Episode 204 “Memory Lane”

Episode 204 “Memory Lane”

Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Elena tags along on the Bromance Fieldtrip to Duke where they find out that the Lockwoods may or may not be Lycanthropes (they TOTES are!), and a bite from one is fatal to vamps. Stefan gets Bonnie to make Caroline a daywalking ring, though she doesn’t do it without complaint. Uncle Mason turns into a wolf and tries to attack Caroline before Tyler calls him off – but Ty has no clue how he did it! And Elena straight up tells Damon she hates him. WOOBIE! Oh! And Katherine is baaaaaaack! S.O.S!

Flashback! Stefan and Katherine are dancing without touching at the Lockwood mansion back in 1864.

He tries to kiss her, and she chastises him.

“Ah! No touching, Mr. Salvatore. Those are the rules.”

Stefan says he thought she didn’t believe in rules. I really enjoy flirty Stefan.

They spot Damon looking on rather creepily and longingly.

But wait, he’s found someone to occupy him. ELENA?!

Stefan runs to them, but finds himself at the Mystic Grill.

Ah, so this is a dream. There’s Elena, playing pool with Damon. Stefan sees them kiss before Damon leans very closely over Elena to help her line up her shot.

If you know what I mean. 😉

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Kathi asks. Now he knows how she feels.

Katherine: Don’t fight it, Stefan. You loved me once. You can love me again.

Suddenly they’re back at the dance!

Katherine promises that they’ll be together again – and Stefan wakes up with a gasp!

He’s cuddling Elena… but wait… something is amiss! Stefan vamp-speeds out of the bed.

Stefan: Katherine.

Katherine: You have to admit. I’m getting better at this.

Stefan: Oh, yes. All hail Kathi: Queen of the Doppelgänger Surprise. /sarcasm


TITLE CARD!

Katherine chides Stefan that it was easy to get inside his head. “Have you completely forsaken your nature?” Stefan speeds to the bed to catch her, but she lunges out of the way.

Katherine: We both know I could rip you to shreds, and do my nails at the same time.

Stefan wants to know why she’s back in town. Katherine gives three reasons:

“You,

you,

“and you.” Creeper. He’s not amused, but she’s convinced that deep inside him, the Stefan that fell in love with her is still there.

Over at the Mystic Grill (I’m glad to see it’s starting to get its patronage back), Damon sneaks up on Elena, and she gasps when he’s suddenly across the table from her.

Like she’s not used to this sort of thing yet. How long as it been? Like 8-9 months? Anyway, he’s apparently come to tease her about her hangouts when she’s not stabbing people in the back.

Elena maintains that she only tricked the truth out of him – which is using his own tactics against him. She goes to leave, and Damon says he’ll see her at Jenna’s BBQ, which he reveals was his and Alaric’s idea.

BROMANCE IN FULL BLOOM!

Damon explains that the “point” of the BBQ is for them to get to know UM a little better since he was a classmate of Jenna’s.

Really what Damon wants to do is put some silver to him to prove that he’s a werewolf. He is so sneaky!

Over at Lockwood Manor, UM is super excited to be going to Jenna’s BBQ. Because he is a frat boy.

But Tyler stops him. He needs to know some things. UM’s all “What do you want me to say? Yes, I turn into a werewolf. No, it’s not going to happen to you.” And cryptically leaves it at that.

Tyler’s not going to trigger the curse. That’s it.

Oh-kay, Uncle Douchenozzle.

Tyler tries to rile him up about the moonstone, but UM doesn’t take the bait.

Back at the SBH, Stefan catches Katherine 100 pages deep into his journal and reminds her it’s not nice to read people’s diaries.

She claims that it was just too tempting though.

He notices she’s helped herself to a glass of Damon’s stock of HB, and when he declines her offer of a drink, she rubs the fact that he doesn’t “do humans” in his face like his brother does. She read about that in his journal, you see. She also says that she read about Stefan’s recent werewolf sighting. That’s an understatement! Stefan demands to know what she knows.

But all she tells him is that their bites are fatal, which we already knew.

Kathi goes on to explain that she knew this because of who actually spearheaded the whole “rid Mystic Falls of vampires” campaign back in 1864 – none other than the Lockwoods!!*feigns surprise*

And we flash back to the dance in 1864 – the real one this time (according to Kathi, at least). Damon is giving a toast to George Lockwood “for defending the South.”

George graciously accepts the toast claming that someone had to do it. See?

The Lockwoods: a History of Douchatude.

While everyone is celebrating, a vamp named Henry (Meta alert! Tomb vamp-turned-UC’s stooge who is offed by Damon & Alaric on their 2nd Bromance date in Season 1)  comes to Katherine to report that there was an attack.

She’s all “Duh, there are vamps here.” But he says that it was way worse than a vampire attack – the bodies were shredded like they were attacked by an animal.

In the present, Stefan asks if all the Lockwoods are werewolves,

but Kathi explains that no, they just carry the gene for it. I wonder if it’s dominant or recessive. BIOLOGY JOKE!

Stefan, who is just full of questions today, asks how many wolves there are out there. Turns out, there aren’t many. For the most part, werewolves “mainly exist now in books and really bad movies.”

Ha! Was that a Twilight dig? I’mma go with YES! Ooh. Or maybe a Williamson/Plec’s Cursed self-dig? Either way: hehe.

Subject change! Katherine spots the infamous picture in his journal,

and wants to know why Stefan kept it all this time. “Why not burn it? Tear it up?” Then she asks why he came back to MF. She thinks it’s because he wanted to fall in love with her all over again.

Whoa. Was that a tiny, almost imperceptible nod there, Stefan? He vamp-speeds up to her and ever so gently cups her face in his hand.

Stefan: What is it about you that makes me still care?

And they almost kiss, and holy shit, why am I kind of rooting for this?

But Stefan snaps me out of it when he STABS HER IN THE BACK with one of Alaric’s leftover Vervain darts!

Yeah! Whew. That was a close one.

Stefan’s dragged her into the basement that doubles as a dungeon and chains her up.

“Where were we?” Stefan asks.

He wants to know why Kathi is back. “I told you, I came back for you,” she says.

Unsatisfied with her answer, he takes a sprig of vervain and BURNS HER FACE WITH IT!

Stefan! I love you! Have my babies!

Katherine agrees to participate, and we flashback again to the dance. Katherine has decided to go talk with ol’ Georgie boy.

She’s surprised he came looking for her, but not because she’s “the rope in the Salvatore brothers’ game of tug-o-war.”

(Totes nastay!) Nope, but because she’s a vamp.

George is all “AAWUUHHH?!”

Oh, don’t be coy, Georgie. You already knew that, and Katherine knows your secret too.

And she can totes beat your ass, because as she explains, he’s strong, but not as strong.

George: How do you know who I am?

Katherine: You think that I would settle into a town without knowing my enemies?

George wants to know what she wanted, but Kathi stops her story telling. But she’s got Stefan hanging on her every word. You might want to pull up a chair, Stef; this could be a long one.

So we zoom over to la Casa de Gilbert where Jenna and Elena are preparing for this high school reunion BBQ.

Elena’s thanking Jenna for allowing her to invite Caroline – who could really use a day off, apparently. I’ll say. But Jenna pouts and wants to know why Damon is coming too. Elena explains that it’s because “Alaric is a pity-taker.” Jenna, he’s your bf; shouldn’t you know this?

Anyway, Elena asks her to be nice to him, to which Jenna retorts that she’ll be nice as long as Damon keeps his mitts off her.

Oh, goody.

UM found the shot-glasses. Because Jenna is being a super responsible adult, Elena takes her leave before UM’s nostalgia for stealing his old man’s liquor smothers them all. Jenna asks Ric why he invited him over again.

Ric innocently enough explains that he just wants to get to know her high school friends. Which makes sense seeing as she ACTS like she’s still in high school.

But seriously, girl, if a guy wanted to meet MY high school friends at this age… I’d be highly suspicious. Why? Because even I don’t talk to half my high school friends. And besides, why are you upset he’s there? Were you hoping that it’d be just you and Alaric and some naked time? Girl, you don’t need a BBQ. All you have to do is pick up the phone, and say “Hey, Ric, BYOB your ass over here, and let’s get this party started.”

Whatever. Moving on.

Cue Damon!

Jenna cuntily leaves and Damon sidles up next to UM to lament how he doesn’t think she likes him.

UM realizes they haven’t met, and they introduce themselves.

Apparently UM already knows about Damon.

UM: I’ve heard great things about you.
Damon: Really? That’s weird… ‘cause I’m a dick.

Outside, Elena is calling Stefan, but he’s not answering.

Caroline assures her that it’s probably fine, and then quickly changes the subject to how she can’t stop stuffing her face. Apparently, this is another one of Stefan’s tricks: eating human food (much like alcohol) helps dampen the need for blood.

However Caroline’s description of the bloodlust is more graphic, and Elena seems vaguely horrified. Ha!

But Caroline takes it a step further by saying that Stefan HATES that Elena is a constant temptation. “The desire to rip out your jugular every time he’s with you? Trust me, it’s there.”

Oh-kay. Alaric comes out to tell them that the food is ready, and Caroline jumps up because she’s just starving! Elena, however, is still bothered by this recent vampire boyfriend development.

Or maybe she’s confused that dinner is ready… at a BBQ… and yet no ACTUAL BBQing seemed to have taken place. Unless Aunt Jenna busted out the George Foreman! THE FAT JUST DRIPS RIGHT OFF!

Back in the dungeon of the SBH, Stefan is still trying to get Katherine to talk. “You know, when you start to desiccate, there’s a tomb with your name on it.”

Seriously, Stefan. What are you on because you are awesome and let’s go upstairs to your room, okay? Katherine says she’s tired of doing the talking, and starts to ask questions of Stefan. She wants to know if he pretends to be human around Elena. He insists that he can be himself around her. “Does she know you love me?” Katherine asks.

But Stefan, again, insists that he doesn’t. At all. Ever. Katherine doesn’t believe him. “Don’t you remember bringing me home that night?” My flashback sense in tingling again!

Back in 1864, Stefan is walking Katherine upstairs to the room in the Salvatore house she’s staying in. Outside the door, Stefan explains that even though they haven’t known each other long, he’s never met a woman like her. She looks like an angel, and her skin ignites him, and blah blah blah. HumanStefan, you are so lame, you almost sparkle.

*sigh* He’s falling in love. Nay. “I am in love with you.” She protests that there’s more to her that he doesn’t know about, but he doesn’t care. “More to love.”

Taken by surprise, Katherine goes into her room – where she’s accosted by Damon! “What are you doing here?”

Apparently she should have been expecting him; he told her he was going to come.

She seems annoyed that he’s there and compels him to leave.

Wait… didn’t Damon and Katherine have the sex at this point in the flashback last season?

Um… someone isn’t telling the truth here…

Back in the present, Katherine tells Stefan that he can torture her, whatever, but it won’t change the truth. “I never compelled your love. It was real, and so is mine.”

Stefan does NOT look happy at this revelation.

Back at la Casa de Gilbert, the gang is playing Pictionary.

Everyone is having a hard time guessing what Damon’s picture of a WOLF wearing TUTU is supposed to represent.

They’re all “Jackal! Jackal! Is it a jackal? A jackal!” until finally, very calmly, UM announces that it’s Dances With Wolves.

Damon, pleased with the fact that he got it, mock-solemnly announces that UM wins. Again. “HOW IS THAT A WOLF?!” we hear Jenna question.

Over in the kitchen, Elena is pulling some pie out of a box (that sentence just feels dirty…). Damon comes in. He thinks Jenna is getting tipsy. Elena tells him to stop plying her with alcohol, but duh, he wants her to like him.

Wow, that speaks VOLUMES about Jenna. On cue, she barges into the kitchen

and gets all in Damon’s face about how she knows he’s a dick because she dated a lot of “Damon’s” in high school – we’re sure you did, Jenna! Personally, me thinks you doth protest too much. What is it with these chicks? Damn. Damon changes the subject when he finds Jenna’s mother’s silver set

and gets an idea!

Gasp!

Back in the dungeon, Katherine is guessing that after 150 years, hearing the truth must be jarring for Stefan.

But he remembers her compelling him – damn, wtf was going on there while we were gone? Stefan’s voice sounds horrible! Oh, it’s all that raw emotion. I thought it smelled like tears in here. Katherine assures him she only compelled him after she showed him who she was.

He was so scared, she had to take away his fear.

Stefan: Well whatever feelings I had back then, they all turned to hate.

Katherine: Love, hate, such a fine line.

Kathi goes on to explain more of the history. George Lockwood was causing trouble. He used the vamps to cover his own claw marks tracks by telling the Founding Families all about them. But, he was willing to make a deal with her.

Back in 1864, George and Kathi are discussing the plot to burn all the vamps in the tomb.

Katherine, it seems, was going to help coordinate it. He had to make sure that they counted all the vamps – there should be 27 – before they burned the place to the ground. George tells her to crawl to a space under the choir loft once the flames start, and he’ll be there to set her free – but everyone has to believe that she died.

Stefan stops the story to make sure he’s got his facts straight.

She was going to allow them to round up all her friends and vampfamily and burn them alive. “Without blinking.”

You cold-hearted cuntbasket.

Back at the Gilberts’, it’s time for pie!

Damon puts the silver pie server into the pie and asks UM to serve.

UM purposely avoids the server and GRABS A PIECE OF PIE WITH HIS HANDS. OMGWTFINDOORBBQ! UM you are the douchiest douchenozzle ever. Can’t take you anywhere, sheesh. I am enjoying the disappointed/disgusted looks Damon

and Alaric

have, though, haha.

Alaric changes the subject, with what feels like a bit of venom. “So, Mason, you and Jenna never dated?” UM explains that she was always lost in Logan Fell-land. Question: If she was lost in “Logan Fell-land,” how did she date all those Damon’s? *cough*slut*cough*

Damon: I always pegged you for a lone wolf.

UM: Well, I’m sure I wasn’t half the lady-killer you were.

Oh, you boys.

Over in the living room, Elena is expressing concern that Stefan isn’t answering her phone, and chose to confide this fear in Caroline.

Caroline – who obvs knows that Katherine is at the SBH with Stefan (WE didn’t let her in; we swear!) – tries to allay Elena’s fears,

but nothin’ doin’.

When she realizes that Elena is going to go regardless of her pleas, she offers to drive her. Oh, this should be good.

Outside, Elena jumps into Caroline’s car, while Caroline takes her time going around it. Pretending to drop her keys, Caroline snaps the tire’s valve stem,

ensuring they’ll face a flat tire at some point during their journey.

Naughty Caroline! And you were trying to hard to walk in Stefan’s Goody-Two-Shoes footsteps!

Back at the SBH, Stefan and Katherine are still having story time. Stefan wants to know what George got for letting Katherine free – it was “something he wanted desperately” — but refuses to believe that she would just send scores of her friends to final death’s door just for the hell of it. There was something else she wanted too.

Instead of answering, Katherine explains that all was going according to plan until she visited him one last time in the night.

She drank his blood,

but it was tainted with vervain

and she was captured. Then “Damon being Damon” came in and got Stefan to help rescue her from the back of the paddy wagon,

which got them killed!

But they didn’t die for nothing. No, no. They died for love. Dun dun dun?

Ugh. Boys are so dumb. If she really loved you, why would she abandon you for 145 years knowing FULL WELL that you were both going to be turning? *sigh* Anyway…

Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Damon lays some more very obvious dog metaphors on UM,

who calls him out on it. He knows why Damon suggested this little barbequeless barbeque. They size each other up for a second before Damon demands to know how UM knows what he is while the Mayor was completely clueless.

Now it’s UM’s turn to skirt a question. Damon says he tried to kill his father brother, prepare to die! But UM insists that they not get into it –

“Let’s not spark some age-old feud that doesn’t apply to us.” They shake hands and form a truce.

And yet Damon grabs a giant silver knife from Jenna’s heirloom silver set (which is BBQless BBQ-worthy? WTF? Seriously, Jenna, wtf kind of adult are you? Are you eating said BBQless BBQ off of the holiday china while drinking your booze out of plastic red cups??), and walks away with it.

That’s not foreboding at all.

Out on the open road, in Caroline’s car, she’s trying to make Elena doubt her relationship with Stefan again.

Caroline: I’m sure you two will beat the odds. Not that there’s any study to pull the odds from. What is the ratio of success for vampire-human couplings? My guess is nill.

Elena is NOT amused. Instead she changes the subject to the radio JUST AS THE TIRE BLOWS! YAHTZEE!

Back at la C de G, UM is leaving.

Damon announces he should leave too. He lays it on thick with Jenna, who calls him on his overacting. He makes bromantic eyes

at Alaric and takes his leave. I bet it’s to catch up with UM…

Out on the open road – WHERE IT OBVS TAKES LIKE 6 HOURS TO GET A FREAKIN’ TOW– Elena and Caroline are fighting by the flat tire.

Elena accuses Car of projecting her upset over her failed relationship onto her and Stefan. Car points out that Elena’s future has her in Depends while Stefan is still smokin’ hot.

As the tow-guy gets there, Elena decides to walk the rest of the way to the SBH.

Over in some back alley (probably behind the Mystic Grill.. oh wait… is that the green awning?!), Damon catches up to UM

and wastes no time in STABBING HIM IN THE GUT!

But wait!

UM isn’t really injured!!!

WHAT?!

And the silver is just a MYTH!

Double-WHAT?! OOOOH SNAP! UM’s all “that’s the last straw!”

UM: Now you’ve made an enemy.

OH, DAMON!

Back in the basement of the SBH, Stefan asks Kathi YET AGAIN why she came back to MF.

She’s all “are you deaf?” Stefan doesn’t care. ANSWER IT AGAIN! Kathi wants what she wants, and will stop at nothing to get it.

“My list of victims is a long one, and I have no problem adding one more name to that list.” She can still kill Elena if she wants to; she is not safe.

Upset, Stefan breaks the chair and rushes Kathi with the broken wooden arm-stake, but can’t quite bring himself to stab her.

Darn.

Kathi’s like “Guess you don’t hate me as much as you thought you did. I don’t want you seeing Elena anymore.”

Okay, psycho ex-girlfriend. Then she threatens to KILL EVERYONE EVER while she makes Elena watch before she sics death on the doppelgänger herself. STEFANANGRY!

He rushes her again and they actually struggle before Kathi busts out of her restraints. It seems the vervain didn’t affect her as much as Stefan thought it would.

Elena: I have been sipping iocane powder vervain every single day for the last 145 years.

Oh, Stefan. Don’t you know never to go against a Sicilian vampire when death is on the line?!

Kathi says she doesn’t want to hurt Stefan; she only wants to spend time with him.

Of course, Elena picks this exact moment to show up.

Katherine shoves the stake in Stefan’s leg

and goes out to greet her, and it’s a very strange split-screen moment where I’m pretty sure Katherine spends an inordinate amount of time checking out Elena’s rack.

Katherine: “You must be Elena.”

She approaches her slowly, and while I’d be shitting my pants, Elena has the presence of mind to ask how they look alike,

but Katherine informs her that she’s “asking the wrong questions.”

Hmm…

Just then, Stefan rushes up the stairs from the basement and Katherine disappears

– as she always does when there’s about to be some GIANT REVELATION MOMENT! GAH!

Over the Mystic Grill’s restroom, Caroline is washing her hands when Kathi sneaks up behind her.

Car failed in her mission.

All she had to do was occupy Elena so Kathi could have her way with Stefan.

Car insists that she planted the seed of doubt.

“I really think that I got to her.”

Katherine says “I hope so. Because let’s not forget: I already killed you once. I can easily do it again.”

Back at the Lockwood Manor, Tyler is creepily staring at the moonstone, which seems to be his only hobby lately.

UM has returned home, and Tyler decides to taunt him about said moonstone. UM warns him to stop playing around, and Tyler demands to know what the trigger of the “curse” is. UM’s all “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”

They do a little Lockwood wrestling, and UM finally snaps. Taking human blood – as in murdering someone, not drinking it like Stefan — triggers the curse. “Can you handle that?!” Ha!

Back at the Mystic Grill, Caroline apologizes to Elena for everything she said earlier,

but Elena agrees that she was just trying to be a good friend, that everything she said is pretty much true.

When she walks away to join Stefan, Caroline continues to listen in.

Elena’s upset that Stefan spent the day with Katherine.

Ugh, silly high school girl. Typical this is all she thinks about while there’s a killer on the loose! But Elena isn’t typical… hmm… what game are you two playing? Elena continues that if Katherine got her way, she and Stefan would be broken up by now, and Stefan basically asks when has Katherine ever NOT gotten her way?

He suggests that maybe they should do as she says,

and Elena accuses him of giving all the power to Katherine.

And Caroline hears all of this. It seems Elena and Stefan sort of give in to Katherine’s will, and Elena leaves, and everyone looks properly distraught.

Except for Damon who looks a little amused and/or intrigued.

Oh, gosh. As he’s leaving the Mystic Grill, Katherine accosts him and asks if he’s jealous she spent the day with his brother.

Damon’s all “I don’t do jealous. Not with you. Not anymore.”

He walks away, and she follows, asking why he’s so pouty, and he admits to failing in killing a werewolf.

Katherine: Don’t try to be the hero, Damon. You’ll end up dead.

Damon: Been there; done that. At least this time it’ll be worth it.

Oh! And he walks away. That’s right, Kathi!

Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Stefan is waiting for Elena in her room, and they look at each other all regretfully.

“You okay?” he asks, and she runs into his arms.

“I hated that fight,” she says. “Me too. A little too real.”

HA! So it was fake. And they TOTES noticed Caroline listening. Elena knows her too well; she could tell something was wrong. Stefan isn’t surprised since manipulating people to do things is kind of Kathi’s M.O. Elena mentions that she thinks Damon was listening to – but Stefan isn’t going to tell him. Kathi is more likely to think it’s real if everyone else thinks it’s real.

But Elena is still worried about Katherine. Stefan explains that she shouldn’t be worried. As Stefan explains that Katherine isn’t capable of love, was never capable of love, we see another of Kathi’s flashbacks as she’s wandering the streets of MF.

This time it’s to her after she escapes the church fire.

In the background are two dead bodies – Stefan and Damon. In the V.O., Stefan insists that she’s in MF again for another reason just as we see George Lockwood coming for his payment –

the moonstone! He promises to keep Katherine’s secret. Before she makes her final exit from MF, she runs back to Stefan’s body and gently caresses his face.

“I love you, Stefan. We will be together again. I promise.”

And she lays the posthumous smooch on him.

Oh, man. What a crazy bitch…

So, what did you think? How will Stefan and Elena deal with their “fake-up”? What will Damon try to do? What does that cray cray glint in Kathi’s eyes mean for our heroes? Will Jenna sober up? Where the hell was Jeremy during all this? Comment below!

(All screencaps courtesy of hotn-caps.com)

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This entry was posted in 2.04 - "Memory Lane", Alaric Saltzman, Bromance, Caroline Forbes, Damon Salvatore, Elena Gilbert, Katherine Pierce, Mystic Falls, Recaps, Season 2, Stefan Salvatore and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Episode 204 “Memory Lane”

  1. Kat says:

    When they decided they weren’t going to let Damon in their little “fake-out”…I’m not sure, but I have a feeling that it’s not good that they’ve chosen to keep him in the dark about it. 😛

  2. Kat says:

    Maybe I shouldn’t have said “it’s not good”, but I don’t know… I have a strange feeling about it.

  3. rehabber says:

    I am thinking that it would be better being a female vamp in love with a human man, then the age difference would not be so odd, since guys want the young chicks anyway.lol Unless you want to be like Ashton and Demi. Meow

    Yeah I do think that this might be the opening that Damon has been looking for a chink in the love of Stelena. He is going to be very pissed when he gets shot down…AGAIN. And yes I did see that nonexistent smile, dang he is just so sexy.

    Just a note the drink from Damon’s stash was given to Kat by Stefan and Jenna made fun of Damon’s art as in drawings not his acting.

  4. DJ says:

    OH MY GOD!!! I can’t believe you didn’t screencap the uber-mischievous look Damon had after stealing the knife, walking out of the kitchen. I looooooooooved that look!!! Here it is 🙂 http://www.gifsoup.com/view1/1204682/naughty-o.gif
    The rest of the recap was awesome though 🙂 thanks for keeping me amused.

  5. mak75231 says:

    Founder’s Ball Flash–Okay, I get the tie-in to the Miss MF (oh, that’s interesting!) Ball dance–but no touching? Again! Why have a room full of guys dressed like Chippendales pre-reveal if u can’t touch? I say “Bring on the Velcro!” BTW Katherine said Stefan was a better dancer–she totes has never seen MD 2 sheets to the wind on a balcony railing! Oh, yea, he would definitely have made a better Chippendale–who’s got a dollar? [If I see something I haven’t seen before I’ll throw a dollar at it!]

    Dream sequence–was kinda like a bad LSD trip–change locations, change clothes, change eras–Katherine’s brain is definitely fried! She tells Stef now he knows how it feels? WTF? SHE and Stef have BOTH been doin that to MD for weeks! Sympathy for Woobie! (although he was enjoyin himself playin pool–me too!) All this before the TITLE CARD!

    Katherine thinks shes such hotsy snotsy by getting in Stef’s head–hell, MD did it to BOTH Stef and Elena in Season 1. You’re not as BAMF as u think! By the way, I think I have actually said “I could rip you to shreds and do my nails at the same time,” before–but then, I’m a bitch with a short fuse–oh, yea, she is, too!

    It’s totes obvious that Katherine missed out on her pageant etiquette–the correct answer to “Why are you here?” is—————–World Peace.

    I think the Grill lost business after the Lexie thing–since Caroline got schnockered that night Sheriff Mom made them card ppl for a few weeks–nothing like a roomful of drunken teens with fake IDs! ANYWAY, was Elena doin homework when MD sat down, or was that the Petrova book–I still wanna know what’s in it! They found it and now nobody seems to give a rats butt! Gimme that damn book!

    Skippin over the non-facedown between Tyler and UDouchenozzle (I’m in favor of Tyler makin UD his first kill, but don’t know if it would count–not because he’s the Big Bad Wolf, but because he’s an ass!)

    At the SBH where Katherine is reading Stef’s diary–when is he EVER gonna learn not to leave his shit lyin around! Just like a man! And girls ALWAYS snoop–18 or 666–they’re gonna look thru whatever u leave out! Specially if they wanna get to you! The “Y” chromosome must mean YouAreSoStupid! (biology lesson back atcha!)

    I’m also skippin “back to the FB”–because I’m teetotally pissed at George Douchnozzle Lockwood for dissin Damon–where’s my musket?! KABOOM! And take Miss Scarlett Pierce with you!

    Back to the drama with Stefan and Katherine–you were totes in my mind when u tee-heed the Twi-dig–I thought so, too! Subtle, but effective!

    Now for the Academy nods for Stefan acting like he was gonna kiss Katherine, and her acting like “OMG u stabbed me in the back”. There was a LOT of role playing in this ep–which leaves us poor, starving viewers to yell at our TVs and throw the remote! Cause we ALWAYS figure it out! I say put em all on the Porch of Truth and make em squeal! Oh, wait, it works on everybody but Katherine…..forget that.

    Nods to Stefan in the burn your face scene for the go-to move–grab the throat. Wait a min–u said “Stefan–have my babies!” I’m havin a gender identity crisis over here!

    Cut to the Un-BBQ–Elena tells Jenna she invited Caroline–apparently Caroline manipulated that, since she was on orders from Queen Bitch to “occupy” Elena–smooth move, Car. And the line from Jenna about Damon was a giggle–”keep his paws off u”–what has paws–DOGS! (okay, wolves, but u get the drift)

    What did Elena think Stefan was doin during the Un-BBQ, anyway? If u were in this spot, wouldn’t u have invited your main squeeze to come so u wouldn’t be bored to tears by ur guardian’s teen angst drama? Was he ‘sposed to be out getting his fangs polished?

    Caroline–step AWAY from the food! U look absolutely MANIC!

    Back to the neighborhood torture cell/hothouse/vervain lab, all the hot flashes from Kat are totes turned her way–who (whom?) do u believe? The scene at the top of the stairs may have gone down that way with Stefan (poor dear–all reved up and no place to go) but when she says she actually compelled MD to go away….I can’t even say it…..WHAT AN IDIOT!!! And yes, we’ve heard this story before and that’s NOT how it went! Who’s zoomin who?

    Yea, Stefan kinda looked crushed when Katherine pointed out she didn’t compel him till AFTER he fell in love–I mean, he’s been usin that excuse for ages, and it took a female to point it out to him–there goes that
    “Y” chromosome again!

    Pictionary–MD musta watched Captain Kangaroo–looked like Dancing Bear to me! Lol Stupid Jenna, “How is that a wolf?” She never heard “the better to eat you with, my dear”–what a deprived child she must have been! Guess that explains some of the childlike actions…..she’s reverting!

    Back at the pie table, I have a comment. Punctuation saves lives. Compare these two sentences:
    1) Let’s eat, Mason!
    2) Let’s eat Mason!

    Bring on the eye-exchange BROMANCE!

    Now to the discussion with George–didn’t Pearl tell Damon that Katherine bribed one of the guards to let her go? (again, this is a Kat hot-flash, tho) I didn’t hear any choirloft s#!t in THAT story, and Pearl was INSIDE the tomb w/Kat’s name on it!

    Have u EVER had a tire with a broken valve stem take you twelve songs out into the ozone before you got a flat? That Fiesta must have great tires! Apparently MF has ZZZ instead of AAA–Tow Jam! I’m guessin the tow guy was dessert–Car never did get a pieca that pie!

    At the scene of the flesh wound, WTF was MD lookin for in UD’s Bronco? Hasn’t he been around long enuf to know U NEVER TURN UR BACK ON THE BLEEDING BAD GUY. Horror Movie 101. Just like “don’t take a shower with a translucent curtain,” “don’t split up,” “don’t take shower (I’m stuck on a visual of MD takin a shower………………………………….)

    Almost beat a hole in my carpet wantin Stefan to stake Katherine when she threatened Elena–but then the show would be over and we‘d all have to become mutes! We’ll let it pass this time, but WATCH IT! Acourse, she turned around and staked Stef to the floor so she could go freak on Elena–can’t u just imagine him goin round and round pinned to the floor in that one spot……

    Upstairs (u guys gotta get a doorman at the SBH–ppl walk in an outa there like it’s McDonald’s) is it me, or when Katherine’s tryin to be all uppity, why does she cock her head like a dog that just heard “Bacon!”? (I’d get it myself but I don’t have thumbs……) What’s up with the “asking the wrong questions” s#!t? That’s the same thing Isobel told Elena, isn’t it? Maybe if we knew the secret handshake, we’d quit askin the wrong questions?

    We’re all left guessin what Katherine did to Car to get her to try to trick Elena–did she threaten Matty/Peeta? I mean, up to this point Car has been hangin with Stefan–whose side is she gonna be on? She won’t be able to play both sides for long!

    Okay, give the bar of Bath & Body Works Glycerin Soap back to the store or tell us what it does! Here’s your Google tip for the day: “Moonstone gems many mystical properties offer the wearer or the possessor protection and healing in different ways. It is believed that moonstone brings good fortune, protects women and children (who are generally under the protection of the moon), enhances passion and balances yin and yang. In ancient times, one belief stated that if a person held a moonstone in their mouth during the full moon, they could tell the future. Moonstones were also used to assure good crops.” Who’s gonna swallow that sucker?!

    More Oscars all around for the Grill scene and the triple eavesdropping. At least MD got the last word in with Katherine outside–Exit–Stage Left (take THAT, you Woobie Whipper–Woobie’s Wobble but they don’t fall down!)

    We’re left with that one last hot flash from Kat–Kiss of the Spider Woman, if you ask me–oh, what a wicked web we weave……

    • DJ says:

      I thought MD opened the back of the truck because he wanted to heave UD up there and take him away, no? my thought though: you just tried to kill the dude… it didn’t work… why are you dropping the issue all depressed about the ineffectiveness of silver instead of snapping his neck??? that’s the ultimate, go-to, signature “MD-want-to-kill-someone-quickly” move. Since vamps are stronger than weres, what exactly was the holdup??? Or just stab him again only this time in the heart.
      I’m not endorsing violence here, I’m just saying…

      • I thought he was going to put UM in the back of the truck too. I don’t know why he didn’t just kill him. Maybe he was too shocked that he was still alive, it didn’t occur to him. Or maybe Damon is losing his badass touch (nooo! say it ain’t so!).

        Damon isn’t as ruthless; Stefan is vamping out like every ten seconds. ARE WE IN BIZARRO WORLD?!

      • DJ says:

        Or maybe Damon is losing his badass touch

        I think a part of the Damon-fangirl inside me just died 😦

      • OMG me too. I shouldn’t have even said that. Damon better retain his badassery. He just has to. YOU HEAR ME, WRITERS?!

      • mak75231 says:

        I def did NOT mean to plant the seed of doubt about Damon! Anyone with Damon-fangirl slippage out there put on your big girl panties and kick-start the Harley! Damon’s just been on the plastic plasma too long–he needs some good ole 98.6 and he’ll be back as devilish and delicious as ever! [hint–looks like he eats a deputy tomorrow night–hold on to your brewskis!]

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