Episode 222 “As I Lay Dying”

222 “As I Lay Dying”

Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Damon is dying of wolfbite-itis, and Jenna’s been kidnapped and turned to be the vampy portion of Klaus’ ritual. Elena’s at the ritual too. She and Jenna exchange apologies for being self-absorbed, and it would be sweeter if they weren’t confined in their own literal rings of fire. Elsewhere, Elijah explains the order of events: the were, the vamp, the lion, the witch and the wardrobe and, last, the doppelgänger. The ritual starts according to plan. Klaus rips out Jules’ heart, then it’s time for Jenna. But wait! Stefan volunteers for the position, but Klaus knocks him down and pops a cap stake fragment in his ass to save him for later. Jenna, for her part, tries to get away (and bites Greta! Yeah!), but she’s no match for Klaus, who kills her anyway :(. Meanwhile, Matty breaks up with Caroline because he just can’t handle it, and Damon, Bonnie and John search for a way to keep Elena alive after the ritual. Bonnie finds a spell to bind John’s life-force with Elena’s, and works the juju magic. Back at Ritual Hill, Klaus noms on Elena, and just as he’s transforming, Bonnie and Damon bust in there and break up the party. Damon takes Elena away while Bonnie incapacitates Klaus long enough for Elijah to go wrist-deep into Klaus’ chest. Before he can rip the creepster’s heart out, Klaus stops him and tells him he can take him to their Original family (Elijah thought they were all dead!). Elijah takes the opportunity and vampzooms out of there with Klaus. Dammit! But also yay, family honor and all that! Away from there, Bonnie’s spell worked and DeadElena becomes LiveElena, and LiveJohn gets added to the body count. The gang attends a compelled, make-shift funeral for Jenna and John while John V.O.s the saddest “I’ve always loved you, daughter” letter ever. Damon finally reveals to Stefan that he’s dying, and Stefan vows to find the cure. Also, Tyler may or may not now have a giant third nip. CRAZY UP IN HEEYA!

It’s the morning after. Elena is awake walking through her house alone. Jer’s asleep, and she goes into Jenna’s room.

Oh, god. There’s a coffee cup on the dresser, and dammit, personal effects get me. Elena backs out of the room, and Damon’s suddenly there.

Damon: It’ll get better. But you know that.

Elena: I know.

Damon: I want to apologize.
Elena: Damon
Damon: Please. Elena, feeding you my blood. I was wrong.
Elena: Yes, you were.
Damon: And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need it.
Elena: And I need some time. Maybe a lot of time.
Damon: Sure of course. Take all the time you need.

Oh, man. Damon’s meaningful look, and…


Back at the SBH, Damon goes straight for his stock of bourbon in the library,

and takes a gander at his wolfbite, which isn’t getting any better.

He purposefully walks to the giant window and draws back the drapes, and finishes off his bourbon. Then, he walks to the middle of the window, right in the middle of the sun’s morning rays. He takes off the ring and drops it to the ground.

Oh, god, Damon, NO! I know I’ve said some things about you, but I take it back (mostly)!! Don’t DO this!

He starts to burn. Oh god, someone get this boy some aloe vera, STAT!

Stefan to the rescue! He rushes in just in time, and slams Damon into a wall. He tells him not to do this, and Damon’s all “I just did.” Duh.

Stefan keeps vampzooming Damon into walls. Damon brings up Rose — Stefan knows what happened to her, but Stefan don’t care. He vampzooms Damon right into the basement dungeon and locks the door. “You’re not dying today.”

Damon: What’s the plan, Superman?

Stefan says he’s got Bonnie on the case, looking for anything. Damon tells Stefan to cut the hero stuff and just say goodbye, get it over with.

Damon starts hacking up blood, and Stefan tells him to conserve his strength. Uh ohs.

Oh hai there, Klaus laying there in the brilliant morning sunshine out in the woods. He’s got his little blonde curls and he almost looks like a Roman god, and DAMMIT, ABBY! Why must you get me thinking about Klaus in this favorable light?!

It seems he’s waking up in a clearing, in the wood, looking a bit dirty. Clothes suddenly land by his head.

Elijah: You’ve been busy.

Klaus: That was amazing. How long as it been?
Elijah: Almost two days.

Elijah doesn’t look quite too pleased as his brother gets up and starts getting dressed.

Elijah: The full moon came and went and you remained a wolf.

Klaus: I can change at will then. That’s good to know. I remember every single kill.

Elijah: I guess I’ll be cleaning up your little mess along the way.
Klaus: Just like old times, brotha.
Christina: That’s fucked up.

Elijah hands Klaus his shoes and reminds him that they had a bargain. Klaus plays dumb for a second all “what was it again?”

Elijah is not amused.

Klaus: Ah, yeah, wait. I remember. That’s it. You wish to be reunited with our family.

Elijah: You gave me your word, Niklaus.

Klaus: What kind of brother would break his bond? Even though you did try to kill me.
Elijah: I could have. But I didn’t.

Klaus: Now no one can. Not even you. So thanks, Elijah. All is forgiven.
Elijah: Where are they?

Klaus: You need to lighten up. I’ll bring you to them soon enough.

Oooh, I don’t have a very good feeling about this. I need a drink…

Over at the Mystic Grill, that’s exactly what Alaric is doing! The bartender is pouring him a shot, and when she tries to put the bottle away,

he wrestles it away from her.

Heh. Oh, Alaric. Come. I’ll make it all better. Just then his phone rings, and he and the bottle walk to the end of the bar to answer it.

Alaric: Sorry, you’ve reached someone who’s currently not operating.

It’s Stefan — he tells Alaric that he needs his help. Alaric gets all snarky about how he’s not ALLOWED to help. He’s just supposed to sit idly by as his girlfriend is sacrificed on an altar of blood.

Hmm. I sense some bitterness. *wibble* Stefan says he DOES need his help though.

It’s Damon. He’s dying. Tyler Lockwood bit him. They don’t have much time. Alaric is all “What do you need me to do?” Aww, Alaric!

Stepping up to the bromance plate!

Over at the town square, everyone is gearing up for “Movie in the Square” where they’ll be showing Gone with the Wind.

There are kids with popcorn buckets and people dressed up in period clothing.

There are a LOT of people dressed up in period clothing. Like, most of the people there. WTF kind of town is this?! These people take their heritage WAY too seriously.

Jer comes in with Elena. He’s complaining about how it’s a girl movie. What? You don’t want to learn nothing about birthing no babies, Jer? Elena says that he just needed to get out of the house.

She gives him a little pep talk about how they need to breathe, eat, sleep and all that other normal human stuff, day after day until it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Oh, thank god, Caroline comes up. She’s her usually chipper self, and she’s come bearing a picnic basket! Jer rolls his eyes some more, and Caroline tells him to buck up. He needs to be like Scarlet.

They made it through the war, they went through hell, but in spite of everything, they’ve persevered.

Over at Amityville Horror, Bonnie is helping Stefan. He wants her to contact Emily Bennett and ask for help in saving Damon. Bonnie’s not sure they’re going to help. She communes with them, and then Emily possesses her body. I know this because Bonnie conveniently says “Emily” before her face goes all stoic.

She asks Stefan why he’s there, and he asks if there’s a spell to cure wolfbite. Apparently there’s not.

Bonemily: Nature ensures the balance of everything.

Stefan: Is that true? Or are you just saying that because it’s Damon?

Bonemily: Perhaps it is his time to die.
Stefan: No, that’s not balance. That’s punishment.

Bonemily says she can’t/won’t give Stefan what he needs, but he pleads with her to help him.

Suddenly Bonnie gets afflicted with the Mind Bullets — the witches are attacking her because they think she’s abusing the power. Which she is. Let’s be real. The witches won’t tell, but Bonnie saw something. The answer is Klaus. OH, SHIZZ.

Over at the police station, Carol Lockwood comes in all hauty demanding an update on the vampire situation from Sheriff Mom. Sheriff Mom says that there have been a few developments, but she’s handling it. Carol is all “are you??” Ooooohhhhhhhh. Them’s be fightin’ words, Carol. She says that she left Sheriff Mom in charge of the safety of this town, and basically, she doesn’t seem to be doing that great of a job.

No results, and such. She says that if Sheriff Mom doesn’t start GETTING results, Carol will find someone else who WILL.


Outside, Stefan joins the little picnic already in progress.

Elena’s all “Look who couldn’t resist an epic romance.” I kind of feel like that’s supposed to be one of those fictional world jokes you see, like when a character in a movie says something like “This isn’t like the movies,” or “You can’t make this shit up!” Like, DUH, OBVS you can. So, what are you trying to say, Elena/writers? Or maybe I’m just reading too far into this. Where was I?

Stefan asks Elena to go for a walk with him. Goddamn Stefan and his walks. I guess it’s time for another heart-to-heart.

Elena says she just wants to pretend like they’re normal, then tomorrow they can return to their “regularly scheduled drama” (Like Thursdays at 8:00pm?).

Stefan says it can’t wait. He starts to explain about how Tyler bit Damon mid-transformation.

Elena: What?! Is he…?
Stefan: Yep.

Elena starts to freak out a little about how he was at her house this morning, and she practically slammed the door in his face. Stefan explains that Damon told him not to tell her. But if Elena wants to talk to him, she shouldn’t wait. Stefan, you are the worst secret keeper ever. Anyway, he tells Elena that he found the cure — it’s Klaus.

But no fear, it’ll be okay because Klaus HAD the opportunity to kill Stefan, but didn’t. And Stefan doesn’t care anyway — he’s the one that made Damon become a vampire. He owes it to his brother to save him.

Back at the SBH, Damon is in the midst of a wolfbite-hallucination. Things are slightly hazy, so we know it’s flashback-esque.

Hey, it’s Civil War Damon!

He’s watching Katherine, who’s primping herself in front of a vanity table (Heh). She calls him naughty for spying, but then asks him to undo her corset strings, which seem to be knotted (SUUURRRREEEE they do).

They have a teasing back and forth about whether he’ll miss her when he’s off fighting in the war. He says that Stefan can keep her company, and she’s all blah blah blah if loving you both is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

Suddenly, Elena calls Damon’s name. Didn’t he see? Kathi was just toying with him. But then Kathi is there telling him to promise he’ll return to her quickly. Back in the present, Damon wakes with a start. He’s still in the basement/dungeon. He takes another gander at his wound,

and that shit ain’t pretty.

Over at Alaric’s apartment, Stefan is there to talk to Katherine. She’s a bit testy because Klaus is supposed to be dead, and she’s supposed to be free. Stefan is in the middle of asking her if she knows where Klaus might be when she spin him around and slams him into the wall, shushing him. Ah, the door is opening, so she must have heard something, though Stefan didn’t (convenient).

Katherine: Klaus, you’re back. Look who decided to come for a visit.

Hey, it’s Klaus AND Elijah! SQUEE! (Don’t mind me…).

Klaus is all “you just keep popping up, don’t you?” Stefan gets right down to business — he needs him, for his brother. Klaus tells him he’s going to have to “wait a tick” because he has an obligation to his brother. Klaus seems slightly amused, like the idea of helping Elijah is some joke, and walks past Stefan. Sidenote: God, even just in the background Daniel Gillies is looking debonair. *purrs* (I’ll be okay, I promise). Wait! HE’S SPEAKING!

Elijah: You understand how important family is, or you wouldn’t be here. My brother gave me his word that he would reunite me with my own.

Suddenly, we hear Klaus from behind Elijah.

Klaus: And so I shall.


Elijah screams (and so does my heart!), and Klaus has the fucking GALL to put a hand to his brother’s face

and soothingly shush him until Elijah falls on the floor dead, the dagger sticking out of his heart. Klaus, you are a creepy creepster to the max.

Satisfied that Elijah is dead, Klaus vampspeeds to Stefan, pinning him against the brick wall.

“Now, what am I going to do with you?”

Out of seemingly nowhere, Klaus pulls another knife and plunges it into Stefan’s gut. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?! Klaus obviously decides that it’s high time he kick the creep factor up another few notchs.

Klaus: Do you feel that? Scraping against your heart? The slightest little movement, and you’re dead.

Kathi, the voice of reason for once, says that Stefan’s just trying to help his brother. Stefan speaks up that the witches said that Klaus is the cure. Stefan is willing to make a deal: just give him the cure, and he’ll do whatever Klaus wants. Klaus pulls the dagger, and Stefan doubles over on the floor.

Klaus walks to the counter and grabs a Squeezit bag o’ blood, and starts pouring its contents into a glass.

Klaus: Problem is, I don’t know if you’d be any good to me the way you are now. You are just shy of useless.

He menacingly sips the blood, and I shudder.

Over at the SBH, Alaric has come to visit Damon in the dungeon. By way of small talk, he says that Damon’s wolfbite doesn’t look very pretty, and offers him some bourbon to take the edge off. He also brought Damon his sunwalker ring, both of which Damon accepts.

Damon asks Alaric if Stefan has him on suicide watch, noting that Stefan is doing what he always does — trying to right the wrongs. Alaric, Damon says, should WANT him dead though, since he’s the reason that Jenna is dead, but Alaric says that he doesn’t blame him. Damon’s all “but I also turned your wife. You should hate me for that.”

Alaric: Hand me your glass. Neither of us is drunk enough for this conversation.

Amen. If I had a dollar…

Damon empties the booze down his gullet, and is about to hand Alaric his glass but then grabs Alaric’s throat instead, pleading with Alaric to kill him. Ric tells Damon to screw himself before stabbing Damon’s hand with a vervain dart.

Aww, we missed Alaric’s toys!

Outside, Elena has returned. Hold up, wasn’t it daylight out when Stefan told her about Damon? She sure did take her sweet ass time getting here. She turns like she hears something.

After confirming that no one is behind her, she turns around again and HOLY SHIT IT’S SHERIFF MOM.

She put her hand over Elena’s mouth, and crap. This isn’t going to turn out well, is it?

Back inside, Alaric goes to fetch a blood bag from the cooler for Damon when he’s accosted by Sheriff Mom.

She wants to know where Damon is, and Alaric is all “I wouldn’t go in there!” But of course, she does, and DAMON ATTACKS HER!

Good. I’m sorry, but bitch needs to learn. Commercial!

Back at the Founding Families Presents: Gone With the Wind movie in the square, Jer’s phone rings. It’s Alaric. He tells Jer that Damon is on the loose and that Elena needs to be forewarned. Bonnie and Caroline, who were listening in on the conversation, are all “we got this.” But Jeremy’s hearing none of it.

“I’m going to find my sister, and you just try and stop me!” Jer also says that he has his ring so he’s not TOTALLY useless. Okay, Jer. You keep telling yourself that. I’ll believe it for about 7 more minutes.

Back at Alaric’s — can we really call it his anymore? — apartment, Klaus is telling Stefan about this vampire he’d heard about once. This vamp was always on and off the wagon for decades at a time.

Klaus: He was magnificent. 1917 — he went into Monterrey and wiped out an entire migrant village. A true RIPPAH. Sound familiar?

Stefan: I haven’t been that way in a very long time.

Klaus: Well, that’s the vampire I can make a deal with. That is the kind of talent that I can use when I leave this town.

Klaus bids Katherine to come closer, and he bites her! Ack! Wolfbite! Holy crap, callous!

But wait, Klaus bites his wrist, forcefeeds her his blood, and omg the wound is closing. His blood is the cure! (Cin: I KNEW it!)

Klaus is all “you want your cure, there it is… gotta love mother nature.” Heh. That bitch. She does love her balance, eh?

Back at the movie, Damon comes stumbling in, all hallucinating Katherine already.

Jer spots him and runs over. Damon demands to see Elena, but Jer shuffles him out of there.

In the Sheriff’s Office, Elena wants to know what Sheriff Mom did to Damon, and SM goes into her spiel about how they’re evil monsters and zzzzzzzz. A redshirt deputy comes in to say that Damon was spotted going into the Mystic Grill.

Elena tries to plead with SM to let her talk to him; Damon is sick. He’s not himself. But, natch, Sheriff Mom ignores her, and locks her in the office, with redshirt/deputy standing guard.

Over at the Mystic Grill, Jer calls Alaric to tell him that he’s got Damon. While he’s hunched over a table, Damon senses someone is there, and turns around.

It’s Sheriff Mom, and she’s got a gun! Damon moves just a fraction of a second before she fires, and it misses him… but the bullet finds a home right in the middle of Jeremy’s chest!

CRAP! Alright, Sheriff Mom… I’d like to see you blame THIS one on a banana peel.

Jer slumps to the floor just a couple seconds before Caroline and Bonnie come in. Caroline mentions his ring, but Bonnie says that Sheriff Mom is a human, so the ring won’t work. There’s only one way. Looks like the ring didn’t do you much good after all, huh, Jer?

Caroline vamps out — right in front of Mommy — and bites her wrist. Sheriff Mom watches all of this in horror, btw, all “What are you doing?!”

Caroline is like “I’m helping him.” That’s right, Caroline. You tell her what’s what. She puts her wrist to Jeremy’s mouth, but he’s either already unconscious or already dead because nothing doin’.

Alaric must have been close, ’cause he’s busting in the door next. Bonnie stands up; she knows what she has to do. After some protest from Sheriff Mom about it being a crime scene or something insignificant like that, Alaric picks up Jeremy and carries him out.

It’s time for Bonnie to abuse the juju again!

Back in the Sheriff’s office, Elena is getting restless, so she decides to do her best Chris Brown impressions and smashes a window.

Back at Klaus’ Annex, Klaus is squeezing blood from his hand into a little glass bottle for Damon’s cure.

Klaus: There it is. You wanna save your brother, how about a decade-long bender? You know, I have big plans for you when we leave this town.

Stefan: I’m not like that anymore.
Klaus: Well, that’s too bad. You would have made a helluva wingman.

He starts to pour the blood down the sink, but Stefan tells him to wait. Klaus is pleased. God, these people are so easy. He wants Stefan to join him for a drink.

He grabs a bag o’ blood and shoves it across the counter to Stefan, who rips the top off it and sips it gingerly.

Klaus: Finish it. All of it. You do everything I say, and I save your brother. That’s the deal.

So Stefan does. And again.

Over in Amityville, Alaric asks if there’s even a spell to help Jeremy, and Bonnie says there is — if the witches will give her power for it. Not two seconds into the spell, Bonnie’s all “ow.”

The witches are angry at her for coming back. I mean, I would be too. Moochin’ off my power like that. Alaric tells her to tell them to knock it off — Jer’s just a kid. Alaric, I’m not sure it works that way.

But Bonnie tries again and starts to nosebleed all in her mouth and shit. The witches warned that there would be “consequences,” and we’re all hoping that it’ll be Bonnie’s swift death. Fingers crossed, everyone!

The whole world starts shaking and Bonnie calls out to Emily for help. “I love him,” she pleads. And the shaking and the juju stop suddenly.

Bonnie makes her crying face and tears/snots all over the place. Oh, but by some miracle, Jeremy wakes up! Bonnie thanks Emily, but something tells me Emily’s not going to give a crap.

(Sidenote: I love how emotional Alaric is being this episode!)

Back over in the town square, Elena has escaped and is running around looking for Damon, I guess. Well, he finds her, and she runs to his side and he gives her his best crazy eyes.

She says they have to hide, and starts leading him away.

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“Everywhere!” Katherine screams as they run through the woods in his hallucinatory dream-flashback. He stumbles (and in real life too). Elena tells him to relax; they need to get him out of there,

and he vampspeeds and pins her against a lamppost. In his dream, it’s Katherine against a tree.

Katherine: You’re faster than I thought.
Damon: Why must you always run from me?
Katherine: Maybe because I know that you will chase.

Damon: Then let me chase you forever. You feed me your blood.
Katherine: I will not feed you, Damon. If you want it, take it. It’s your choice to make.


Back in the present, Damon is sweating profusely and staring at Elena all crazy-eyed. “I chose you, Pikachu Katherine.” Elena tries to snap him out of it, but it’s no use.

Damon: Promise me you will not tell my brother.
Katherine: I promise. It will be our little secret.

Damon goes in for the kiss, but Elena stops him.

She’s fighting him, but he’s like “I have to. If we’re going to be together forever.”

And he bites her neck. Oh, crap. (Sidenote: If he were to give her his blood now, do you think he could give her the wolfbite crazies? It’d be like an STD. Ooh, what if she could get it from him biting her? Cin: WTF is wrong with you? Just sayin’.) Elena tries to get him to stop, telling him that he’s hurting her and that he doesn’t need to do it.

Finally he pulls back and his eyes focus with this look of “Oh, holy hell, WHAT. HAVE. I. DONE.”

He drops to his knees and Elena kneels in front of him, hugging him with one arm and holding her neck with the other. Damon is just sitting there moaning a bit. Shit.

Back at the Mystic Grill, Caroline and Sheriff Mom are alone. Car just got off the phone with Bonnie — Jer’s alive.

Sheriff Mom looks relieved, all “I thought I killed him.”

Caroline, always keeping it real, is like “You did.” Sheriff Mom seems to take in everything for a minute, to really consider her daughter.

Sheriff Mom: I don’t understand.

Caroline: I explained it to you once, but I had to make you forget because I was so scared of what you might do. But now I don’t want to lie. I’m not going to be afraid of you anymore.

She walks up and grabs her mom’s hands.

Caroline: And I don’t want you to be afraid of me either. I’m still your little girl.

She throws her arms around her, and OMG Sheriff Mom, I swear to god if you try anything…

Caroline: It’s me. It’s me, Mom.

And Sheriff Mom wraps her arms around Caroline, and OMG CEARS! and SMEARS! Awww, finally. Sheriff Mom, see? This. This is what it’s about. Your daughter. Please don’t do anything to fuck this up again. (Also, Dear SM, if you could… talk to Matty? Tell him it’ll be okay? Thanks, the SBH).

Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Jeremy is in his room BINGing (*rolls eyes*) “Back from the dead” because Jeremy has never ever seen a horror movie in his entire life and relies on product placement search engines for all his supernatural mythology needs. Plus, BING? Seriously? Everyone knows that Google kicks Bing’s ass. No wonder he’s so misinformed.

Just then Bonnie interrupts via video chat and asks what’s he’s doing. Jeremy explains that he feels different. (Cin: I guess WebMD didn’t have his symptoms?) Bonnie’s all “bitch, please. You were dead, if you felt normal that’d be weird.” Jeremy says he doesn’t know how to thank her,

and she’s like “you can thank me tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.” Bitch, some humility maybe? God! No wonder the witches hate you!

Jer and Bonnie sign off just as Alaric comes to Jer’s door.

Alaric: Hey, bud (Cin and Christina: AWWWWWWW!), I’m going to take off. You need anything?

Jeremy says no, and Alaric looks at him all sad-like, and it’s breaking my heart.

“On second thought, I might just crash here. Is that cool?” Yes, Alaric! Yes, you BE Step-daddy and crash there! Cin, I think my heart is swelling again. Before Alaric turns, Jeremy thanks him.

Alaric’s all “You can thank me tomorrow… and the day after that, and the day after that.” HAHAHAHA! I LOVE YOU, ALARIC! Awww, the joking.

It tugs at my heartstrings. I’m so glad they’re able to joke like that. We all needed that giggle. Adorbs.

Back at the SBH, Damon is still sweating like whore in church, grouching about what’s left of his life, and Elena tells him that she’s staying. She’ll be there for him until the very end.

His whole body is wracked with pain, and she climbs into bed behind him and holds him in VERY much the same way he held Rose when she was dying. I like the symmetry here. She shushes him and tells him it’s okay.

Damon: It’s not okay. All those years I blamed Stefan. No one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice. Tell Stefan I’m sorry, okay?

Elena dabs some sweat from his face and tells him she will.

Back at Klaus’ Annex, Stefan is finishing off what looks to be about his fifth bag of human blood, and he’s got the blood lust bad.

He’s sitting all glassy-eyed and heaving on the floor. Klaus is impressed. “Very cooperative. It’s almost as if you’re enjoying it.”

Klaus drops a cheeseburger another bag on the floor in front of David Hasselhoff Stefan, who pleads with him “no more” — not until Klaus gives him the cure for Damon.

Klaus: Not until we make a deal. It’s your choice, Stefan. You can either remain here, living your life in Mystic Falls, or you can embrace what you truly are. Leave town with me, and save your brother’s life.

Stefan grabs the bag Klaus offers him and sucks it down greedily.

Klaus: That’s the spirit.

Katherine, meanwhile, is watching this all bemusedly.

Klaus goes up to her with the little bottle of blood and tells her to deliver it to Damon. He’s in the process of telling her to hurry, but Katherine is already out the door. Stefan panics — she’ll never take the blood to Damon. Klaus give him a “oh, well. Not my problem” shrug.

Oh, Klaus, you diabolical mastermind, you.

Back at the SBH, Elena is still cradling Damon as he continues to sweat die slowly. He’s all “this is even more pitiful than I thought.” Elena reminds him that there’s still hope, but he’s not listening.

Damon: I’ve made a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die.
Elena: No. You don’t.
Damon: I do, Elena. It’s okay. ‘Cause if I’d have chosen differently, I wouldn’t have met you. I’m so sorry. For so many things I did to you.

Elena: It’s okay. I forgive you.
Damon: I know you love Stefan. That it’ll always be Stefan.

Elena lays down next to Damon, cuddles him a little and holds his hand. Oh, lord. She’s starting with the EEARS. I’m sort of glad Stefan’s not here for this, or I’d for sure be in need of some tissues.

Damon: But I love you. You should know that.
Elena: I do.

Damon: You should have met me in 1864. You woulda liked me.
Elena: I like you now. Just the way you are.

Damon’s eyes are starting to flutter, and Elena leans in to lay a chaste kiss on his lips.

Damon: Thank you.
Elena: You’re welcome.

He’s getting so tired. Oh so tired. His eyes are closed now, and oh, god are we close to the end?

Katherine: It’s me you should be thanking.

Oh, thank god, Katherine’s here! I never thought I’d say that.

She’s brought the cure. Elena jumps out of the bed and Katherine walks the bottle over to damon.

Katherine: I thought you were dead.
Elena: I was.

(Sidenote: Will these people EVER live a normal life ever again? No? Okay, just checking.)

Katherine feeds Damon Klaus’ blood. He’s surprised that she got free from Klaus and yet she showed up here.

Katherine says that she owed him one.

Elena asks Katherine where Stefan is, and Kathi is all “are you sure you care?”

Ooooh, bitch! She tells Elena that Stefan turned himself over to Klaus to pay for the miracle cure (the chocolate makes it go down easier).

Elena asks what he means by “gave himself over” but Kathi is cryptic as ever. Stefan gave up everything to save his brother, including Elena. Gee, it’s a good thing she’s got Damon to keep her company!

Katherine goes to leave, but before she does, she tells Elena it’s okay to “love them both. I did.” Ugh. Typical.

Elena and Damon share “oh, crap” looks.

Over in… I don’t know where the hell we are,

Elijah is in a casket! WTF?! Goddammit, Klaus.

Klaus: As promised, brother. You’ve been reunited with our family. Put him with the others; we’re leaving town tonight.

Hold the fucking phone. Klaus TRAVELS with his brethren?! In crates?

Klaus walks away from the casket as his lumberjack assistants move Elijah’s (*sniff*) casket into a giant wooden box. Wait again… this is IN Mystic Falls? Just, like, a fucking dead body repository in the middle of town? Holy crap! Is this the same place where Logan Fell was camping out when he didn’t have anywhere to live? Oh, please say yes. I love full circle shit. (Cin: Hmm. It looks brighter. Maybe the local Public Storage?)

Stefan’s got a text message from Elena, but he can’t answer it.

Klaus: Did Katerina make it in time?
Stefan: You won’t be seeing her again, you know.

Klaus: Because she’s on vervain? I’ve been around a long time, Stefan. I rarely get played for a fool.

Sorry, but didn’t Stefan and Bonnie do JUST that to you, oh, approximately TWO DAYS AGO?

Klaus: Besides, she won’t get far. You’ll help me see to that.
Stefan: What is it you really want from me?

Klaus: All will be explained in time. Once we leave this tragic, little town.
Stefan: Then are we done here? Can we go?
Klaus: Not quite. You see, I have a gift for you.

Ooh, Klaus hired Stefan a hooker a blood donor. And by “hired” I, of course, mean “kidnapped.” Klaus wants to ensure that Stefan is going to honor their deal. (Hold up. Let’s make that “honour” on account of his superduper accent.) He wants to make sure that Stefan will be of use to him.

Klaus bites into the girl’s neck. She seems oddly calm, but Klaus says that she’s not compelled. He could have compelled her, but a true RIPPAH enjoys the hunt! Dang.

Klaus lets her go, and now she screams and runs off into the warehouse.

But Stefan heads her off.

He gets this really intense look in his eyes as he gets closer and closer to her and……………. sorry. Let me mop up this drool.

His eyes get all red and veiny. And when he bites into her neck the whole world starts shaking. Emily? No! RIPPAH!!

Stefan tears away and lets the girl fall to the ground. He’s eyes are all crazy, and he’s kind of halfway smirking.


Oh, lord, Klaus released the beast. He likes it. Stefan likes it. Oh, what monster has he turned into? He NEEDS it. Dun dun dun!

Klaus: Now we can go.

Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Jeremy is sleeping sounding until a noise — or a presence — wakes him. He rolls over and looks out his open door, but there’s nothing. I think it’s sad/cute that he’s sleeping with his door open. *sniff* But wait! There IS something there!! A shadow moved across his door.

Jer calls out to Alaric, but there’s no answer. As Jer is peering over the railing, a shoulder appears… a female shoulder.

Jer turns around, but it’s gone!

Oh shit, it’s Vicki!

She follows him downstairs, where Alaric is asleep on the couch (aww, a moment to comment: poor Alaric is sleeping on the couch… he can’t sleep in Jenna’s room. *sad panda*). Jeremy walks toward the kitchen with Vicki hot on his heels.

She calls out his name, and he spins around, but there’s no one.

When he turns around again Anna (!!!) is standing there. He says her name and she just looks at him with this devious, bitchy twinkle in her eye.

When he turns again, Vicki is there too.

Oh, shiiiiit, he’s cornered.


(All screencaps courtesy of hotn-caps.com)

This entry was posted in 2.22 "As I Lay Dying", Alaric Saltzman, Bonnie Bennett, Bromance, Caroline Forbes, Damon Salvatore, Daniel Gillies, Elena Gilbert, Elijah!, Eyecandy, Jeremy Gilbert, Katherine Pierce, Klaus, Mystic Falls, OMG!Freakout!!!, Recaps, Season 2, Stefan Salvatore. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Episode 222 “As I Lay Dying”

  1. Dayna Barter says:

    God! The picture of Klaus underneath this:

    Elijah: The full moon came and went and you remained a wolf.

    Holy Jeepers Creepers, Batman. Could Klaus POSSIBLY look anymore effing creepy? *twitch* What. A. Creeper!

  2. TriniJax says:

    Joseph Morgan is BRINGING IT! If he were any creepier he’d be a caterpillar. Looking forward to his adventures with Stefan the Rippah aka Strippah

  3. G says:

    What a cliffhanger! And Elijah! 😦 #pullthedaggerout! Thank you guys for the last awesome recap of season 2.
    Now that we have a new, dark bromance, do you prefer Kefan or Staus? I say Kefan.

  4. Lauren Knott says:

    Great recap, as usual. I know a lot of shit went down, but all I can think about is why, why, WHY did Elijah have to die? Give me Jeremy, give me Bonnie, give me stupid Sheriff Forbes, but damnit, they took Elijah!! Grrrrrrrr . . . Also, I fucking hate Klaus. I don’t care how hot he is, how perfectly sculpted his cheekbones are, how hot his body is, or how awesome his cheekbones are. I. Hate. Klaus. Because. He. Killed. My. Elijah.

  5. Rebecca L H says:

    Does anyone know when season 3 will start? Or when they start filming season 3, so I can estimate a start date? Thanks!

  6. Rebecca L H says:

    Love your recaps. I hope you will continue doing them and TVDBingo during season 3!

  7. mak75231 says:

    Whodathunk you guys had a church smack dab in the middle of The SBH? Why ELSE would you have a honkin big stained glass window? (and REALLY fugly lamps, BTW)

    Now I know I’ve been at odds with you guys over Elijah the past few months, but after this episode, if Elijah does the “honorable” thing again (once somebody PULLSTHEDAGGEROUT) and doesn’t use a chance to rid the Earth of Klaus again, well, he hasn’t lived long enough yet to learn DON’T TRUST ANYBODY! Didja notice the jacket Elijah gave to Klaus in the woods had epaulets on it just like the one Kalaric wore to the 60’s dance!? Lol

    Dumb question: Way back when (Daddy Warlocks Jonas Brother from Another Mother was still alive), he TOTES trashed the Mystic Grill. When did they have time to fix it back up? Guess that’s another one of those “continuity” issues.

    Did we get a tease in the promo for this ep? Didn’t they actually “show” Emily’s face talking to Stefan, not Bonnemily? Either that, or I’m hallucinating again (don’t answer that!).

    When did Mayor Pro Tem Carole grow a set? She never had a backbone before Maddox threw her down the stairs. Must be a transplant. She and Sheriff Lizzard have always been on the same team (up to now). Dun, dun, dun,

    I need to amend my pronouncement of DON’T TRUST ANYBODY and add AND DON’T TELL STEFAN ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO REPEAT! Why can that boy never keep his mouth shut! Yes, this time The Woobie needed him to shoot his mouth off, but damn, telling Stef “it’s a secret” is like putting it on instant play on all the On-Star systems in every car in Mystic Falls!

    Damon’s flashback to Katherine’s dressing room–unknot my corset strings = booty call! Just sayin! And wasn’t Elena interrupting Damon and Katherine mid-caress a lot like Katherine interrupting Damon and Elena with the Klaus-blood elixir in Damon’s bed? Can you say [mind-fuck] foreshadowing?

    Speaking on continuity issues, whoever invited Stefan into Alaric’s apartment and when? Guess at this point it doesn’t really matter anymore (any more than Elena no longer wearing the vervain necklace, which Katherine stole from her at the accept-the-money-for-your-dead-non-mom’s-foundation-function, and somehow lost somewhere in Alaric’s apartment). BTW, how is Katherine getting changes of clothing in Alaric’s apartment? Shouldn’t she still be in the blue dress of the stab-yourself-in-the-leg-hemline? Oh, wait. The clothes were a giveaway freebie with that last bottle of bourbon. Right!

    I was def not expecting Klaus to OFF Elijah again this quickly. (“pernicious” Wow! Wish YOU could have had the Woobie Word of the Week this time! Lol) That vamp needs to just get a permanent chest-piercing and get it over with. Maybe the dagger could become a through-and-through like on a procedural and he’d never feel it anymore, nor would he have to keep turning all ashy! At least this time he ended up in a nice cushy box surrounded by relatives instead of some dank, dirt-floor basement (sorry guys, but the basement could use Extreme Makeover Manor Edition)! More about the relatives later.

    When Alaric came to “visit” Damon in the Dungeon, Damon was TOTES trying to bait Alaric into somehow killing him NOW! Pointing out all the reasons why Ric should hate him. There would have been a time when he would’ve taken him up on that offer, but that was WAY before they became Bourbon Buddies (spinoff show–they dress in drag, you know and live in a dorm on the Duke campus). But then why after Alaric shot him up did he utilize a convenient plot device to get Ric out in the hall by asking for blood if he wanted to die so bad? He could even have let Sheriff Lizzard stake him–he wanted Ric to do it!

    I was totes expecting someone to use the epitome of Gone With The Wind lines, like for instance, when Elena was trying to convince Sheriff Lizzard that Damon was sick, could Lizzard not have said, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!” before she locked Elena in (yea, like that worked out well). Where was the usual crowd of drunken teenagers at The Grill when Jer brought Damon in there after he found him stumbling around hallucinating? The place was totes empty, or else Sheriff Lizzard might have hit someone ELSE with that stray bullet. And we all KNEW Jer’s going on and on (and on and on and on) about his GetOutOfDeathFreeRing was gonna come back to bite him in the ass one day! (Buttcheek hurt much, Jer?)

    Why in hell does Klaus need a wingman? And one that’s “only” a vampire, and not a hybrid like himself? This makes no sense. I figured Stef had fallen off the blood wagon several times (even though the show made it look like he was bad for about 24 hours in the old days), maybe Lexi had to pull him outa it every time. If Klaus is so perfect and indestructible as he claims, why does he “need” anybody?

    I thought Stef was gonna projectile vomit the Capri Sun there for a while. His back teeth HAD to be floatin! That is, until later in the ep when his eyes went all black and we knew The Rippah had awakened! But even in his feeding frenzy, Stef CHOSE to do it to save Damon and the town from Klaus. Hmmm. How good an actor is Stef gonna turn out to be?

    I was having Dumbledore/Harry flashbacks myself when Bonnie almost gave up on the long lost witches and proclaimed she loved Jer. “It’s love that makes you different, Harry.” Awwwww. We knew it would work. That’s like the witch Heimlich maneuver. They’re suckers for love.

    Speaking of love–flashback hallucinatory crazies! Those flashbackandforth scenes between Damon and Katherine-Elena gave me a migraine! But the ydid point out, once again, that Kat never forced her blood on Damon. And when he collapsed in anguish and pain at the end after realizing he’d bitten Elena and not Katherine–priceless!

    Attention please: If Caroline doesn’t get thru to her Mom this time, she should just bite her and get it the hell over with!

    The only reason I can think of why Jer had to Bing “back from the dead” other than product placement is to set up all Bella Swan-like why he’s seeing Anna and Vicki–and we’ve already had all the Ghost Whisperer and Jer See’s Dead People jokes we can stand! Lol

    BTW, I don’t think Ric was as much thinking about leaving Jer alone as he didn’t want to be alone himself! And that repeating what Bonnie said about the day after that and the day after that yadayadayada was about the cutest thing he’s done since, well, the Chunky Monkey episode!

    OMG return of Rose‘s big death scene! It was so a parallel, right down to the way Elena sat down and pulled him up to her chest like he did to Rose….and letting Katherine say Rose’s line they cut from the promo (it’s okay, you know, to love both of them)….those darned writers planned this all along, the little darlings! BTW I’d swap sweat with him ANY day! lol

    Online all the shippers went totes ballistic about The Kiss scene, I think the writers were trying to parallel Damon’s dying with Rose’s dying, only since Elena couldn’t take away Damon’s pain and make him dream of something pleasant, so they pulled out the old honesty card–this time with no compulsion! YAY! Now deal with it, Elena! (in the background I’m hearing Billy Joel singing, Just the Way You Are….OLDSCHOOL!)

    Just when it was getting interesting, just like Ed McMahon, “Heeeeeeeeeere’s Katherine!” NOW she interrupts the moment we’ve been waiting two years for—BIOTCH! At least she had the cure! Not that any of us thought he was ever REALLY gonna die–talk about killing a show!

    This has gotten really long (as usual), so I’m not gonna go on and on about Klaus carrying his dead relatives along everywhere (was THAT what was in all those big trunks the thugs were carrying around the day we finally got to see him “wake up”), or the fact that Klaus bringing in Anonymous Lunch #2 for Stef was SO like Stef bringing Anonymous Lunch #1 to Damon when he got him to turn back in 1864.……

    It’s taken my whole commentary to get to the Very Last Woobie Word of the Week for the season—OMG! Say it isn’t so! In honor of all the suffering he did this week, from the failed suicide by sun attempt clear through to the “I know you love Stefan,” the WOOBIE WORD OF THE WEEK IS “PITIFUL”. *sniff* We gotta wait four months for another one!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s