“There’s nothing hidden in your head
The Sorting Hat can’t see,
So try me on and I will tell you
Where you ought to be.”
In honor of the opening of the first installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (and inspired by our required reading blog, FYA), we at the SBH decided to invite that cunning ol’ Sorting Hat over for a drink. He is very chatty. Sang a lot. We also got to thinking: if some of the major players on TVD were sorted into Hogwarts Houses, where would they go? The Sorting Hat had to go before we could get him on anyone’s head, but this is where our educated guesses would place everyone:
“You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;”
Stefan: Oh, Stefan. He is totes a Gryffindor because he blindly acts sometimes but always goes all out for ones he loves. He is very loyal, but above all he is extremely chivalrous and daring. You mess with him or his people, you get fucked up.
Elena: Elena is brave to a fault & very independent. She thinks it’s her job to investigate and acts without backup like it’s the perfectly logical thing to do. Hmm, kinda like a certain trio…
Caroline: Caroline was about as far from a Gryffindor as you could get as a human (we’re pretty certain she would have been sorted into Hufflepuff). As a vamp she is nothing but selflessness & badassery. She is resourceful & true & kickass & awesome. Sure Car can be catty and petty, but as a human and as a vamp, she always tried her hardest. On the outside, she may look like a kiddie pool, but the more we get to know the complete Caroline, we see how powerful she is in her own way. She was actually the toughest one to sort because she so skillfully straddles the houses, but she is mostly Gryffindor. She’s brave and daring — she even fooled Kathi!
Jeremy: He’s a tough one. Could have gone Ravenclaw with his penchant for research. But he’s not always the sharpest knife in the tray. He is resourceful though. And like Elena he follows his heart, acts first & luck guides him out of things.
“You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffis are true
And unafraid of toil;”
Matt: *sigh* He’s just such a damn nice guy. Everyone’s friend. He takes on tasks without complaint and is extremely hard working. He’s been working shifts at the Mystic Grill while his Madame Mother is off whoring it up all over the Eastern Seaboard for crying out loud! Sweet, loyal, patient (unless pushed, Caroline).
Jenna: Jenna totes fills the ditzy Hufflepuff stereotype quite nicely. She’s also a whore. And everyone knows those Hufflepuff girls are sluts.
“Or perhaps in Slytherin
You’ll make your real friends,
Those cunning folk use any means
To achieve their ends.”
Kathi: Always looking out for #1 – check. Uses any means necessary to get what she wants – check. Bully – check. Classic Slytherin. Totes.
Tyler: He’s definitely a bully & showed his snobbery early with Vicki. Also, when he killed someone his biggest concern was about the curse, not the fact that he KILLED SOMEONE. He’s seriously a few bad decisions away from becoming just like Kathi. Plus his family makes such a huge conceited deal about being one of the Founding Families. The Malfoys would approve. Ugh.
“Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
if you’ve a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;”
Damon: Straight from Rowena Ravenclaw’s diadem: “Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.” No one, possibly anywhere ever, has more wits than Damon. He is the Dean of Wits. And as much as he made fun of Slater for his schooling, we’re willing to bet Damon has considered getting his share of degrees too. You know, when he’s not draining the sorority girls dry for kicks.
Alaric: He loves his books, learning and researching. Dude invents weapons! Also, this house thing could be at the root of why The Bromance is so dynamic! As different as Alaric and Damon are, they do think alike. Both always see all the angles to situations, and can almost always immediately find a way out.
Bonnie: She’s a student of witchcraft, but also seems to be quite clever. She hasn’t been studying for very long, but she can figure out what spell she needs super fast. Also, she’s kind of an elitist. We shouldn’t forget that Ravenclaw trait.
Well, there you have it! Did the Sorting Hat teach us well? Where would the Sorting Hat place you? We asked him the same thing, and after some consideration over Slytherin, the Sorting Hat decided definitively that Cin is in Gryffindor (though she does her moments). He also mandated that Christina belongs to Ravenclaw. Which is awesome, but considering the logic puzzle key needed to get into the common room, that’s just cruel. She’s totes going to be the Neville Longbottom of Ravenclaw, standing outside, waiting for someone to let her in, isn’t she? Natch. *sigh* Which of the Mystic Falls residents would be your fellow housemates?
“So put me on! Don’t be afraid!
And don’t get in a flap!
You’re in safe hands (though I have none)
For I’m a Thinking Cap!”