Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Elena gets a lead on Stefan, so Damon and Alaric drive – in a matter of hours – all the way to Memphis to check it out. Sure enough, it was the RIPPAH (you can tell from the decapitated bodies that were put back together). The bros make it back in time for the bday party that Caroline is throwing for Elena, but Elena’s too broody to really notice. Alaric gripes about being damaged and decides to leave Elena and Jeremy to their own devices. Since she’s 18 now, she can totes handle it. Speaking of the Gilberts, Jeremy is still seeing ghosts and he tries to confide in Matt, but Matty doesn’t totally believe. Caroline and Tyler have gotten closer, but we don’t talk about that in our house. BUT, when Caroline tries to sneak out of Tyler’s house the morning after, Carol shoots her with a vervain dart. Oh no she di’n’t! Also, Klaus finds a werewolf named
Simon Camden Ray who’s going to lead him to his pack so he can start making hybrid babies! Yay! Is that it? On with it!
You’ll all be glad to know that Andie’s death made the morning news. (Oh, right, Stefan killed Andie. I forgot that in my previouslies.)
Damon’s watching the TV, and looks sort of sad. Just then Elena comes in, demanding to know why he’s avoiding her calls. Maybe because his fake girlfriend just died! Did you ever think of that? No? Oh, you didn’t know? Oh, because no one bothered to tell you.
No matter BECAUSE STEFAN CALLED LAST NIGHT! Damon is incredulous, but Elena knows it was him; she had Sheriff Mom trace the call. Technology must have gotten much better since I last paid attention to an episode of Law & Order because I thought you had to be on the line for it to be tracked. Oh well.
Damon: We’ve been through this, Elena. Stefan is gone. And I don’t mean geographically.
Elena: If he was gone, he wouldn’t have called.
Elena leaves him, and Damon throws some paper in the fire. Probably his research, like, “fuck, she got it out of order. There’s no way I’m getting it organized again. Better just burn it.”
Over at Alaric’s apartment (remember THAT place?!), Alaric’s passed out next to his lover, Miss Bourbon. But not for long!
Elena is banging on the door, but he thinks it’s Damon and tells him to go away. But when he finally gets his fine half-naked self out of bed, he learns it’s Elena. She wants him to tell her what he knows about Stefan and Tennessee. I’m surprised she was able to speak a coherent sentence, cuz I saw her checking him out.
I mean, I’m having a hard time concen…..*drool*
Elena figures that whatever Damon knows Alaric knows, and Damon doesn’t want to play nice, so… Alaric says that it’s for good reason because “Stefan is off the rails.” Elena is all “Well, he still has humanity so he can be saved.”
He would never give up on her, so she won’t give up on him, aww. Alaric tells her about the tracking of the werewolves.
Over in some place called Smoky Mountains, Tennessee, which I’m assuming is somewhere in the actual Smoky Mountains of Tennessee and not anywhere near Memphis, Klaus and Stefan are going for a bit of a walk, with Ray draped over Stefan’s shoulders.
Klaus comments on Stefan’s brooding. “Your self-loathing is suffocating you, my friend.” Ah, so he noticed. How sweet.
Stefan says he’s just tired of hunting weres. Good thing they’re done then, because look co-eds and more people in plaid.
I have a feeling someone is going to die tonight. Stefan dumps Ray to the ground and some girl runs over, asking who he is. Klaus is all “The more important question is ‘who am I?’ My name is Klaus.” She’s all, “the hybrid!”
Klaus: You’ve heard of me. Fantastic.
And I can just hear the “HAHAHA YESSS” from episode 2.19 echoing in my head.
Over at Lockwood Manor, Carol is enjoying a liquid breakfast.
She finds a stray vervain dart and empties its contents into the coffee carafe on the side table. Tyler finally emerges and she requests that if he decides to bring girls over, “I wish she’d have the tact not to sneak out like a prostitute.” Haha! I mean, BITCH! Tyler apologizes, then seems hurt that Caroline left. Hehe. He then takes some coffee and while he’s sipping,
Carol looks like she’s waiting for him to burst into flames.
But he just notices that the coffee tastes funky. He leaves, but before he goes, he turns back: “Oh, and Caroline. She’s not a prostitute.” That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.
But when he leaves, Carol makes a call to a mysterious dude named Bill. “I’ve gotten myself into a little bit of a vampire situation.” Uh-ohs.
Over at the Mystic Grill, Jer walks in and
OH SWEET LORD OF ALL THAT IS HOLY MATTY IS SHIRTLESS. Jer starts talking about how he saw Vicki again and Jer, why are you talking SHHH give us a minute to admire!
Okay. Carry on. Matt is all “why you telling me this shit?” He also reminds Jeremy that he has a witch girlfriend, so why not tell her? Valid point, but Jer seems more concerned with not starting any girlfriend jealousy bullshit than actually solving his problems.
Jeremy says that they don’t need a witch. He wants to have a séance with Matty. I hope you have a Ouija board, boyfriend! Jeremy says Vicki asked him for help – if anyone can connect to her, it’ll be Matty.
Out where the employees aren’t allowed to be shirtless, Tyler is confiding in Elena. He tells her that werewolves chain themselves up during a full moon, but some like to go to places where they can enjoy it, like parks, woods, the desert. Oooohhh, that explains all those hipster trips out to Joshua Tree.
Elena is all “Anywhere in Tennessee?” No, Elena. Nowhere in the entire state. Tyler says yes, and asks to borrow her phone to he can show her a map.
I’m expecting the results will look something like this:
Elena thanks him for his help, and Tyler tells us that Caroline likes to remind him that Stefan is only in this mess because Tyler bit Damon – WHICH IS TOTES TRUE – so he owes them.
Over at his home, I mean the bar, Alaric is sipping a coffee cup. Right. Like there’s only coffee in there.
Elena comes up and proposes they take a little trek to the Smoky Mountains. Alaric is all “are you retarded? Go hunting for weres on a full moon. GENIUS!” She says he doesn’t have to come. She can just go by herself seeing as she can take care of herself and all. Oh, good. Use your stupidity against him.
Alaric says that he meant frozen dinners and SATs, but he concedes (it didn’t take much).
But he says she’s driving. SEE! Told you it wasn’t just coffee!
Over in Werewolf National Park, Klaus is explaining the concept of a hybrid – werewolves who aren’t beholden to the moon, vampries who don’t burn in the sun. On cue, Ray is reborn! He wants to know what’s wrong.
Stefan calls for any human there. Ray needs blood or he’ll die.
Klaus rushes the dude in the blue plaid, bites him, and throws him to Stefan who tells Ray to drink up. If he doesn’t, Stefan will, only he doesn’t know when to stop.
The girl who rushed to Ray’s side when they first got there says she’d rather die than be a vampire. So naturally Klaus force feeds her some blood and breaks her neck.
“She’ll thank me for that later.” Heh. He calls out for who’s next, and OMG he’s got double-fangs! HOLY HYBRID!
Back at the Mystic Grill, Tyler is playing pool alone. He was supposed to meet Caroline. He asks Matt if he’s seen her, and Matt is all “I’m not her keeper.”
Tyler says he didn’t mean for their friendship to be a problem for him. Matt starts to walk away, but turns back, saying that it’s a full moon later. He offers to help Tyler do… whatever it is that he does. Aww, Matt wants to be friends, but Tyler says he can handle it. Tyler takes a sip of his coffee and it has the same awful taste as earlier.
Matt says Sheriff Mom makes him force everyone to drink vervain lattes every once in a while. Tyler looks horrified. Ruh-roh.
I think he has an idea. Go get it, boy! Go get it! GOOD BOY!
Back at Lockwood Manor, hey, it’s HRG guy from Heroes! He says he came as soon as Carol called him. She says she needs help with Caroline. She assures him that the rest of the council doesn’t know; she’s been planning alone for months (bitch, it took you that long to plan that?). But she can’t be the one to get her hands dirty.
HRG/Bill is all “She’s a vampire, Carol. We do what we have to do.” Shit.
Hiking time! Oh, Elena, honey, this was your idea. Shouldn’t you have packed better shoes? Ric is reading what looks like a paper map (what’s are those?!). He says the full moon will come over the ridge in front of them in two hours. Holy crap, they’re in Tennessee already?? WTF, did they take a portkey?
Alaric stops to pull water out of his bag, and yay! He brought all his toys. He gives Elena a wolfsbane grenade, which is pretty badass.
In return, Elena gives him John’s boy bling. It won’t work on her seeing as she’s the doppelganger and all. Alaric tries to deny it, all John gave it to her as a gift, so why not save for “future generations of stubborn, relentless” anklebiters. She wants him to use it for the day.
Elena: I’d feel bad if I got you killed before Happy Hour.
Hahaha, bitch. Alaric takes it.
Then suddenly when Elena’s back is turned, Damon vampspeed purshes her and she flies off the embankment into a shallow river. “Damon!” she complains. “How are you here?!”
I dunno, bitch. How are YOU here? Granted the Smoky Mountains are closer to VA than Memphis (which is clear on the other side of the state. Do you need to see our map again?), but getting there that fast? Also, this is where Ray’s camp is? Then he went WAY out of his way for a drink. Also, Klaus and Stefan walked from Memphis to the mountains? I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR GEOGRAPHY, SHOW!!
Anyway, Damon is there because Alaric tipped him off. He knew they’d need backup. Oh, shit. Bromance strikes again! Haha!
Back at WNP, Klaus has fed blood to Mr. Blood Bag to heal him a bit, and informs him that they’re going to need him to feed all the other babies when they wake up. Ray, on the other hand, is almost through the transition. Klaus says he should feel better soon.
Stefan wants to know why Klaus is building this army. Is it so he can have a bunch of hybrid slaves?
Klaus: Not slaves, soldiers, comrades.
He explains that once war is declared, the idea is to build your army so big that no one dares challenge you. Klaus invented the game Risk, didn’t he? Stefan wants to know how he knows they’ll be loyal.
Klaus is all “It’s hard not to be loyal when you’re on the winning team.” Stefan will learn this for himself. Oooohhhhhhh.
But suddenly Klaus looks concerned because Ray has started bleeding from the eyes. I have to remind myself that this is not True Blood and Ray is not a crying vampire, so you def know something is up. While still examining Ray, Klaus tells Stefan that he’ll find out why Klaus wants him around when Klaus decides to tell him. o.O Did anyone else just feel that RITD chill?
Klaus finally says something is wrong. Something’s wrong with the hybrid baby.
Back out in the woods somewhere, Damon is trying to get Elena out of the water, but she’s about 6 years old because no, no, she won’t get out! Because he’ll send her home! And she won’t get any ice cream! Elena accuses Damon of giving up on Stefan. Damon assures her that he’s only facing reality. He wades into the water after her.
She says that her plan is to find and help him, but Damon reminds her that Klaus thinks she’s dead; that keeps her safe. THIS is not safe. Elena says they’ll make sure to find Stefan before the full moon. Easier said than done, sweetheart.
She pleas, and of course, Damon says okay. I swear to god, is her vagina made out of gold? But Damon says they really need to be out of there before the full moon. Ugh. Just ugh.
Back at WNP, Ray is all “you said it’d feel better. Why you lie?” and Stefan scoffs.
Stefan: Some master race.
Klaus: Lose the attitude.
Ha! Suddenly the chick gasps awake and Klaus tells Derek to come feed his girlfriend. Ray takes this opportunity to run off and Klaus sends Stefan after him.
When Stefan catches up to him, Ray gnaws on his arm a bit and runs off. In his search, Stefan sees Elena, Damon and Alaric hiking and it totes reminds me of when Hurley, Charlie and Jack go golfing for some reason.
Also, holy coverup! Klaus comes up right behind Stefan and asks where Ray is, and Stefan hurriedly turns Klaus around and leads him from the opening in the trees.
Klaus sees the bite on his arm. Stefan says he needs Klaus’ blood to heal, and Klaus says that if Stefan finds Ray, he’ll heal him.
I just got the chill again, you guys. Klaus tells him to hurry because the bite looks nasty. It totes does. As Klaus walks off, I realize that I really like his necklace.
Back at the camp, the others are waking up. Chick is already bleeding from the eyes. And, she just looks really creepy.
Back at Lockwood Manor, Tyler confronts Mommy about the ol’ vervain in the coffee trick. She pretends she’s clueless, but he’s all “let’s skip the part where we pretend we don’t know that there are vampires in this town.” Heh. Tyler says she fed him vervain to make sure he wasn’t a vampire, but he wants to know why. She explains that he was spending so much time with Caroline, and he wants to know what she has to do with it. Carol’s all “let’s skip the part where we pretend Caroline isn’t one of them.” Oh, shit. I just hurt myself rolling my eyes.
Tyler demands to know where she is and they have a back and forth that culminates in Carol exclaiming, “You can’t be with her! She’s a monster.”
And Ty’s like “YOU DON’T KNOW ME!” or rather, “You don’t know about me, do you?” Carol clearly doesn’t. Oh, this will be fun.
Back in the woods, Damon lets us know that the sun’s about to set. Elena is like, “Thank you, Captain Obvious.” She adds, “The moon doesn’t reach its apex for a while; we have time.” Every once in a while, I’m impressed with Elena’s vocabulary.
Suddenly they hear something approaching. It’s Ray. Shouldn’t Damon have heard/smelled him sooner? What with being a vamp and all.
Ray is all “VAMPIYAH” and goes for Damon, who swings him away from the others. Alaric shoots Ray with his stake crossbow, and Elena throws Damon the wolfsbane grenade, which he explodes RIGHT IN RAY’S FACE. Hee. Damon kicks him, and that’s what knocks him out.
They realize he’s a hybrd!
Back in Mystic Falls, at Matt’s house, all Vicki’s stuff is in the garage. Jeremy explains that (Bing says) they need a personal item to make a strong connection. They rifle through some of the boxes. Matty finds a pic of him and his sister, and gets all teary, and aww, Matty.
He doesn’t know why he let Jer talk him into this. Jeremy tries to guilt him by saying that she’s his sister, and he has a chance to help her, but Matty kicks him out instead.
Suddenly the light seems to dim a bit and Matt senses something. He turns around and the pic he’d placed face down is now standing up on the table.
DUN DUN DUN!
Back in the woods, the trio has tied Ray up with every rope and chain ever created. Damon doesn’t know if it’ll hold. Elena has rope she’s dousing with water, and says for Alaric to take it. When Damon grabs it, it burns him. Ah, vervain.
Ric says they’re not going to reach the ridge before the full moon.
Elena: If we can get him to talk, we don’t have to.
She reaches toward his face, and all I can think is, “you’re not Sookie Stackhouse. What are you doing?” She jumps back (derr, Elena) when he gasps awake… because that’s the only way people on this show can wake up. He starts writhing and transforming, and the ropes aren’t gonna hold.
He tries to nip Damon with his teeth, and they decide to get out of there.
Over at WNP, Klaus bites Derek because they’re done with him.
When he drops him, some of the other werepires start coming toward the body, and the chick comes right up to Klaus. He warns her, “Careful; there’s only one alpha here.”
Then he notices that they’re all sickly, zombified, in a daze. “Bloody hell.”
Back in the woods, the trio is running, and natch, Elena falls.
This is why you should have worn better shoes, honey!
Then suddenly there’s a wolf right in her face. Damon baits it and it gives chase.
Alaric tries to get her to go, but she’s all “I’m the reason he’s out here,” and Alaric counters that actually he’s the reason Damon’s there. She finally (finally) listens to him.
In the Lockwood cellar, Tyler is showing Carol all his fancy chains. He’s going to show her that he’s the monster. He starts to change as he’s preparing the chains, and ushers her behind the iron gate.
He explains it’s a family curse. He starts to transition and she’s screaming, but all I can think is that he’s going to be naked when he changes back.
Back in the woods, Damon is walking when he hears a noise. It’s Ray! Of course!
Hold on. Time the fuck out. Was Ray the wolf in Elena’s face? If so, how did he get his clothes back?! I don’t… I don’t understand. How… Why… Tyler… Oh, who am I kidding? They took a goddamn portkey to Tennessee. IT’S IN THE SCRIPT!
They fight, there’s some missed swings, and strategic jumping. Ray tries to bite him, and Damon is struggling, but then Stefan comes in and rips Ray’s heart out. Heart RIPPAH!
Stefan: What part of “don’t follow me anymore” got lost in translation, Damon?
Damon says he might want to take it up with his girlfriend, since it was her idea. If he doesn’t want them following him, he should stop with the late-night phone calls. Stefan denies it.
Damon: She’s not going to give up on you.
Stefan: Well, she has to. Because I’m never coming back. Why don’t you get her home? See if you can keep her there this time.
Elena and Alaric safely make it back to the car. Alaric says they need to let Damon fight the hybrid zombie mountain man, and he’ll keep the human safe.
Elena takes his opportunity to teach a lesson. She starts lecturing about how he’s better at caring for people than he thinks. Alaric accuses her of being a sucker for a lost cause (TRUTH!). Elena tells him he’s not a lost cause; he’s just lost, like Jer, like her. They should basically join forces, since they’re soulmates or something. I don’t know; I stopped paying attention.
Anyway, Alaric agrees to move back in – but he’s keeping the ring.
Suddenly Damon approaches the car and they jump out, asking if he’s okay.
Damon tells Elena to stop fussing, but she just wants to appreciate that he’s alive. And let’s pause for all the Delena lovers to heave a collective whimsical sigh. He pushes her back toward the car.
High on a hill
was a lonely goatherd Stefan is watching them. Elena thinks she sees something, but when she really looks, whatever was there is gone.
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo.
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Matt’s brought fake production company beer to apologize to Jer for how he acted earlier.
He said he went through Vicki’s stuff, and it was weird having all the memories. He says that Jer actually probably knew her the best since he “got” her better than anyone. Then the boys have a heart-to-heart about how neither of them remember their last moments with Vicki, and it’s sad, and the MEARS are going to get to me,
but then suddenly Vicki is behind Jer! She says Matt’s name, and at first it seems like he sees her too, but he doesn’t. Jer asks her how they are supposed to help her.
WE HAVE TO GO BACKI can come back. I want to come back.
Then suddenly the glass in the door shatters and she’s gone.
But Anna’s there! She tells Jer not to trust Vicki. Oh, shizz.
Back in Tennessee at WNP, Stefan comes back with Ray. All the others are dead.
Klaus: They went rabid. Some of them I killed, others just bled out. In the end, they’re all dead.
Klaus is really upset. He throws a bottle, and screams to the heavens.
Klaus: I did everything I was told! I should be able to turn them. I broke the curse, I killed a werewolf and a vampire. I killed the doppelganger.
Stefan has this total “oh, shit” look on his face, and after a second, Klaus looks up and he knows.
He just fucking knows that’s the problem. He doesn’t say it, but it’s all in the eyes, people.
Stefan looks a bit desperate, trying to think of something to say.
Klaus tells him he looks like hell. He suddenly sounds really sympathetic, but says it with just the tiniest hint of a smirk. He SO knows.
Stefan: Last I checked, I’m dying. You don’t want to heal me. I had to take him out; I didn’t have a choice. I failed you. Do what you have to do.
Y’all, I just got another one of those chills. 🙂
Klaus is all, “it should have worked.” They stare at each other for a second before Klaus grabs a bottle, bites his wrist, and bleeds into it.
He hands it to Stefan. “Bottoms up.” That’s what HE said.
But WTF? A bottle? What, CW? We can’t see even a little bit of a man sucking on another man’s wrist? Shirts optional?? Come on!
Klaus says they’re leaving, and surveys the damage. Then turning to Stefan: “It appears you’re the only comrade I have left.” Awww, sad panda. Also, goddamit, more dead hikers. There’s a lesson here, kiddies. Never go camping. Ever. Anywhere. Vamps, werewolves and werepires WILL find you.
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, THEY’RE BACK ALREADY???? AAAAAHHHHHHHHH GEOGRAPHY!!!!!!!!!
Elena’s coming out of the shower, and Damon is waiting at her window. He admits he was wrong. He thought Stefan was gone, but he was wrong. Elena is all “OMGZ you saw him? Is he okay?”
Damon: No, he’s an insufferable martyr who needs his ass kicked. But he can be saved.
Elena asks what changed his mind, and Damon explains it’s because Stefan still can’t let him die, so he owes him the same. He’ll help. But what changed Elena’s mind? She was hell-bent on staying on the mountain. Elena explains that they were under attack and blah blah blah she didn’t want to see him get hurt. She was worried about him. She wants to know why it matters.
Damon says he’ll help her, but he wants her to remember what it felt like when Stefan was gone.
And then they stare at each other all intensely, and alright, let’s pause again. All together now… *SIGH* Alright, moving on.
After Damon leaves, Alaric is standing out in the hall. He asks Elena if she knows what she’s doing. No, she says. No, she doesn’t.
Back in the Lockwood cellar, Tyler is naked in chains. Momma says she’ll take care of the situation and make sure nothing happens to Caroline. Back at the house, she calls Bill, saying she made a mistake.
He says that she called him to take care of this problem, but she’s feeling her conscience. He explains that the vampires aren’t human; they’re monsters. Carol asks “what if we’re wrong?” Bill explains that she married into a founding family, so maybe she doesn’t get it, but his family has been in this fight for almost 150 years. He knows his obligations.
And oh, goody, we’re in a new dungeon. Caroline is strapped in a chair. This cannot be good. She calls out to Carol, but it’s Bill!
Bill: Hello, Caroline.
(All screencaps courtesy of hotn-caps.com)