Everyone knows that I’m a proud supporter of the Mystic Falls OBA (Orphaned Bunny Association) and so I’m happy to give them the spotlight this week, in the hopes of raising awareness to their plight. It’s pretty tough to be a bunny in this town – no parents, werewolves in the woods and Stefan Salvatore always out looking for a snack. Once he started trying to get Caroline in on his grisly habit, the bunnies decided enough was enough and they banded together to stand up for their rights and see if there was a way to increase their collective life expectancy. Wouldn’t you? As I mentioned last week, the OBA is active in Elijah’s mayoral campaign, and with so much support they’ve decided to come forward and share a few of their favorite places to hang out. Just don’t tell Stefan, okay?
The 10 Safest Places for a Bunny In Mystic Falls
10. Under Damon’s bed. This is actually the go-to place for OBA meetings, because Stefan doesn’t usually go into Damon’s room, and so far nobody ever looks under the bed. Add in the fact that the bed is so big you’d expect dust bunnies the size of tennis balls and it makes for a great gathering place. They have to keep a sharp eye out for Stefan, though…and THAT’S what they need such good eyesight for, Anya. Pass the carrots!
9. Caroline’s purse. Could you find anything in there?
8. The Sheriff’s office. The new rule for this hiding place is “spread out”, because while we all know Sheriff Forbes isn’t exactly a sharpshooter, we’ve also learned that the guy behind whomever she’s aiming at can have some trouble. The OBA has released a safety pamphlet, and all the little bunnies now know that hanging out in the Sheriff’s office is fine, as long as you don’t gather in groups.
7. Matt Donovan’s house A shotgun, really? WTF, Matt Donovan?! The bunnies of Mystic Falls are crying bitter tears over your betrayal…and your excellent marksmanship.
6. Mystic Falls High School. What? It’s not like anyone goes there during weekdays, and for school dances there’s always Alaric’s locker o’weapons to hide in. We might as well use the building for something, right?
5. Elijah’s Coffin. The bunnies would never abandon their candidate, no matter what his current condition. You may not have seen them when the lid slammed down, but they’re in there, keeping vigil and trying to figure out how to pull the dagger out themselves. They’re planning to beat a hasty retreat once he wakes up, however, since recently de-daggered vampires may not be too picky about what they reach for as a snack. Loyal but cautious; that’s the OBA way!
4. The vase of flowers in the Lockwood foyer. The Lockwood mansion is a sore trial to the OBA. They need to get in there in order to keep up with what the Mayor’s doing, but with Tyler sniffing around and vampires coming and going at all hours, it’s a pretty dangerous place. After a careful consideration of the layout, OBA strategists have found the house’s weakness: the ginormous bouquet of flowers that’s always arranged in the front hall. With blooms enough to both hide a bunny and cover the scent, the front hall floral arrangement is the first and last stop for any bunny on a mission inside Lockwood Manor.
3. With Caroline’s Dad. It’s like being invisible and out of town! He even goes to other restaurants besides the Mystic Grill! Please, sir, won’t you be an orphaned bunny foster-parent? Please?
2. The Old Well on the Lockwood Estate. You know, the one that’s filled with vervain? Yeah. That one. Now that the snakes have been removed, the Old Well is more than just a terrific place to hide from vampires, it’s also very popular for spa nights. The bunnies aren’t stupid, and now that they’ve got their own supply of vervain-flavored water, Stefan may get a nasty surprise if he ever tries to go back on the woodland creature diet.
And the #1 safest place for a bunny in Mystic Falls is…
1. Klaus’s pocket. Klaus may not know it yet, but he’s got a devoted following in the OBA. In getting Stefan back on the human stuff, whole generations of bunnies will be able to grow up free of fear…and with parents! Klaus can be pretty mean to vampires, humans and werewolves, but so far he’s got nothing against rabbits. Can’t you just see him gently petting a fluffy baby bunny while watching Rippah Stefan lay waste to a town? Orphaned bunnies everywhere adore you, Mr. Klaus! Come on, say it with me now: Awwww.