I know I can be a little hard on Damon, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him. In fact, a lot of people love Damon, including a few that you might not expect. Despite his destructive tendencies, Damon Salvatore is a godsend for business in the town of Mystic Falls. Recession or no recession, the very things that make Damon trouble also make him a one-vamp economic stimulus package. Hell, some of the stores in town would have had to shut their doors long ago if he hadn’t rescued them! I try to give credit where credit is due, so here are the top ten local businesses that have benefited most from Damon’s presence in Mystic Falls.
10 Local Businesses That Love Damon Salvatore
10. Locksmith. We haven’t seen a lot of carjackings, robberies or other little crimes over the last few years. One act of petty theft (I’m looking at you, Jonas Martin), but otherwise not much. Maybe it’s just that the residents like to do things big, but it tends to be murder or nothing in Mystic Falls. That’s bad news for the local locksmith company, not to mention the troublesome fact that most of the townsfolk just invite any old stranger right in at all hours. What’s the point of having locks if you’re never going to use them? These poor locksmiths were about ready to give up and close their shop forever when -happy day and hallelujah!- in start coming the calls. As we’ve seen, Damon rather enjoys breaking into people’s houses, and his favorite trick is to twist a doorknob until the lock breaks. It’s quick, it’s effective…and it means the entire locking mechanism has to be taken out and replaced. Locksmith love!
9. Auto Repair Shop. Nothing like a nice head-on collision to rake in the cash. Damon’s habit of hanging out in the middle of roads is a great asset to the Mystic Falls mechanics, because somebody has to fix those cars. It’s a lot easier to replace windshields and bumpers than to haul entire vehicles out of lakes! Everyone is so glad to have work that they’re very carefully not mentioning that all these man-sized dents are roughly the same shape and size. No, no need to mention that to anyone. Why ruin a good thing?
8. Mystic Maids Cleaning Service. These people probably had it easier than anyone else on the list, thanks to the Lockwood family. On the other hand, who wants to work all day, every day, for the Lockwoods? We’ve seen how Carol treats the help. How many times can they brush out those drapes before going completely crazy? Enter the Salvatores: Zach may have done for himself but it’s a sure bet that the vampire side of the family isn’t much into vacuuming. Did anyone else notice that when Damon hosts a dinner party, he has the guests clean up so he can hang out in the library making eyebrows at Elijah? (Cin and Christina: Yeah, sure. The guests.) Not that we blame him, of course…given the option, would you do the dishes? Please. Still, having the boarding house to look after is a bigtime help to this little local business and if now and again a cleaner goes missing, well…hiring new talent is good for business too.
7. Mystic Window Repair. This is kind of a roundabout support thing, since Damon himself isn’t a big window-breaker. On the other hand, people do seem to enjoy breaking windows in the Salvatore Boarding House (which we do NOT appreciate, by the way) and if you’ve taken a look at these windows you may have noticed that they’re mostly custom jobs with stained-glass insets. Not cheap, my friends. Not cheap. Elena recently broke an enormous window too, but her ultimate goal in doing so was to get out and find Damon. At this point, it’s a pretty safe bet that when a window breaks in Mystic Falls, said window was standing between some unhappy individual and Damon “What did I do?” Salvatore. Not that our repair shop minds, not at all! Keep hating, keep breaking! Rush repair is no problem. For a fee.
6. The Hardware Store. Do you have any idea how much a flamethrower costs these days? And how about that nice chest fridge in the basement? Damon’s also bought shovels for grave-digging, tarps to cover the living room rug during torture (another reason the Mystic Maids love him) and plywood to nail up whenever the window repair guys might be running late. A vampire household is a great asset to a hardware store, especially a little local one that knows to stock an extra supply of easily-whittled down dowels.
5. His Dry Cleaner. This one is more like a love/hate relationship, because let’s face it: Damon Salvatore is rough on clothes. He’s always getting into trouble and coming home covered in dirt, blood, gasoline or werewolf fur. Now, I know everyone thinks that Damon just goes out and gets more shirts, but how many black shirts can there BE in this one little town? Plus, some of those jackets are obviously favorites. Good luck trying to replace something after 40 years or more! Damon’s got to be taking this stuff somewhere, and no matter what he’s paying I bet they kind of whimper when they see him coming in. There’s just no such thing as easy money anywhere these days, but these guys have to work harder than most.
4. The Mystic Grill. To be fair, the Grill loves everyone (except Jonas Martin), and there’s no doubt that Damon has some help keeping this business in the black (thanks, Alaric!). That said, Damon has been patronizing the Grill since the pilot, and while he does occasionally snack on other customers, he also drinks his weight in bourbon damn near every night. Damon’s actions around town also frequently send other people running to the bar for a shot or seventeen, so even when he isn’t there in person he’s still pushing up their profit margin. As a kind of grim bonus, he’s got a habit of killing off locals, which means the Grill gets to bust out the candles and memorial table and make even more cash off the after-funeral crowds. Stand proud, Damon! Thanks to you, the Grill will be underpaying Donovan children for years and years to come.
3. Local Soap Emporium. Soap is something everybody needs, but until Damon came to town nobody was buying anything fancy. The nice people at the MF Soap Emporium were getting very depressed, making all these pretty glycerin soaps only to see them sit on the shelf, all that effort gone to waste. Then, like a smirking, blue-eyed angel, in walks Damon Salvatore with a serving-bowl sized soap dish and money to burn. “Just give me all of it!” he tells them, and the happy employees hand over a sack of soap and ring him up, rejoicing in the knowledge that they just made a profit for the first time in two years. Come back anytime, Damon! No, really. Please come back?
2. Bourbon Dealer. If I have to explain this one, you people have not been watching the same show I’ve been watching.
1. The Mystic Falls Funeral Home. I don’t think anybody loves Damon Salvatore more than the Mystic Falls Funeral Home. They may not know they love him, but all by himself Damon has taken out enough people to keep them in business for the last couple years. From the first time he appeared in town he was bringing in business; they no longer have to sit around waiting for people to drive off Wickery Bridge. These days, there’s always something fatal going on in town, it’s the best year they’ve had since 1864! Even when Damon buries the bodies himself, as he did with Vicky, they have a way of turning up later and needing a place to be laid out. Damon Salvatore: a boon to the bereavement business. We couldn’t do it without you, man. Cheers.