(Howdy! Welcome to our recap. Just a little disclaimer: I’ve been fighting a wicked cold this past week, so this recap is under the influence of cold medication and Cin’s cure for everything — peppermint schnapps. Good times… Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!)
Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Elena, Alaric and Damon take a trip over to Werewolf National Park, TN in an attempt to save Stefan from RIPPAHhood. You know, despite the fact that he told Damon to leave him alone in the previous episode. Meanwhile, Klaus is busy trying to make hybrid babies, but they’re all bleeding out the eyes and turning all zombie-y. Something isn’t going according to plan – oh, but Klaus followed all the steps. He broke the curse, killed a vamp and a were. He killed the doppelganger. In an excellent piece of dramatic irony, we, of course, know that’s not true. He’s got to find out why it’s not working! Out in the woods, Stefan saves Damon’s life and tells him again to leave him the hell alone. Back in Mystic Falls, Jeremy convinces Matt to join him in a séance to find out what GhostVicki wants. Tyler forces him mom to witness his transformation into werewolf to show her that HE’S the monster, mot Caroline. Oh, and Caroline’s daddy shows up to help torture her. Hooray!
We open at the SBH, where Damon’s getting a drink because he’s awake.
His phone rings and he answers, “you’re interrupting my drink.” I think I’ll start answering the phone like this. At all times. It’s Katherine.
She asks what she’s missed since she’s been away. Damon fills her in that Stefan is still gone, and Elena is still trying to be the hero and no one has thought about Kathi since she left. Ha! Kathi asks if Damon forgot about Stefan so he could go after his girl. Damon says he didn’t forget; he just doesn’t know where Stefan in (ah, but he said nothing about not going after his brother’s girl!). Of course Kathi knows.
As for how, she says all she knows is that the hybrids didn’t work, so now Klaus and Stefan are looking for answers.
Over in Chicago, Klaus asks Stefan if being there brings back any memories, but Stefan says that he blocked out most of his time there.
Stefan: A lot of blood, a lot of partying. The details are all a blur.
Klaus: Well, that is a crying shame.
Hmm, something tells me we about to see them all. Klaus says that the details are what make a legend.
FLASHBACK! Klaus narrates that the Ripper got lonely and decided to come to the city. It was Prohibition, so everything was off limits, but that’s what made it so fun.
As we hear this, an old model Ford pulls up behind a building.
Stefan is in it snacking on a broad.
When he’s done, he gets out and walks into
a Nucky Thompson party a speakeasy.
There’s a pretty black singer on stage wearing what kind of looks like a Marilyn Monroe wig, but it’s too early for that reference. I bet she’s a witch. She seems to know Stefan. Stefan makes his way to the dance floor, and goes to take a drink from a water’s tray, but a blonde flapper chick gets to it first.
He’s all sarcastically, “Please, help yourself.” She sashays up to him and is all seductively, “Careful, Mr. Salvatore.”
She licks the corner of his mouth, and y’all it was kind of hot. “You’re still wearing your date. She’s lovely.” Dayum. The chick gets all Crazy Vamp Eyes, so we know what she is.
Stefan asks who she is, and she just puts her finger to her lips and shushes him.
Ooh, it seems like this flashback might not actually be coming from Stefan because he tells Klaus he doesn’t remember most of his days in Chi-town. Interesting.
Back inside some warehouse, Stefan wants to know why he’s still with Klaus. The hybrids didn’t work, so doesn’t Klaus want to move on?
No, he doesn’t. Klaus says he and Stefan are going to go see his favorite witch – she can help with the hybrid problem.
Back in Mystic Falls (which is probably a cool 750 miles from Chicago. Just saying.), Elena is waking up. Damon is being all creepy just lying there when she wakes up (with a gasp, I might add).
Damon is all, “You know you were dreaming about me. Explains the drool.” Heh. Elena counters, “You have nothing better to do at 6 a.m.?” Damon is all, “Fine, don’t come with me to bring Stefan home.” Dick. I hate when he does shit like this. To get a reaction. Grow up. Of course, Elena takes the bait.
Damon tells her that Stefan is in Chicago, but leaves out how he knows. He tells her to start packing because they’re leaving. He makes a lewd joke here, but I’m tired of his cheekiness, so I will ignore. Elena wants to know if Stefan is alright.
Damon: Well, let’s just say he’s not there to meet Oprah.
Damon opens Elena’s underwear drawer and pulls out a lacey red number. “Put this in the ‘yes’ pile.” HA! Okay, that made me laugh.
Over in the Pit of Despair, Caroline’s still in the chair, calling out to Daddy.
A weird smoke comes into the room, and soon after, so does Bill. He wants to know how she walks in the sun, so she points him to her ring.
He snatches it off her and tosses it. He starts explaining that their ancestors built the vamp dungeon with a ventilation system that leaks vervain into the room to keep the victim weak, and the reinforced steel chair to keep them restrained. Oh, and there’s also a big-ass slatted window high on the wall.
Bill takes a blood bag to her and sticks it right in her face and she gets the Crazy Vamp Eyes. “Blood controls you, sweetheart, and this is how I’m going to control you. This is how I’m going to fix you.”
He goes over to a chain, pulls it, and the window opens, bathing Car in sunlight. Oh, you are DEAD, Bill.
I’m going to take this moment to point out the hypocrisy of “this is going to fix you” coming from a gay character. Just. Just, no. Perhaps this is twice as germane because I just finished watching Saved! in which gay teenagers (and other teens who make “bad” life decisions) are sent to this place called Mercy House in order to be saved/rescued/fixed. It’s actually a really good movie with salient social satire. It’s also really funny. I mean, it has lines like, “You’re not born a gay. You’re born again.” Come on, Bill. Get with it.
Out on the open road, Damon and Elena are driving to Chicago. She’s clutching the ugly necklace Stefan gave her. It’s an antique, like Damon. Heh.
He gives her a journal and tells her to read it. She says no.
Elena: I’ve seen Stefan in his darkest moments. I can handle it.
Damon takes the journal and starts reading. Hey, dickhead, you’re driving, no?
But he reads a passage about waking up covered by strangers’ blood, in places he doesn’t know, with women he doesn’t remember. Damon is all, “*GASP* I’m shocked! Stefan’s not a virgin??” HAHAHA! Elena takes the journal from him and tells him to keep his eyes on the road. Then she calls him grandpa(ma)? Either way, think that’s weird for their off-screen sex life?
FLASHCAGO! Blondie is dancing, but a crowd of guys is being too rowdy for her to enjoy the music. It’s Stefan and some dudes.
She goes to passive aggressively yell at them. He asks if she’ll tell him her name. She says she will – when he earns it. “Now do Gloria a favor, and stick a sock in it.”
Back in the present, Klaus and Stefan are at the speakeasy! Klaus is all, “Look familiar?” Suddenly there’s a pretty black woman who seems to know them.
She looks older, but not as old and dead as Gloria should be, but of course it IS her! TOLD YOU she was a witch. A very powerful one at that – she slowed down her own aging. Klaus tells Stefan to get something from behind the bar while the grown ups talk.
Gloria says she knows Klaus wants to make hybrid babies, and obvs, he did something wrong while breaking the curse. She says every spell has a loophole, but with a curse that old, they’d have to contact the witch who cast the spell to get it sorted out. Unfortch, she’s very dead. Gloria says she can contact her, but she’ll need the help of someone named Rebekah. She has something Gloria needs, and demands that Klaus bring Rebekah to her.
Behind the bar, Stefan finds a photo of him and Klaus, all smiley.
Ooooh! I just got the chill, y’all!
Back in MF, Sheriff Mom is trying to call Caroline. She wants her to come out to lunch with her. Tyler comes knocking on the door.
In the Pit of Despair, Car is still burning, begging Bill to stop. He closes the window. She swears she can handle the urges, but he says that if she could, she wouldn’t get the Crazy Vamp Eyes when he holds the blood bag in front of her. Dude, that’s like waving food in front of a starving man’s face. Of COURSE the urge would be almost overwhelming then. Haven’t you ever heard of “out of sight, out of mind?” She apologizes. He explains that he’s trying to condition her to associate vampirism with pain so she can suppress the urges. Doesn’t that only work when the person doesn’t realize they’re being conditioned, Bill? Hmm?
Caroline: Daddy, you can’t change who I am.
Bill: Yes, I can.
Back in Chicago – they’re there already! AAAHHHHH. They’re at Stefan’s second personality’s apartment.
It’s dusty, simple. In a trap door behind a bookcase is a closet o’ booze.
Elena’s all, “Stefan hid his alcohol. What a monster.” Lolz. Damon tells her to look harder, so she steps inside.
There’s a list of names on the wall – a list of his victims! Dun dun dun! Elena is freaked out, but hides it by being defensively accusatory of Damon – “what were YOU doing in the 1920s? Paving the way for women’s lib?” Damon kind of blows her off and says that Stefan was a “cocky ripper douche”. He announces that he’s going to Stefan’s old stomping grounds.
Elena wants to go, but he tells her to stay and come up with an actual plan. Bitch, you brought her here.
Elsewhere, Stefan doesn’t understand why he doesn’t remember Klaus. Why didn’t Klaus tell him he knew him before? But Klaus brushes him off because he’s busy. Stefan grabs his arm and demands answers,
and Klaus admits that when he first met him, he hated him.
Stefan and Blondie are feeding off some flapper.
Stefan kisses/licks her neck/collarbone.
He admires her ugly necklace (hey! It’s Elenas!). She says it’s from a witch and is supposedly magical. “It brought me love, didn’t it?” Aww. Klaus comes up to them, all calling her Rebekah! He does the impatient brother thing. Then he notices Stefan.
“So, this is the famous Stefan Salvatore I’ve been hearing so much about. You’re right; he does have funny hair.” Honey, have you met Damon? Klaus says she’s bored and wants to go home, and because she’s his sister, she has to do what he says. Pssh.
Back in the present. Stefan is all, “I know another original?!”
Hey, they’re in a room full of coffins!! ELIJAH! ELIJAH, WHERE ARE YOU?! COME TO ME AND REST YOUR HEAD UPON MY BOSOM!
Klaus opens one of them, but alas, it’s Rebekah. Stefan says he doesn’t recognize her, and Klaus is all, “don’t tell her that. Her temper is worse than mine.” Heh.
Klaus #pullsthedaggerout. #WRONGDAGGERDAMMIT
“Time to wake up, little sister.” But it’s apparently taking a long time, and Klaus says she’s being dramatic. Hahaha. Joseph Morgan’s delivery of that line. Slays me.
Stefan is impatient, though. Asking AGAIN why he’s even there. Obvs Klaus wants him around for a reason.
Klaus: You have many useful talents. In fact, I learned some of my favorite tricks from you.
THAT’S WHAT HE SAAAAAIIIIIDDDDDDDDD!
Klaus wants to know why Stefan thinks he’s worthy of an original. She’s pure vamp, and he’s just diluted bloodlines.
Rebekah calls “Nick” an elitist. Stefan wants to know where the rest of their family is.
“Well, I killed most of them.” Heh. Rebekah says she’s okay with that – they all had to choose a side, and she chose the right one eventually. And then she grab’s “Nick’s” hand in a kind of off-putting way. Hmm.
Suddenly a man comes up to the table demanding to know where his wife is. Stefan says he doesn’t know and the dude threatens to call the coppers, see? Stefan calls the dude’s wife, Lila, up to the table. The dude tries to leave, but Stefan compels him to sit down at the table with them.
He cuts the wife’s wrist, catches her blood in a glass, and tells her to go.
The hubby looks on with horror
while Klaus looks slightly sexually aroused.
Stefan tells the husband to drink from the blood goblet. He sips tentatively, and Stefan asks him his name. The dude basically tells Stefan to go fuck himself, and all the vamps laugh.
“Do you want another sip?” Stefan threatens him. His name is
Robert Paulsen Liam Grant. Stefan tells him to finish the drink, which he does.
Back in the present, Klaus is all “I was your #1 fan.” Stefan is skeptical.
They leave the warehouse and Klaus tells the security guard to tell Rebekah to meet them at Gloria’s when she wakes up, and to let her feed on him until he dies. Hardcore. To prove the whole story to him, Klaus is taking Stefan to his apartment. RUN ELENA RUN.
Over at Gloria’s bar, Damon sidles up to the bar.
She knows him. In fact, she says she’s always liked him better than Stefan, who, by the way, she saw earlier. He’s with Klaus. Wrong crowd, bad combo. She tells him that they’d be back tonight; they’re running an errand for her. Damon tells her to not be cute and tell him.
She’s all, “uh, yeah, no, you’re still a vamp.”
Back at the apartment, Elena is reading Stefan’s journal. The narration feels really weird to me. I think it’s because he sort of laughs in one of them… and I’m imagining the journal says “Lexi is working on her next project: getting me to laugh LOL.” Just as she’s putting the journal down, she hears people outside.
Klaus opens the door. He knows something is there.
“Do you feel that? Is anybody here?” WTF, are you clairvoyant? Shouldn’t the question be “Do you SMELL that?” Because you’re a VAMP. Or maybe, “Do you hear that breathing/heartbeat/etc.?” Stefan is all, “it’s been vacant so long, people must break in.” He wants to know why Klaus brought him there. My, someone is impatient. All these questions. Klaus starts to explain that he didn’t know why Stefan asked for Liam Grant’s name, but Stefan had told him it was part of his ritual – to write it down, to relive the kill over and over again.
Elena is in the closet, and at that moment, looks over at the list and sees Liam’s name. Just then, Stefan notices his journal there. He knows who’s been there.
Then Klaus opens the damn closet door! AND HOW DOES HE NOT KNOW SHE’S THERE?? He’s right there! “You believe me now?” he says to Stefan.
Elena looks a little crazed as Stefan walks in to the closet.
He doesn’t look surprised to see her. His face is pretty stony. Maybe a bit perplexed.
Elena, on the other hand, is trying SO HARD to sell “I love you. I’m here for you” with her eyes, it hurts my heart a bit. Suddenly Stefan says “look what I found.” WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK, DUDE?!
But he pulls out a bottle of 1918 single malt scotch. Klaus is all, “My favorite. Let’s go find someone to pair it with.” 1) I totes heard that in a Hannibal Lector “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chiAnti” voice. 2) I wonder if it’s MacCutcheon’s.
Stefan and Klaus leave.
Later, Elena is waiting with a vervain dart at the ready when Damon comes in. “Finally! I called you an hour ago!” All gruff, he tosses her a bag and tells her to get presentable because they’re going out; he knows where Stefan is going to be tonight. Elena starts to get riled up because Klaus almost discovered her.
Damon is basically all, “Yeah, it was a bad idea to leave you alone, but it’s done. Moving on.” Dick. He starts to tell her his plan: he’ll distract Klaus and she can deal with Stefan. But she’ll only have five minutes, so DON’T FUCK IT UP.
Over at Gloria’s, she wants to know where Rebekah is. Klaus tells her to chillax; she’ll be there soon. Stefan starts up with the questions again. So, Klaus wanted him to be his wingman because he liked the way Stefan tortured people? Klaus says that was part of it.
The other part was that Stefan used to WANT to be Klaus’ wingman.
FLASHCAGO. Stefan is pep-talking Klaus.
His family only wants him dead because they’re jealous of what he can be. “What? An abomination?” Stefan says no – “a king.”
Aww, 2 sad little orphans. But Klaus tells Stefan that his sister fancies him. “But I should warn you: Rebekah doesn’t do anything halfspeed,” – Ooh kinky! – “and that includes falling in love. So just be careful. She’s totally mad.”
Klaus warns him that when she leaves him, which she inevitably will, he can’t let his heart do anything stupid. And then he looks kind of sad. Because he wants his heart maybe? Please? He proposes a toast to their friendship.
Back in the Pit of Despair, Bill said he cried when Carol told him about Caroline. She says it’s okay; she’s adapted. She can’t be fixed. Bill says he needs her to try harder. He shows her the blood again, but she’s starving! She can’t fight the urge!
Caroline: Why are you trying to fix me?
Bill: So I don’t have to kill you.
The Crazy Vamp Eyes come, and Car is all “Daddy, I’m sorry.” Awww, CAR!
Outside the cell, Sheriff Mom pulls a gun on Bill. He says “it’s” their daughter; let him do this not because she’s a monster, but because they love her.
For a second, I’m scared that SM is going to give in, but she calls Tyler in for help. “You’re not going in there,” Bill says, but SM fires a warning shot near him, and he lets Tyler go.
Tyler runs into the room, muscles off the restraints, puts her ring back on her hand, and carries her out.
Back at Gloria’s, Stefan is wondering, if they were such great friends, why does he only know him as a “hybrid dick, who sacrificed my girlfriend on an altar of fire?” I’m glad he can keep his lies straight while he’s boozing.
Klaus’ cryptic answer: “All good things must come to an end.” That makes no sense.
That was a camera flash. Get it? Ehh?
Stefan and Rebekah are dancing, and Klaus is watching them.
Then he senses something. Suddenly someone is shooting up the joint! Stefan realizes they’re wooden bullets.
Rebekah: That means he’s here.
Stefan: Who’s here?
Please let it be Elijah! Klaus calls to Rebekah that they have to go. Stefan wants to know what’s going on.
He sees that Rebekah lost her necklace, and he’s about to pick it up when Klaus stops him.
He compels him to forget them until he, Klaus, says it’s okay to remember. Then he thanks Stefan; he’d forgotten what it meant to have a brother. Aww.
Back in the present, Stefan figures he’s done asking question, so he’s going to start making pointed statements instead. “You compelled me to forget.” Yes, didn’t he just say that?
Klaus: It was time for me and Rebekah to move on. Better to have a clean slate.
Oops, false alarm. Back to questions. “Why?” Why would they cover their tracks unless they were running from something? Klaus says that story time is over.
Suddenly Stefan notices Damon in the back of the bar and excuses himself to get a “real” drink.
Outside, he vampspeed-grabs Damon. More questions – he asks what’s wrong with Damon. Klaus almost saw Elena. Damon needs to get her out of here.
Damon is all, “She’s not going anywhere until she has you checked into a vampire rehab.” Isn’t that what Bill is running?
Stefan says she was the key to everything, and Klaus is thisclose to figuring that out. He tells him to take her away and tell her to forget about him.
But Elena is standing right there. He better tell her himself.
Inside, it’s last call and Damon just made it.
Klaus is all, “I see they’ve opened the doors to the riffraff now.” Hee.
Damon: Oh, honey, I’ve been called worse.
Klaus is toying with a little drink umbrella and observes that Damon doesn’t give up. Damon says that if he gives up Stefan, Klaus will never have to see him again. Klaus says that he promised Stefan he wouldn’t kill Damon, but “how many freebees did I sign up for?” Especially when Damon clearly WANTS to die, or else why would he be here?
Klaus reaches out and grabs him by the neck! Woosah!
Outside, Stefan tells Elena that Damon won’t be able to distract Klaus for very long.
Elena pleads with him to come home. Stefan nuzzles up to her a bit.
They hug, but he totally knows better when she tries to vervain dart him in the back.
He spins out of her reach, and grabs her wrist.
How much clearer can he be? He doesn’t WANT to come home. And she can’t make him. She’s not his REAL dad!
Inside, Klaus is holding Damon up and threatening to stab him with the little umbrella, which he totally does, and honestly, it’s kind of awesome.
Klaus: I’m a little boozy, so you’ll forgive me if I miss your heart the first few tries.
See? Awesome. Damon tries to bargain that Klaus take him as his sidekick and let Stefan go, because he’s so much more fun.
His voice is strangled, and I’m LOLing. Klaus throws him into a table, breaks off one of the legs, and is about to stake him (and I’m screaming “Kill him! Kill him!” Having a head cold makes everything much more entertaining, I’m telling you.). Klaus is all, “You won’t be much fun after you’re dead.”
But then Gloria sets the stake on fire with her mind bullets!
Gloria: Not in my bar. Take it ouside.
Klaus explains to Damon that when he’s done with him, Stefan won’t be negotiating his release. He won’t want to go back. I’m trying to think of a good joke to go here, but it’d be easier if Klaus was black.
Outside, Stefan is explaining that Klaus is trying to make-a da babies, and Elena is the reason they’re failing. And when Klaus finds out? Well, let’s just say you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. #HULKLAUS
Elena says she won’t let him protect her like that. Because she’s a stupid bitch. She pleads again.
He brings up this excellent point: what if he did come home? It would never be the same. She says she knows, but she SO doesn’t. He’s left bodies scattered from FL to TN. Innocent people. She says that Lexi found him before, and saved him. Gurrl, you ain’t no Lexi.
Stefan points out that it took him 30 years to get under control. To him, that’s nothing, but to her, that’s half her life.
Elena: I can’t give up on you, Stefan.
Stefan: Yes, you can. It’s done. That part of my life is done. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to be with you. I just want you to go.
Elena looks shocked, but I expected more tears. She’s never gonna give
you him up, is she? (you’re welcome for that, btw).
In the car, Elena is toying with the necklace again. She and Damon drive off.
Back in MF, at Car’s house, she’s finishing a blood bag. Sheriff Mom is sitting on her bed. It’s touching. I’m waiting for her to put Vick’s Vapor rub on her like in those old commercials. Sheriff Mom starts to explain about Bill, and how all the founding families have beliefs that they were taught never to betray. Car points out that SM did, but she’s all “you taught me to look at things in a different way.” Aww. Then heartbreakingly, Caroline says that she thought her dad was the one who really got her. SM assures her he will again.
Oh, look. There’s Tyler. Caroline thanks her mom for believing in her, and SM leaves. Tyler asks if it’d be a bad time to give her shit for doing the walk of shame on him last night. He climbs into bed with her, and they cuddle up. And Caroline starts sobbing. “My dad hates me!”
Oh, Car! 😥 😥 😥 😥
Back at the warehouse, Klaus goes back to see where Rebekah is, but she’s not in the coffin.
She sneaks up on him and STABS him! “Go to hell, Nick!”
FLASHCAGO. In the warehouse. Klaus says they’ve been found and they have to go, but Rebekah doesn’t want to leave Stefan. She’s tired of running.
Klaus tells her to choose: Stefan or him. When she says nothing, he takes it as obedience, but then she says that she chooses Stefan. So, naturally, he stabs her with a special dagger and puts her in a pretty box. He looks very disappointed.
Back in the present, he pulls the dagger out of his gut. “Don’t pout. You knew it wouldn’t kill me.”
Rebekah is all, “no, but I was hoping it would hurt.” Heh. Klaus says that he knows she’s upset, but he brought her a peace offering: Stefan.
Klaus uncompels him, and he remembers everything, getting it back in flashes.
When he sees Rebekah, he gets this look on his face of long-lost love, or recognition. He starts going to her when Klaus calls his name. Stefan turns around, and there’s a hint of a smile on his face when he gets a flash of them taking that photo he saw earlier (he asks the photographer to take a picture of him and his “brother”).
“I remember you. We were friends.”
Klaus corrects him. “We ARE friends.”
Klaus then turns to Rebekah to explain why she’s here. She knows how to contact the original witch, but before he can get too far in his explanation, she starts freaking out because her necklace is gone.
She NEEDS to find it.
Klaus is all, “Tell me that’s not what she needs!”
Back at the SBH, they’re back and it’s the next day (Just… STILL).
He’s on the phone with Kathi again, relaying what happened. He guesses that she’s in Europe, and she tells him to keep guessing.
Hey, it’s Kathi! With a bob! She’s spies Stefan and the necklace on the ground.
Stefan picks it up.
Some dude who claims to be with the Chicago P.D. shows Stefan really detailed sketches of “Nick” and Rebekah, but Stefan says he’s never seen them. The copper declares that they’re done here.
Back in the present, Kathi hangs up the payphone, and a city bush goes by.
She’s in Chicago! Because of course she it.
(All screencaps courtesy of hotn-caps.com)