214 “Crying Wolf”
Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Tyler is a super creeper outside Car’s house and tips her off to the fact that the wolves know who killed Mason – Stefan and Damon. Stefan goes to talk some sense into him, but it’s obvs hard because it takes practically the WHOLE episode. Meanwhile, Car and Matt decide to meet later to talk about “them,” but she gets kidnapped by Jules and her werewolf bitch-boy BraDIE, who TORTURES her. You’re DEAD, BraDIE! Over in Self-Loathing Land, Damon is trying to hate himself, but when Jenna introduces him to reporter Andie Star, he decides to take her as a girlfriend/concubine/compelled-into-silence-confidant about his existential crisis (namely being the “better man” for Elena). Speaking of Elena, Uncle-Daddy Creeper has returned to Mystic Falls, and announced to everyone (i.e., Jenna), that he, in fact, is Elena’s bio-dad. Jenna, as per usual, is shocked. Also, there’s a big werewolf/vampire showdown which is stopped when Daddy Warlocks comes strolling in with his special, target-specific Mind Bullets. He lets the vamps escape while delivering a message to the Werewolves: GET THE FUCK OUT. Word, DW! Word. Afterward, Stefan brings Elena and Bonnie over to Caroline’s house for some much needed girl-time slumber party, and he is officially the best boyfriend ever. Aww, looks like SOMEONE is making a life for himself in MF!
It’s bonfire time in WereTrashville. BraDIE is collecting the bodies of the dead to burn/destroy the evidence of the brutal defeat the night before. Only three werewolves seem to be left. Jules, BraDIE and Teenage Werewolf Ninja Douchebag (a.k.a. Stevie).
TWND knows about the moonstone. He was in Florida when UM was “banging that hot vampire chick, Kathi.” Hey! That’s our nickname for her. Who’s been reading our blog?! Anyway, he knows about the curse too. Judging by what happened when the “man witch” (AAHAHAHA!) showed up last night, all the info clicked in his little pea-sized brain. The vamps are getting everything ready in place to break the curse.
BraDIE pipes in to say that they can’t let him do that. Even if it means they must KILL THEM ALL!, he ominously adds. *YAWN*
Over at the Forbes’ residence, it’s morning at the slumber party. All three girls are sharing a bed, and when Elena’s phone rings, she wakes up and rolls right off the bed.
Heh. It’s Stefan. He asks how the slumber party went. She said it was fine, but she wants one with him.
He’s all “mmm, that can be arranged.” Elena suggests today BECAUSE of all the crazy shit going down, and especially because UC is wandering around all holier than everyone ever, including Jesus. Stefan is hesitant. Come on, Stefan. You’re supposed to be the teenage boy in this relationship, not the voice of reason. Shh, just go with it.
Over at the SBH,
Jenna Jameson Andie Star is leaving. Apparently it’s a big, big, big day! She’s covering the Founders’ High Tea festivities (natch, there’s a High Tea). It’s in honor of a small town author named Elijah Smith. Smith. How original Ehhhhh? 😉
Before she leaves, Damon makes sure she’s straight on her story: he didn’t bite her or drink her blood. *nods* They hit it off.
Andie: You are terrific, though. You’re sweet, funny. You’re honest.
Damon: *compels* You’re falling hard.
Andie: You might be the one.
Haha! He kisses her, and she leaves.
Oh, hey, Alaric’s here! Damon tells him about his new girlfriend. “Andie Star, Action News.”
Alaric points out that “It’s not called Action News.” LOLZ! Bromance so early in the morning? Me likey! To what do we owe this?? Damon takes Ric inside and shows him the dagger and the ash.
Alaric points out that UC could be lying, and Damon concurs. UC. That weasel. Alaric says he and Jenna have to go to the aforementioned High Tea. Elijah is the guest of honor. Damon seems very interested in going.
Alaric: Tell me you’re not going to kill him at the tea party.
Damon: Nooo! That would be stupid.
Alaric is NOT amused.
Damon: I want to know his endgame before I kill him.
Valid. Damon points out that it would be nice if they finally, officially met.
Over at the Mystic Grill, Bonnie is telling Caroline her witchy plan. They know pretty much nothing about Elijah, so Bonnie’s plan is to ask Luka. Car points out that he won’t just tell them. Bonnie says she never said he’d have a choice. Ooooh! I like this Bonnie.
MATTY! He gives Caroline a face. Bonnie is all “What was that about?” Caroline says “I don’t know. I thought we were… I don’t know.”
She looks really hurt and defeated. Aww, Car.
Back in WereTrashville, which is sooo where I want to be. You interrupted MATTY. Do you NOT understand the gravity of this?! Anyway, Tyler’s back.
He’s surprised that they’re there given Daddy Warlocks’ scary message. The trio tell him they need his help finding the moonstone. TWND tells him it helps break the curse, but Tyler doesn’t know what that means. They go through it and blah blah blah Werewolf Armageddon (sounds good to me!), blah blah Werewolf Domination (booo!) blah blah blah.
Jules says if they can turn whenever they want, that means they don’t have to turn at all! Ugh. Way to play to his wants, Jules. They also point out that if the vamps have the moonstone, they must also have the doppelganger. So Teenwolf has to help them find Kathi. Who? TWND shows him a pic on his phone.
Oh just this chick UM used to bang who LOOKS JUST LIKE ELENA.
Tyler: That’s Elena Gilbert!
Jules: You know her?
Tyler: I’ve known her my whole life.
Back at the Mystic Grill, Car approaches Matt. He’s all gruff when he sees her. “I’m working.” Oh! My heart! Caroline asks if he can work and talk to her.
Matt: What do you want, Caroline?
Caroline: I want to talk about what we were supposed to talk about last night before I had to cancel on you. To clear up the weirdness. I just want us to talk about us.
Matt: Now you’re just making it worse.
Now Caroline is sort of exasperated and confused, but is hiding it reasonably well. She tells him she doesn’t know what’s going on.
Matt: Where were you last night when you were supposed to be with me??
Oh, my heart again! The accusation! 😦
Matt: And don’t say you were with Bonnie because Bonnie was here, Caroline. I saw her.
There are some intense stares, but all she can say is “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Matt says and turns and walks away. “Matt?” she calls after him in a small voice.
Just then Tyler comes up to her, and she tells him to stay away from her. She tries to get passed, and he makes her drop her purse.
He helps her clean up, but swipes her phone and puts it into his pocket. She leaves, and Matt gets all up in Tyler’s face. YEAH! If Tyler and Caroline want to get together, that’s fine by Matty. There’s (supposedly) nothing he can do about it. But, Matt says, they need to stop lying about it.
Tyler denies it and Matt grabs his collar (RAWR!). “I said stop lying.” And he stalks away. You tell ‘im, Matty!
Over at la Casa de Gilbert, Elena and Stefan are ready to go on their romantic rendezvous. Quick! Before UC shows up and tries to be a concerned father!
As they’re heading out the door Elena gets a text from Caroline that they need to talk. Elena responds that she and Stefan are getting ready to leave for the lake house. Aww. Poor Car. Way to ditch a friend in need, Elena.
It’s Tyler, who stole Caroline’s phone not two minutes before! He tells BraDIE he knows where the lovebirds are going. Oh, shizz. Now I’m even madder at Elena for not being a good friend and staying in town and seeking Caroline out. Oh wells.
Stefan and Elena pull up to the house.
I forgot Stefan had that Porshe! Elena immediately starts having flashbacks/bouts of nostalgia and recollections. Stefan says they can turn around and go anywhere else if she wants. It’s okay. She was having a moment, but she’s recovered. They go to the cabin and Stefan is stuck outside.
Elena says that she can’t invite him in because UC owns the house and only he can invite Stefan in. Haha J/K! Wow, that hurt, show. Elena is kind of a bitch right there. I just didn’t find that playful. It was weird. But she invites him in and Stefan did think it was playful so he jumps on her and they’re all makey-outey
and it’s kind of awesome and I am appeased. For now.
High Tea Time! Elijah! OMG IT’S SO GREAT TO FINALLY SEE YOU AGAIN! AHHH! Carol is chatting up the new historian writing a book on the area, Mr. Elijah Smith.
Isn’t he a dish?
As soon as Damon walks in the door he is accosted by Jenna all up in his business & by his new bedmate Andie Star. They smooch right in front of Jenna, who looks like Jenna does most of the time.
Bewildered and shell-shocked. Damon thanks Jenna for introducing them, then leaves the hens to it
(As they both watch him walk away, Andie Star says “Wow” – you got that right sister!)
and heads for Carol & Mr. Smith. Damon is all kisses and love for Carol who introduces them…
Carol: Elijah, I want you to meet Damon Salvatore. His family is one of Mystic Falls founding families.
Damon: Mmmmhhhmm. Such a pleasure to meet you. *venom inflection!*
Elijah: No, the pleasure is mine.
They shake hands ominously and start their own little stare-war.
Back at the grill, Luka is playing pool and Bonnie approaches bearing 2 frozen coffee gifts. They have a little chitchat. She thanks him for his dad saving her friends from the wolf pack. In the background, Jer shows up and approaches Car and says he came because Bonnie called & he wanted to help. They both look over at Bonnie and Luka.
Jeremy: How’s it going?
Caroline: She’s sellin’ it & he’s buyin’ it. She’s giving him the sex smile.
Jeremy: Alright Caroline, I get it.
Car then knows something is definitely up between Bonnie and the Jerm, and gets a mischievous look. Then back at the pool table, Luka is trying to start a game of pool with Bonnie. She agrees to it, and as soon as he’s walking around the table to start, he turns around and starts to pass out. Caroline & Jeremy join Bonnie in catching him & Jer walks the dude out. They totes drugged him.
Jeremy: What kind of witch roofy was that?
Bonnie: A strong one.
Back at the lake house, Elena/Stefan are sharing sweet moments on the pier. So cute with his arms wrapped around her like that. Aww. They talk of memories of when her parents were alive. She wants to talk about THEIR future together. Stefan is very mature about it. He says there are a lot of conversations to be had about their future. Elena says she knows; the future is talk of a box that shouldn’t be opened. Stef says they can open it whenever she’s ready. She says no — she’d rather be here now, enjoying each other’s company. Stefan decides to create a memory — that pier, he says, is where her boyfriend whispered in her ear that he loved her.
Then he leans in with his lips close to her ear. “I love you.” AWWWWWWW.
Back to the Tea Party! Damon leads Elijah into a private study. Alaric watches with concern from across the room. Meanwhile, John approaches Ric.
John: What’s Damon doing with Elijah?
Alaric: How would I know?
John: Because you’re his little helper.
Alaric: If you say so, John.
John: Does Jenna know about your extracurricular activities? Maybe it’s time we tell her. She can’t stay in the dark forever.
Alaric: You’re a dick.
John: I don’t think you should sleep over anymore.
Alaric kind of makes a growling noise in acknowledgement though he obvs doesn’t want to take UC seriously.
John: It’s inappropriate with children in the house. And that ring that Isobel gave you, that’s mine. I’m gonna want that back.
Alaric just smiles and nods. He’s pissed as all hell. And watches John walk away.
Meanwhile, in the study, Elijah wants to know what Damon brought him in there for. Damon says that he was hoping they could talk. Elijah immediately asks where Elena is.
Damon: Safe with Stefan. They’re laying low you know? Bit of a werewolf problem.
Elijah: Oh yeah, I heard about that.
Damon: I’m sure you did. Since it was your witch that saved the day.
Elijah: You are welcome.
Damon: Which adds to my confusion. Exactly why you’re here.
Elijah: Why don’t you just stay focused on keeping Elena safe and leave the rest to me?
He grins. This is fun for him. I guess, forgetting where he is and who he’s talking to, Damon rushes Elijah like a fucking idiot.
Damon: Not good enough.
Elijah grabs him by the throat and slams him into the wall. Damon tries to put a one-handed choker on Elijah, but Elijah pulls Damon’s hand off like it’s nothing.
Damon is shocked.
Elijah: Young vampires. So arrogant. How dare you come in here and challenge me?
Damon: You can’t kill me here. It’s not part of the deal.
Elijah grabs a pencil off the table and stabs Damon in the neck.
AAAH! Poor Damon, but BAAAMMMFFFFF!
Elijah: I’m an original. Show a little respect.
Elijah pulls out a hanky and wipes the blood off his hand. He then holds it out to Damon who presses it against his neck.
Elijah: The moment you cease to be of use to me, you’re dead. So you should do what I say.
Cin & Christina: *swoons*
Elijah: Keep Elena safe.
Back at the Lake house, Stefan is chopping up some veggies for dinner. Apparently Daddy Gilbert did all the cooking while Mommy Gilbert sat right there and watched. Wait.
Is Elena drinking wine? I want to blame Jenna for more bad parenting, but she’s not here, dammit. Mommy Gilbert couldn’t cook either, apparently. Elena notices the fire in the fireplace is dying down, so Stefan says he’ll get more wood, but Elena says she’ll get it. She’s going to get a jacket. She goes into her parent’s room and has more memories/flashbacks. Perfume.
She spots her mother’s perfume in on the dresser and it sends her into a tiny whirlwind. She explains that Jenna was supposed to pack the place up, but she never got the chance to come up there. Elena tosses a plaid jacket to Stefan – it was her her great grandad’s. She says he looks hot.
Stefan: I look hot in your dead great granddad’s jacket?
Elena: Beyond hot.
Cin & Christina: Gross?
Stefan enjoys that compliment, so they start making out, and she weakly protests that it’s her parent’s bedroom.
Stefan pushes her against a wall in the closet and they realize it’s hollow.
Stefan breaks a lock to get it open and inside are…WEAPONS! OMG! Not just any weapons.
Looks like vamp-hunting weapons to me.
Back at the Forbes’ residence, Car, Bonnie and Jer are setting up for
a rousing game of light as a feather, stiff as a board Bonnie’s witchy-juju on Luka.
Car comes back with an armful of candles, and Bonnie says to place them throughout the room. With Luka laid out on the floor, Bonnie places him in a trance and ask him questions, like hypnosis. She explains she will draw power from the flames of the candles. Bonnie lights ’em up and the Jerm says he’ll never get used to it.
Car remarks that it’s hot. Bon sends Jer for a bowl of water, and asks Car what her whole “it’s hot” thing is about — Jer is totes crushing! Cute!
Caroline: Would you rather be with Traitor Warlock over here?
Bonnie: I’m not into Luka. It’s just… you know, he understood me. And he was new. Different.
Caroline points out that Bon only sees Jerm as one way — but she’s a vamp and Bon is a witch, they’re not in a position to judge Jermy (whom they’ve only seen one way). The point is, he can be different too. Aww!
Luka starts to wake up and Bonnie gets to work.
The flames do that erection metaphor thing again and get impossibly huge.
Back at the SBH library, it’s BROMANCE TIME! Alaric asks how Damon is, and he says that his throat is sore.
Alaric: Yeah, that Elijah is one scary dude. But with nice hair.
Cin & Christina: AMEN!
Damon: *sighs* He’s going to be hard to kill.
Alaric: Yeah, I’d think twice before I’d trust that dagger and some ashes to do the job. You’re going to need more info.
Damon: I’m out of sources.
Alaric: *changes topics* What’s up with you and this news chick?
Damon: Ooh. She’s got spunk, huh?
Alaric: Just don’t kill her. Please.
Damon: If I did, who’d report her death?
Christina: LOLZ FOREVER
Alaric: Just don’t do it, alright?
Alaric points out that she is friends with Jenna and he’s lying to his girlfriend about enough as it is. He hates the lies. He realizes the time and leaves to go pick Jenna up. Damon wishes him good luck… with Jenna, I guess.
Now alone in the library, Damon’s laying back resting when he hears a clattering from the other room, and immediately RUNS to investigate. When are these Mystic Fallians going to learn? When Damon gets out into the hallway, he see’s his bromance buddy struggling with the stake in his gut!!
TWND jumps down from the rafters, surprising Damon.
He sticks him in the neck with a syringe, presumably filled with liquid vervain. Damon goes down, but not without a helluva struggle.
TWND: Damn you’re strong. You took the whole syringe!
Now werewolves storm in and TWND tells them to grab “that one” (meaning Alaric) because “he’s dead.” Oh, Alaric, no. But wait! He’s got the ring, though, lest we forget/panic!! 😀
Jules: Hi, Damon. Nice to see you again.
Back in the closet at the lake house, Elena finds the other Johnathan Gilbert journals. Her brother has the one, you’ll remember, but apparently there are more mad ravings from her ancestor. As she’s looking through the contents of the closet, Stefan goes to get fire wood and lets her have a moment.
He leaves and she finds what look like wood-tipped bullets. Oh, no.
Back in the Werennebago, BraDIE is ready to roll. He’s making sure that Tyler is “up for this.” He explains that “these people” have done nothing but lie to him. Elena is with the vampires now, the ones who killed Mason.
BraDIE: They’re the enemy. And if they break the curse, all of us are as good as dead. You up for this?
Tyler: Yes, I am.
BraDIE: ‘Cause if you wuss out, you’re going to have me to deal with, got it?
Oh, so scared. *rolls eyes*
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, UC and Jenna are chatting in the kitchen. UC inquires where Elena is. Jenna tells him that’s she’s at the lake house with Stefan,
and UC calls her on her shitty parenting skills for giving her minor ward permission to go. She’s supposed to be the guardian, but he calls her negligent, and I can’t stop laughing. Jenna says that she went to get away from UC. Offended, UC now calls Alaric’s integrity into question, because he’s a giant douchebag. He calls Alaric a liar.
UC: Did he ever tell you what happened to his wife?
Jenna: She died.
UC: Really? So they found her body?
Jenna: What are you saying?
UC: Why don’t you ask Ric? I’d love to hear his answer. Have a great night.
Insert stock Jenna face here.
Back at the SBH, Damon is in the library, tied to a chair wearing a collar full of wooden nails around his neck. He’s is all bloody, like he’s been poked by said collar already. Oh, woobs. He slowly comes to while Alaric is still “dead” on the floor,
but Damon heaves a sigh of relief when he sees that the ring is still on Alaric’s finger.
TWND: Morning, Sunshine. I saw this movie once, some torture-porn flick… anyway, they had this collar device that was really cool. So I just modified it some, put in some wooden nails, so when I just pull…
Damon: **GROANS IN PAIN**
Cin & Christina: AHH! You’re next on our list, STEVIE!
Jules: *to Damon* So, I hear you have the moonstone.
Damon: *starts to chuckle* The irony of this moment right now. Let me tell you how this is going to go: you’re going to torture me, I don’t talk. Someone loses a heart. Last time it was your boy, Mason.
Jules: This time it’ll be you.
TWND pulls on the chains to the collar again, and Damon cries out. Damon’s so pissed and in pain. It’s kinda hot, but wrong. So wrong. Also, I’d like to point out that he’s never afraid. Not even for a second. I like that.
That’s our Damon!
Over at the Forbes’ residence, they’re almost ready to begin the juju. Caroline is asking how long the juju is going to take. Bonnie doesn’t know. Luka is coming to and asks her to stop. Nope. Sorry.
Bonnie: Why are you working with Elijah?
Luka: Klaus. We both want him dead.
Bonnie: You want to kill Klaus, too? Why?
Luka: Because he has her, and we have to get her away from them.
Bonnie: Who are you talking about?
Luka: My sister.
Jeremy: His sister? (This obvs strikes a chord… heh)
Bonnie: Why does he have her?
Luka: He’s searching for a way to undo the curse without the doppelganger. He’s forced generations of witches to help him for centuries.
Bonnie does NOT like this revelation.
Bonnie: What has Elijah promised you?
Luka: If we help Elijah kill Klaus, he’s promised to return her to us.
Bonnie: And how do you kill Klaus? How do you kill an original vampire?
Luka tries to resist. He doesn’t want to tell; he says that Elijah will kill him if he tells. Jer tells Bonnie that there’s probably another way to find out – does he know that UC “knows”?? Hmm… But BonBon’s not hearing it.
Bonnie: No. How will you kill Klaus?
Luka: After the sacrifice, Klaus will be vulnerable. Weakened. It’s our only chance.
Caroline: AFTER the sacrifice?!
Bonnie: What do you mean after?
Luka: Klaus will be vulnerable.
Bonnie: Elena will be dead.
Luka: Yes. Elena has to die.
There are some major BEARS starting here (that’s Bonnie-tears, not the woodland creature). Jer and Caroline no def NOT pleased with their information gathering either. *gulp*
Over at the lake house, Stefan is bringing a SHITTON of firewood on the porch. MORE THAN ENOUGH, STEFAN. Oh, this just has ominous written ALL over it.
He goes back into the shed, maybe to get more wood, who knows, and when he turns around. BraDIE shoots him in the heart with a dart (looks like a bullet, sounded like a dart — either way. It takes him down)!
As Stefan is down there moaning on the floor, Tyler walks in the shed behind BraDIE. Stefan is writhing a little in pain.
BraDIE: Keep him down. *hands Tyler a gun* If he moves kill him.
At first TyTy doesn’t look super-thrilled to be there,
but when it comes back from the commercial break, he’s doing his best Five-O stance with the gun in one hand and a stake in the other. You don’t look badass TeenWolf; you look ridiculous.
Tyler: Don’t move.
Stefan: Just help me get the bullet out. It punctured my heart. I need to get it out. I’m not going to fight you.
Tyler: I don’t think so.
Then Tyler gives Stefan an impromptu taste of his DeNiro impression.
Stefan: Tyler, why are you doing this?
Tyler: I can’t let you break the curse.
Stefan: You know about the curse.
Tyler: You’re liars. All of you.
Stefan: No, I swear to you, we don’t want to break the curse Tyler. We don’t want to do that.
Tyler: Oh yeah? But I do. **Shoots Stefan in the leg** I can’t be like this forever.
Stefan: Tyler, I’m just trying to save Elena.
Tyler: Elena will be fine!
Stefan: They didn’t tell you that part, did they? Who are the liars now?
Tyler: Tell me what?
Stefan: In order to break the curse Elena has to die.
Dun dun DUN! Tyler looks constipated.
Inside the lake house, Stefan still isn’t back and Elena is starting to get worried. She calls out the door “Are you growing the trees out there?” Now comes round two of Elena’s Own Personal Horror Movie.
BraDIE’s right outside the house! Elena keeps calling to Stefan. BraDIE turns to her and she stabs him in the gut with a knife she’d picked up from the counter.
She turns and runs inside, slamming the door.
She runs up the stairs because this is a HORROR MOVIE and that’s just where you go in a horror movie. Instead of, I don’t know, out the fucking back door or something. Anyway.
BraDIE can “smell her” which is Twihard level of fucking gross. Elena takes off her outer sweater and leaves it on the bed, then goes and hides in the other bedroom. BraDIE follows his nose upstairs, and while he’s sniffing her shirt,
Elena manages to silently get back downstairs. Then she slams the front door as a diversion, and runs into her parents’ room where the weapons closet is.
He’s still stalking after her with the bloody kitchen knife that he’s pulled out of his own gut. BraDIE, she weighs nothing. Why do you need a weapon at all? Oh. I forgot. Kev Williamson wrote Scream. Butcher knives are the weapon of choice for mortal baddies. Gotcha.
When BraDIE reaches the closet and is starting to go in, Elena stabs him in the back with a stake. Somehow she must have wrested the knife from him because when she runs outside SHE has the butcher knife in her hand.
BraDIE pulls the stake from his back and gives chase. As BraDIE reaches the door and runs outside,
Stefan pops out and de-hearts him. Nice and clean. Elena drops the knife and they run to each other. Stefan starts repeating “It’s OK. You’re OK” and they hug. Aww.
But wait. Tyler comes out of the woodshed and breaks up this happy moment with his face.
Tyler: I didn’t know what they were going to do to you. I didn’t. I didn’t want to be like this anymore.
Elena does the saintly Elena thing and goes over and hugs him. Gross. He’s all “I’m sorry, Elena,” and she keeps saying it’s okay and hugging him and blah blah snore drool.
Back at the SBH, the wolves are still at it with Damon.
Jules: You know what the great thing about buckshot is? It scatters through the body. Maximum damage. Where’s the moonstone?
Damon: *in his total smartass, in-control Damon voice *Get over it, honey. You’re never going to get it.
Then Elijah (ELIJAH!) comes in and stands in the door like a motherfuckin’ BOSS all casual and shit.
Elijah: You looking for this?
All of the wolves stop in their tracks and turn. He strolls into the room like he doesn’t have two worries in the entire universe, holds up the moonstone & sets it down on a sofa table and steps away from it.
Elijah: Go ahead. Take it.
Wolfy #1 zooms up & HEART RIP!
Then two more & DOUBLE HEART RIP!!! OMFG.
So nonchalantly, it KILLS me.
Damon fucking Salvatore is impressed. Then Jules zooms away because she’s a pussy bitch & TWND a.k.a. Stevie, the Damon-poisoner & Alaric-killer & wannabe torturer kneels down, pulls his jacket lapel half way up his head and tries to blend into the carpet like the cowardly R.O.U.S. he is.
Elijah: What about you, Sweetheart? Hm? *pulls TWND to his feet* Wanna take a shot?
TWND starts murmuring and shaking his head “no.”
Elijah: No? Yes? No? *to Damon* Where’s the girl?
Damon: I don’t know.
Elijah: It doesn’t really matter.
He punches TWND, breaking his neck and sending him into the final doggy death.
Then just casually walks over and tugs at Damon’s massive chains and breaks him free without even looking un-bored. Then, THEN he flips his hair like a total JARRAH BAMF should do!!! HOT.
Elijah: You realize this is the third time I’ve saved your life now?
Damon is speechless, but I’d be willing to bet he has a massive boner. Elijah casually turns around, picks the stone back up and leaves.
Damon looks after him in total awe and admiration. I think Damon just found a man-crush.
Later, Damon is cleaning up (that’s right!) and is on the phone with Bonnie. She’s telling him that killing Elena was part of Elijah’s plan all along. He hangs up. The ring finally starts to work, and Alaric is waking up.
Damon: Finally. You missed all the fun.
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Jenna answers the phone.
It’s Alaric. He makes up some lame excuse about grading papers, which is why he never came over. But then he “confesses” that he fell asleep.
He says he’s sorry and that he’s a jerk. She accepts it because she’s naïve. He promises the next day, he’s all hers.
She does seem a little skeptical of his story, though. The lies, Alaric. The lies…
Back at the SBH, Damon’s on the phone now with Stefan. He relays the information that Bonnie told him.
Damon: Straight from the witch’s mouth. He was going to go through with the whole sacrifice. You should probably just keep her away a little longer.
Stefan: Be careful; try not to get yourself killed.
Damon: Yeah it’s been a day for that.
Elena comes up to Stefan as he’s hanging up. He says it was Damon; they need to talk.
Elena: What is it?
Stefan: We learned that Elijah’s plan was for you to die in the sacrifice ritual.
Elena: I know the deal I made, Stefan. Elijah’s very careful with his words. He promised to protect my friends. He never said a word about me.
OHGOD the STEARS are starting! *whimpers*
Stefan: Wait a minute. You knew you weren’t going to survive this?
Elena: If it comes down to the people I love getting killed or me, I know what my choice is going to be.
Stefan: Elena, how could you stand out there earlier with me, talking about making plans for our future when you don’t even expect to have one?
Elena: I’m sorry, Stefan. I’m just trying to keep the people I love safe. I’m trying to keep you safe.
Stefan: No, what you’re doing is being a martyr!
Elena: How is that any different from when you say that you would die to keep me safe?
Stefan: Because I’ve already lived! 162 years I have lived, and you’ve barely begun. And now you want to let yourself be killed? That’s not heroic. It’s tragic.
Kind of disgusted and disappointed, he just walks passed her, leaving her in the room.
Back at the Forbes’ residence again, Bonnie and Jeremy are leaving. He wants to know if Luka will remember anything, but she assures him Luka will only know he lost consciousness.
Jeremy: Should we wait for Caroline?
Bonnie: She was just going to drop Luka back at the Grill. Said to lock the door on our way out.
Jeremy: Yeah, well I hope she drops him hard.
Ha! He starts to leave, but Bonnie, remembering what Caroline said earlier, stops him.
Bonnie: Wait. You’re Elena’s little brother. I’ve known you forever. You’re that punk kid. I remember your awkward phase, then your Emo phase, your druggie phase. Over night you turn into this hot guy, who’s really sweet —
Jeremy: You think I’m hot?
Bonnie: With everything that’s going on. You know. Curse and sacrifice…
Jeremy: Enough already.
AND THEY KISS AND HOLY CRAP, JER! CUE MUSIC “I DON’T WANNA WAIT… FOR OUR LIVES TO BE OVAH-AH…”
Over at Lockwood Manor, Carol is coming down the stairs and spots an envelope from Tyler. It’s his run away note!
Time to bust out the crayolas!
Back at the Mystic Grill, Tyler’s come to talk to Matt. Matt’s bussing tables when Tyler comes up to him.
Matt: I’m not in the mood, man.
Tyler: I need to say something.
Matt: Alright. Say it.
Tyler: I’ve been going through a rough time. Something I can’t really talk about. Caroline’s been helping me through it. She’s been there for me, more than anyone’s ever been there my entire life. I kind of fell for her.
Matt is not really amused. (Cin & Christina: Ditty, Matty. Ditto.)
Tyler: I don’t know how anyone wouldn’t ’cause she’s pretty incredible. She loves you. And she needs you. To be honest, she deserves someone like you. So you be good to her, okay?
Matt: Yeah, man. Of course.
Tyler: See you around, Matt.
He was a little stunned by Tyler’s revelation, and turns back to his table all contemplative. That’s right, Matty! You go get her, and you take care of her, and you keep her!
Back at the Forbes’ residence, Caroline is in bed when she senses something. She calls out to her mom, but it’s not her. OMG PLEASE LET IT ME MATTY DOBLER HOLDING A BOOMBOX OVER HIS HEAD BLARING PETER GABRIEL’S “IN YOUR EYES”! PLEASE, SHOW! PLEASE, SHOW! PLEASE, SHOW! Caroline goes to investigate.
She goes to the front door, but no one is there, and she locks it and goes back to bed.
But Tyler is out there, being all creepy right outside her house, lurking in the shadows. He had to come back for one last look or something. Whatever. That one’s for you, Tyoline shippers. Bye-bye, Tyler!
He walks back to the street and gets in a truck – Jules’ truck.
Tyler: I’m sorry about BraDIE and your friends. But if I’m going to go with you, no more lies.*
Jules: No more lies.
*Not pictured: her fingers crossed behind her back. She tells him that he’s doing the right thing. Tyler’s all “I can’t stay here. Not like this.”
And the truck pulls off down the road.
Now, as a special treat, here’s a little poem from Damon:
Four hearts lost
Though not a one was mine
The pleasure it cost
Now the wolves won’t be fine
Well put. Wolves. Psshh. *shakes head*
(All screencaps courtesy of crystalcaps at LiveJournal.)