It’s tough to be the only restaurant for miles around, and the Mystic Grill is justifiably annoyed. I mean, it’s bad enough trying to keep everyone happy when a bunch of the customers would like nothing better than to drain the living blood out of everybody else, but how is any business supposed to function when local residents insist on turning the place into a circus every Thursday night? This week, it’s time to acknowledge that some activities do not belong at the local burger joint…even if it is the only place in town to get a drink.
10 Things The Mystic Grill Wishes Had Been Done Someplace Else
10. Taping up Vicky…EW! I’m not surprised that Matt knows his first aid, but come on, did we have to mess with blood and bandages in a restaurant? Where people are eating? Don’t tell me it was late, either, we all know that the Grill is pretty much always open and always has at least a few folks at the bar. Nobody wants to see your torn up neck, Vicky Donovan! Gross.
9. Caroline and Matt’s makeout session. This at least is a fairly normal problem for any restaurant. Given everything else on this list, it’s almost a relief to see one regular problem. On the other hand, Mr. Donovan, your employer frowns on you making out with your girlfriend in the Ladies Room. We’re putting a note in your personnel file and it better not happen again.
8. Elena meeting Isobel. Why are you bringing in drama, Elena Gilbert? Vampires are unpredictable and we don’t want your genetically confusing family reunion to explode all over happy hour. Go home!
7. The Bachelor Auction. Nothing about this event made Grill management happy. The whole thing was uncomfortable, not just for the bachelors, but for everyone. We’ve put up with the Mayor’s martini binges but we really didn’t need to see her pawing Damon Salvatore like that. Hands off, lady! We make good money off that guy.
6. Alaric punching Damon. Gentlemen, you are fooling no one. Either take it outside or get a goddamn room.
5. The forcible removal of Lexi. You know what’s great for business? Having local law enforcement show up, block all the exits and then walk right up to the bar to drug the pretty blonde girl and drag her away in front of everybody. Thanks, Liz!
4. Damon and Alaric’s attempted drugging of Jules. You guys again? Figures. Look, if there’s one thing a restaurant doesn’t need, it’s to have people skulking around spiking the drinks. How could you two do that to us? If word gets out that the drinks are unsafe at the only place that serves booze, there could be riots in the town square…need we remind you how that turned out last time? Sorry boys, but if you want to play Borgia, go do it someplace else.
3. Bonnie’s successful drugging of Luka. Oh, for the love of…WHAT DID WE JUST SAY?!
2. The shooting of Jeremy Gilbert. Again with the Sheriff! This is getting ridiculous. Bad enough that you were aiming for one of our best customers, but missing him and hitting a high school kid is just plain wrong. Do you have any idea how much of our customer base is made up of students? You didn’t even send a deputy around to clean up the blood! The morning shift would like a word with you, Sheriff Forbes, and you’d better be glad they’re not old enough to vote.
1. Jonas Martin’s hissy fit. Does insurance cover Warlock Damage? Let’s hope so. Thanks to Jonas Martin’s juju rampage, the Mystic Grill had to completely overhaul its electrical and fire suppression system, replace a bunch of glassware, clean up a lot of blood AND get the Fire Marshall in to reinspect the place. Plus, he almost killed the only reliable employee! Jonas Martin is so banned from the Grill that even his ghost isn’t welcome, and he can just forget about that spot on the memorial table. Jerk.