(Cin and Abby couldn’t make it today. Hopefully we still had enough Elijah and Klaus love to suffice. Because you can never have enough Elijah love. Or Klaus love.)

Main Players: Christina (SBH staff); Dayna, Erin, Melissa, and Stephanie (SBH contributors and friends).

Matt ‘Bit ‘O Honey’ Donovan
Erin: He had some major balls tonight. I love him. I am struggling to find his relevance outside of being the last human left ever but I love him.. Also, is tea THAT hard? Yikes. Matty is not in AP classes obviously.
Melissa: Matt had killer balls of steel tonight. Which makes me very proud. Although it kind of makes him very Damon-like in the whole I’ll do what it takes to save Elena, even if she doesn’t like it. Which further confuses me because I can’t love Matt & hate Damon for the same stuff! I really want Matt to become bffs with Stefan in S4 so he adds more relevance. Because I love him. Well he was roofie-ing the tea so I think he does know what he’s doing. Sort of. Because Matt, honey, sweet tea is best with white sugar.
Dayna: I share your struggle, Erin. I sort of wanted him to be the sacrificial lamb on the altar of Elena’s becoming a vampire. Something along the lines of Matt (former life-guard) freeing himself from the car and pulling her out of the water, but it’s too late as she’s already drowned. Then she revives and makes Matt her first meal, completing the transition into vampire. Lots of good angsting for Elena down the road if she had been the one to kill him.
Stephanie: I don’t know guys. I just kept flashing back to Zach as Cash in FNL last night. But Dayna, your theory would have been awesome.
Christina: Dayna, that’s actually similar to what I had been expecting. I hadn’t plotted everything out like that, but yeah I didn’t figure Elena would have sacrificed herself for him, though it DOES make sense with her character. So, do we think Stefan got Matt out in time? I’m not so sure, and as much as I love Matt, I don’t think I would be totally upset if he didn’t. This could still be a cause of angst for Elena down the road.
Stephanie: Matt is alive. Julie confirmed it to EW. I don’t mind Matt but I also would not have been upset if he died.
Erin: There is no way I could have handled losing Matt. I love him. His fit in the car when he thought Tyler was dying just endeared him to me even more. This show needs his human element now more than ever. I can’t wait to see his reaction to Elena being turned.

Freaky Friday
Melissa: I WANT MY FIRST DOUCHEBADGE. I am positively thrilled (and a little squicked out) for this development. Obviously it keeps Klaus around which I love and because I actually like Trevino (just not Tyler), I’m more than a little intrigued as to how he’ll play this. Especially since I’m betting Klaus may be in Tyler’s body for more than a couple episodes. It’s a little icky to think about how the whole Caroline/Tyler when it’s really Klaus will go. But at the same time this is The Vampire Diaries, not True Blood, so I’m betting it ends up less twisted and more romantic. Wow that sentence just confused me. I just really want Caroline to be pissed first, then realize that regardless, since she loves Tyler, she has to help keep his body safe (even with Klaus in it) for the day that Tyler comes back. And that’s when Klaus can sneak in and win over her heart without Caroline even realizing. So when Tyler gets his body back, Caroline will be like um, I like the other guy better so I’m gonna go make out with the hot version of Klaus. YES I HAVE THOUGHT THROUGH THIS WAY TOO MUCH.
Dayna: I’m confused… is Klaus’s body still going to be viable, or is this a permanent residence kinda thing? Because he DID get staked w/ the white oak and go all flamey and stuff. (Literally flamey, as opposed to figuratively)
Stephanie: Julie said in a post-finale interview that she didn’t see Klaus’ entire body burn to a crisp. So I’m going to take that as Joseph Morgan will be back eventually.
Christina: Ooh, that’s good news. Because I thought it was gone for good. I mean, I would LIKE Tyler to be dead forever, but if I had to choose between that and having Klaus’ body, y’all KNOW I’d choose the body.
Dayna: WORD. I’d ten times rather have Joseph Morgan than Michael Trevino. VERY interesting dilemma for Caroline, though.
Erin: I love Klaus but there is no way I can love Klaus wearing the Tyler skin for very long at all. I miss JoMo already. AND, how come he could open his eyes? That was shifty.
Christina: I feel the same way. I was really squicked out (to steal Melissa’s word) at that. It… was SO much weirder than his being in Alaric’s body. Which wasn’t weird at all, but awesome. Re: the opening eyes thing… he wasn’t dead, just desiccated. Mikael could open his eyes too in that state. It’s like a… suspended animation, kind of.
Stephanie: Klaus in Alaric’s body was awesome but Klaus in Tyler’s body is just gross. I don’t like it. Give me back JoMo NOW! It’s just too much ‘eww’ for me especially if they’re going to continue to play up the whole Caroline/Tyler relationship next season.

First Come, First Serve, Gets Elena Gilbert’s Love
Erin: I resent the title of this section. She explained herself. He makes her glad that she is alive. I have a hard time making sense of things here. I lost my own mother so young, not much later than Elena did,. When she cries for her mom I cry harder. When she says that Stefan saved her from that, I believe it.
Melissa: I knew that title would get you. & I don’t think that’s actually Elena’s reasoning. But I felt like the wording on the part of the writers was kinda shitty and hinted at that. I really think it could have been worded a lot better. But that’s actually a major frustration. I feel like sometimes the writers don’t really know how to explain Stefan & Elena’s love. Like they say oh it’s epic and then they try to have Elena explain it and it just doesn’t come out right. Ya know? I really do believe that Stefan (not Damon) was who she needed then and who saved her and that she will still need him. But when the show has Elena try to explain it, it comes off too cold for me. Like when she told Matt a few episodes ago that Stefan appealed to her initially because as a vampire he wouldn’t leave her. The dialogue made it sound like Elena just picked him because he’s immortal when that isn’t it at all. Maybe I’m way off base but it just tends to feel like the writers spend so much time trying to explain why Damon and Elena can make sense, that they don’t think through why Stefan and Elena make more sense.
Dayna: I do think the wording was unfortunate. But I really do feel like, while Stefan was the one she needed in the past, Damon will be the one who is better for her in the future. By having Elena “choose” Stefan now, it makes me more inclined to think that Damon is end-game, not Stefan.
Stephanie: This was my thought exactly last night Dayna. As much Stefan is “good” for her in the past, Damon has always seemed to get her the best. I think that now she’s a vampire (or will be one come September) the triangle will become juicy again as Elena works her special vagina magic as she tries to figure out who is good for her NOW. I also think she’ll come to understand Damon more as both their choices to vamp out were taken from them. Granted under completely different circumstances and scenarios.
Erin: If that’s really how it plays out, I am going to feel very cheated. Whatever. She doesn’t deserve Stefan anyways. No one loves him like I do.
Dayna: I don’t like to think of it in terms of anyone “deserving” anyone else. They all have their issues. It’s a matter of who best fits into the life you want to lead. Elena’s “life” just became very different, and what fit before may not fit going forward.
Stephanie: EXACTLY. Who a person needs in their life at one point is not always the case in the future. That’s why a lot kids who get married very young end up getting divorced because over time they grow into different people. However, I wouldn’t worry too much about who she ends up with in the end because I’m pretty sure the show will end with Elena’s death and the brothers Salvatore travelling the world perfecting their two man comedy show.
Erin: I really hope you’re right Steph. I hate the thought that her choosing Stefan last night was just to placate us (Stefan fans) while we watch the Damon and Elena show next year.
Stephanie: From what I read of post finale interviews, it seems you’ll get Stefan and Elena together for a little. I’m not overly thrilled about having to watch that play out again because we’ve been there and done that BUT I understand how it can add to the storytelling and Elena’s journey of trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in this new vampire era she’s entering.
Erin: I know that I should be walking on water today, running on rainbows even but I kind of feel like the girl who gets everything she ever wanted only to realize that she doesn’t want it anymore. Maybe I’m just not looking forward to the price that will need to be paid for her choosing Stefan last night. These next 4 months are going to be HELL.
Christina: I agree with Stephanie and Dayna. Look, I’m a Stefan girl. I would choose Stefan for myself, and I think overall, Stefan is a better choice. BUT, I do agree that Damon seems to GET her more. Damon and Elena… they aren’t so different deep down, I don’t think. I think that they can bring out the worst but also the best in each other. I don’t really want to see them be endgame, but their relationship would make sense to me, you know? I do agree with you, Erin, that it sucks to have to sit through ups and downs and heartstring pulling only to have her end up with Damon, but I’d much rather see Stefan with, like, Caroline or something. If Klaus wasn’t in the picture, how fucking adorable are Stefan and Caroline?
Stephanie: If Klaus is out of the picture, Stefan and Caroline should be endgame. Those two are just SO KEWT.
Christina: So kewt.
Erin: Caroline is pretty much the only character on the show even close to being good enough for Stefan. And once upon a time I really wanted that. I am just not sure they could have fire though. They should probably make out so I can judge that better.

Bonnie Isn’t Fucking Useless-Who Knew
Erin: She saved Klaus. Anything she does after this is butter. She finally did something that did not make me want to smack her. I think Abby would be pleased. But does Klaus have to live in Ty’s body? Forever? I don’t care for that.
Melissa: I always figured if Klaus was going to put that much effort into getting inside another man, he’d start with Stefan. Not Tyler.
Christina: HA! <3
Dayna: Am I supposed to think that this is setting Bonnie up to be the Big Bad next season? Because… that makes no sense. Yes, she saved Klaus, but in so doing she saved the rest of them, since Elijah and Rebekah have now confirmed that Klaus wasn’t lying when he said he sired their line. So really, her goals are still in line with the rest of them. Meh, still don’t give a shit about Bonnie.
Stephanie: I still don’t give a fuck about Bonnie.
Dayna: I wonder if she’s going to cop a ‘tude about making a daylight ring for Elena.
Christina: Maybe. Or maybe Klyler will make her be civil about it. Honestly, I don’t really give a shit about Bonnie either. Also, I feel like we should have known that Klaus was telling the truth about siring their bloodline. It would make sense that he was the one who turned Katherine, you know? Elijah has always been such a gentleman (now if we could get a flashback to prove that sentence wrong, that would be much accepted and appreciated).
Dayna: Well, not technically. I mean, Klaus sure as HELL did not want Katherine turned. [Christina: Oh, right. DERRR. I’m an idiot, haha] But I definitely see him as more the type to go turning groupies (Scary Mary) rather than Elijah. Other than Finn, I’d hazard a guess that he’s probably sired the fewest vampires of any of them.
Christina: You’re right. I forgot about the whole doppelganger/hybrid thing. Also, ROSE turned her, so I’m a double idiot. But still, this whole “Who’s The Sire” (a new sitcom coming this fall on FOX!) is so hella confusing.
Stephanie: Bonnie will probably get all high and mighty over Meredith using vampire blood and then make Elena swear an oath that she’ll only ever eat woodland creatures. I hope Thumper and Flower start building their fucking bunker now. That little bitch Bambi can suck it and fend for himself.
Erin: I am so over Bonnie and everything she does. Her fucking attitude is ridiculous. She is always so God damned put out. I hope Elena eats her first. Right after she gets her ring of course.

Original Sibs
Melissa: ELIJAH!!!!!! Did not get enough screen time. But he lived. So he can appear sporadically and then Gillies Canadian show can get canceled and he can be on the last half of S4 to help spin off an Originals series. I LIKE THIS PLAN. CAN I MARRY THIS PLAN? And I get to keep Rebekah (which makes me superbly happy) and Klaus is totally coming back because duh. And maybe just maybe Kol will come stay with Rebekah at that big house and he can bring Jeremy’s dog with him and be shirtless a lot. I have needs.
Christina: First of all, why? Why do you wish ill on The Gillies’ new show? I’m going to watch the shit out of that show, and I want him to be successful! That said, Elijah can never disappear for super extended periods of time again! I’m so glad he survived the finale. Just being allowed to gaze upon his face is a goddamn gift from above.
Dayna: When is Elijah going to learn that he’s never going to be able to control his siblings? Fucking of COURSE Rebekah went off-book and moved to take Elena out. He may have given his word not to do so, but he really wasn’t able to promise for her. Best line reading ever, though: “Perhaps it will finally teach him some manners.” He’s so, like, OFFENDED when Klaus is rude.
Christina: It’s kind of adorable.
Erin: Elijah and Klaus are better than sliced bread. Seriously. I would give up sliced bread if I could keep them forever. Their dynamic is so powerful. I wonder if we’ll get to see Elijah react to Klaus being in Tyler’s body. I see some eye rolling with that.
Dayna: It IS a powerful dynamic, and it’s been horribly under-utilized. And while it will be interesting to see how he reacts when/if he learns that Klaus has taken up a time-share in Tyler (dirty!), I love how JoMo and Gillies play off of one another. Dammit, where’s my spinoff?!!!!
Stephanie: I NEED those two together always.
Christina: Always and forever.
Erin: NALEY!!! (sorry, it’s an automatic reaction I have no control over).

Vampire Elena
Dayna: So, unless Meredith kept tabs on what vial of vampire blood came from where, the whole bloodline question is back in play with respect to Elena, yes? Anyone else think it might be what she tapped from Damon? What if it creates one of those sire bonds “that are rare, but happen?”
Stephanie: I totally think it’s Damon’s blood that brought her. I don’t think any of the other vampires in town donated at the local blood drive, i.e. were drugged and blood raped. However, I do not think it’ll create a sire bond but it could and I don’t put anything past this show. If anything, I think it’ll just draw Elena to Damon more. Also can we talk about how she’s going to get all her Damon compelled away memories. I’m EXTREMELY interested to see how she reacts to them.
Dayna: Definitely looking forward to that.
Erin: I was thinking about this last night. I know that in the past she has been pretty upset every time Damon has taken her choice away from her, I think it’s one of the reasons she loves Stefan. So I wonder if she will be pissed when she realizes how much Damon has compelled her to forget.
Dayna: Maybe some at the fact that he compelled her at all, but I don’t think the content of what he made her forget should be something to piss her off, given the reason he did it (knowing that telling her he loved her was selfish, saying he didn’t deserve her, etc.).
Stephanie: Yeah I don’t think she’ll be mad at him for compelling her to forget but she’ll definitely be curious as to WHY he would do it and never mention it again especially after her “maybe if I had met you first” spiel. He could have easily compelled her to remember during this whole “you must choose” survivor game they had going on.
Christina: I don’t really think she’ll be mad at him either. Not for that initial compulsion. It’s not like he did anything horrible. Just told her to forget she talked to him. Though, I agree. It’s going to be VERY interesting when she remembers this. I don’t know if it’ll change anything, though. Not… immediately.
Stephanie: Definitely not immediately but it will certainly give her something to ponder. And hey maybe her vampire side will make her smarter now!

Alaric the Friendly Ghost
Stephanie: Sorry guys but I HAD to talk about how Matt Davis destroyed me in his very-Ghost like goodbye with Jeremy. I hadn’t really felt any feelings until right then and man I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shed a tear or two. It was such a perfect goodbye/maybe I’ll see you later moment. Also I’ve never been more glad that Whoopi!Jeremy exists. I’m going to need him to hold psychic happy hour dates for Damon and Alaric.
Christina: Dude. This show hasn’t really made me feel the sads since LAST season finale. I wasn’t feel any feelings but frustration and anger UNTIL ALARIC SHOWED UP AT THE HOUSE. Immediately, I was all “OMG GhostAlaric!” And then the tears came. They didn’t spill, but they were welled up in my eye. You guys, I fucking love Alaric. I love him so much, and I didn’t fully realize until he was really, really gone. It was like Damon. He already lost him once, and now having to lose him again, the fact that Alaric was really, really truly gone. Gah, it was so sad. But showing up and telling Jeremy it was okay, and that he would ALWAYS be there to watch out for him. Man…
Stephanie: Heart strings were pulled SO HARD at that because it really hit me that I (and Damon) won’t have Alaric around all the time now. I’m just sure I can handle that truth yet.
Dayna: That was a perfect end note for the character. Poor Damon though, without his BFF…
Stephanie: I KNOW! Damon literally has NO friends now. Maybe he should adopt Jeremy’s dog. We all know he’d be the superior owner.
Dayna: He’d have to keep it away from Stefan, though. He likes those Golden Retrievers…
Erin: I could not handle Damon holding Ric while he died, calling out to him. OUCH. That was the worst. They will never be able to find another friend for him like that. True love really has died.
Christina: That’s probably the strongest example of “you choose your family” on this show. They completed each other, you know? I’m not being snarky here either.
Stephanie: WORD.

From the Tweetosphere
@dieslaughing: #MANNERS #TVD
@caulkcrinolines: Who DOESN’T want Klaus’ body? #TVD
@thomascgalvin: Tonight, the Salvatores face their most dangerous opponent: someone who isn’t tragically retarded. #TVD
@AndySwift: I love that Matt “over-honey’d” the tea. Doesn’t he sweat honey? #TVD

Vigil Candles For Klaus
Abby: Let’s get this out of the way, shall we? AAAAHHH!!! NOOOOO!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! DON’T TAKE HIM AWAY FOREVER, SHOW. I CAN’T STAND IT. WE NEED HIM! HE’S PERFECT! SAVE KLAUS! SAVE KLAUS! #Seppuku
Christina: I have to constantly keep reminding myself that he’s not really dead, he’s just desiccated. He’s just desiccated. He could come back. He could come back. HE WILL COME BACK. HE WILL COME BACK! AAHHHHh *sobs* A life without Klaus isn’t worth living!
Dayna: I’m not happy to have Klaus gone, because Joseph Morgan is SO good, and Klaus always brings some great snark along with the, you know, threat of imminent death, but DAMN they did a good job of catching me by surprise. I totally did not see that coming.
Stephanie: I SO did not expect that twist and I was sad for one second because it’s Klaus and he’s pretty much been the bees knees this season; however, I KNOW he’ll be back. That character and Joseph Morgan are too good for the writers to keep him away for too long.
Cin: As if everyone didn’t have enough reasons to hate Bonnie. It’s almost like the writers have said “fuck it, everyone hates her already – she can do the dirty work”. Fucking Bonnie. Why the fuck is she even still alive? UGH!
Abby: *deep breath* Okay, I feel a little better. I’m going to be sad forever if they kill Klaus in a permanent way, but I have to admit, the desiccation thing was smart. I have ALWAYS maintained that Klaus would, eventually, have to be defeated in some way or the storyline would be horribly pointless. That he could never be truly redeemed. Klaus is, and always has been, a villain. He’s a villain with depth, a wide range of emotions and a beautiful tragedy about him, but he IS a villain. Without a moment where the home team triumphs over Klaus, there’s no payoff. As much as I love him, I have to admit, this was necessary. I just hope it’s not permanent, because I ALSO think that Klaus is sufficiently developed that he could ride off into the sunset now that they’ve bested him once, and be the world’s most charming plot device in future episodes. Elijah and Klaus are the two Originals that I feel make excellent recurring guests, because it makes sense for them to come in, do things, and then vanish again until the next time. Fingers crossed we get to keep them both for future fun.
Melissa: I so agree on this being both necessary and smart. I loved the desiccation of Klaus. Well obviously I still want him around forever but we’ve all been saying that the Originals, and especially Klaus, have to lose at some point. Otherwise the show would be about them in the first place. (Not the worst idea in the world. Are you listening, CW? MAKE AN ORIGINALS SPINOFF HAPPEN). But you just can’t bring in a villain without eventually taking them down. Desiccation works perfectly however, because for one, it maintains the idea that they can’t actually kill Klaus. Which I like because it tends to frustrate me in supernatural stories when a legendary villain gets taken down by adolescents. Secondly though, & this has my fangirl boner on full alert, is that there is precedence for a desiccation spell. We’ve seen the process be effective since S1 with the tomb vamps and learned that it could be done when Abby did it. This wasn’t a magical genie out of a grimoire & THAT thrills me. Also, yes, I do see the potential for Elijah & Klaus to be recurring guests. Oh and I don’t buy for a minute that the shot of the moon over the car as the boys were driving was just a pretty view of the night sky. That spell is used to desiccate a vampire. Klaus ain’t no vampire. Er, not just a vampire. & since this show doesn’t do anything casually, (it does things wrong but it doesn’t do casual or throwaway), I’m ordering my douchebadge now over Klaus’ werewolf side waking him up during the next full moon.
And that moment as Klaus was desiccating where he still can’t really believe that Stefan is actually doing this to him and Stefan is looking back like he can’t really believe it himself. I had a few tears.
Cin: I will confess that I was barely listening to the Salvatores big triangle talk because I kept waiting for that casket to shatter and him to bum rush the front seat full on wolf. I feel cheated.
Abby: ME TOO.
Erin: I totally cried. I didn’t even mean to. I just sort of happened. My husband looked at me, so confused, “Isn’t he the bad guy? Don’t you hate him?” No. Not entirely. He is the bad guy but THE BEST bad guy. I hate this stupid show for making me love him the way that I do. I agree that everything about doing it was smart and necessary. But can it be smart and necessary and still suck a big one?
Abby: How much fun was it to see Klaus throwing a tantrum (and a lot of other things!) because he couldn’t get into the house? SO MUCH FUN. I love the difference between him and patient Elijah. Elijah: “I’ll wait you out.” Klaus: “I WILL BURN THIS HOUSE TO THE GROUND IN FULL VIEW OF ALL THE NEIGHBORS, BITCHES.” Please. Someone give those two their own show…or at least more screentime. I’d give ANYTHING to see them interacting more together.
Cin: It was fuckawesome is what it was. I was like “He’s pulling an Elijah” I LOVE IT WHEN THEY PULL ELIJAH’S!!! Loved every single second of it. Could have watched it for an entire hour. And the visuals of him — especially that last one of him walking up to the house with the propane bottle and torch. ROFLMAO! Brilliant.
Stephanie: That was by far my FAVORITE moment of the episode. I could watch it over and over again.
Melissa: SO MUCH THIS. That scene also showed the closeness of Elijah & Klaus and how they were true brothers for so many years because both of them have the attitude of ‘a house? You think a house can stop me? Foolish, foolish children.’ PERFECTION.
Erin: I have actually rewound and watched that scene at least a dozen times. I am always so thrilled whenever Klaus acts like a spoiled child. Elijah has learned so many things over his 1000 years and Klaus just refuses to be anything other than his true self. It’s fabulous.

The Magical Vagina Variety Hour
Christina: Look, I’m going to say it. I am getting really fucking goddamn tired of these assholes talking about how special of a human/girl/cumdumpster Elena is. [Cin: *DEAD FOREVER*] Now, before anyone gets their panties in a wad, let me explain. What the hell was the point of having an ENTIRE SCENE where Stefan and Damon talk about how special she is, and how whoever she chooses, the loser will slink away with his tail between his legs? WHY HAS THE SHOW COME DOWN TO THIS?! Why does she HAVE to choose one of them? Who says her every fucking happiness relies on one of the Super Salvatore Brothers loving her, and her loving him? Why can’t Elena just stand on her own? OH! And when Caroline fucking said that to her? Caroline, I fucking love you so much, but you too? I don’t understand why this show has to cram the love triangle down our throats so fucking hard. I want to believe that the audience is smarter than that, and I want to believe that the show believes we are, but when we have to endure an ultimatum like this, I just can’t. The best choice for Elena is probably NO ONE. She needs go off to college, date some nice human boys and stay the fuck away from danger. I realize that that’s her middle name, so she won’t be able to, but… this show used to be so much better than this, people. It used to be about SO MUCH MORE. But now it comes down to how a girl’s self worth is the direct result of choosing between a set of brothers to find her lover? Let her have both. I’m done. Wake Klaus the fuck back up, have him go off to Europe with Caroline, let Elijah tag along. That’s the show I want. I’m done with Elena and her magical vagina.
Cin: Jeezus. PREACH, girl. I know we share a brain and all but seriously, that is EXACTLY how I feel.
Stephanie: *on my knees praising Christina* WORD. I HATE that this has become such a huge sticking point for the show lately. STOP addressing the ship war. Elena and her Cracker Jack prize vagina does not need to choose and if she does the other brother does not need to go off in the night! This triangle has gotten on my last nerve. I don’t even fucking care about her choice. I wish the brothers would just be like, ‘Well you could of had us both but now we’re going to go open a tiki hut on a beach somewhere. PEACE!’. Also, I went off about Caroline and her ship opinion last week. Caroline, I love you, but STFU about choosing and who you think is best. WE DON’T NEED THIS TYPE OF DIALOGUE ON THIS SHOW!
Cin: Can I also point out that her post blood draining walk at the end implied that her vajayjay is not the only thing lusted after in MF. Yeah. I said it.
Dayna: I’ve got some triangle fatigue too, though I think I’m having a harder time with all of the secondary characters commenting on it than on it actually existing because, I mean, the show was set up on that premise. It’s kind of like hating that people are always on the beach when watching Baywatch, you know? If it’s a huge problem, this probably isn’t the right show to be watching.
Stephanie: BEST. USE. OF. A. BAYWATCH. ANALOGY. EVER. I certainly have triangle fatigue and I don’t mind it when the writers just let it play out. I’m just sick of the last few episodes where we’ve had to endure actually addressing both sides of the ship with what seem to me to be arbitrary arguments. If you’re smart and watch the show you don’t need the whole triangle spelled out to you.
Christina: DAYNA. Me love you long time for your Baywatch analogy! And word to Stephanie. I don’t have a problem with the fact that it exists. I’m tired that everyone is like “YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE!” GodDAMN. It’s like Elena is the Claw. “SHE CHOOSES WHO WILL STAY AND WHO WILL GOOOOOO!”
Dayna: ROFL! I’m down with the polyamory thing.
Stephanie: LOL. Just let them all have threesomes and giant orgies with each other then everyone is happy. The fact is though we all know that neither of these brothers are going anywhere. This back and forth will continue to happen which is why I think the whole ‘Elena must choose or we’ll all die by giant meteor hitting earth’ is stupid. Also why can’t people take Katherine’s advice and just accept that it’s okay to love them both. Y’all Katherine is the smartest motherfucker on this show. I need her back.
Christina: Word, man. Word. I also feel like Elena’s game is stepped up a bit when Kathi is around. I need Elena to show her Petrova Fire again. Magical Vaginas. Petrova fires. Sounds like an STD, really.
Stephanie: DYING. I was going to say it sounded like a Doors song or something but I like your analogy better.
Christina: “Come on baby, Petrova fire. Try to set the boys on FIYAAAAAAAAA!”
Erin: I heard Katherine’s voice in the “previously on” and it made me miss her SO MUCH. The writers always said she would never come around if Klaus was there. Maybe there is a real upside to this Klaus going for a swim thing. The triangle shit is old. I too know that it’s the premise, but there are so many interesting things they can do with this show and they aren’t doing them because god fucking forbid she stand on her own two feet for 6 seconds.
Stephanie: YES! It’s okay to say, “You do you but I gotta do me.” Embrace the single life for a while Elena and do you!
Cin: She can be cookie dough. #BtVSshoutout
Erin: All that said, can we talk for one second about how she told Tyler to CALL STEFAN???? I could get high off of that for weeks. I am so lame.
Stephanie: Not burst your bubble Erin but I think she probably figured Tyler and Damon have yet to swap digits.
Erin: YOU CANNOT STEAL THIS FROM ME!!! THAT IS NOT WHY SHE SAID THAT!!
Cin: I’m with Erin. She does trust Stefan more. But only because I think she knows that Damon would charge in there and get himself killed. Because, well, he’s Damon.
Stephanie: Well Damon did admit he makes stupid choices, like keeping Bonnie alive.

Bad History
Abby: Not gonna lie, I wasn’t a fan of what they did with Alaric. I’m going to take it back, though. Evil Alaric is SO MUCH BETTER than nice Alaric ever was. I love him. I LOVE what he did with the council. Are we setting up a war for next season? That’d be fantastic! Matt Davis knows how to rock some menacing, and it’s about time someone started kicking over all the anthills around town. Well done!
Cin: He tortured Caroline. I wish he would have died a few ring attempts ago. Over it.
Stephanie: I told y’all I’d take Alaric in any form I could get him but I have to say I didn’t realize how much I’d love Evil!Alaric until last night. I had glimpses of this possible love last year season when Klaus took over his body but Matt Davis blew me away last night with how well he plays sadistic evil bastards. I’m SO behind this new Alaric and as long as Elena lives we get to keep him. And yes Abby, his move with the council was fucking brilliant. I got such a lady boner with that move and the implications that a civil war is coming to Mystic Falls next season. Y’all if that happens season four might become my favorite to date.
Dayna: Which would make the Civil War photos and models that they scanned over very anvilicious as well. Good catch, Stephanie!
Cin: I see this ‘council in the know’ angle as another plot device they have written themselves into a corner with. How can The Salvatores, Caroline & Tyler live in this town with dozens of humans who want to kill them know about them? Oh, wait – I’m sure they’ll just magic their way out of this problem too. *dramatic eye roll*
Stephanie: That’s the beauty though. They can’t live in a town like that which is why the war is coming. Humans, including council members, will have to take sides. Some will see that not all these “monsters” are evil and that they can actually be great allies while others will still only see them as the inferior species who cause nothing but social and moral decay of their town. If magic is used it’ll be by Bonnie I imagine working with the humans/council to rid the town of vampires.
Cin: But the show you just described, zero interest for me. They have proven time and again that the humans suck. And especially the humans who come from council stock. I just don’t see the appeal in this storyline at all. This year we got UBER vampires who proved to be even more dynamic and now if they take a step back and do like the back to basics MF tale… It’s too late for that. For me, it’s just entirely too late to go back to that simple small town story.
Stephanie: I agree we got some UBER dynamic vampires this year BUT who’s to say these dynamics won’t thrive in a storyline? I don’t think it’ll just be the simple tale you’re thinking it’ll be, I think it’ll be bigger and encompass more than just that re-telling. I’ll also concede that the humans haven’t always been the best but they might finally get some decent ones as long as they go outside the Skull and Crossbone secret society they. You and me don’t disagree on much Cin but I think we might on this. I still love you though Besides this all speculation as the finale hasn’t even aired, I could be completely wrong about season four’s route.
Cin: Yeah, it’s too early to speculate much – but if I were a betting girl I’d say they are going to magic their way out of this situation. It’s the easy fix. Because who will be scared about humans having knowledge for an entire summer?
Stephanie: FUCKING HATE MAGIC!
Cin: On that, I DEFINITELY agree. They are fucking cheaters and I’m SICK OF IT!
Stephanie: It has been WAY too overused on this show. The only way I’ll allow more magic is if Bonnie dies from it.
Cin: It’s like with them keep killing Alaric, they do it a dozen times and on the 13th some people have just had enough and don’t even react anymore. Like me. I mean, the stuff last week between him and some of the characters was touching – but the him OMG!DIED! part, nope. The magic is the same way. They have gotten themselves out of so many impossible situations with it already that now when faced with impossible situations it’s futile to even think about the fallout because there is a 90% chance it won’t stick. And word, Stephanie. WHY IS BONNIE STILL ALIVE?!?
Erin: I am so impossibly bored by every little thing Bonnie says or does. I miss a lot of things happening on the show because my brain auto shuts off every time she comes on screen.
Cin: You are SOOOOOOO not alone, Erin. Christina & I both do that every single episode. Christina will be like ‘what are they talking about’ and I’ll tell her and she’ll say “Oh, I was still turned off b/c of that Bonnie scene” LOL
Christina: That happened the ENTIRE episode last night. Like, I was still so turned off and mad about the whole heart thing, I COMPLETELY missed Alaric attacking the Salvatore Brothers in the school. Like completely missed it. Pretty sure I was still whining to Cin about Bonnie and how much I hate her for trying to “kill” Klaus. I’m over her face.

LEAVE CAROLINE THE FUCK ALONE.
Melissa: *In Caroline’s voice* “EVERYONE NEEDS TO JUST STOP TORTURING ME!”
Abby: NO MORE CAROLINE TORTURE. I’M SERIOUS, SHOW. Honestly, can’t we pick on somebody else? It’s gotten so that torture for her is so routine she just shrugs it off and pours a few shots! That’s not right. It’s just not right.
Christina: Why can’t they ever torture Bonnie? Or Tyler? To the death.
Stephanie: WORD, Christina. I was hoping Bonnie would fucking die after taking down Klaus and that Klaus would kill Tyler in the process. Alas, my wishes weren’t fulfilled.
Cin: Any and all sympathy they hoped to squeeze out of me about Alaric died right quick and in a hurry when he was hurting my Car. I seriously can’t take that ya’ll. I just can’t. It upsets me on a primal level like nothing else this show ever does. It crosses the line. It’s like torturing a baby kitten or something. *spits*
Stephanie: Maybe I’m weird but I loved Alaric torturing Caroline. Not because I hate Caroline (that’s just not possible) but I just loved that he was completely gone.
Melissa: I was talking to Maddie last night and I really feel that Caroline was the best choice for a torture victim for several reasons. A simple one is that it makes sense that she would be at the school on a weekend over the others. But from a fan perspective, Caroline is the one that nearly everyone is invested in. If it was anyone else, you’d have a good portion of fandom down with Alaric killing that person. With Caroline, everyone wants her to be saved. And then within the show, even Evilaric is smart. He knows these people. He knows how much Caroline matters to everyone there. Jeremy is the only person who doesn’t have a close connection with Caroline. Even Damon has proven that he cares about her in his own way. (Like S2 when he saved her from being part of Klaus’ sacrifice). If Alaric wants to guarantee that his real target gets to him, Caroline is far & away the best choice. NOT THAT I WANT HER BEING TORTURED ANYMORE.
Christina: That makes a whole heap of sense, actually. But yeah, torturing Caroline? Deal breaker.
Abby: I wonder how many times “Poor Caroline” has been a TVD Twitter trend?
Erin: Mel, I agree that she was the obvious choice but for fuck’s sake!! AGAIN?? For one, it’s horrible to watch. Candice is way too damn convincing. For another, I feel like it has now been done like 8 zillion times. Never fails to get me emotionally invested though. So…

Team Klaroline, Anyone?
Christina: Anyone else pee themselves just a little when he had his arms around her? What? I know it wasn’t, like, a REAL hug, he was just trying to hush her up, but YOU GUYS I’M GETTING ALL TEENAGE FANGIRL HERE.
Stephanie: ME TOO! I was reciting ‘Kiss the Girl’ from the Little Mermaid in my head during that scene. They just need to make out already. Maybe Caroline will be Klaus’ Princess Charming and wake him up with a kiss.
Cin: ME TOO! I was like “Kiss her. KISS HER DAMMIT!” I mean shit. What do we have to do to get a bone. He’s supposed to be bad. A BAD GUY WOULD HAVE KISSED HER IF SHE WAS LOOKING AT HIM LIKE THAT! Ugh!
Christina: I heart you forever, Stephanie. That NEEDS TO HAPPEN.
Abby: All the hearts for that little scene. I love Klaus as the rescuer, and I love even more the way he immediately flipped back to being Klaus the evil. He’s so heartbreakingly damaged. He NEEDS someone like Caroline, but the bitch of it is that someone like Caroline is never going to be able to forgive him all the unacceptable things that he does. All the broken hearts for Klaroline.
Melissa: Never say never. No seriously, don’t, my shipper heart can’t take it. I think that last week’s Klaroline dance really gave us our answer to what will happen there. The day will come when Klaus is absolutely right, Mystic Falls won’t be enough for her. But I think he’ll be waiting more than a few years for that. Caroline will have to be a little darker as a person and Klaus will have to be more trusting. Both are on their way, but they aren’t there yet. But take a Caroline who’s still 17 as most of her friends and family are old or dead and it’s a very different story. They’ve become my Buffy/Angel of TVD. I don’t necessarily need them together right now, to know they will be together in the end.
Abby: Nothing would please me more than for Caroline to run away with Klaus to Paris, but I do think that when she goes, she’ll go on her own, as a strong person. They might meet up there, but in the end, Caroline doesn’t need someone to rescue her. She’ll rescue her damn self and then go dancing. (Just please, Caroline…save a dance for Klaus!)
Cin: In the meantime she needs to quit wasting her time with the dog and get back with Matty or take a stab at Stefan. What? I need to not be grossed out by her love interest. Sue me.
Stephanie: PREACH!
Erin: Last night was the first time I actually cheered for Tyler. I know. It took me by surprise as well. I was just really proud of him standing up to Klaus in order to help Elena. I never took him for a big Elena fan. It was kind of sweet. That being said, Caroline needs to dump his ass. They have zero chemistry and I just cannot get behind that pairing. I am still baffled by those that are fully vested in it. How sad are their lives? I lost my breath for that one small moment when Caroline was in Klaus’ arms. The way he spoke to her had me giggling on the floor. I NEED THEM TOGETHER. Not today maybe, but someday. Better fucking happen.
Stephanie: I just want to see all the pretty pictures he’ll paint of her and horses. Oh, and all the pearl necklaces he’ll give her. I’m sure he’ll make sure they’ll be extra pearly. I doubt Tyler’s pearl necklaces live up in comparison.

Tyler Slips His Leash
Abby: …and the first thing he does is bite Klaus (figuratively speaking). Bad dog. VERY BAD. DOG.
Melissa: I can’t believe I’m admitting this but I sort of let out a “Go Tyler” when he told Klaus he wasn’t his little bitch anymore. I kind of think as long as Tyler’s not with Caroline (as she’s far too good for him) I like him a lot more. And I really enjoyed when Tyler screamed “you didn’t give a crap about me” before calling Klaus out on his fear of being alone. It sort of hinted at the idea that Tyler, or at least a part of Tyler, was okay with the sire bond if Klaus really wanted him as family. But if it was purely for selfish reasons, that hurt Tyler too.
Cin: I was and am never ‘Go Tyler’. I wanted his deprogramming to have not worked.
Christina: I’m still praying for spontaneous combustion.
Melissa: You know, also regarding Tyler, I still don’t (and won’t) ship Tyler & Caroline but I do just want Caroline to be happy. There was something very sweet and rewarding about the two of them in the end, holding each other and happy. I doubt it will last but for that moment, it was sweet to see a couple that worked towards being together without outside loyalties, actually get there.
Abby: Truthfully, I like Tyler now, and I totally agree with you that he deserved his moment of badassery. On the other hand…KLLAAAUUUSSS. *sobs*
Stephanie: Tyler has always been ‘meh’ for me. Just never had any feelings about the character one way or the other. I did roll my eyes at his, “I’m not your little bitch anymore.” outburst. Dude, it’s Klaus. EVERYONE is Klaus’ bitch if he wants them to be.
Cin: Word to ya’ motha. That ‘punch’ wolf boy got in, what a joke.
Christina: Haha, the bitch line made me laugh for that same reason — like, “right, okay, HAHAHAHAHAHA Whatever you say, Ty-Ty!” God, I hate him.

EVIL BONNIE IN SEASON 4?
Abby: That girl was enjoying the whole heart-stopping murder thing waaaaay too much. Gotta say, if Bonnie becomes evil, I’ll probably like her a lot better.
Melissa: Y’all saw the Dark!Willow like spider veins creep across Bonnie’s face in that spell right? She’s so going to the dark side.
Dayna: The only way I can drum up even a smidgen of interest in a Dark Bonnie storyline is if they kill her in the end.
Stephanie: Oh she totally has to die. It’s the only choice but yes I did see her go all Dark!Willowish during the spell so you just know it’s going to happen. Even someone said that Bonnie will get tired of being used and will take action to keep it from happening it again.
Christina: I feel like Bonnie enjoys it. If they didn’t use her and drag her into these plots, she wouldn’t have any reason to be a raging bitch. The only way I’ll be enthused about EvilBonnie is if she dies. Bloodily.
Cin: I still can’t believe they have let her live this long. I don’t want her around dark, light or in between. Screw Bonnie. She’s a waste of airtime. Plus, evil Bonnie means more magic. As if we didn’t have enough of that as it f-ing is.
Erin: The thing about Evil Willow was that I really wanted to get the real Willow back. I was invested in her pain and in her recovery. If Bonnie went bad I would just be praying for them all to put her out of her misery sooner rather than later.

Brother Bonding
Abby: It was charming. I do like these two, and I love scenes with them together. On the flip side, I could care less about the love triangle, and the fact that we pretty much only see them bond over discussions about Elena? Disappointing. I know, it’s a silly complaint in a show that’s based on a love triangle….but there are so many better things to watch!
Melissa: Agreed. I’m happy to see them bonding & maturing but I wish it wasn’t only over a girl. Though I suppose their bond was broken by their love for a Petrova doppelganger so we could call this some sort of full circle business. And as much as the triangle bores me, that scene with all three on the porch as they dropped Elena off was a very mature moment from all parties.
Stephanie: I’m so over this stupid triangle being drawn out. Just give me Salvatore bonding instead. That’s the relationship I care most about right now, besides the revival of Team Blood and Beer, so I of course LOVED the car ride scene when they were discussing what a great team they made. However, I’m with you Abby and wish that they didn’t always have to talk about their mutual love for Elena.
Erin: I am still super pissed at Damon for not delivering the punchline of his joke. So fucking rude. I DO want to know now many it takes damn it! But I always love when these two spend time together not fighting. Even if it is triangle stuff. They have such a great dynamic. If Elena died and the show was all about the two of them making their way around the world, I would still watch.
Stephanie: I NEED THAT SHOW. No other characters required except for an occasional meet up with Alaric because he’s an honorary brother.

E Is For Elena, Done In By A Table. F Is For First Aid. Is Nobody Able?
Abby: Those boys have over two centuries between them and nobody knows to take the girl with blood loss & a head injury to the ER for an x-ray? Shit, Salvatores. Even *I* know that if somebody hits their head that hard you’re supposed to watch them and wake them up every hour, not leave them alone with a crowd of alcoholic friends. Way to fail basic first aid, you jokers!
Melissa: Am I weird if I really do hope that’s the only reason she collapsed? I totally want to see Elena turn and I’m like 93% sure it will happen next week but I don’t want any juju involved in this particular collapse. I just want it to be from no one calling Meredith in for some basic first aid.
Abby: WORD. A stupid, ordinary, human accident. These kids are too used to everything being supernatural. Go table! Go table!
Cin: And THEN what do her friends do when she got home? They feed her hard liquor AFTER her blood has been drained. Because it’s time to partay?!? What in the actual fuck was that shit?
Dayna: I totally do NOT want Elena to turn. That’s what Katherine is for. If I had to choose between the lesser of the evils — the evils being either Elena turns, or the vamps get re-humaned — then I would pick Elena turning, but only then. I do agree, however, that it looks like a distinct possibility. Stefan’s comment, “You’ve gone darker,” though referring to the paint job, was particularly anvilicious. And her saying that if wanting to protect them makes her the bad guy then she’ll be the bad guy? I can totally see it happening. I just do not want it to. AT ALL.
Stephanie: We know Elena will turn someday but I don’t know if now is the time. Or maybe I just don’t want it right now. That being said, I have a feeling next week it’ll happen whether we like it or not. The question is whose blood will be in her system when she dies and will they feel guilty about it?
Dayna: Then again, turning Elena right now would be all kinds of obvious, and since when does this show go the most obvious route?
Stephanie: True but its plot twists have been sort of obvious, aside from last night. Honestly, I don’t care either way. If she dies and turns, then she dies and turns. If she lives, then she lives. If Bonnie magically dies instead, I rejoice.
Cin: Personally, I want them to turn her because I can’t handle another season of the Elena show. If she is turned she is the same as the other vamps more or less. Change it up. This all about Elena hour has gone stale IMO. So yeah, if she stays human threw the finale and next seasons premiere – I’ll be disappointed.
Erin: I totally drank a butt load of mimosas the last time I hit my head really hard and I’m fine. Other than the strange twitch and slight brain damage, I am fine. I was sort of annoyed that she didn’t want to do tequila shots. Who doesn’t want to do shots? What a party pooper!! I don’t think she’ll turn. It’s too early.
Cin: I could care less about the princesses brain injury. I was talking about the blood loss. Which all of her friends knew about and still tried to liquor her up. Too early? Didn’t she turn in like the 1st or 2nd book? They need to do something because another season of them protecting her and vying for her vajayjay. We’ve done the orphan goddess thing long enough. They HAVE to do something & her turning is the next step.
Christina: I really want to make a Million Dollar Baby joke, but I can’t even muster the strength to care. She’ll turn. Or at least they’re going to make us think she will in the finale. I’m still undecided on whether they’ll have the balls to actually do it.

Weirdly Perky Kitchen Party
Abby: Did this strike anyone else as a false note in an otherwise excellent episode? It was so weird I was SURE it was going to segue right into some kind of flashback or dream sequence, because I just can’t see them all getting together for drinks like that after the day they’d had. I mean, sure, it’s Mystic Falls and everything is weird, but that emotional shift was just too abrupt, and then POOF it was gone and we’re back to painting and fainting. What the hell? Totally bizarre. Honestly, this episode was very good at faking me out, which is usually not the case. I thought the full moon would rouse Klaus, I thought the kitchen thing was a dream…there were a number of places where I was sure the show was going in one direction and it did something completely different. Very sneaky, show. VERY SNEAKY.
Melissa: (Sidenote, I double checked & it wasn’t a full moon yet. [Abby: DAMNIT!] Anyway, I was kind of weirded out at first by the party and because I was processing, I didn’t hear everything talked about so I rewatched a couple times. And then it wasn’t so weird and was kind of nice. There are several mentions of the fact that Alaric is still out there and that this isn’t over. But Bonnie & Caroline note that they should take a moment to celebrate at least taking down Klaus. Which is very Caroline. She was miss persevere in the S2 finale as well. The kids of Mystic Falls have always seemed to remember that even in the crazy, if they don’t take moments to be happy when they can get them, there’s no real point in fighting at all and I felt like this scene showed it. And Matt was so adorable! “I’m like a ninja.” [Stephanie: Matt won my heart with that line.] I want to see more Matt/Jeremy/Tyler scenes. (Gah, what is it with me not minding Tyler?!) Oh and Matt’s pecs were looking divine in that shirt.
Cin: Does it matter if it was a full moon? Can’t hybrids change at will? No full moon required?
Stephanie: Yeah, they don’t need a full moon to change. Obviously, Tyler breaking his bones hundred times (I’m calling bluff, maybe more like 20 times) proved that.[Christina: Hahaha word, he’s too much of a pussy.]
Dayna: It did seem a little strange, but not completely amiss. And yes, it was a half-moon, not a full moon. I wonder what will happen if Klaus is swimming with the fishes and the full moon turns him…
Abby: FISH ARE DELICIOUS! NOM NOM NOM.
Stephanie: Maybe he’ll make friends with Baby Beluga. Back to the alcohol consumption around the island party, I didn’t find it particularly weird. I think it was the catalyst for the flashbacks of Elena’s “simpler life” next week. Like she was reminded of her life before vampires in that scene and which will prompt her flashbacks next week during her comatose state. I’m sure.
Cin: I still think it was f-ing dumb for them to be passing around the hard liquor. Not a one of them even trying to get the girl to sit down or have a cookie. I mean, her blood was drained almost to the point of death, but no big deal. Just another day in MF. *shakes head*
Stephanie: Cin, when are you going to learn that none of these residents have any common sense? Those would have been practical reactions and these kids are anything but practical. I’m shocked they didn’t do keg stands. Also they’re all pussies if they need salt and lime to go with their tequila shots. Amateurs.
Cin: You are so right. What was I even thinking. And TRUE FACTS! Alaric will roll over in his grave. You know, when he gets one.
Christina: HAHAHAHA ME LOVE YOU CIN.
Erin: I want to know how many shots Matty had done before he even showed up at the Gilbert house. Buddy seemed pretty wasted already. Can you blame him though? His life is so sad.

Barbie Bonding
Melissa: After sitting through weeks of slut shaming, I was so thrilled to have a nice moment between Rebekah & Caroline. I still have a fantasy that they will someday become best friends.
Stephanie: Don’t worry they’ll be swapping halves of a heart-shaped BFF necklace soon enough.
Abby: That was a nice little scene. Rebekah breaks my heart.
Cin: I totally agree. I loved that scene so much. It made me want more. They need to have slumber parties and braid each others hair. MAKE IT SO!
Stephanie: She’s so tragic because she tries so hard to put her family back together and to make friends but it always blows up in her face. Plus, somebody really needs to take that girl to a dance already. Specifically Matt because they’re kind of kindred spirits in the parents and dead sibling areas.
Cin: Word, Steph. I need Matt to get laid too – so I’m Team MattyBex (yes, I just totally made that up) for sure.
Stephanie: God, yes. Those two need to find a dirt road and do the dirty in his truck since that’s probably where he lives now besides at the Grill.
Erin: I would totally be down for them boning. That is the least they could do for Matt at this point.
Cin: RIGHT?!? That boy needs some play and we need to watch.WE’VE ALL EARNED IT!

From the Twittersphere
@hollye83: Can’t they clean at vamp speed?!?! #TVD
@B_inShortsville: Bonnie looks like she just blew a clown. #tvd
@bluedaisy16: OMG, was that a neighbor??? I saw a neighbor standing on a porch? Does he not care about what’s happening on his block? #TVD
@thomascgalvin It’s nice to see that Klaus has his balls back, Damon has his snark back, and Stefan has his hero hair back. #TVD
@regnilmerM: Alaric is Gossip Girl!
@caulkcrinolines: I’d definitely rather watch the Salvatore brothers on a road trip than Elena’s interactions with either of them. #TVD
@dieslaughing #TVD Team Work: Giving me a #ladyboner since 2009.
@AbbyGraham If I were Caroline and lived through this damn episode, I’d be taking Klaus up on his offer to GET OUT OF THAT DAMN TOWN. #TVD
@thomascgalvin Ok, the Siege of Fort Gilbert might be my favorite thing this show has ever done. #TVD
@libraryofbird Klaus must have been a terrible paperboy. #TVD

Goodbye, Alaric
Christina: HAHA J/K! Oh, you fucking show. Build up his death all fucking episode long, then give it to us, and have everyone properly sad about it (though that living memorial, candle light vigil thing was beyond stupid corny), have Damon sadly and symbolically put the cork in the bourbon bottle… and then fucking have EstherBonnie feed him blood and vamperize him. FUCKING FIGURES. Oh, and also? PLEASE LET THIS MEAN THAT BONNIE IS GOING TO BE DEAD! Knowing this show, it’s not going to work out that way, but a girl can dream.
Dayna: Yeah, you keep dreaming, Christina. Keeeeeeeeeep dreaming. Seriously though: the only way this Alaric thing is going to work for me is if all traces of the old Alaric truly ARE dead. I can deal with him being the Big Bad Vampire Vampire Hunter, and let all the emotion around Alaric’s death stand, if only they don’t try to play the “hehehe just kidding lol” now that he IS vamped, Original-style. Otherwise, it was just a wanton manipulation of our emotions as viewers and I. Will. Be. PISSED.
Christina: Word. I mean, they went ahead and did it, you know? There HAS to be a change. And I want Alaric to be all-out, balls to the walls EVIL. EEEEVVIIIILLLLLLL. That’s the only way I won’t roll my eyes out of my head at this plot turn.
Cin: Let’s back up the bus for a second. I want to go back to just them teasing Alaric’s death for maximum fan reaction AGAIN. And they went all the way out this time too. That candlelight wordless group goodbye was possibly the cheesiest thing I’ve seen outside Glee in like forever. It worked, had most of twitter in stitches and tears and rage — I was like, ‘meh’. Literally, zero mist happening. They have cried wolf with Alaric dying too many damn times. I’m over it. Especially when Elena is wailing about losing everyone. CHICK, YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE BESIDE THE UNDEAD. Anyway… I’m sorry, it just did less than nothing for me. Now if they had extended that Damon/Alaric scene at the end and cut the cheese a bit – I might have been affected. The bromance is matters to me with Alaric. The pseudo family he had going on with Elena was mostly borderline creepy. It worked with Jeremy, but with Elena… not so much. Anyway, if they would have made the bromance or even Jeremy the focus, I would have bought into it more. But no. It’s all about Elena, Elena, Elena. Anyway, and then the twist. So f-ing typical. When they hit us out of left field and magically undo things with magic EVERY WEEK – ugh. I’m sorry, but it’s just gotten old. I don’t know how I feel about vamp’d Alaric. Because when they do things like this now my brain just slow blinks at the screen and I kinda just say ‘whatthefuckever’. *shrug* Also, Matt Davis has another job folks. We knew this (or something along these lines) was coming.
Stephanie: I know a lot people were not fans of this twist. Not me obviously since I want to keep Alaric around anyway I can get him. BUT I see why people feel manipulated. The thing is I think Alaric has gone completely evil and there won’t be any saving him from this. That’s why the vigil and that heartbreaking goodbye between him and Damon was so important because they were saying goodbye to the Alaric they knew and loved. This new Dr. Claw (or is he more of a Shredder?) of Alaric won’t be any of that and as I said I don’t think he will ever be like his former self so it was important to allow his character and those close to him, ESPECIALLY DAMON, the chance to say goodbye and close the book on Alaric the history teacher/drinking buddy. Hell after rewatching Esther’s little spiel to Elena totally gave away this plot twist. Also I just want Bonnie to FUCKING DIE.
Cin: Who doesn’t want Bonnie to die? I mean, seriously. I need a roll call of people on team BonnieLives. But seriously, the best part of the entire Alaric funeral thing for me was when this happened::: When Elena & Alaric were looking out of the tomb at the makeshift living memorial with all the other character – Megan (my 14 year old) looks over at me and goes “OMG, he was in Legally Blonde! Wasn’t he? He was Warner right?” I spittled on my BlackBerry & then kinda forgot in the crazy that was my twitter & bbm chat with Christina – but yeah. Gold. (PS: She’s not my brain legacy child – that would be my 9yr old Brady)
Christina: Stephanie, I agree with you that it was important, but I kind of feel like because we got the twist, the emotions were kind of wasted. Until we know that the Alaric that we know is actually dead, it’s just the story twisting at our guts again, and that’s no good. Now, I do sincerely hope that he is All Evil All the Time. 1) That’d be interesting, and 2) then it makes the fact that the Alaric everyone loved is gone all the more true. But until then… *shrug*
Stephanie: I totally get that and I will be the first one to tell you that I’ll be pissed if becomes un-evil again because that was a perfect goodbye to that side of him. Evil Alaric is always amazing and I’m excited to see Matt Davis destroy at it but TVD is known to backtrack on shit like this so I get the hesitation. I just don’t want Alaric gone gone because I can’t handle that again. Even if he’s evil I still get to keep Alaric which will allow me to work up myself to saying goodbye permanently to this character though I’m still hoping the bromance will survive somehow. Evil Alaric and Damon could amazing.
Cin: THAT would be amazing. Let’s revisit our idea from a while back about a bromance spin off of awesome. Because now it comes with double immortality and that’s always much more fun.

Esther, Bodysnatcher
Dayna: Yeah, so… wow. That was a fucking quick wrap-up to a plot point, even by TVD standards. Esther was actually inhabiting Rebekah for all of what, 5 minutes screen time. Okay, then!
Christina: Haha, yeah, but it was kind of cool. I mean I didn’t suspect it at all. Once it was revealed, I was like, “Okay, that was kind of lame,” but for that split second when they pulled a semi-fast one over me, I was impressed, haha.
Stephanie: Esther, what a bitch. I hate her and her stupid plot lines so much. I didn’t even care about her body suit back and forth. Buffalo Bill would be so jealous.
Christina: Well, I dunno. I don’t think Buffalo Bill would ever fuck her.
Stephanie: I was just talking about all the different meat suits she has available to wear. He just had that one and you know he’d kill (literally) for a whole closet worth.
Christina: I know. I was joking on the whole “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me” thing, haha. But, word, yo. He had to work so hard to get those few pieces. He would totes be jealous. But seriously, the whole body switching plot was just so stupid. It had its purpose, and it served her well, but each time it happened, it’s just like “UGH ALREADY! I GET IT” you know? She needs to go.
Stephanie: WORD. If I never see another fucking body switch on this show it’ll be too soon. They should have just stuck with fucking ghosts minus witches. I could have gotten behind a ghost big bad because at least ghosts haven’t fucked everything up on this show yet. I will hope Klaus throws Esther’s body into the fires of Mordor.
Cin: There you go invoking LoTR again, Stephanie. And you KNOW what that does to me.

Fucking Witches
Dayna: For realz, witches on TVD suck SO. MUCH. I do not give a shit about Bonnie. Ever. For any reason! Please stop cutting away from characters whom I care about to show me Bonnie whining to her new romantic interest. I have absolutely zero fucks to give about her. And Esther needs to be final deathed, like, fucking yesterday.
Christina: I’m hoping that because now that Bonnie and her sort-of-adopted brother have made out that that’s — literally — going to be the kiss of death for him. Because if he dies, Bonnie will cry. And I will rejoice. Because I do not have a soul. MUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. #dieBonniedie
Stephanie: Word to you both! I’m SO sick of the witches on TVD. I’m just sick of magic period. It’s used far too much to get out of the corners the writers have written themselves in. I’ve never cared about Bonnie in the least and it’s time for her to die. Burn her at the stake. Have Alaric finish ripping her neck out. Have her be hit by a garbage truck. I. DON’T. CARE. Just get rid of her and stop with all the fucking magic bullshit already. This is TVD NOT Secret Circle.
Cin: I agree totally. I’m so over them DEUS EX MACHINA’s with magic out of every situation. And it might be different if like Stephanie pointed out, this was a magic show. But it’s not. It’s a vampire show and all of this magic just gums up the works. And that crap Ester was spouting last night about balance?!? How is witching having the power THEY do being in balance. It’s just been a runaway train of bullshit this entire season and it’s progressively just got more and more ridiculous. I hate it.

Oh, Caroline…
Stephanie: So I know we normally fawn all over Caroline and her perfect self but she really fucking annoyed me last night. For real, I straight up hated her. Why the fuck are we using her to be a mouthpiece of Stefan/Elena? She’s too good for that shit. Also, if they turn her into a Elena 2.0 with this lil’ triangle bullshit they’ve got going on with her/Tyler/Klaus, I will straight up murder someone. I mean why is there even a fucking triangle to begin with? Tyler is a douche and after last week, I don’t understand why Caroline would even want to practice mating with him. [Christina: HAHAHA “practice mating...”] Then there’s Klaus. Girl, just get off your fucking high horse and admit that he intrigues you and that you sort of want to see what he’s offering you. Am I saying sleep with him and date him? No (but I’d be down for it). We all know Caroline wants to the see the world so she needs to stop acting like his suggestions are utterly ridiculous. Basically, the way Caroline was written last night really fucking pissed me off. I love Caroline normally but I do not like her being a ship mouthpiece or turning into Elena when it comes to her vagina and boys.
Cin: Preach, Steph. PREACH. I seriously just wanted Klaus to compel her to kill Tyler and run away with him. And I shouldn’t WANT Caroline to be compelled to do that – but there it is.
Dayna: That was the same sort of writing fail that gave us Rose’s soliloquy last week on Damon and Elena. They need to stop trying to be the voices of the shippers. Show, don’t tell. So I blame it on that lame-assery rather than on Caroline as a character. Though it IS in character for her to push for Stefan over Damon.
Stephanie: I sort of agree with that but at the same time I think Caroline would sort of play mediator to the issue so that Elena could figure out it herself. I know that Caroline loves Stefan more and that they have special bond since he helped her when she turned but I’m not sure that she would typically give the same argument that the writers forced her to give last night. Epic love? Barf. Seriously, what was with the cheese last night?
Cin: I still think that Stefan/Caroline will happen and could possibly be endgame (if she truly let’s Klaus go — we aren’t even discussing Klaus not surviving this season). So yeah, she loves Stefan, but she is usually the friend who does stay out of stuff. Being an annoying harpy is Bonnie’s roll in the bff trio. At any rate I agree with both of you, making characters be the champions of ships is beyond lame. We should get to hear how ELENA feels about the two boys instead of “I’m confused” – how Rose or Caroline or Bonnie or anyone else feels about Elena’s love life is irrelevant.
Dayna: Word to your motha!!
Stephanie: I totally think Stefan/Caroline will happen too. I’m still pissed they haven’t made out yet. Not really. But I’m curious when it’ll finally happen.
Christina: Y’all pretty much covered it, but I would just like to reiterate how much i fucking hate Tyler and how much I think he just needs to die. When Klaus was all “Mark my words,” about how Tyler is a small town boy and she needs to break away from him to be happy… my insides quivered a little. She needs to listen to him so bad. Even if they don’t end up together, she needs to listen to him and go see the world. We can all tell that deep down she knows that she doesn’t want to be in Mystic Falls forever. Maybe it would have been enough for Human Caroline, but it’s definitely not enough for Vampire Caroline — and she KNOWS it. She needs to stop being scared, take Klaus’ hand and just go for it. So yeah, the whole having sex in the dungeon was not flying well with me last night. #dieTylerdie

Misconceptions of the Heart
Cin: Over the past week on twitter & from what I hear – beyond, in this fandom there has been an Elena issue over some people calling her a ‘slut’ and a ‘whore’ and some others taking massive offense to this. Ok. I’m kinda at a tough spot here – because I’m a name caller. And I enjoy being a name caller. When I call Elena a whore, I mean that I hate her guts. Some women/girls. Usually ones in their twenties (no offense, but I seriously don’t see many in their 30’s) who get very wound up about name and words and who jump on the female power train at every stop. I understand that the message that was drilled into us in “Mean Girls” by the almighty Tina Fey: “you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores.” And I get that. I do. I am the mother of a teenage daughter and I preach not throwing words around like that. But you guys, ELENA GILBERT IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER! Do we all get that? That fighting with other people about the moral standings of a fictional character is just wasting your breath.
Dayna: Well, personally, I’m in my 40’s, and yes, when people start throwing “slut” and “whore” around in this sort of situation it does offend me. Since I know you, I understood how YOU meant it, but there are a lot of people who mean it just the way it’s meant to be taken, and that to me is a big Hell No. We should be so over calling girls out for their romantic feelings and how they express them with pejoratives like that, so they admittedly make me see red. As far as I’m concerned, the word “whore” should be confined to those who are, in fact, prostitutes. And yes, Elena is a fictional character, but the people applying those labels to her over the stuff in last week’s episode are going to apply those same labels to people in real life. So, yeah, it kinda gets my feminist panties in a wad.
Cin: But how do you really know how they meant it? You know me and how I mean things because of my inflection and because, well, I’m me. But even if they did mean it literally – I just can’t abide this kind of massive feminist fighting about a character on a show where all HUMANS are trivialized and abused at every turn. But in this case even if Elena were not a fictional character I still wouldn’t like her and would still call her names and here is why: She is an 18 year old girl who is just playing at love and has no f-ing idea what it means to really be IN LOVE. A year ago, I said the opposite. I truly thought she was IN LOVE with Stefan. Now, I don’t think she has a clue what she wants and because of that she doesn’t need either one of them. See, this is a huge misconception among people who have never really been IN LOVE but think they have: When you are in fact IN LOVE with someone, no one else on earth exists romantically. You may look at a picture and say ‘yeah, sure, he’s hot’ but then automatically your brain goes back to the place that says ‘but he’s not my lover’. This is a true fact. Yes, you can ‘love’ more than one person at a time. Friends, family, children – but romantically. No. This is a massive problem I have with movies and literature and tv as a whole. It teaches people that being in love is so trivial that you will throw it away when someone else catches your eye. And that is so very wrong. If you truly are IN LOVE with someone you aren’t even tempted away from that person. I have no doubt in my mind at all that Elena loves Stefan and loves Damon. And when I thought she was IN LOVE with Stefan and loved Damon as a friend and her lover’s brother – I was so perfectly fine with that too. But this confusion? No. You don’t get confused unless your feelings have changed for person #1. So she must have fallen out of love with Stefan at some point. That’s fine too. But how it’s being written that she is yo yo -ing back and forth and it’s some huge choice she is going to have to make… Who wants to win that tug of war? Nobody wins. This is why I’m anti the triangle bullshit. And it is also why if I’m frustrated I’m likely to call any and all of them all kinds of fucking names and guess what? It’s ok, because THEY ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS ON A TV SHOW – NOT YOUR SISTER/BEST FRIEND/MOTHER/DAUGHTER. Because hopefully real people wouldn’t be carrying on relationships with the undead at every turn.
Dayna: Totally agree on the anti-triangle sentiment. I’m right there with you. We’ll have to agree to disagree on the choice of names you want to call.
Cin: My point is people should be angry with these people for not seeing the truth about the fact that this CHARACTER is full of bad choices as well as bad options and instead of the actual words used to inflict their ire. Also, we are talking about fictional characters that are not particularly that well written when it comes to matters of the heart.
Christina: Being out of the country last week, I missed all this whore/slut shit, so I’m not TOTALLY sure what y’all are referring to. But I agree with you, Cin, that she’s not really in love, and maybe she never really was. The issue here is abandonment. Elena has MAJOR abandonment/daddy issues. I get the impression that while she would do fine as a strong single bitch, she lets her emotions drive her around like a fucking chauffeur. She’s needy. That’s where Stefan and Damon get trapped in her sights. I think she DID love Stefan, and clearly her feelings changed. And she’s ALLOWED to try to see if she loves Damon. What’s wrong with that? Here’s where I agree with you, Dayna: I don’t think it makes her a whore until she’s going back and forth between the two of them all willy-nilly with her legs spread open. I can’t believe I’m kind of defending Elena here because hello, I kind of hate her, but girl’s got issues. She doesn’t love anyone. (Oh, unrelated: I just realized… have y’all ever noticed that she seems to “love” people who AREN’T her family the most? Like I never really got the undying love vibe from her for either Jenna OR Jeremy. She seems to conveniently forget about them a lot.) But back to the matter: calling people names is fine; I do it all the time. But I personally wouldn’t call her a whore… and this coming from the girl whose favorite adjective is “cunty.”
Cin: And I also don’t have a problem with her spreading her legs for whoever. But call that what it is. THAT is being 18. Not proclaiming undying love for every guy you have feelings for or want to bang.
Christina: Well, yeah. That’s the distinction if we want to get into definitions. She’s not really a WHORE until she gets PAID to sleep with the whole town. A slut does it for free. With no emotional attachment. Like Damon! LOL (Great, are people going to rail against me for calling Damon a slut now?)
Cin: But my issue is that yes, the word is abused and misused. But I call you all ‘whores’ all the time and it’s a well documented side chat fact that my bedpost has MANY more notches than most of you – or heck – probably all of you girls at The SBH. Point is, I say things like “SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH” and substitute ‘whore’ for ‘bitch’ or ‘cunt’ based on how it sounds in a sentence. How do we know that people aren’t just lashing out at Elena for being wishy washy? So they used a word you don’t like. If they were your friend and you knew they didn’t mean it that way would it bother you? Does it bother you when people you AGREE with about a character use it in a loser context? Those are the questions people need to be asking. Look, this exploded because this fandom was looking for a reason to explode because of shipper issues. I just think it’s a monumental waste of time to DEFEND THE VIRTUE OF A FICTIONAL TV CHARACTER to the point of having raging internet fights about it.
Christina: Hahaha word to that. The whole forgetting these people are fictional really gets me sometimes. And I don’t have a problem with calling people these names. Lord knows I call people “whore” all the time. I’m pretty sure I’ve called Elena a Whorebitchface a time or two before. I was just saying I guess I can understand why people get all tightly wound about it. BUT, it’s not going to stop me. Elena IS a stupid whore. BECAUSE I DON’T AGREE WITH HER DECISIONS. [Cin: THAT’S THE SPIRIT! ] I mean… look… I’ll admit it. The makeout scene from two weeks ago at the motel… kind of fucking hot. But then she’s all, “NO NO WE MUSTN’T!” and UGH. She IS wishy washy. And it’s annoying. And people like to get in fights for the sake of getting in fights and I’m over it. #whore

Where are Sam & Dean when you need them?
Dayna: Okay, SERIOUSLY, TVD?!! We need a salt line for a containment spell now? Since fucking WHEN? And how fucking stupid did that five pounds of salt per foot look sprawled across the ground? I’d like to say how could anyone not notice and comment on it, except it’s fucking Mystic Falls and no one even notices when the sheriff’s daughter gets shot in the fucking face on the street in broad daylight, so. But Jayzus, no one thought to just scuff a foot over the line?!
Stephanie: Look, containment spell is cool and all (not really) but when the fuck did TVD writers feel the need to pull a Supernatural move with that shit? EVERYONE called them out on it too. Or least those recognizing a bullshit did. It was completely unnecessary, and like you said Dayna, looked fucking stupid. I literally rolled my eyes at the shit. Esther is supposed to be a big powerful right? Then why hell do she need a lifetime of Morton’s Salt to do a containment spell?
Cin: Right?!? Seriously, doesn’t TVD have enough of it’s own damn mythology hocus pocus without stealing from another CW show? And if they were going to employ this tactic, shouldn’t that have been using it all along? Isn’t it much fucking easier to trap a demon (in this case vampire) then say locking them in a dungeon? *sigh*
Dayna: The only thing that is going to save that shit for me is if there is a 10-minute, dialogue-less deleted scene on the DVD set of Esther backing up a fucking pick-up in front of the school with about 20 10-pound bags of salt in it, and laboriously opening each one to completely circle the school, dumping it out as she goes. THEN I might laugh with them instead of AT them. Otherwise, what in the actual fuck, show?
Cin: *DYING FOREVER* Truth, Dayna. So much truth.
Stephanie: LOL. Also why did no human try to break the barrier by kicking the salt out of the way? That would have been my first move. Of course, I have common sense and an intelligent brain. Neither of which exist in Mystic Falls.
Dayna: There needs to be a mass culling of the writers’ room before Season 4, methinks, because some of these folks that they’ve brought on are just NOT a good fit for the show.
Stephanie: Could. Not. Agree. More. So I just looked up to see what other episodes Narducci had written for TVD and what’s shocking is that I’ve basically loved all his other ones. What the fuck happened with this one? I will say he can write funeral scenes though.
Dayna: And while we’re on stupid visuals, I love how Alaric’s ring produced about 10 times more silver melted than it was actually made of. At least TRY not to be outright silly, ya know? We’re already suspending enough disbelief without fucking up the non-supernatural stuff.
Cin: Again, you are so right Dayna. They have just gotten lazy. And I agree on the writers aspect too. But I think that TVD is plotted out by committee like most hour long drama shows. Meaning they have a big board with plot and characters and work it out as a team with everyone throwing ideas on the table. They decide what sticks and the actual ‘writer’ is stuck doing the teleplay and dialogue to fit into that story. And then it’s changed and tweaked and all of that by the group again. They have just gotten over their damn heads with the magic and mythologies and as I’ve said time & time again — written themselves into a corner with the Originals and the triangles. Honestly, I think the show is at a turning point type place and has been for most of this season. We’ll have to see which way it ends up going. But for our readers let me officially announce that like a week or so after the S3 finale, all of us who do the reaction posts and maybe a few other guests will be posting a round table discussion much in this same format that these reactions posts are about the state of the show. We have been planning to do this for about the past 5 episodes now and decided to wait until the end of S3. Needless to say, things are backing up a bit in our brains on the subject.

Team Badass: Here’s to Those We’ve Drunk With and Never Will Again
Melissa: I need to talk about these two separately from Alaric’s death. Like about the friendship and all aside from the final twist. I’ve always been clear about my Damon feelings. But I’ve also always said that I absolutely love Damon when he’s with Alaric. A little in a fabulous HoYay way but mostly the bromance. It’s quite possibly my favorite relationship on the show. At the very least it is my favorite DEVELOPED relationship. (I miss Stefan & Caroline bff time.) The thing is that when it comes to these two they are the most dysfunctional and yet functional relationship on the show. They drink too much and they fight constantly and both are endlessly judgmental about the other’s romantic entanglements. Yet if one calls, the other shows up. And it doesn’t matter why. Murders, psychos, or just getting drunk, these two are like the male version of fucking Beaches. (Sidenote, I’m also insanely proud of both Elena & Meredith for knowing that the final moment of Alaric’s life needed to be with the friend who had defined so much of it over the last few years & Meredith for recognizing that Damon needed a nudge. [Double sidenote: Just writing this is making me cry & I’m at work so thats not good.]) [Cin: If said final moment of Alaric’s life had been given a bit more time this episode might have squeezed a tear or two out of me. As it was... No.] But in the end, the bullshit got set aside and we got to see the truth of their bond. Drinking & teasing each other through the pain, and the few things that needed to be said. Alaric got his apology and a little assurance that Damon knows him pretty damn well because for all the posturing, he listens. And I think for a few minutes, Damon got his greatest wish. He found his humanity in saying goodbye to his best friend. He was so vulnerable in that moment. I don’t think it will stay for too long, the current situation won’t let it. That’s not really the point though. These two men managed, against all odds, to find strength in each other and with that strength, greater purpose in their lives. So for the last time, here’s to Team Blood & Bourbon.
Dayna: That was bar-none one of the best scenes that has ever happened on this show. The dialogue was perfect, and Matt Davis and Ian Somerhalder rocked it. And like I said above, as long as the real Alaric doesn’t resurface underneath the hunter that Esther has created, I don’t think that what follows with the current situation will undermine any of that. It just makes it all the more painful that this new Big Bad that they have to face is wearing the face of a friend, and has access to memories that he can use to taunt those who loved Alaric.
Christina: Oh, Melissa. I heart you. That was wonderful, and you are absolutely right. I love the two of them together, and that scene was… it was my heart, yo. I wish it had lasted longer, and I know that if it had I definitely would have shed a tear or two. And I mentioned this on Twitter last night a couple times I think, but I really couldn’t get over how perfect it was: the shot of the bourbon bottle, empty. Damon’s hand, reverently but resolutely plugging it with the cork. It was really sweet, and really symbolic, and though it could have been cheesy as hell, I don’t think it was. It was great. Poor Damon, poor Alaric. Though, like Dayna, I also hope that old Alaric is gone. If ONLY because things can’t work out so nicely all the time. *pours one out for Alaric*
Stephanie: Guys, you know my love for these two. Hell, I started a damn Tumblr because of their bromance and my love for it . Melissa, you have described the Damon/Alaric relationship perfectly that I’m fighting back tears now. That scene though, I wanted it to last longer because it was fitting and aptly portrayed that relationship and its importance to both characters. I needed more Team Bourbon/Blood and Beer/Badass. [Cin: EXACTLY!] Gah, my wounds are so fresh and all my feelings for this these two are so jumbled that I’m pretty sure I’m living in denial. Davis and Somerhalder absolutely killed it. Ric’s goodbye was by far the only moment I liked about last night’s episode and the Damon/Alaric crypt scene might now be my top TVD moment of all time. Also did y’all pick up that Alaric’s last moments would have been in the Salvatore crypt thingy? It made my heart hurt because I do think Alaric sort of considered Damon a brother and it comes back to your family isn’t necessarily those you share a bloodline with. I imagine Damon would have laid Ric to rest probably next to his mother as to say you were my family even if I did kill you once or twice. I don’t know. I’m getting sappy so I need to quit.
Christina: *wibble*
Cin: Hey, maybe when they meet again both vamped they’ll finally give into their feelings and have sex. What? I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Don’t say you haven’t thought about it!
Christina: Please, you think I haven’t? You know Damon’s got some lube next to his fancy soap dish. Too far?
Stephanie: Never too far when you know it’s the truth.
Dayna: If he’s keeping it in the bathroom instead of the nightstand drawer, there are some other issues we need to discuss w/ Mr. Salvatore.
Stephanie: He keeps some in both places obviously. I don’t know from personal experience but I imagine you need the extra lube when immersed in water.
Cin: So true, Stephanie. So very very true.
Christina: Hahah EXACTLY. Also, have you SEEN his shower? Tell me it doesn’t scream “Anal wanted: inquire within.”
Dayna: If you’re already “within,” it’s a little late to inquire.
Christina: Well at that point, I think you’re hired already.
Cin: You bitches are my life. I love you so much. ROFLMAO!

Abby’s Thoughts (because she couldn’t be here with us today)
Abby: I liked a lot of moments in this episode, but overall, I’m unhappy with the direction the story is going. I really liked the Stefan and Elena stuff, or more accurately the Stefan stuff, because I liked him being all mature and focused and awesome. I love Klaus. I love his snazzy white suit and his impatience and his Caroline gazing and everything else about him forever. I like Rebekah better when she’s actually Rebekah. I loved Caroline and Tyler. I loved Damon and Alaric. I loved Jeremy and Matt, though I still want to know where Jeremy’s dog is. I WOULD have loved the whole Alaric thing if they’d just let him die, but the way they did it I feel like all the emotional energy was wasted. I could’ve also have loved it if he’d gone straight to being the big bad, (though I’d still have complaints about the magic angle) but I’m not down with this super sad fakeout thing. I don’t love Bonnie and Jamie, they’re boring. I don’t like Esther at all. I’m really tired of all the magic and I feel like there’s a level of WTFery going on there that’s very frustrating in a show with such strong characters. What I really want now is for Elijah to blow back into town in a swirl of sharp suit and soft spoken yet pointed commentary, kill whoever needs killing (but not Klaus), kill or de-magic the witches and then dust off his hands and tell us to have a nice summer. Can we get that for the finale, please?
Dayna: From your fingers to the writers’ ears, Abby!! At this point though, with all of the WTFery going on, I’d almost prefer Elijah stay out of town and far away from this particular cluster-fuck. Though it would be cool to see ALL of our vamps, both the MF crew and the Originals, working together to final-death Esther and take down her manufactured vampire slayer.
Christina: Ya know? I’m glad you said all that, Abby. I agree to all of that. I was READY for them to let Alaric die, and honestly I’m not too thrilled with the switcheroo. I think it’s lame. BUT if they make him truly EVIL, I think that’ll satisfy me, haha. Bonnie and Jamie… they are boring. Which is why I’m hoping he’ll die soon. Because, why not? I’m also getting REALLY tired of Esther’s face. If Elijah blew back into town as you describe, that would be the best thing to ever happen to this magical, endlessly opulent, little Virginia town that is only a couple of hours’ drive from EVERY SINGLE FUCKING OTHER CITY IN THE CONTINENTAL GODDAMN UNITED STATES.
Stephanie: Bonnie and Jamie. I have no words. Klaus should have killed him and Damon should kill Bonnie for being a little bitch that gets possessed and takes away Alaric’s choice. I JUST HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT BONNIE AND FUCKING WITCHES.

From the Tweetosphere
@caulkcrinolines: Stefan is nobody’s epic love. No wait, ELENA is nobody’s epic love. #dalaricforever #TVD
@thomascgalvin: I don’t care how into dances they are, I refuse to believe that every teenager in town learned the Charleston. #TVD
@calagarden: Nice lipstick Klaus. Does it come in Hetero? #TVD
@thomascgalvin: If only there was a human TWO FEET AWAY who could break that salt barrier. #TVD
@theSBH: Did that taste like wine, Alaric? Because everyone seems to think Elena is Jesus anyway. #tvd
@whatacatchmari: Can Rebekah please go to one school dance? Just one? #TVD
@B_inShortsville: Oh here we GO with this ‘other side’ bullshit again. #TVD
@AndySwift: I’m confused. I’m hugging my television, but none of the sad little people inside are hugging me back. That scene. #TVD
@Dayna_Barter: Supernatural Rule #215: To kill a witch, employ a high-powered sniper rifle. Do not tell them you are employing a high-powered sniper rifle
@thomascgalvin: You know what would be a good idea? Not giving the all-powerful witch a chance to murder you with her brain. #TVD
@whatacatchmari It’s moments like this where the #TVD gang desperately needs Sam and Dean Winchester. #SPN

Main Players: Cin and Abby (SBH staff); Dayna, Melissa, and Stephanie (SBH contributors and friends).

Matt Donovan: Double Agent Of Awesome
Abby: I love, love LOVE that Matt Donovan is on the team now. I really hope he doesn’t get killed for it.
Melissa: Matt’s too good to get killed. Everyone falls in love with him so they just can’t bear to kill him, right? RIGHT? PLEASE. Even Klaus wants Matty around to make babies with Elena.
Dayna: Now that Matt’s in on everything I’m cool with him staying. Someone has to represent Team Human.
Stephanie: Matt is seriously trying to make me love him the best. His team contributions are always the best. I mean, he did kill Finn which that alone makes me want to kiss him.
Cin: Matty is the wind beneath my wings. And I kinda feel dirty about liking the fact that Rebekah is crushing on him, but at the same time – it’s Matt. Who WOULDN’T crush on him? *sigh* He’s perfect. Oh, and he called Caroline “Care” and I died. DIED.
Stephanie: I just want them to make out again already!
Cin: I know! I still miss Caroline & Matt. Actually, I think I’m so easy I would be team Matty with anyone (as long as he was getting naked), except Bonnie. No.
Abby: I just hope Rebekah doesn’t kill him when she realizes he’s playing her.
Cin: Is Rebekah even an issue anymore? I mean, is she dead or just temporarily possessed? At any rate, she’s not behind the wheel & since Momma O has a goal parallel to Matty’s deception, I think he’s safe for now.
Melissa: The only thing I ship Bonnie with is Death. Coincidentally, I’m open to her being in a threesome with Death and Tyler. But I was swooning like you would not believe when Matt called her “Care”. Also I’m crediting Matt with killing Sage since he killed Finn.
Stephanie: That’s totally a Hunger Games thought process right there.
Melissa: Well I have been trying to volunteer as tribute in the sexual frustration dungeon all night.
Stephanie: LOL. DEAD. Also who wouldn’t want to volunteer as tribute for that?
Cin: ROFLMAO! Bonnie/Death/Tyler is my absolute OTP. Thank you, Melissa for giving word to my brainwaves.

No Amount Of Good Sex Makes Up For A Pony Sketch
Melissa: Who says sex with Tyler is good?
Cin: YOU STOLE MY LINE, MELISSA!!! lol
Abby: *dies*
Dayna: Okay, I’ve watched twice now, and I’m still trying to figure out why Tyler is having a little man-hissy because Klaus gave Caroline a drawing.
Abby: He knows he’s outclassed.
Melissa: Because Tyler is a dick. And because not only does Klaus give better bracelets, he is also clearly more artistically talented. *psst* Caroline you have a type!
Stephanie: Ugh, Tyler. I don’t see him having any paintings hanging up in art museums. He’s just jealous because seriously who can compete with a sexy British artist? No one.
Melissa: THIS. Also maybe now Caroline will see that Klaus cares about HER while Tyler clearly only wants her for sex and can’t carry on an adult conversation.
Cin: Tyler is just so typical teenage jealousy crap. I honestly do not see anything of depth at all in the Forwood relationship. It’s just so beneath Caroline to be saddled with his dumb ass. AND TYLER KNOWS THIS. Ugh.
Stephanie: Tyler sees her as property, in my opinion. God, I hope he hasn’t peed on her as a way to mark his territory. Caroline does NOT deserve golden showers.
Dayna: *DEAD*
Melissa: HAHAHAHA. Caroline deserves pearl necklaces. From Klaus.
Cin: Also, this is totally non-PC and anti-Caroline’s free will – but dammit – I’m not above wanting Klaus to compel her to at least go to Europe with him. Leave the rest to chance, just go on a trip and live like she deserves. Anything to separate her from the dog.
Abby: I think I’m the only one here that doesn’t actually hate Tyler. If he’d stop being a jealous idiot, I’d even like him with Caroline (though not when there’s Klaus around!). I’d like him a lot better if he could be the mature kid on the block, though. Lord knows we need another one, Matt’s getting very lonely.
Cin: Tyler being mature? That’s a very optimistic dream. That’s like asking Bonnie to be rational. Or Elena to be decisive. Or Elijah to be NOT AWESOME.

Klaus: Yup. He’s Still Awesome.
Dayna: He DOES have a way of cutting through the bullshit, doesn’t he?
Stephanie: No one can argue that he’s passive aggressive.
Cin: You guys, what are we going to do if they kill him? [Abby: How do you feel about seppuku?] I’m so damn attached now… he gives new meaning to snarky and I’ve noticed that since he’s come, everyone else on the show’s snark just comes out as cheese. Not the good stinky cheese either.
Stephanie: Klaus adds a whole other dynamic to the show that you definitely notice when he’s gone. The show just seems more boring and basic without him.
Dayna: I definitely enjoy the show more with him on it. That said, if I can only choose one Original to keep…
Cin: ELIJAH. Duh. I can’t even conceive of the Salvatores not being of Elijah’s line. Also, as I’ve said over and over again – Elijah is my line in the sand with this show. They final death him, I’m out. Over. Done. He doesn’t have to be in Mystic Falls – just alive somewhere in the universe. But ANYWAY… Klaus has just evolved into so much more than what was on paper. All of the Originals have. I’m still not over the fact that they haven’t taken over the show completely. Lord knows they are more compelling than the trio of boring. (more on that laters)
Melissa: I too can’t imagine the Salvatores not being from Elijah. I mean it’s ELIJAH. He has to stay forever. I’m thinking Elijah leaves for a while to go play doctor in Canada, then that show gets canceled and the Originals spinoff as a midseason replacement next year. Because I want to support Gillies in his new show but not so much that it takes Elijah away. But I also desperately want Klaus to stay. I need them both. Having Klaus back last episode gave me warm tingly feelings that I never want to go away again.
Abby: I’m just going to sit here in a corner and cover my eyes until this “what if Klaus dies” conversation is over. I can’t cope. He makes everything so much better. WE NEED TO KEEP HIM, SHOW. WE NEED TO.
Cin: I agree, Abby. I totally agree. I don’t see how they can write themselves out of this one when so much of the fandom adores him. They changed the game with the Originals. In changing that game they have changed every dynamic on the show. To strip that down now… I just don’t even know. Man I can’t wait until our ‘State of the Show’ post after this season. I’ve been formulating these thoughts this entire f-ing season.

Stefan & Alaric Do It In The Dungeon
Melissa: Ya know what I love. Alaric dies. AGAIN. And fandom literally has no reaction. He might as well have poured himself another drink.
Dayna: Both things happen just about as often.
Cin: We have grown immune. I swear if we were still doing #VDBingo we’d have made it a freaking square already.
Stephanie: I’m seriously disappointed they didn’t take off their shirts to get rough. But yeah, Stefan and Alaric? I’d ship it.
Dayna: Seems fair. It’s not like Stefan and Damon don’t trade off lovers all the damn time.
Stephanie: Exactly. It’s in their nature. In fact, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner. Elena may get cast to the side when they start fighting for Alaric’s affections. Actually, I’m sort of hoping that happens.
Melissa: I was really hoping when Klaus showed up that he was there to teach Stefan the best way to get his stake out of one person and stick it in another. Plus after Gillies at TVDChicago, I sort of ship Alaric with everyone. Er, everyone who is male.
Cin: When Klaus said “I would have been more gentle” I almost pissed myself. ROFL!
Abby: Am I the only one who thinks that this whole “Hey, punch me until I’m evil!” plan was just hilarious? I mean, I love Creepy Alaric, and I love how everyone is always yelling at Stefan to give in to the dark side and then freaking out when he’s dark, but Alaric suggesting this as a reasonable plan was awesome.
Stephanie: That’s because Alaric in ALL forms is awesome. Plus, I think he prefers darker Stefan. I imagine his broody attitude made his history essays hard to read.
Melissa: Didn’t Damon comment on all of Alaric’s chains and other paraphernalia that he carries around once? And that’s just normal Alaric. I bet Evil!Alaric is into some kinky shit.
Stephanie: God, I hope so. These sexually frustrated and power hungry peeps would totally give off on shit like that.
Melissa: I keep trying to think of a response but I just spent the last few minutes with Alaric’s voice in my head grunting things like ‘pull the chains tighter, Damon’ and “harder, Stefan, hit harder.’ I have so many issues today.
Stephanie: Those thoughts were running through my head during the episode and every moment since. I’m starting to freak myself out about how much I wish it would happen.
Melissa: So at the Chicago con, a fan asked Gillies who he thought should be Elijah’s love interest and without hesitation Gillies answered “Alaric. I don’t need to explain. Have you seen Matt Davis? Wow.” And basically ever since I’ve been shipping Alaric with everyone. This ep did not help. Willow decided halfway through BtVS that she was gay. Can’t Alaric do the same thing?
Stephanie: With his lady luck, I’m surprised he HASN’T switched teams yet. Needless to say, this episode totally inspired the next round of Damon/Alaric letters.
Cin: Like all living creatures Elijah could so seduce that ass. (PUN!) And Alaric would like it. A LOT.

All Jeremy’s Friends Are Dead…And Where’s His Dog?!
Dayna: I sure hope the “family friends” he’s been staying with are the understanding sort, since Jeremy has taken off and left the dog with them.
Stephanie: This is why if you’re a teen involved in supernatural tug of wars all the time you shouldn’t own a dog. Let’s hope this dog doesn’t try to go all Homeward Bound because it’s safe to say that Mystic Falls is probably not very dog friendly with all the vamps on animal diets. And by vamps, I just mean Stefan.
Dayna: I am totally adding that question to my puppy buyer applications: “Are you a teenager involved in supernatural tug-o-wars all the time?” If they WTF at that, I probably don’t want to sell them a puppy anyway. *nods*
Stephanie: LOL. It’s a very appropriate question to ask. Speaks to their character and all that.
Abby: I’m very concerned about the dog! It doesn’t seem to have come back with him. If he ditched it as soon as his new friend turned out to be an Original vampire with anger management issues, he’s clearly not cut out to be a pet owner.
Stephanie: Obviously the kennel or breeder did not look into Jeremy’s past carefully enough nor did the contact references.
Melissa: Maybe Kol ate the dog.
Cin: LOL! Don’t confuse Kol with Stefan. Kol is allllll about the human blood.
Stephanie: See, that right there is why the supernatural tug of war question is a must.
Dayna: I am so not selling puppies to anyone who is vampire-adjacent.
Melissa: We’ll make them register on a list. And then knock on the neighbor’s doors. “Hi, just wanted to let you know that I’m registered as an animal predator and live 3 houses down. Have a nice day.”
Um, but in a totally serious note about Jeremy, I’m rewatching the opening scene with him and realizing that he’s not supposed to have much of a clue about this whole vampire business right? I mean Damon compelled him pretty good to not think about a lot of this stuff and enjoy his life. And yet Elena & Damon show up and somehow Jer is totally clued in and ready to jump back on board the MF Scooby train? I know I’m wasting my time fan-wanking on this point but it kind of bothered me.
Cin: You are so right, Melissa. And he just acts like he is willingly there on a trip. The entire things smelled fishy to me. But it’s kinda become par for the course plot fuckery that I’ve unfortunately gotten used to.

Take Me Out To The Kol Game
Melissa: I sort of want Kol to take me on that bed and do really dirty things to me after tonight. Except not sort of. I am so happy that he took his revenge out on Damon for messing with him. And the gifs from those scenes are fan-fucking-tastic. Seriously, Kol can be my national pastime.
Cin: Melissa, I more than ‘sort of’ want that. He is, beyond a single doubt, my most lusted TVD character. Don’t worry, I love Elijah the most – but that’s a deep soulful love. Kol… Damn. I just want him to help me WORK IT OUT!
Dayna: Sorry. I do not give the tiniest shit about Kol. Stay, go, whatever. All the same to me.
Melissa: That’s okay. This way we can all share. I’ll take Kol and Erin will take Stefan and Steph will take Damon and Abby can take Klaus and the rest of you can fight over Elijah. Unless you want Finn?
Dayna: Seriously, don’t make me barf my coffee.
Melissa: *innocent look* What?
Cin: Ahem! Melissa, you can not HAVE Kol. You had f-ing better be ready to share. Although, yeah – if Elijah I might not fight too much, but I have to at least have a taste of Kol’s candy.
Melissa: I can share. I have Alaric, Jeremy, Matt and Stefan on my list too as well as a request for share time with Klaus and Elijah so obviously there’s some free time for you to enjoy Kol.
Abby: I’m only down with this plan if Elijah is shared. But I appreciate that I got dibs on Klaus.
Stephanie: I’m with Dayna. Kol could just disappear and I’d be like whatever.
Melissa: Well when he does disappear, can you send him my way?
Stephanie: DONE.
Cin: I don’t even understand the Kol dislike. He’s like Spike, but hotter. Yeah, I totally went there.
Melissa: IT’S LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON.
Cin: I KNOW!!!
Stephanie: There is NO WAY Kol is like Spike. That’s blasphemy!
Abby: My only complaint about Kol, who I generally think is delightful in his cheerful evilness, is that he’s way too easy to take out. Admittedly, there’s precedent for a stake through the heart putting an Original out for a while (Elijah staked to the door) but even so, he went out like a light in the first scene. He did redeem himself by wrecking Damon with the baseball bat, though.
Cin: My hotness level during that second scene was like off the charts. I should feel guilty about that, but I totally don’t. My only regret is he didn’t final death him. Once again, it’s totally implausible that a Salvatore lives in the face of an Original. But I forgot, it’s in the script. *rolls eyes*
Melissa: Ugh. Seriously. I do kind of adore though that Kol’s like “I need revenge because you killed my brother” and then just hits him a few times. Sorry Finn, but no one loves you.
Cin: Right?!? In no conceivable universe should Damon not be a rotting corpse. But I don’t blame the Originals. It’s so glaringly the writers – and yeah, I know, I know: Damon, Elena & Stefan are untouchable on the show — but screw that shit. That’s one thing I miss the shit out of about Joss Whedon. CONSEQUENCES! There are creative ways to get yourself out of jams without compromising the story in a supernatural universe.

Motel Makeout Madness
Dayna: I thought, given how the season has progressed, that the kiss was earned. I was a little alarmed that Elena was getting all hot and bothered with her brother over in the next bed, however.
Stephanie: That kiss was definitely earned but then again I’m sucker for things involving walls (seriously that type of shit turns me on) so it could’ve involved anyone and I’d need a cold shower after watching it. That being said, it was totally a Damon/Elena appropriate type of kiss. You just know that when those two bone finally it’s going to be crazy sex time.
Dayna: At which point I’ll be very happy that this show does not air on HBO.
Stephanie: Oh good lord, don’t get me started on HBO sex. *shudders*
Melissa: Eww. HBO sex has issues. I was happy that Elena at least walked out of the hotel room because Jeremy in the next bed would have been a little too fanfic creepy for me. But yes, it was very much the perfect style of kiss for Damon/Elena. I totally thought it was hot. And I love that she went for it. Just said okay, you know what, if I have to decide what it is I feel, then fuck it, let’s see how it feels. HOT.
Stephanie: SO HOT.
Melissa: Am I weird if I say the hand holding almost did me in more than the kiss?
Stephanie: Not at all. There was something seriously sexy about that too which is weird because I don’t particularly care for hand holding in bed. I think what made the hand fondling so hot was that when you start a new relationship, the simplest touches give you the tinglies. Not say that ever goes away. Besides have you ever had someone lightly caress your fingertips? It’s kind of a turn on, at least for me. (Man, y’all are getting to know all my turn-ons this morning. Now don’t try to seduce me you hear ;p)
Melissa: I will try to restrain myself. But in all seriousness, the perfection of the Damon/Elena stuff up through the kiss is why I found myself frustrated with the stuff later. First Damon’s whole demands that she can’t just kiss him and still try and decide pissed me off. Like it’s totally a Damon reaction. So good writing on that. He wants things right away and what has always been interesting to me is that while Stefan will wait to keep something completely to himself, Damon will take what he can get if he gets it now. And I felt like that aspect of Damon was pretty accurate with his wanting Elena to pick him now. If she chose him now, off of one really hot kiss, he’d never really have all of her (don’t say dirty it’s too easy) because she’d still struggle with her feelings for Stefan. Whereas if he’d give her the chance to say ‘okay, I took a major step forward here and acknowledged that I’m attracted to Damon. Now I have to figure out what I need to do with these conflicting emotions and make a choice’, I think Damon could have a chance. But this ultimatum bullshit is going to drive her away. And that frustrates me because I think the show did a disservice to Elena in this scene by making her seem like an indecisive ho instead of really delving into her inner struggles.
Dayna: Wow, we did not read that scene the same way at all. To me, Damon was understandably a little WTF with Elena’s sudden turn around and playing tongue-hockey with him after she’s been constantly pushing him away and telling him they can’t kiss, etc. I didn’t see him as giving her an ultimatum and telling her she has to choose between him and Stefan right then and there. What he was pointing out was that Elena came on this road trip sort of expecting that Damon would do something to fuck it up, which would make her decision easy. Which is true. It was also true when she said that he has a habit of doing just exactly that. So he asked what if there WAS no speedbump, meaning what if he DIDN’T do something stupid, like snapping Jeremy’s neck, to fuck it all up. When he told her she was going to have the make the decision on her own this time, he didn’t mean she needed to do it then and there, pick between him and Stefan. What he was saying is that he wasn’t going to fly off the handle and sabotage himself, as has been his pattern, and make it easy for her to discount him. She was going to have to figure out her feelings on her own, make her own decision about them — he’s not going to make it easy by fucking up for the 4,325th time.
Stephanie: Dayna, you and I are on the same page with this scene. I agree he wasn’t telling her to pick right then and there. He was simply saying that I’m not going to give you a reason to just throw what we just experienced/could have aside because I fucked up yet again with my impulsive actions.
Dayna: Steph, you are my TVD kindred spirit (TM Anne Shirley).
Melissa: Wow yeah we definitely saw it differently because I got a very strong, pick one vibe from him and it really made me mad. I watched the scene a couple times but maybe I need to watch a few more. So far it felt like he was in a way sabotaging himself by insisting she figure it out on her own. That line in particular just did not register well with me. But admittedly, I’m not a Damon fan so that probably colored my understanding of his intent.
Dayna: I need at least one more watch through to completely nail the dialogue down, but Elena was pointing out his tendency to self-sabotage and throw a bump into things, and he asked what if there was no bump? Then the line about him not making it easy, she would have to make the decision on her own. But the scene read the same to me both times I watched it.
Melissa: I will definitely rewatch then. I know I usually don’t have the inclination to give Damon the benefit of the doubt so I’ll see if I just totally misread the scene in the moment. I think I also in a weird way (weird as in I didn’t think I would feel this way about any DE stuff), I wanted Damon and Elena to kind of have a moment to just be happy in the kiss. Ya know? Like I just thought after all this build up, all this emotion, couldn’t they have like 5 minutes to be happy with each other before all the other bullshit had to come into the picture? As a major SE shipper, I really needed DE to have their moment. No interruptions, no Stefan, just a good bit of time for those two.
Abby: I thought the kiss was great, it was well done and it definitely acknowledged the endless tension they’ve been building up. I’m disappointed that it turned immediately to snark and drama, not because I care who Elena ends up with, but because I’m tired of the relationship related bullshit she has going on with the Salvatores. Sleep with them both, pick one, pick none, just make a damn decision already. I know it’s important to the show, but the love triangle stuff gets tedious after a while….and a while was a ways back down the road.
Stephanie: WORD Abby!
Melissa: Honestly, I would love a decision. It just felt like after all the indecisiveness Elena’s been allowed with Stefan, that the show would give her a little bit of leeway with Damon. But then there’s the other part of this that pissed me off even more and that was Rose’s exposition. I honestly don’t even know where to start. I think Rose was very accurate in her assessment of Elena’s relationship/potential relationship with either Salvatore. But I hated that the show felt like we needed to hear the explanation. I vehemently despise the idea of Damon & Elena together but I understand her attraction to him. I understand why that relationship would need to be explored and what the draw is and the potential benefits or fallouts. And it just felt like it was this ‘hey crazy SE shippers who wonder how DE could ever happen, this is why’ expository dump. Part of me could just not have the patience with the shippers who don’t take the time to understand and dump a show after one episode and that’s why it rubbed me the wrong way but either way I just felt like the exposition was pandering a crowd that just needs to be ignored.
Dayna: I totally agree with you on that Exposition Fairy moment, Melissa. I completely agree with Rose’s assessment, I just didn’t feel like it needed to be ham-fisted in there, especially via Rose, speaking to Jeremy of all people. Just… no. It definitely played like a “Here, if you’re too dumb to figure out what three seasons of this show have been trying to say, let me draw you a fucking picture,” and the show should be above that. Because the people who are intelligent viewers already know, and the people who need a fucking Vingh diagram are never going to “get it” anyway.
Cin: I give so little fucks about Delena & the triangle and basically I don’t have a whole lot to say in this section. If I had been scrolling past the channels with no prior knowledge of the show and saw that kiss, yeah, I’d think it was hot. As it was, I rolled my eyes. I’m so bored with all of it. And the Rose talk to Jeremy. UGH! Give me a break. I totally agree with Dayna, we didn’t need that. Why does Jeremy need to be OK with it? And it was all propaganda bullshit anyway. “He could be the best thing for Elena or the worst thing for Elena” – what the hell is that shit? I just can’t.

Paging Ancestory.com!
Melissa: I don’t have a ton to say about this stuff (Rose is icky and please woman the only person “dripping with sex” in Mystic Falls is Elijah) but I did like that the MF Scoobies weren’t able to get their bloodlines answer right away. Plus what the fuck was with Scary Mary trying to get her own episode of Hoarders?
Dayna: Oh man, can you imagine how much hoarding a several hundred year old vampire could do? o_0 But anyway, I was admittedly disappointed that a heretofore unheard of Originals groupie was the one to turn Rose, just to cloud the waters a little longer. Clearly, we need Elijah to come back and give another of his patented history lessons.
Stephanie: Look, I know they want to drag out the whole ‘who descended from who’ plot but come on already. Also I refuse to believe that none of these ancient assholes didn’t keep a record of who turned who. Genealogy was huge back in the day. Plus with this show having ‘diaries’ in the title, you know someone wrote this shit down in a slam book somewhere. It read something along the lines, ‘Ugh, how could Kol turn Eugenia. Her hair is so dull and lifeless. AND THOSE TEETH! Her fangs are going to be crooked as fuck.’
Cin: ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!
Melissa: Stephanie will you make this tumblr with me? BECAUSE I NOW NEED A VAMPIRE DIARIES SLAMBOOK LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.
Stephanie: LOL. Sure!
Dayna: We need a vampire Ancestry.com. If only Elijah hadn’t suicided Slater… Seriously, though, the bloodline thing seemed like it was news to Klaus when Stefan told him. Since we’ve seen that there is no real bond between a vampire and their sire (Klaus & Tyler being some kind of jacked-up hybrid exception), maybe no one thought that it was ultimately very important. So even if a vampire had a running tally in their heads of who they themselves turned, they wouldn’t have much reason to keep track of who their progeny turned, and on down the line.
Cin: Wait. What happened to all of Slater’s things? He had alllllllllll of that information. And there was a ton of information on lineage back at Duke in Isobel’s department. Why hasn’t anyone on the show thought of this?
Melissa: Technically, I think the sire bond has worked with all the hybrids & Klaus, Tyler is just the only one that Stefan or Damon hasn’t killed yet. That said, I can’t imagine keeping track either. Although Kol (and I guess Klaus too) obviously knew that Scary Mary turned Rose so maybe they do keep track to a point? I’d wonder if they know who they’ve turned for several generations but just never realized the bloodline tie in. Which makes sense as there’s never been a reason to acknowledge the bloodlines until now.
Cin: I think they definitely know who sired her. If they don’t it’s because it really WAS Elijah. But the point is, it doesn’t matter if the Originals know – they are closing ranks and not going to blab on one another. It’s how the MF Scoobies are going to find out.
Dayna: Since Rose was turned not long before the events in Katerina, Klaus probably knew about her as they were all in the same circle at the time.
Abby: Seems to me that they should’ve taken a lock of Scary Mary’s hair so Jeremy can talk to HER and saved everyone a lot of trouble. Also, what the hell was up with just leaving the kid outside after Kol made his appearance?! Elena fails at this little brother protection thing in such a major way.
Stephanie: YES! I was thought, ‘Why not have Jeremy talk to this dead bitch now!?’
Cin: Because it’s not episode 3.22 yet? That’s the only damn reason.

Major Mommy Issues
Dayna: That was the other spoiler given in the Canadian promo, so no surprise at the end for me. I DO have a major quibble, though: When Klaus was in Alaric’s body, he was able to get around the invitation rule because he was inside a human body. Esther is inside a vampire body now, so she should NOT have been able to get inside the no-vampires-allowed cave. Also, she should not be able to work magic, if a vampire cannot be a witch. And another question: Is Esther actually dead? Was Klaus only able to do the body switching because his body is already “dead,” and any human taking over another body must sacrifice the one they already have?
Melissa: Didn’t Esther technically say she got the idea from Klaus’ trick with Alaric? So maybe she did things a bit differently, thus working around some of the limitations? Though you’re right, there’s a lot of things that don’t work about that particular “surprise”.And it’s weird. I saw the Canadian promo and didn’t even notice Esther.
Dayna: The promo showed Rebekah saying the line “I don’t want one Original dead. I want them all dead.” so I pretty much figured it was a body invasion. Also, there was no blood transfer for preparation like there was with Klaus going into Alaric. I think it was a cool idea, but they took a few too many liberties with the mythology/magic involved with it.
Melissa: I remember that line but it just did not even register to connect Esther with it for me. Kinda feel silly that I missed that. Yeah the mythology/magic stuff is getting all messed up. And like what happens with Esther’s body? Does it get buried by Klaus or does he figure it out or what? Way too many liberties are being taken.
Dayna: Most of the glitches can be fan-wanked, but if it was done right and done well we wouldn’t HAVE to fan-wank it.
Stephanie: Y’all I’m SO over Esther and her “diabolical” plan. We know she’ll never succeed so I can’t get myself to care at all about this plot. As for the whole body invasion, I LOVED it when Klaus did it to Alaric but I’m not sure Rebekah’s will be as much fun because, well, it’s fucking Esther.
Cin: Word, Stephanie. I enjoy Rebekah now. Esther… not so much.
Melissa: All fan-wanking aside (I mean I got over Alaric took an Ancient Runes class from the University of Phoenix so I can get over this), I only care about this storyline if it means that the MF gang and the Originals fight on the same side for once.
Abby: Word, Melissa. So much word.

The Parent Teacher Conference From Hell
Dayna: Well really, it’s not like ANYONE’S plans ever go off as intended.
Stephanie: Word.
Melissa: I don’t know. So far Evil!Alaric’s plan to kill everyone still seems to be in play. Maybe the real secret to planning is to have a psychotic alter ego.
Abby: There are so many people I’d rather see Creepy Alaric team up with! I’m not sold on Esther as a villain. It’ll be interesting to see Claire Holt and Matt Davis share some scenes, especially since they’re both playing messed up versions of their usual characters, but in terms of Esther as a threat, I’m not really with it yet. Maybe they’ll surprise me.
Cin: I agree with all of you, but yeah, what Abby said. I wasn’t overwhelmed with the revelation that she had possessed Rebekah and I’m very leary of any plan they can cook up. At the end of the day Serialaric is still just a human. A crazy human – but a human. Honestly what I feel most after this reveal is sorry for Rebekah. Yeah, it shocks the shit out of me too – but there it is. Anyway, we know they can’t completely succeed b/c then the world would be vampire free. AND how is that restoring the f-ing balance? There are still witches & werewolves. Why can’t nocturnal blood suckers have some place in the world too? Dumb.

Mean Girls, Vampire Style
Dayna: Okay Caroline, you know I love you, but the slut-shaming? Just… no. Not cool. Snipe over hair, shoes, make-up, etc., but this kind of woman-to-woman shaming around sex is severely uncool and just needs to fucking stop, already.
Stephanie: I think once they get past their differences they’ll be BFFs. I want to hear them discuss their romps with Damon and see Caroline get jealous over Rebekah’s obvious Matt crush.
Cin: I love Caroline like she was a part of me, but she is not one to be talking about slutty behavior. If I remember correctly she doesn’t exactly make the fella’s work hard for it. Not that there’s anything WRONG with that, heck, I’m pro-slut. But still. Very uncool.
Melissa: I agree with both of you. I kind of think the bashing fits Caroline, because she has been known to do that in the past and while she’s grown a lot, she hasn’t really had the chance to move past that aspect of being a teenager. But I’m just kind of sick of the show as a whole allowing the girls to keep bitching at each other over sex. It’s really frustrating and not in a Stefan cock-blocked himself in the dungeon again kind of way. That said, I do also think that if Rebekah sticks around and if she and Caroline can get past the pettiness, that they could be really good friends. They both have a lot of the same hangups which could create some great bonding moments.
Abby: Imagine the bonding that’ll occur if Rebekah manages to boot out her mom (seems likely) and then they can talk about how messed up their respective parents are. Which, admittedly, they could already have done, but now it’s much more immediate.
Melissa: I can picture this conversation. Caroline: “So my dad totally hated me but he’s dead now.” Rebekah: “Me too!” Rebekah: “My mom doesn’t understand me and tried to kill me.” Caroline: “Me too!” “I slept with Damon because I was desperate for attention.” “Me too!” “I like shopping.” The list goes on.
Stephanie: Y’all think they’ll play with Easy Bake ovens and make friendship bracelets during bonding time?
Melissa: I bet they decorate each other’s trapper keepers with Lisa Frank stickers.
Stephanie: And Rebekah specifically adds My Little Pony stickers just to show that she supports Klaroline.

From the Tweetosphere

@magdasalvatore : CAN’T REBEKAH JUST GO TO ONE DAMN DANCE
@Dayna_Barter : Damn, everybody ends up inside Rebekah, don’t they?
@onlymystory : Was anyone else hoping that when Tyler griped about Klaus’ drawing that Klaus would storm in, break his neck & scream DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF!
@julieplec: Omitted dialogue. Klaus: “Moby Dick? I see from your many failed attempts to kill me, you haven’t read it. Spoiler alert: the whale lives.”
@thomascgalvin : YOU WHORE ASS BITCH!
@cadlymac: I literally want to punch Elena in her stupid face. “I don’t know.” STUPID
@thomascgalvin : I set the bar low so I can trick bain-addled high school girls into sleeping with me as a reward for not killing people -Damon to Elena
@caulkcrinolines : How bored is everyone with almostdelena? Just me? Ok then.
@jamielynnxo : Let’s be real here. None of them had any f*cks to give for Finn. He just wanted to beat some ass.
@onlymystory : IT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO BE MORE IN LOVE WITH KOL RIGHT NOW. #OriginalGroupie
@PaulWesleyFans :: That baseball bat hit to Damon by Kol, well was Epic.Can someone please do me a favor and get that on youtube asap.
@Shivarose1 : Here we go peeps..time to take on the Originals…again #GoodLuckWithThat
@caulkcrinolines : The Salvatore Brothers: Enabling Alcoholic BFFs Since 2009.
@thomascgalvin : “I’m not in the dungeon because I’m a schizo murderer, I’m in the dungeon because Damon and I are playing a dirty sex game.” -Alaric
@PhantomRat: With the grunting and pounding and dirty talk, if you happened to be looking away from the TV, that Stefan/Alaric scene was…porn. #TVD
@dieslaughing : BRB, composing lengthy message to @julieplec about how if #Stelaric doesn’t happen soon, I will DIIIIE. #TVD
@PhantomRat : What I learned tonight on #TVD: Matt is the Pacey of Mystic Falls. Damon is the Logan Echolls of Mystic Falls. Alaric is hot when he bleeds.

Main Players: Cin, Christina and Abby (SBH staff); Dayna, Melissa, and Stephanie (SBH contributors and friends).

ORIGINALS4EVA!!!
Christina: You can’t kill the originals because then it kills all vamps they sired! YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Loophole FTW!
Abby: I’M SO HAPPY!!!!! Seriously, you guys, I really loved this episode.
Melissa: Sweet goodness, I love retconny loopholes. I’m not forgiving TVD for the last 2 episodes but I’m sure as hell willing to overlook it if the rest look like this.
Cin: Deus Ex Machina (for about the 34th time this season, but who’s counting…) FTW!!!
Stephanie: SO saw this plot twist coming but I don’t care if it means that the Originals stay forever!!!! Seriously, I super enjoyed this ep.
Dayna: Someone just tell me Rose descended from Elijah and I will never bitch about anything on this show ever again. Pinky-swear. Although I did have to get a teeny bit ragey — Damon: “No one better get their pity on again.” Elena: “No, I’m good. Go ahead and kill Elijah with the rest.” Me: “Fuck. You. Elena.”
Abby: Rose descending from Elijah would make sense. Also: EEELLIJJJAAAAH!!!!
Cin: It would make PERFECT sense. Then he could be the only Original they could never kill. THEN he’d be every vamp on the show’s Pimp Daddy for reals. I mean, he already is. He owns them all, but if he really WAS their daddy? *dies forever*
Christina: And thus my tweet about Damon being the Worst. Shit list for sure for even cooking up this whole hair-brained scheme.
Cin: Let’s be real for a sec, Christina: If Damon’s plans are actually good they still get foiled. Honestly I don’t even see why he tries anymore. F-ing pathetic.
Dayna: Well, to be fair, Damon has ALWAYS wanted to off the Originals if given a chance. I expect better from Elena. Still. For some fucked up reason, because Jesus, she’s ELENA.
Abby: I have the feeling that this whole doppelganger thing is going to come back into play soon. The fact that it was the first doppelganger (Tatia) whose blood created the Originals is certainly going to make a difference at some point. My guess is that it’ll help save Tyler if Klaus *wibble* dies. WHICH HAD BETTER NOT HAPPEN, SHOW.
Cin: SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, ABBY!!! Don’t give them any ideas. If Tyler lives and Klaus dies… I just don’t even know. That is like cosmically unfuckingfair. BUT, I do think you could be right about the doppelganger thing. Let’s just hope it has a different purpose for rearing it’s ugly head. Like, more flashbacks of Klaus and Elijah (with perfect flashback hair) both sexing Tatia up. I’m actually surprised Dobrev hasn’t pushed for that ‘sexy-time scene with every hot man on the show’ thing with Gillies & JoMo. Lord knows I’d be in that front office stomping my foot and splashing the writers with coconut water until that shit happened!
Dayna: Co-Fucking-Signed, Cin! Co-Fucking-Signed.
Abby: You know I’ll lose my mind if anything happens to Klaus. LOSE. MY. MIND. However, they’ve made the goal “KILL KLAUS!” for so long that I’m not sure how they can get out of it (though, they’re on a pretty good path with this whole bloodline thing) without making the fans freak out about no payoff. Personally, I want him to stay forever and for team Mystic Falls to learn that sometimes you CAN’T kill the big bad, you have to work around it.
Cin: Abby, you know how I always said he was Voldemort? Well, I’m over it. He needs to stay forever. Or at least live. I mean, Elijah is still my boo, but I’m right there with the lot of you. Klaus dies and Cin will be one un-fucking-happy angry bitch.
Abby: Welcome to I-Love-Klaus-Land. I’ve been saving you a spot since he walked out of that damn trunk.
Cin: *covets my spot* Awwww, you knew I’d come around. And I did. Oh, I so did. And why wouldn’t I? We’ve seen what TVD is like without Klaus these last 2 episodes, and it fucking sucks.
Abby: What is TVD without Klaus? A WASTELAND OF SORROW, THAT’S WHAT. Seriously, you guys. We were all ready to come in here and be a RAGE RAINBOW and instead we’re bouncing around going YAY KLAUS! It’s fantastic.
Cin: Well, Klaus is fantastic. Period.
Stephanie: I just really want to see his painted mural of all the My Little Ponies with the Care Bears looking down on them.
Cin: I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE. Stephanie, your brain is like a wonderland. I love you completely. LOL
Stephanie: Haha. I don’t know if my brain is a wonderland. Probably more like a scary funhouse but SERIOUSLY I need that mural. I bet the Louvre has it locked away just waiting for the perfect time to unveil that majestic piece.

Klaus Bait
Cin: Ok, I have issues with them just always using Caroline for all of the kinda shit jobs, but when said shit job includes being KLAUS BAIT, ummm, yes please! But Oh FUCK NO, it was nothing but a tease! They didn’t use her as Klaus Bait at fucking all. They TEASED KLAUSOLINE AND DIDN’T DELIVER! And then. THEN, they used her as fucking babysitter. Again. Which is what she was doing last fucking episode too. UGH!!!
Abby: To be fair, she IS the only competent person in town, pretty much. If you need someone to babysit, she’s basically the only option that won’t end up with whoever needs to be watched wandering off and killing everyone lots.
Cin: OMG, ya’ll. What if SHE has the last ever white oak stake? What if Serialaric THINKS he has it but really Car found it and took it? OMG, that would be so fucking awesome. Unless she kills Elijah (she wouldn’t off Klaus, since he sired the dog), in which case my heart would turn into a thousand specks of dust and float away forever.
Abby: I LIKE THIS IDEA. Can I give it a hug? Um. Except for the part with the Elijah death. I won’t hug that part. I won’t even shake its hand. ELIJAH LIVES FOREVER.
Stephanie: I thought the same thing last night about Caroline taking it!
Christina: Ooooh, that is an AWESOME idea. I mean, yeah, except for the killing Elijah bit. But… but… she can’t kill Klaus. She needs him to show her the rest of the world because I kind of feel like she won’t ever fucking leave Mystic Falls, which basically puts her back to where she was before Klaus was all awesome for her.
Melissa: I just want to say that I really do love that Caroline is so willing to kill Klaus in order to save Tyler. Now I love Klaus, I love Caroline, I ship Klaroline so hard it’s insane and I hate Tyler with a passion. But Caroline is the one character who I feel hasn’t had her personality changed to fit the story. And Caroline’s personality includes being loyal to a fault. And she loves Tyler. Just as I liked that she wouldn’t fall sway to Klaus’ seduction attempts, I do like that her character is, er was, willing to kill him. I want Care to be with Klaus but I just really adore the way the writers are keeping Caroline true to herself. Of course, now that killing Klaus will kill Tyler, I can’t wait to see how this plays out. I’m curious to see if the others would consider Tyler an acceptable loss (I kind of think even Tyler would agree with that), allowing them to go after Klaus. Because we all know that Elijah sired Rose. I refuse to believe this show will kill Elijah. Anyway, I’d love to see Caroline tell Klaus about a plan to kill him, in an attempt to save Tyler and just see how all that unravels. This is going to be quite fun & a much more interesting triangle.
Dayna: I agree that they’ve kept Caroline true to her loyal self, which is why I’m glad they HAVEN’T gone the Klaroline route. That said, I would more than consider Tyler an acceptable loss, but I LIKE Klaus. Just, you know, not with Caroline, or tamed to the point where they’re all hanging out at the Grill together.
Christina: I said it last night and I’ll say it again: Killing Tyler is the ONLY ACCEPTABLE excuse for killing Klaus. It is the silver lining in an otherwise horrible, horrible plan. I know, I know. They HAVE to kill Klaus. He’s the big bad and all that jazz, and… I just pray that they take Tyler down with him. That would be glorious. But that said, I really don’t want Klaus dead. And I think they can keep him around (with Caroline, because YOU GUYS REALLY) without having to have him hang out at the Grill. Because I agree — that would be BAD. Not just… the whole taming of the beast thing, but zero drama = bad TV.
Stephanie: I’d be A-OKAY with Tyler dying but Klaus magically surviving thanks to some weird loophole dealing with his werewolf side. I just really don’t want Klaus to go y’all. He’s the BEST.
Abby: NO KILLING KLAUS. NO. Just. NO. I’m pitching my tent on the banks of denial and I’m staying here until this latest danger is past. I like Tyler now, but I’d rather lose him than Klaus. Ideally, though, we’ll get to keep both of them.
Christina: Ideally, so many of the characters on this show would die, if I’m going to be honest with y’all. Seriously, gimme Klaus, Caroline, Elijah, Stefan and Alaric, and give them their own show? I’d be peachy keen, jelly beans.
Cin: Seconded.
Dayna: I want to keep Damon, too. He’s fine as long as Elena isn’t around to pussify him. And he gets all the best lines. (Honestly, I’d just as soon have Damon INSTEAD of Stefan.)
Cin: Pussify. Best word since cuntbasket. (If I do say so myself)

Sibling Bonds
Melissa: I find it intriguing that Rebekah understands the bonds of family better than Damon while Damon understands the need to be loved better. Both understand some of the other but they’re very similar characters, but I like the nuances there.
Dayna: I don’t think Klaus quite realizes how fully he just lost Rebekah there. Even after the family resurrection scene, I don’t think Rebekah was as ready to wash her hands of him as she acted. But I think his attitude toward Finn was an eye-opener for her. When things come to a head again, Klaus better make sure Rebekah isn’t at his back.
Stephanie: Rebekah is totally NOT Team Klaus now after his little spiel right at the end. I actually felt bad for Rebekah because you can honestly tell that all she wants is her family to come together in a big kumbaya circle and love each other.
Abby: Rebekah is such a great character. I think one of Klaus’s biggest flaws is his treatment of her, because you’d think it’d be easier for him to see (as Damon does) that she basically just needs attention and affection. Give her those things and she’d be loyal forever. Poorly played, Klaus! You’re smarter than this!
Cin: I’m still torn on Rebekah. Half the time she annoys me and the other half I think she’s awesome. I like her though, especially lately since they are giving her such depth. I think all of the torture shenanigans last night (aside from taking Damon out of the action and proving how very pussified — hehe — he is) were about showing us another layer of how woefully alone Rebekah has always felt. Then again, this would work better if she hadn’t been in a box for almost 90 years, but that’s not the point. The point is, with her issues I’m shocked she stays latched to Klaus. Elijah would nurture her. He’d give her attention. He’d fill all of her brotherly needs. *sigh* Anyway, yeah. Klaus fucked up, but he has always treated her and the rest of his siblings this way. Why are they surprised? That’s another reason Elijah is awesome. He’s totally not every shocked by Klaus’ bitch control freak nature. Klaus is not a giver. Which is ANOTHER reason his spark of feelings for Caroline were so damn refreshing. We have only ever seen him interact with siblings and minions and lowly humans. We have never seen him even attempt to respect anyone. And honestly, that is everyone’s fault. Even Elijah and Rebekah who he made his pact with. They indulged him and now he’s this huge headed monster. Elijah has known this for a long time which is why he had resolved himself to kill him. Rebekah, regardless of her short lived anger toward him about their mother, hasn’t reached that point yet. But I think last night she started taking her first steps in that direction.
Dayna: I don’t think Elijah would indulge Rebekah’s tantrums or her wantonly vampirish behavior. For all that Klaus may boss her around, he also lets Rebekah have her torture-porn fun, etc. Elijah only let her menace Elena because he needed to use her for something, and then he felt bad about it. He’d make her behave, and Rebekah wouldn’t like that.

Serialaric Strikes Again
Christina: Alaric’s serial killer alter hid the last stake! AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Abby: This is what happens when you invite the guy with the sneaky, untrustworthy, murderous alter-ego into the plan, kids. Also, what Christina said: HAHAHAHAAAA!!!!
Dayna: Cue the scene where they tie Alaric up and torture him until the alter ago gives up the intel in 5… 4… 3… 2…
Abby: He’s overdue for a torture session anyway.
Cin: Truth.
Christina: Do you think Alteric is because the audience loved Kalaric so much? Matt Davis is kind of awesome a playing these alter egos. Poor Alaric…
Dayna: I don’t know where Cult is going to film or when, but I kinda wonder if this isn’t them hedging their bets so they can go either way depending on Matt Davis’s availability.
Stephanie: I think it films in Vancouver or at least that’s where the pilot is being filmed. I love all forms of Alaric so much and I don’t want him to leave. DON’T BREAK UP MY BROMANCE TVD! Besides Alaric calling out Damon for his soap dish fuck up was the best thing ever last night.
Cin: I hate to break your heart, Steph, but I consider Matt Davis leaving is a done deal now. The only thing that might save him is if this show doesn’t get picked up. Which we won’t know until the upfronts in May. BUT even if it doesn’t get picked up, they have to have a contingency to get him off the show if it does. I’m smelling looney bin. I mean, I hate it. I really hate that Alaric is one of the few humans on this damn show I honestly enjoy flaws and all – but obviously he wouldn’t even have been open to pilot season if they weren’t trying to work him out. Which is stupid and wrong, but yeah.
Stephanie: You have RUINED my life with this news. RUINED I tell you. Actually, I’ll be okay if he leaves as long as they just don’t kill him. If there’s an avenue that allows him to come back whenever then I’m okay with his leaving (right now). I mean obviously I’ll be devastated that I won’t get my weekly Damon/Alaric bromance fix but at least I’ll be able to imagine their pen pal letters to each other. Damon: ‘My Dearest Alaric, man I bet you’re wishing you hadn’t killed all those brain cells now with a million shots of bourbon. PS- I made you some cookies.’ Alaric: ‘To the biggest douchebag I know, Please bring whiskey to our next conjugal visit. PS- Have you manned up and given Elena a pearl necklace yet?’
Cin: *DEAD*
Stephanie: Look for future fan fiction by yours truly titled, ‘Damon and Alaric: The Pen Pals Saga’. (Title subject to change)
Dayna: Brilliant!

Saw XIV: It’s Damon’s Turn
Christina: I was really just hoping he’d rip his own hands off.
Abby: I admit it. So was I.
Cin: Totally. I was like “Don’t be a pussy Damon, just DO IT!” #isthiswhatbloodlustfeelslike
Melissa: Or grate them off as it were. It was like shredded flesh cheese up in there. Not how I prefer to make quesadillas, just so you know.
Abby: EWWWWW.
Dayna: I just love how Damon is always so cheerfully matter-of-fact about being tortured. He’s just got this attitude like, “Yeah, well, haven’t been tortured in a few days, so whatever. Guess I can schedule it in between my manicure and my bikini wax…”
Stephanie: I think Damon secretly likes being tortured. And did y’all see the look he gave Klaus when he and Rebekah were bickering about the best blood draining methods? It was like, ‘You’re right dude she’s such an amateur.’ Loved that look.
Abby: I think it would’ve been hilarious if they’d hung him by his feet. Not as sexy, perhaps, but HILARIOUS.
Cin: He totally gets off on it. When the wolves were torturing him last season (remember the THIRD time Elijah ‘saved him’) – that remains one of my favorite Damon scenes ever even before Elijah got there. He was so snarky and awesome. *sigh* I miss Damon with a dick.
Dayna: Damon is still snarky and awesome — just not when Elena is around. Which is why I don’t want an Elena/Damon endgame. I want him with someone who doesn’t make him non-awesome.
Stephanie: Girl, you’re preaching to the choir about wanting Damon with snark and badassness back. That Damon is what made me like him over Stefan more in the beginning. His feelings for Elena have him too whipped and it’s kind of like ‘Really? Stop being a pansy and just do something about it already.’
Cin: Can I jump in for a second to talk about how seriously girly Damon’s ‘dream’ was. Yeah, yeah, I know Rebekah was influencing it but did she put the entire thing in his head? *shrug* Even if she did I can totes see this being the kind of dream Damon has all on his own. He was Elena’s damsel in distress. That boy has so many issues with women it’s unfuckingbelievable. It makes me wonder what Mommy Salvatore must have done to him that she didn’t do to Stefan, because seriously? He likes it when women have him whipped. I feel sorry for him, and for all the Damon fangirls who are like peeing themselves that IS was naked for the past 2 episodes, well, they need to take a long look at the ‘man’ they are lusting after. Pussy patrol.
Christina: AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Dayna: We seriously need some flashbacks to Mama Salvatore.
Stephanie: WORD. I’ve been demanding this forever.
Christina: I third this motion.
Abby: Fourth!

Boohoo Bonnie
Abby: I’m not a Bonnie fan, but I think her reactions are some of the most REAL in the show. No, she doesn’t want to help Damon, she hates Damon. Yes, she did what Klaus wanted, because she’s afraid of Klaus. Yes, she freaked out and broke down in the mansion driveway, because she’s 17 and her life is made of a 100% blend of magic and misery.
Christina: You know what? I thought that exact same thing. Like, that was real emotion, and honestly, that’s the first time I’ve ever been impressed with her. But I still hate her, so I couldn’t really muster the empathy.
Melissa: This is so frustrating to me because I think you’re right Abby, but I also think that Bonnie’s storyline, more than anyone else’s has been so fucked up, that I can’t bring myself to CARE about her. I mean, I hate when the show tries to pull the “Bonnie’s lost so much” angle. Honestly, Bon, everyone’s laundry list of pain is pretty long. Kinda like what Elena told Caroline about how she couldn’t really turn her back on one person doing evil things because of something supernatural & out of their control unless she turned on all of them. Bonnie’s role has been interwoven with the supernatural for generations & yet she acts like she’s the one who suffers more. And that’s really crappy writing for her which frustrates me. It might be different if someone else had the same attitude as her but they don’t. Bonnie’s the only one who acts as though she’s been greatly wronged on a level no one else can understand. Plus, there’s never a scene of Bonnie choosing to not break down, to fight on in her life and try to push past all the pain. She just keeps going & is very cold. And I wouldn’t mind that, if the show would allow us to see Bonnie reaching that point. Instead, we have to see Bonnie get 5 seconds of a breakdown after being kidnapped by an Original. We don’t get to see her start bonding with her mother, thus understanding how Bonnie might’ve let her walls down only to get hurt again. We don’t get to see her be genuinely upset about Jeremy cheating (I agree that she couldn’t talk to Elena about it, but where was the conversation with Caroline?), just this cold, I’m not going to talk to anyone attitude. So when I see Bonnie break down because she’s 17 and she’s tired & sad & heartbroken & just wants to go back to Saturday morning cartoons after a sleepover with her girlfriends, I honestly don’t care. And that truly pisses me off. We know this show can make us invested in a wide variety of characters. Look at our current love for Klaus. Or the fact that I’m almost, ALMOST, on Damon’s side in this stupid love triangle. It’s possible to make fandom fall in love with Bonnie, or at the very least sympathize with her but we have to see her pain. I truly believe that we’d all be a lot more worried about Bonnie if throughout the show we’d seen her struggle to hold it together and not fall apart, only to ultimately fall apart now because the burden got to be too much. Instead, we only learn Bonnie’s emotions when it serves the product placement.
But ya know what? I will be hella fucking impressed if this show can make be interested in Bonnie when she turns into Dark!Willow. I want to see how Bonnie one-ups flaying as punishment.
Dayna: Pretty much Word to all this, Melissa. It’s not as much a character problem as a writing problem, which unfortunately transfers the viewer frustration onto the character herself. I just don’t see them turning the character around enough for me to care if she goes all Dark Willow and everyone has to kill her. It won’t be about her, because nothing is ever about her; it will just be about what having to kill her does to the other characters.
Stephanie: Geez y’all way to steal my thoughts and write them out before I can. You guys are right though. It’s not an acting or character problem, it’s totally a writing problem which makes it obvious that the writers really have no idea what they want to do with Bonnie or know where to take her. I HATE Bonnie but I was also ambivalent about Klaus in the beginning and now I love him so I know the writers can change my feelings about a character with their stories. They just don’t know how with Bonnie.
Christina: Word to all. Dayna, you make an excellent point. Bonnie is a pawn. That’s what she’s always been used as, and I’m pretty sure that’s what she’ll ALWAYS be used as. The character is written poorly, and I’m going to go ahead and say it… I’m not impressed with Kat Graham either. Now, I don’t want to shit on the actors because I know that acting is hard, and you can only do so much with the material you’re given… and maybe I don’t like her BECAUSE I hate Bonnie, but meh. I just… I cannot muster an ounce of fuck to give to anything related to Bonnie Bennett anymore. Zero fucks to give. I don’t follow actor press for this show because I mostly just don’t care, but I don’t get the impression that KG is even happy in this role, and I don’t blame her. All that said… I was slightly impressed with the tears and sadness last night. But other than that, I don’t want to see her face (as Bonnie) on my TV anymore.
Cin: I agree with all of you, but Christina shares my brain. Yes it’s the writing but equally I hate her face. I don’t like Kat Graham as a performer. I hate Bonnie so much I couldn’t be impressed with the tears of sorrow because seeing her cry just makes me think of Hulk Bonnie.

And I laughed. Which is so very very wrong, but I laughed at her stupid face.

Klaus Gets ALL the Hearts
Dayna: I didn’t realize how much I had missed Klaus the last couple weeks until he was back in all his smirking, eye-rolling, cheerfully manipulatin’ and murderin’ glory. Bonus brownie points from me for partially calling Stefan out on his misplaced rage.
Abby: PARTY IN I-LOVE-KLAUS-LAND!
Stephanie: If someone hadn’t brought this up I was so going to because WORD to all that Dayna. Absolutely loved the scene where he called out Stefan! Klaus aka Joseph Morgan brings such a dynamic force to the screen that when he’s gone it really shows and, truth be told, the show is a little boring to watch.
Christina: WORD to you both! I had missed Klaus so much. And it was totally boring without him. He’s almost become a crutch for the show, you know? Like, he’s the driving force behind the narrative. Everything is done because of or for him. He’s gone, and it’s just a lot of plotting and nothing gets done. Klaus is back on the screen though, and shit goes down. Long Live Klaus! Seriously. Don’t ever kill him, show. Never.
Stephanie: I will straight up RIOT if they ever kill Klaus… or Alaric.
Abby: What I love most about Klaus’s freakout at the end was that it again highlights how much older he is than Stefan, and how different his perspective is. He understands Stefan so much better than most of the other characters, and he gets that his (misguided) old buddy needed something to focus on. I love how upset he was. “NOBODY APPRECIATES ME!” Oh, Klaus.
Dayna: Come on over to the Boarding House, Klaus. WE appreciate you.

Stefan kissing his inner ‘Emily Thorne’ goodbye
Dayna: Stefan decides that this revenge plot against Klaus is a waste of time, but will he take it to the next logical step? I said last night on Twitter that Stefan is never going to move past the whole Klaus/Ripper thing until he can own the fact that everything he did with Klaus was a CHOICE. He CHOSE to drink blood like Klaus asked and to be his wingman. The reason he made that choice does NOT negate the fact that he made it. He wants to blame Klaus for his re-Ripperfication, but that is ultimately on him. He never tried to learn moderation and control, just yo-yo’d back and forth between being an unrepentant and joyful killer, and being a sanctimonious, self-flagellating martyr. Caroline misses “well-adjusted Stefan”? He was NEVER well-adjusted. Until he can realize that, acknowledge it, and move forward from it by trying to change, I have no fucking use for him. Own your shit, Stefan. That’s one thing Damon understands more than anyone. There are some useful life lessons you can learn from your big brother.
Stephanie: Dayna I’m just going to go back and put ‘and Stephanie’ after your name because gurrrl you’re saying everything I was thinking today.
Cin: Thirded. I love Stefan. I truly truly love him, but he’s fucked up and he has noone to blame but himself. Well, maybe Katherine, but Klaus – even in the 20s – was just part of his journey. He was already a rippah when they met. How is what and how he is Klaus’ fault? It’s not.
Abby: I’m very afraid that we’re in for another bout of Stefan Self Pity ™ but I want to believe he’s letting go of old issues because he’s moving forward, not because he wants to mope about new ones. I don’t want him to go back to pretending to be human. He doesn’t have to keep randomly decapitating people, but I don’t want him all “perfect high school boyfriend” either.
Stephanie: I agree SO MUCH. This year’s Stefan has been a blast to watch and I really love when Paul Wesley plays sinister Stefan. Turning Stefan back to into a moppy bitch would be such a regression for the character that it’ll just annoy to no end since we know how awesome he can be.
Dayna: This was my big fear of the Ripper Stefan storyline — the equal and opposite amount of whining we’re going to have to endure because of it.
Cin: Me too. And now that we are on the cusp of brooding and sulking, I’m pissy as shit about it.

From the Tweetosphere
@caulkcrinolines Elena has the worst posture. She’s going to develop a hump. #TVD
@dieslaughing I just really need Klaus to stay forever. It’s very clear to me now.#TVD
@Dayna_Barter The answer is clearly Elijah, Elena.
@thomascgalvin “Well, I could probably pull the chains out of the ceiling, but … ah, fuck it.” -Damon #tvd
@caulkcrinolines Do animal traps just OPEN like that? Whose hallucination is this? #TVD