Episode 201 “The Return”
Previously on The Vampire Diaries, the ENTIRETY of Season 1. Check here for those recaps: Season 1…
The episode picks right back up where Season 1 left off! Actually it’s a couple minutes before, so we get to see Katherine get all crazy vamp-eyed, slice off Uncle Creeper’s fingers and stab him right in the bread basket!
Elena runs to him lying on the floor. “Behind you!” UC croaks out.
Katherine is still there! GASP! Elena spins around but Kat is gone!
She evades Elena’s eyes by vamp-speeding around and escapes. But Elena knows it’s a vamp! “JEREMY!” She runs upstairs to find ol’ Jer limp and lifeless,
but not lifeless enough it seems because after a couple shakes he MOUTHBREATHES back to life!
NEW TITLE CARD! Ooh! Pretty……
The EMTs that I wanted Jeremy to nibble on have arrived to wheel out UC.
Stefan shows up too and heads upstairs to Jer’s bedroom where, after an examination that lasts longer than I’d have thought necessary,
decides that Jeremy is still human. He didn’t take enough pills, and what little of Anna’s blood he had in his system was enough to heal his body of any damage the handful of pills would have done. This reminds me of one of those made-for-TV movies about a kid who tries to kill himself by ODing on aspirin. At the end, he says that his doctor told him he can’t kill himself with aspirin, but he pretty much won’t have a headache for a whole year. Heh.
Anyway, Elena is all super glad he’s still human, though she treats him like a 6-year-old, who DID try to OD on baby aspirin. Fucking amen. And Jeremy’s reaction echoes all of ours here at the SBH: “Dammit.”
But Stefan warns him that if he tries to kill himself now, he’ll REALLY TRULY die. Um… Jer… we won’t tell if you don’t.
Leaving Stefan to babysit, Elena goes to the hospital with UC.
Over at said hospital, Matt tells Bonnie that Caroline isn’t doing well. Aww, Matt if you’re going to get all upset, I’m going to have to climb into my TV and hug you to bits. Hmm, Bonnie feels guilty…
There’s Sheriff Mom looking super worried, but no fear! There’s Damon to make things all better.
“I came as soon as I got the message.” Did you now, Damon? Hmm, how very… BizarroDamon of you.
She needs his help (NATCH!).
The mayor is dead, affected by that dang Gilbert device, but they don’t know why. Damon agrees to help her in this delicate situation. Perhaps what you told Elena/Katherine at the end of 1.22, that you do care about the town, was true…
Even more delicate… Elena’s just arrived. Bonnie tells her about Caroline’s situation, and feels more guilt.
She asks if Bonnie would be able to do anything witchy to help, but she’s not strong enough for that.
Damon, who’s been listening and has moseyed on over, suggests that he give her some of his blood.
It’ll heal her up real nice. Bonnie tells him to do it because she’s obvs a-okay with vampy blood powers if it’s helping one of her friends and clearing her conscious. My, Bonnie, how very not hypocritical of you at all.
Damon: If I do it… truce?
Bonnie: Uh, yeah, go fuck yourself. You’ll do it – for Elena.
Damon & SHBers: Touché.
Now alone in the corridor, Elena tells Damon she thinks a Tomb vamp tried to kill UC. After a little dancing, Damon gets to the topic he so desperately wanted to address.
He accuses her of lying
Damon: You’re lying!
about not remembering the kiss they shared on her porch. Elena is confused.
Then to affirm that Elena or someone who looks exactly like her was on the porch, Aunt Jenna shows up, and looks annoyed that Damon is there.
Elena demands to know where she’s been… because Elena is actually the guardian in this relationship.
But Jenna’s been at the fire station, filling out forms. She told you, Elena. Duh.
Elena: No way.
Elena looks confused some more, but Damon has a REVELATION!
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” And he storms off. Elena and Jenna continue to contribute nothing to society by looking perplexed.
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Jeremy is sleeping, so Stefan goes downstairs when his super vamp ears hear keys in the door. Looks like Elena is home.
Stefan goes to comfort her, and they hug, aww.
Elena says that’s “just what I needed.” Wait… there’s something strange about the way she said that.
HER FACE TURNS FIERCE AND OMG IT’S KATHERINE! Oh, snap!
It only takes Stefan about a second to switch to attack mode. Oh, it is ON bitch!
Kat’s all “at least I fooled one of you.”
She and Stefan roll around as they duke it out for a bit. But then Elena and Damon show up, and she… disappears! Again! Jeez, Kat, for someone who’s such a bitch, you sure are non-confrontational.
Elena: What happened?
Damon: Katherine happened.
Elena wants to know what Kathi wanted, but Stefan doesn’t know. What he wants to know is what Kat meant by “fooling” one of them. Damon tells him he mistook her for Elena… and leaves it at that.
Elena, realizing that Katherine was in the house, therefore was invited in, asks what they should do.
“Move,” Damon suggests. Heh. Oh, SnarkyDamon. How I’ve missed you in the interim! He also assures her that if Kat wanted her dead, she would be dead, so nothing doing right now.
But Stefan is still stuck on the mistaken identity thing. What exactly happened when Damon thought he was talking to Elena on the porch?
“To risk another frown line encroaching on a very crowded forehead… we kissed,” Damon explains simply.
But Stefan no likey, so he rushes his brother.
Elena stops them, reassuring Stefan that she would never kiss Damon, and aww Damon looks so hurt. With matching sneers, the brothers agree to revisit the topic later.
So, plans. Damon thinks they should ignore her, to lure the bitch out. Elena and Stefan decide to go talk to UC to see if he knows why she would have attacked him. TO THE HOSPITAL!
Over in Caroline’s room, Bonnie sees first hand that Damon has paid the visit he said he would.
Caroline’s healing has miraculously sped up. Aww, Matt’s so happy about it. He sweetly kisses her and it’s awwdorable.
And they all cuddle and giggle and it’s cute.
Over at Lockwood Manor, they’re having a wake for the late Mayor Lockwood. In insensitive police fashion, Sheriff Mom is asking Mrs. Lockwood if there is any reason why the mayor would have been affected by the Device. Momma Lockwood argues that the deputies are the ones who screwed up. They bicker and I’m starting to take bets on who’s gonna win this when Damon steps in. Buzz kill. I had 2 to 1 on Momma Lockwood. Then again, Sheriff Mom probably has a gun, or at least some mace. I digress.
Damon: Ladies, please. If we can’t live together? We’re gonna die alone!
Cut to outside. Here comes a mysterious and handsome man.
Tyler seems to know him – it’s his long-lost Uncle Mason, Mayor Lockwood’s, cooler, hotter, younger brother. They quip (and force me to do mental math) about how he hasn’t seen Tyler since he was 10, and despite the fact that the brothers were a little estranged, they hug and seem comfortable with each other, and we’re all supposed to accept that they’re very much alike, which is why the mayor and Tyler were always butting heads. Aww. Now we can trust that Uncle Mason is going to teach Tyler to be a good (read: trouble-making) w— um… What in the world could that be?! *points*
And we’re back at the hospital! Elena and Stefan have come to pick UC’s brain for a reason why Katherine has returned, but UC hyperventilates at the sight of Elena’s face.
He tries to get away while he’s ATTACHED TO MACHINES. Also, near a vampire. Dumbass.
He doesn’t know what Kathi wants, but he’s disappointed that Elena is still hanging around with this guy.
“My daughter woulda drove a stake through your heart by now.” Ooh, burn. He tells them to just kill him or get out.
Elena gives him back his ring (that he lost when his FINGERS GOT CHOPPED OFF!), but then tells him that his hatred is going to get him killed, and she storms out.
Stefan immediately turns on the vamp, and gets RIGHT IN UC’S FACE.
He bites his own wrist and force feeds UC. If he doesn’t leave town in 24 hours, Stefan promises to kill him and turn him into a vampire —
WORST NIGHTMARE EVER for John!! And best dream ever for women. Man. Dear UC, please miss your 24-hour deadline…
Back at Lockwood Manor, Damon asks Sheriff Mom who this Uncle Mason character is. She scoffs.
Oh him. She tells him he’s a “nonbeliever” and wants nothing to do with the Council. Like this is such an abomination. I guess Damon thinks so, because he looks suspicious.
Outside, Katherine has shown up, and Tyler mistakes her for Elena, and INVITES HER IN. Oh, this is not going to end well for someone.
Outside the hospital, Stefan tells Elena of his threat to UC, and she approves! Stefan wants to find Damon, but Elena disapproves. Stefan is not okay with the fact that Damon obvs wants to kiss Elena. Elena shrugs it off. Damon isn’t stable when it comes to Katherine (Hello, Understatement of the Year!).
She doesn’t want Stefan to make it worse by starting a fight.
Back at the wake, Bonnie asks Damon if he knows that the Gilbert device affected Tyler.
He not surprised since it affected the Mayor. Then he’s all snark again, telling her he’d like to know why the device that SHE GAVE the mayor would affect them. “Speaking of your guilt, how’s Caroline?” Oooh.
Bonnie then magically transforms/reverts into a word that sounds like witch and threatens him.
She then gives him a headache with her MIND BULLETS, much like Grams did last season.
Oh, gurrl. She huffs off and finds Elena to bitch about how Damon was mean to her
but when she touches her arm she realizes it’s NOT HER! It’s Katherine. Run, girl!
But Katherine corners her in a room and Bonnie tries the Mind Bullets on her too.
At first she thinks it works, but Kat’s just JOSHING!
Aahhhh!! She attacks and throws her against a wall. Hah! Take that you Salvatore-hating WHORE! Ahem. Um, so, right as Kat is choking her out, Bonnie flings the doors to the room open
and Stefan sees them, thereby rescuing her.
She gives him a “fucker, I coulda took her” look. Ugh. Bonnie, just get eaten already. Stefan tells Kat to leave her alone and they go for a walk.
It appears Katherine is avoiding Damon, probably for her typical non-confrontational reasons, but she too rubs the kiss in with Stefan.
“What game are you playing?” he asks her. Kath’s all “Battleship, and I just sunk your submarine, snookums!”
She explains that there are no rules to the game she’s playing, and just as it’s getting good, they take this outside… just in time for Elena to arrive!
As she’s coming in with Jeremy, who’s ALL better, and Aunt Jenna, she spots Damon on the porch and wants to stop to talk.
Jenna gives her a disapproving look, but ho you ain’t got no say! So Elena goes up to him, and all compassionately asks him if he’s okay. Oh, yeah, Damon says, he’s “walking on sunshine. Thanks for asking.”
The topic of the epic kiss comes up again, and he explains that “doppelgänger hijinks” ensued, and he and “Elena” kissed. Elena knows this is affecting him more than he’s letting on.
Elena explains that she just doesn’t want him to do anything stupid. Damon guesses that she’s scared he’s going to go off the deep end. “I don’t need Katherine for that,” he says with such sad eyes I just wanna hug him and aww it’w be okay wittle Damon, just nestle your head right here and Mama will make it alllll better. But he’s not done with this conversation yet.
What he really wants to know is why she was surprised that he would kiss her. “I’m not surprised you would kiss me,” Elena explains. “I’m surprised you think I would kiss you back.” Damon looks like he’s going to implode. “Now, I’m hurt.”
And So. Are. We. WOOBIE!
Back inside the Manor, Jeremy finds Tyler holed up in a room.
“Today’s been full of sorries from people who really don’t give a crap,” he says. He and Jeremy bond a little over the fact that his dad was a bit of a dick, and they slurp from the flask that Tyler Bogarted from his father’s desk.
But Uncle Mason comes in and kicks Jeremy out. He and Tyler then continue the bonding over the flask of hooch.
Hmm. It’s almost like UM doesn’t want Tyler to have any wittle friends. Creep.
Outside, Katherine and Stefan are still taking their walk (read: away from witnesses). Kat observes that Stefan has changed. He’s stronger, meaner. Stefan tells her that he was never in love with her, and that she’s the same lying, manipulative bitch she’s always been.
And because she’s not getting it, he continues: if she proceeds with her cunt fuckery, he will HUNT HER DOWN AND RIP HER HEART OUT! Hardcore. MeOW! The ladies of SBH approve!
Katherine seems hurt. She came back for him, you know. WELL TOO BAD! Stefan tells her he hates her now. So, naturally, as anyone would do, Katherine’s all, “Hate? That sounds more like the beginning of a love story, not the end of one,” then STABS HIM IN THE GUT!
Man, she really likes doing that. Also, what the hell did she stab him with? She whipped it out of nowhere. A lawn candle holder? That’s ingenuity!
Anyway, Elena finds him and helps clean him up, and he says he’ll be okay – from the stab wound and from the confrontation with Krazy Kathi. Just then, Damon comes up. “Cover up, Fabio.” Hee! He points out that it’s only fair that Katherine is trying to steal Stefan since he’s trying to steal Elena. Damon clearly wants to fight,
but Stefan’s mind has been changed, and he no longer wants to. They have to stay united against Katherine.
Damon: But I kissed Elena.
Stefan: Yeah, you’re a dick, I get it. But Katherine will try to break us. How we respond to that will define us.
Later that night, Jeremy catches UC trying to leave.
Jer’s all “fine then go!” but UC tries to explain that he was raised to hate the vamps, just like Jer’s father was. Jeremy asks why, if the ring that UC now wears was his father’s, didn’t it save him during the accident? UC explains that it only protects against death caused by supernatural forces (e.g. a Vampire snapping your neck and throwing you off a balcony). Hmm, interesting. Let’s file that away for later use.
UC continues to explain that Jeremy has now been exposed to Mystic Falls’ deepest, darkest secret, so now he’ll have to cross his heart and hope to die and pinky-swear that he’ll never ever tell. Or, you know, start believing in the family legacy stuff. NICE SEGUE!
Back at Lockwood Manor, Tyler is raging and throwing shit around, including his mother. Out of nowhere, Uncle Mason rushes in the room and FUCKING TACKLES him to the ground, shouting at him to calm down.
It’s very touching because obviously Tyler is upset about his father’s death. To the untrained eye, though, it seems a like UM used a bit of excessive force to diffuse the sitch. Yeah, there’s something about that family’s legacy too… I wonder what it is!
Back at the SBH, Damon has returned, and poured himself a drink. That’s when he notices that Katherine is there!
Natch she makes an appearance now when his guard is down. Anyway, she’s obvs trying to rile him up, and says that she just wanted to say good-bye to him. LIES! As their talk gets a bit more heated, she tells him to “kiss me or kill me. We both know you’re only capable of one.”
Damon can’t help it. He chooses the latter.
But he manages to pull away, and oh, Damon nooooooo! He wants to ask her one question, and he’ll forget everything and they’ll start over. He just wants the truth.
Katherine: The truth is I never loved you. It was always Stefan.
And she’s gone. And Damon looks like he can’t decide if he wants to scream or cry, and OH NO.
Back at the Gilbert House, Damon is suddenly sitting on Elena’s bed when she comes out of the bathroom. He quips about how he’s there for his shift of the Neighborhood Watch. Elena sees through the snark though.
Elena: You’re upset.
Damon: No. That’s an emotion specific to those who care.
Elena accuses him of drinking and explains how that’s a bad combo with how upset he is. He then gets all up in her face about how she’s lying – to herself and to Stefan. There is SO something between them; she’s just in denial! He then tries to force her to acknowledge THIS THING they have by kissing her.
She pushes him away, saying that he’s better than this, and he disagrees. He goes in for another smooch, but she stops him. “I love Stefan. It’s always going to be Stefan,” she says, unwittingly echoing Katherine’s words.
Just then Jer comes in to make sure everything is alright.
Damon’s all “you want to be a vampire right? Turn off the pain? Well here’s your chance!”
NECKSNAP! Jeremy, nooooo (yessssss)!!!! Bad Damon!
Damon flipped the switch. Everything is silent. Elena is clearly yelling —
at Damon and at Jeremy – but we don’t hear any of it. We hear nothing because Damon feels nothing. But it only lasts as long as he’s standing in the doorway.
Back at the Lockwood Manor, UM is explaining to Tyler the “curse” of being a Lockwood – and having the Lockwood temper. Tyler asks how he deals with it, and UM explains that he manages it. Natch, they don’t actually come out and say the real issue here. Is this going to be one of those all-the-pieces-come-together-for-a-great-revelation type TV moments? Because I could tell you right now. Ah, I’ll wait.
Back at la Casa de Gilbert, Stefan tells Elena, who is cradling Jeremy’s lifeless head in her lap, that Damon only did it out of rage against
machines her, that he saw the ring, the one that UC obvs gave him.
But Elena says, no he didn’t. He did this because he doesn’t want to FEEL anything; he wants to be HATED. The viewer isn’t so sure about that since we see that Damon seems to feel remorse for his actions almost immediately, evidenced by his chucking a booze glass into the fireplace back at the SBH.
Elena: I HATE him, Stefan.
Thanks to the family ring, Jeremy has come back to life! “Damon killed me,” he gasps out. Boo fucking hoo.
Back at the hospital, Katherine has come to visit Caroline. She wants her to give the Brothers Salvatore a message for her: “Game on!” AND THEN SHE SMOTHERS HER WITH A PILLOW!
Um, holy crap, eh? And judging by the SFNW, we’re in for just as wild a ride this week too! Questions? Comments? See below!
(All screencaps courtesy of Livejournal Community purple_inthesky)