with CarDaddy at some point? Burn! Tyler points out that this is WHO HE IS now, and he can’t do anything about it. And he’s OKAY with it. Caroline doesn’t get it, but Tyler’s all,
“Because it’s BETTER. I don’t have to turn, Caroline. Not unless I want to. I never have to go through that pain again. If being sired to Klaus is the price I have to pay, then so be it.”
Caroline says she doesn’t have any true control over himself, and he says he NEVER did. The moon controlled him. She’s been there for him through everything else; he begs her not to turn her back on him now, but Caroline is totes not getting it, and Tyler leaves.
You guys, this is like the first and only time I’ll probably say this, but POOR TYLER! There he is just spilling his guts out about how he’s finally part of something where he’s accepted, where he’s content. He is making fucking lemonade out of lemons! And Caroline, sweet Caroline, wants nothing to do with him. Oh, sad.
Back at the SBH, Damon is explaining what happened to Elena. Blah blah blah, Murphy’s law. They were prepared, but everything STILL went to shit.
They were counting on Stefan wanting Klaus dead. And to this I have to say: DUH, people! He was COMPELLED! If you couldn’t let him in on the plan so he wouldn’t blab to Klaus, what makes you think that he’d be able to control the urge to protect him? He was compelled, which is very similar to Tyler’s being sired, in case you hadn’t noticed. Though, honestly, they probably haven’t. Too busy. Whatever. Damon tells her that Kathi is gone too, natch.
Damon is all, “I HAD Klaus. This could have all been over!” No, you stabbed him in the stomach.
And stop throwing glass in our fireplace!
Elena tries to calm him, and he’s all, “We’re never getting Stefan back,” and to EVERYONE’S shock, Elena says that it’s okay. They’ll let him go.
I’m waiting for these two to start making out, but they don’t. Instead, the phone rings. It’s Kathi. She calls, or no real reason other than to transition us to her POV. And guess who’s in the car with her!
Stefan! Stefan says that Damon doesn’t need to know what went wrong with the plan. Katherine pulls over and tries to kick him out of her car, but we fall into another miniflashback.
Remember when Mikael drank on him and he passed out in the library?
Well, Kathi brought him blood and they hashed out a plan of their own. Flash again to her talking to Klaus at the party.
And HOW is it that he didn’t know that he was not talking to a human, and was talking to a vamp? Is that just NOT part of this canon? I mean, wasn’t it? Just like how Mikael couldn’t tell that he was holding the vamp he fed on hostage and not the doppelganger? The details sometimes. This show forgets them so easily.
Anyway, talking to Klaus, tells Kathi/Elena that if he dies, so too shall Stefan because of the way they’re connected. That’s when she realizes she has to save him (she and Stefan are her OTP after all). She didn’t know that he was going to stop Damon, but she hoped that he would want to.
We flash again to her talking to him, imploring him to care about Damon. If Klaus wins, they’ll have their freedom, but Damon will be dead – unless Stefan cares enough to save him.
Stefan is all, “you’ve been running from Klaus, why bother to save Damon?” and Kathi explains she was really just trying to save Stefan and His Humanity (band name. Calling it.).
“Let’s just say I liked the old you better.”
Stefan is all, “You don’t care about anyone but yourself. We both know that,” but Kathi says he’s wrong. She loved him and Damon. *YAWN* Heard it. She says humanity is a vamp’s greatest weakness: no matter how they fight it, it creeps its way back in and sometimes she lets it.
Stefan says they can’t let it all back in, and he doesn’t want to anyway – not after everything he’s done. GUILT! Is that guilt?! Oh, Stefan, sweetie, if you’re feeling guilt, it’s ALREADY back in, right? Details, people. Kathi says that if he doesn’t let himself feel, he can’t do what she wants him to do next: GET MAD
OR GET GLAD®.
Later in Mystic Falls, Klaus is calling Rebekah to get the
band family back together when he gets another call.
It’s Stefan. He wants to thank Klaus for his freedom, but it came at too high of a price. Klaus tells him that resentment gets old, but Stefan is all, “you know what never gets old? Revenge.”
Klaus opens his storage container AND ALL THE COFFINS ARE GONE!
Stefan has them in an undisclosed location! GODDAMIT! Klaus can’t undagger Elijah!!! STEFAN! STEFAN, HEAR ME! DO IT! DO IT NOW! DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!
Klaus threatens to kill everyone Stefan has ever met if he doesn’t return the coffins. Hmm… that threat sounds familiar. Stefan warns that if he does that, he will never see his family ever again.
Stefan: I wonder, Klaus, as someone who’s been one step ahead for a thousand years, were you prepared for this?
(All screencaps courtesy of hotn-caps.com)