Main Players: Cin, Christina and Abby (SBH staff); Dayna, Melissa, and Stephanie (SBH contributors and friends).
Christina: HAHA J/K! Oh, you fucking show. Build up his death all fucking episode long, then give it to us, and have everyone properly sad about it (though that living memorial, candle light vigil thing was beyond stupid corny), have Damon sadly and symbolically put the cork in the bourbon bottle… and then fucking have EstherBonnie feed him blood and vamperize him. FUCKING FIGURES. Oh, and also? PLEASE LET THIS MEAN THAT BONNIE IS GOING TO BE DEAD! Knowing this show, it’s not going to work out that way, but a girl can dream.
Dayna: Yeah, you keep dreaming, Christina. Keeeeeeeeeep dreaming. Seriously though: the only way this Alaric thing is going to work for me is if all traces of the old Alaric truly ARE dead. I can deal with him being the Big Bad Vampire Vampire Hunter, and let all the emotion around Alaric’s death stand, if only they don’t try to play the “hehehe just kidding lol” now that he IS vamped, Original-style. Otherwise, it was just a wanton manipulation of our emotions as viewers and I. Will. Be. PISSED.
Christina: Word. I mean, they went ahead and did it, you know? There HAS to be a change. And I want Alaric to be all-out, balls to the walls EVIL. EEEEVVIIIILLLLLLL. That’s the only way I won’t roll my eyes out of my head at this plot turn.
Cin: Let’s back up the bus for a second. I want to go back to just them teasing Alaric’s death for maximum fan reaction AGAIN. And they went all the way out this time too. That candlelight wordless group goodbye was possibly the cheesiest thing I’ve seen outside Glee in like forever. It worked, had most of twitter in stitches and tears and rage — I was like, ‘meh’. Literally, zero mist happening. They have cried wolf with Alaric dying too many damn times. I’m over it. Especially when Elena is wailing about losing everyone. CHICK, YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE BESIDE THE UNDEAD. Anyway… I’m sorry, it just did less than nothing for me. Now if they had extended that Damon/Alaric scene at the end and cut the cheese a bit – I might have been affected. The bromance is matters to me with Alaric. The pseudo family he had going on with Elena was mostly borderline creepy. It worked with Jeremy, but with Elena… not so much. Anyway, if they would have made the bromance or even Jeremy the focus, I would have bought into it more. But no. It’s all about Elena, Elena, Elena. Anyway, and then the twist. So f-ing typical. When they hit us out of left field and magically undo things with magic EVERY WEEK – ugh. I’m sorry, but it’s just gotten old. I don’t know how I feel about vamp’d Alaric. Because when they do things like this now my brain just slow blinks at the screen and I kinda just say ‘whatthefuckever’. *shrug* Also, Matt Davis has another job folks. We knew this (or something along these lines) was coming.
Stephanie: I know a lot people were not fans of this twist. Not me obviously since I want to keep Alaric around anyway I can get him. BUT I see why people feel manipulated. The thing is I think Alaric has gone completely evil and there won’t be any saving him from this. That’s why the vigil and that heartbreaking goodbye between him and Damon was so important because they were saying goodbye to the Alaric they knew and loved. This new Dr. Claw (or is he more of a Shredder?) of Alaric won’t be any of that and as I said I don’t think he will ever be like his former self so it was important to allow his character and those close to him, ESPECIALLY DAMON, the chance to say goodbye and close the book on Alaric the history teacher/drinking buddy. Hell after rewatching Esther’s little spiel to Elena totally gave away this plot twist. Also I just want Bonnie to FUCKING DIE.
Cin: Who doesn’t want Bonnie to die? I mean, seriously. I need a roll call of people on team BonnieLives. But seriously, the best part of the entire Alaric funeral thing for me was when this happened::: When Elena & Alaric were looking out of the tomb at the makeshift living memorial with all the other character – Megan (my 14 year old) looks over at me and goes “OMG, he was in Legally Blonde! Wasn’t he? He was Warner right?” I spittled on my BlackBerry & then kinda forgot in the crazy that was my twitter & bbm chat with Christina – but yeah. Gold. (PS: She’s not my brain legacy child – that would be my 9yr old Brady)
Christina: Stephanie, I agree with you that it was important, but I kind of feel like because we got the twist, the emotions were kind of wasted. Until we know that the Alaric that we know is actually dead, it’s just the story twisting at our guts again, and that’s no good. Now, I do sincerely hope that he is All Evil All the Time. 1) That’d be interesting, and 2) then it makes the fact that the Alaric everyone loved is gone all the more true. But until then… *shrug*
Stephanie: I totally get that and I will be the first one to tell you that I’ll be pissed if becomes un-evil again because that was a perfect goodbye to that side of him. Evil Alaric is always amazing and I’m excited to see Matt Davis destroy at it but TVD is known to backtrack on shit like this so I get the hesitation. I just don’t want Alaric gone gone because I can’t handle that again. Even if he’s evil I still get to keep Alaric which will allow me to work up myself to saying goodbye permanently to this character though I’m still hoping the bromance will survive somehow. Evil Alaric and Damon could amazing.
Cin: THAT would be amazing. Let’s revisit our idea from a while back about a bromance spin off of awesome. Because now it comes with double immortality and that’s always much more fun.
Dayna: Yeah, so… wow. That was a fucking quick wrap-up to a plot point, even by TVD standards. Esther was actually inhabiting Rebekah for all of what, 5 minutes screen time. Okay, then!
Christina: Haha, yeah, but it was kind of cool. I mean I didn’t suspect it at all. Once it was revealed, I was like, “Okay, that was kind of lame,” but for that split second when they pulled a semi-fast one over me, I was impressed, haha.
Stephanie: Esther, what a bitch. I hate her and her stupid plot lines so much. I didn’t even care about her body suit back and forth. Buffalo Bill would be so jealous.
Christina: Well, I dunno. I don’t think Buffalo Bill would ever fuck her.
Stephanie: I was just talking about all the different meat suits she has available to wear. He just had that one and you know he’d kill (literally) for a whole closet worth.
Christina: I know. I was joking on the whole “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me” thing, haha. But, word, yo. He had to work so hard to get those few pieces. He would totes be jealous. But seriously, the whole body switching plot was just so stupid. It had its purpose, and it served her well, but each time it happened, it’s just like “UGH ALREADY! I GET IT” you know? She needs to go.
Stephanie: WORD. If I never see another fucking body switch on this show it’ll be too soon. They should have just stuck with fucking ghosts minus witches. I could have gotten behind a ghost big bad because at least ghosts haven’t fucked everything up on this show yet. I will hope Klaus throws Esther’s body into the fires of Mordor.
Cin: There you go invoking LoTR again, Stephanie. And you KNOW what that does to me.
Dayna: For realz, witches on TVD suck SO. MUCH. I do not give a shit about Bonnie. Ever. For any reason! Please stop cutting away from characters whom I care about to show me Bonnie whining to her new romantic interest. I have absolutely zero fucks to give about her. And Esther needs to be final deathed, like, fucking yesterday.
Christina: I’m hoping that because now that Bonnie and her sort-of-adopted brother have made out that that’s — literally — going to be the kiss of death for him. Because if he dies, Bonnie will cry. And I will rejoice. Because I do not have a soul. MUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. #dieBonniedie
Stephanie: Word to you both! I’m SO sick of the witches on TVD. I’m just sick of magic period. It’s used far too much to get out of the corners the writers have written themselves in. I’ve never cared about Bonnie in the least and it’s time for her to die. Burn her at the stake. Have Alaric finish ripping her neck out. Have her be hit by a garbage truck. I. DON’T. CARE. Just get rid of her and stop with all the fucking magic bullshit already. This is TVD NOT Secret Circle.
Cin: I agree totally. I’m so over them DEUS EX MACHINA’s with magic out of every situation. And it might be different if like Stephanie pointed out, this was a magic show. But it’s not. It’s a vampire show and all of this magic just gums up the works. And that crap Ester was spouting last night about balance?!? How is witching having the power THEY do being in balance. It’s just been a runaway train of bullshit this entire season and it’s progressively just got more and more ridiculous. I hate it.
Stephanie: So I know we normally fawn all over Caroline and her perfect self but she really fucking annoyed me last night. For real, I straight up hated her. Why the fuck are we using her to be a mouthpiece of Stefan/Elena? She’s too good for that shit. Also, if they turn her into a Elena 2.0 with this lil’ triangle bullshit they’ve got going on with her/Tyler/Klaus, I will straight up murder someone. I mean why is there even a fucking triangle to begin with? Tyler is a douche and after last week, I don’t understand why Caroline would even want to practice mating with him. [Christina: HAHAHA “practice mating...”] Then there’s Klaus. Girl, just get off your fucking high horse and admit that he intrigues you and that you sort of want to see what he’s offering you. Am I saying sleep with him and date him? No (but I’d be down for it). We all know Caroline wants to the see the world so she needs to stop acting like his suggestions are utterly ridiculous. Basically, the way Caroline was written last night really fucking pissed me off. I love Caroline normally but I do not like her being a ship mouthpiece or turning into Elena when it comes to her vagina and boys.
Cin: Preach, Steph. PREACH. I seriously just wanted Klaus to compel her to kill Tyler and run away with him. And I shouldn’t WANT Caroline to be compelled to do that – but there it is.
Dayna: That was the same sort of writing fail that gave us Rose’s soliloquy last week on Damon and Elena. They need to stop trying to be the voices of the shippers. Show, don’t tell. So I blame it on that lame-assery rather than on Caroline as a character. Though it IS in character for her to push for Stefan over Damon.
Stephanie: I sort of agree with that but at the same time I think Caroline would sort of play mediator to the issue so that Elena could figure out it herself. I know that Caroline loves Stefan more and that they have special bond since he helped her when she turned but I’m not sure that she would typically give the same argument that the writers forced her to give last night. Epic love? Barf. Seriously, what was with the cheese last night?
Cin: I still think that Stefan/Caroline will happen and could possibly be endgame (if she truly let’s Klaus go — we aren’t even discussing Klaus not surviving this season). So yeah, she loves Stefan, but she is usually the friend who does stay out of stuff. Being an annoying harpy is Bonnie’s roll in the bff trio. At any rate I agree with both of you, making characters be the champions of ships is beyond lame. We should get to hear how ELENA feels about the two boys instead of “I’m confused” – how Rose or Caroline or Bonnie or anyone else feels about Elena’s love life is irrelevant.
Dayna: Word to your motha!!
Stephanie: I totally think Stefan/Caroline will happen too. I’m still pissed they haven’t made out yet. Not really. But I’m curious when it’ll finally happen.
Christina: Y’all pretty much covered it, but I would just like to reiterate how much i fucking hate Tyler and how much I think he just needs to die. When Klaus was all “Mark my words,” about how Tyler is a small town boy and she needs to break away from him to be happy… my insides quivered a little. She needs to listen to him so bad. Even if they don’t end up together, she needs to listen to him and go see the world. We can all tell that deep down she knows that she doesn’t want to be in Mystic Falls forever. Maybe it would have been enough for Human Caroline, but it’s definitely not enough for Vampire Caroline — and she KNOWS it. She needs to stop being scared, take Klaus’ hand and just go for it. So yeah, the whole having sex in the dungeon was not flying well with me last night. #dieTylerdie
Misconceptions of the Heart
Cin: Over the past week on twitter & from what I hear – beyond, in this fandom there has been an Elena issue over some people calling her a ‘slut’ and a ‘whore’ and some others taking massive offense to this. Ok. I’m kinda at a tough spot here – because I’m a name caller. And I enjoy being a name caller. When I call Elena a whore, I mean that I hate her guts. Some women/girls. Usually ones in their twenties (no offense, but I seriously don’t see many in their 30’s) who get very wound up about name and words and who jump on the female power train at every stop. I understand that the message that was drilled into us in “Mean Girls” by the almighty Tina Fey: “you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores.” And I get that. I do. I am the mother of a teenage daughter and I preach not throwing words around like that. But you guys, ELENA GILBERT IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER! Do we all get that? That fighting with other people about the moral standings of a fictional character is just wasting your breath.
Dayna: Well, personally, I’m in my 40’s, and yes, when people start throwing “slut” and “whore” around in this sort of situation it does offend me. Since I know you, I understood how YOU meant it, but there are a lot of people who mean it just the way it’s meant to be taken, and that to me is a big Hell No. We should be so over calling girls out for their romantic feelings and how they express them with pejoratives like that, so they admittedly make me see red. As far as I’m concerned, the word “whore” should be confined to those who are, in fact, prostitutes. And yes, Elena is a fictional character, but the people applying those labels to her over the stuff in last week’s episode are going to apply those same labels to people in real life. So, yeah, it kinda gets my feminist panties in a wad.
Cin: But how do you really know how they meant it? You know me and how I mean things because of my inflection and because, well, I’m me. But even if they did mean it literally – I just can’t abide this kind of massive feminist fighting about a character on a show where all HUMANS are trivialized and abused at every turn. But in this case even if Elena were not a fictional character I still wouldn’t like her and would still call her names and here is why: She is an 18 year old girl who is just playing at love and has no f-ing idea what it means to really be IN LOVE. A year ago, I said the opposite. I truly thought she was IN LOVE with Stefan. Now, I don’t think she has a clue what she wants and because of that she doesn’t need either one of them. See, this is a huge misconception among people who have never really been IN LOVE but think they have: When you are in fact IN LOVE with someone, no one else on earth exists romantically. You may look at a picture and say ‘yeah, sure, he’s hot’ but then automatically your brain goes back to the place that says ‘but he’s not my lover’. This is a true fact. Yes, you can ‘love’ more than one person at a time. Friends, family, children – but romantically. No. This is a massive problem I have with movies and literature and tv as a whole. It teaches people that being in love is so trivial that you will throw it away when someone else catches your eye. And that is so very wrong. If you truly are IN LOVE with someone you aren’t even tempted away from that person. I have no doubt in my mind at all that Elena loves Stefan and loves Damon. And when I thought she was IN LOVE with Stefan and loved Damon as a friend and her lover’s brother – I was so perfectly fine with that too. But this confusion? No. You don’t get confused unless your feelings have changed for person #1. So she must have fallen out of love with Stefan at some point. That’s fine too. But how it’s being written that she is yo yo -ing back and forth and it’s some huge choice she is going to have to make… Who wants to win that tug of war? Nobody wins. This is why I’m anti the triangle bullshit. And it is also why if I’m frustrated I’m likely to call any and all of them all kinds of fucking names and guess what? It’s ok, because THEY ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS ON A TV SHOW – NOT YOUR SISTER/BEST FRIEND/MOTHER/DAUGHTER. Because hopefully real people wouldn’t be carrying on relationships with the undead at every turn.
Dayna: Totally agree on the anti-triangle sentiment. I’m right there with you. We’ll have to agree to disagree on the choice of names you want to call.
Cin: My point is people should be angry with these people for not seeing the truth about the fact that this CHARACTER is full of bad choices as well as bad options and instead of the actual words used to inflict their ire. Also, we are talking about fictional characters that are not particularly that well written when it comes to matters of the heart.
Christina: Being out of the country last week, I missed all this whore/slut shit, so I’m not TOTALLY sure what y’all are referring to. But I agree with you, Cin, that she’s not really in love, and maybe she never really was. The issue here is abandonment. Elena has MAJOR abandonment/daddy issues. I get the impression that while she would do fine as a strong single bitch, she lets her emotions drive her around like a fucking chauffeur. She’s needy. That’s where Stefan and Damon get trapped in her sights. I think she DID love Stefan, and clearly her feelings changed. And she’s ALLOWED to try to see if she loves Damon. What’s wrong with that? Here’s where I agree with you, Dayna: I don’t think it makes her a whore until she’s going back and forth between the two of them all willy-nilly with her legs spread open. I can’t believe I’m kind of defending Elena here because hello, I kind of hate her, but girl’s got issues. She doesn’t love anyone. (Oh, unrelated: I just realized… have y’all ever noticed that she seems to “love” people who AREN’T her family the most? Like I never really got the undying love vibe from her for either Jenna OR Jeremy. She seems to conveniently forget about them a lot.) But back to the matter: calling people names is fine; I do it all the time. But I personally wouldn’t call her a whore… and this coming from the girl whose favorite adjective is “cunty.”
Cin: And I also don’t have a problem with her spreading her legs for whoever. But call that what it is. THAT is being 18. Not proclaiming undying love for every guy you have feelings for or want to bang.
Christina: Well, yeah. That’s the distinction if we want to get into definitions. She’s not really a WHORE until she gets PAID to sleep with the whole town. A slut does it for free. With no emotional attachment. Like Damon! LOL (Great, are people going to rail against me for calling Damon a slut now?)
Cin: But my issue is that yes, the word is abused and misused. But I call you all ‘whores’ all the time and it’s a well documented side chat fact that my bedpost has MANY more notches than most of you – or heck – probably all of you girls at The SBH. Point is, I say things like “SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH” and substitute ‘whore’ for ‘bitch’ or ‘cunt’ based on how it sounds in a sentence. How do we know that people aren’t just lashing out at Elena for being wishy washy? So they used a word you don’t like. If they were your friend and you knew they didn’t mean it that way would it bother you? Does it bother you when people you AGREE with about a character use it in a loser context? Those are the questions people need to be asking. Look, this exploded because this fandom was looking for a reason to explode because of shipper issues. I just think it’s a monumental waste of time to DEFEND THE VIRTUE OF A FICTIONAL TV CHARACTER to the point of having raging internet fights about it.
Christina: Hahaha word to that. The whole forgetting these people are fictional really gets me sometimes. And I don’t have a problem with calling people these names. Lord knows I call people “whore” all the time. I’m pretty sure I’ve called Elena a Whorebitchface a time or two before. I was just saying I guess I can understand why people get all tightly wound about it. BUT, it’s not going to stop me. Elena IS a stupid whore. BECAUSE I DON’T AGREE WITH HER DECISIONS. [Cin: THAT’S THE SPIRIT! ] I mean… look… I’ll admit it. The makeout scene from two weeks ago at the motel… kind of fucking hot. But then she’s all, “NO NO WE MUSTN’T!” and UGH. She IS wishy washy. And it’s annoying. And people like to get in fights for the sake of getting in fights and I’m over it. #whore
Where are Sam & Dean when you need them?
Dayna: Okay, SERIOUSLY, TVD?!! We need a salt line for a containment spell now? Since fucking WHEN? And how fucking stupid did that five pounds of salt per foot look sprawled across the ground? I’d like to say how could anyone not notice and comment on it, except it’s fucking Mystic Falls and no one even notices when the sheriff’s daughter gets shot in the fucking face on the street in broad daylight, so. But Jayzus, no one thought to just scuff a foot over the line?!
Stephanie: Look, containment spell is cool and all (not really) but when the fuck did TVD writers feel the need to pull a Supernatural move with that shit? EVERYONE called them out on it too. Or least those recognizing a bullshit did. It was completely unnecessary, and like you said Dayna, looked fucking stupid. I literally rolled my eyes at the shit. Esther is supposed to be a big powerful right? Then why hell do she need a lifetime of Morton’s Salt to do a containment spell?
Cin: Right?!? Seriously, doesn’t TVD have enough of it’s own damn mythology hocus pocus without stealing from another CW show? And if they were going to employ this tactic, shouldn’t that have been using it all along? Isn’t it much fucking easier to trap a demon (in this case vampire) then say locking them in a dungeon? *sigh*
Dayna: The only thing that is going to save that shit for me is if there is a 10-minute, dialogue-less deleted scene on the DVD set of Esther backing up a fucking pick-up in front of the school with about 20 10-pound bags of salt in it, and laboriously opening each one to completely circle the school, dumping it out as she goes. THEN I might laugh with them instead of AT them. Otherwise, what in the actual fuck, show?
Cin: *DYING FOREVER* Truth, Dayna. So much truth.
Stephanie: LOL. Also why did no human try to break the barrier by kicking the salt out of the way? That would have been my first move. Of course, I have common sense and an intelligent brain. Neither of which exist in Mystic Falls.
Dayna: There needs to be a mass culling of the writers’ room before Season 4, methinks, because some of these folks that they’ve brought on are just NOT a good fit for the show.
Stephanie: Could. Not. Agree. More. So I just looked up to see what other episodes Narducci had written for TVD and what’s shocking is that I’ve basically loved all his other ones. What the fuck happened with this one? I will say he can write funeral scenes though.
Dayna: And while we’re on stupid visuals, I love how Alaric’s ring produced about 10 times more silver melted than it was actually made of. At least TRY not to be outright silly, ya know? We’re already suspending enough disbelief without fucking up the non-supernatural stuff.
Cin: Again, you are so right Dayna. They have just gotten lazy. And I agree on the writers aspect too. But I think that TVD is plotted out by committee like most hour long drama shows. Meaning they have a big board with plot and characters and work it out as a team with everyone throwing ideas on the table. They decide what sticks and the actual ‘writer’ is stuck doing the teleplay and dialogue to fit into that story. And then it’s changed and tweaked and all of that by the group again. They have just gotten over their damn heads with the magic and mythologies and as I’ve said time & time again — written themselves into a corner with the Originals and the triangles. Honestly, I think the show is at a turning point type place and has been for most of this season. We’ll have to see which way it ends up going. But for our readers let me officially announce that like a week or so after the S3 finale, all of us who do the reaction posts and maybe a few other guests will be posting a round table discussion much in this same format that these reactions posts are about the state of the show. We have been planning to do this for about the past 5 episodes now and decided to wait until the end of S3. Needless to say, things are backing up a bit in our brains on the subject.
Team Badass: Here’s to Those We’ve Drunk With and Never Will Again
Melissa: I need to talk about these two separately from Alaric’s death. Like about the friendship and all aside from the final twist. I’ve always been clear about my Damon feelings. But I’ve also always said that I absolutely love Damon when he’s with Alaric. A little in a fabulous HoYay way but mostly the bromance. It’s quite possibly my favorite relationship on the show. At the very least it is my favorite DEVELOPED relationship. (I miss Stefan & Caroline bff time.) The thing is that when it comes to these two they are the most dysfunctional and yet functional relationship on the show. They drink too much and they fight constantly and both are endlessly judgmental about the other’s romantic entanglements. Yet if one calls, the other shows up. And it doesn’t matter why. Murders, psychos, or just getting drunk, these two are like the male version of fucking Beaches. (Sidenote, I’m also insanely proud of both Elena & Meredith for knowing that the final moment of Alaric’s life needed to be with the friend who had defined so much of it over the last few years & Meredith for recognizing that Damon needed a nudge. [Double sidenote: Just writing this is making me cry & I’m at work so thats not good.]) [Cin: If said final moment of Alaric’s life had been given a bit more time this episode might have squeezed a tear or two out of me. As it was... No.] But in the end, the bullshit got set aside and we got to see the truth of their bond. Drinking & teasing each other through the pain, and the few things that needed to be said. Alaric got his apology and a little assurance that Damon knows him pretty damn well because for all the posturing, he listens. And I think for a few minutes, Damon got his greatest wish. He found his humanity in saying goodbye to his best friend. He was so vulnerable in that moment. I don’t think it will stay for too long, the current situation won’t let it. That’s not really the point though. These two men managed, against all odds, to find strength in each other and with that strength, greater purpose in their lives. So for the last time, here’s to Team Blood & Bourbon.
Dayna: That was bar-none one of the best scenes that has ever happened on this show. The dialogue was perfect, and Matt Davis and Ian Somerhalder rocked it. And like I said above, as long as the real Alaric doesn’t resurface underneath the hunter that Esther has created, I don’t think that what follows with the current situation will undermine any of that. It just makes it all the more painful that this new Big Bad that they have to face is wearing the face of a friend, and has access to memories that he can use to taunt those who loved Alaric.
Christina: Oh, Melissa. I heart you. That was wonderful, and you are absolutely right. I love the two of them together, and that scene was… it was my heart, yo. I wish it had lasted longer, and I know that if it had I definitely would have shed a tear or two. And I mentioned this on Twitter last night a couple times I think, but I really couldn’t get over how perfect it was: the shot of the bourbon bottle, empty. Damon’s hand, reverently but resolutely plugging it with the cork. It was really sweet, and really symbolic, and though it could have been cheesy as hell, I don’t think it was. It was great. Poor Damon, poor Alaric. Though, like Dayna, I also hope that old Alaric is gone. If ONLY because things can’t work out so nicely all the time. *pours one out for Alaric*
Stephanie: Guys, you know my love for these two. Hell, I started a damn Tumblr because of their bromance and my love for it . Melissa, you have described the Damon/Alaric relationship perfectly that I’m fighting back tears now. That scene though, I wanted it to last longer because it was fitting and aptly portrayed that relationship and its importance to both characters. I needed more Team Bourbon/Blood and Beer/Badass. [Cin: EXACTLY!] Gah, my wounds are so fresh and all my feelings for this these two are so jumbled that I’m pretty sure I’m living in denial. Davis and Somerhalder absolutely killed it. Ric’s goodbye was by far the only moment I liked about last night’s episode and the Damon/Alaric crypt scene might now be my top TVD moment of all time. Also did y’all pick up that Alaric’s last moments would have been in the Salvatore crypt thingy? It made my heart hurt because I do think Alaric sort of considered Damon a brother and it comes back to your family isn’t necessarily those you share a bloodline with. I imagine Damon would have laid Ric to rest probably next to his mother as to say you were my family even if I did kill you once or twice. I don’t know. I’m getting sappy so I need to quit.
Cin: Hey, maybe when they meet again both vamped they’ll finally give into their feelings and have sex. What? I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Don’t say you haven’t thought about it!
Christina: Please, you think I haven’t? You know Damon’s got some lube next to his fancy soap dish. Too far?
Stephanie: Never too far when you know it’s the truth.
Dayna: If he’s keeping it in the bathroom instead of the nightstand drawer, there are some other issues we need to discuss w/ Mr. Salvatore.
Stephanie: He keeps some in both places obviously. I don’t know from personal experience but I imagine you need the extra lube when immersed in water.
Cin: So true, Stephanie. So very very true.
Christina: Hahah EXACTLY. Also, have you SEEN his shower? Tell me it doesn’t scream “Anal wanted: inquire within.”
Dayna: If you’re already “within,” it’s a little late to inquire.
Christina: Well at that point, I think you’re hired already.
Cin: You bitches are my life. I love you so much. ROFLMAO!
Abby’s Thoughts (because she couldn’t be here with us today)
Abby: I liked a lot of moments in this episode, but overall, I’m unhappy with the direction the story is going. I really liked the Stefan and Elena stuff, or more accurately the Stefan stuff, because I liked him being all mature and focused and awesome. I love Klaus. I love his snazzy white suit and his impatience and his Caroline gazing and everything else about him forever. I like Rebekah better when she’s actually Rebekah. I loved Caroline and Tyler. I loved Damon and Alaric. I loved Jeremy and Matt, though I still want to know where Jeremy’s dog is. I WOULD have loved the whole Alaric thing if they’d just let him die, but the way they did it I feel like all the emotional energy was wasted. I could’ve also have loved it if he’d gone straight to being the big bad, (though I’d still have complaints about the magic angle) but I’m not down with this super sad fakeout thing. I don’t love Bonnie and Jamie, they’re boring. I don’t like Esther at all. I’m really tired of all the magic and I feel like there’s a level of WTFery going on there that’s very frustrating in a show with such strong characters. What I really want now is for Elijah to blow back into town in a swirl of sharp suit and soft spoken yet pointed commentary, kill whoever needs killing (but not Klaus), kill or de-magic the witches and then dust off his hands and tell us to have a nice summer. Can we get that for the finale, please?
Dayna: From your fingers to the writers’ ears, Abby!! At this point though, with all of the WTFery going on, I’d almost prefer Elijah stay out of town and far away from this particular cluster-fuck. Though it would be cool to see ALL of our vamps, both the MF crew and the Originals, working together to final-death Esther and take down her manufactured vampire slayer.
Christina: Ya know? I’m glad you said all that, Abby. I agree to all of that. I was READY for them to let Alaric die, and honestly I’m not too thrilled with the switcheroo. I think it’s lame. BUT if they make him truly EVIL, I think that’ll satisfy me, haha. Bonnie and Jamie… they are boring. Which is why I’m hoping he’ll die soon. Because, why not? I’m also getting REALLY tired of Esther’s face. If Elijah blew back into town as you describe, that would be the best thing to ever happen to this magical, endlessly opulent, little Virginia town that is only a couple of hours’ drive from EVERY SINGLE FUCKING OTHER CITY IN THE CONTINENTAL GODDAMN UNITED STATES.
Stephanie: Bonnie and Jamie. I have no words. Klaus should have killed him and Damon should kill Bonnie for being a little bitch that gets possessed and takes away Alaric’s choice. I JUST HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT BONNIE AND FUCKING WITCHES.
From the Tweetosphere
@caulkcrinolines: Stefan is nobody’s epic love. No wait, ELENA is nobody’s epic love. #dalaricforever #TVD
@thomascgalvin: I don’t care how into dances they are, I refuse to believe that every teenager in town learned the Charleston. #TVD
@calagarden: Nice lipstick Klaus. Does it come in Hetero? #TVD
@thomascgalvin: If only there was a human TWO FEET AWAY who could break that salt barrier. #TVD
@theSBH: Did that taste like wine, Alaric? Because everyone seems to think Elena is Jesus anyway. #tvd
@whatacatchmari: Can Rebekah please go to one school dance? Just one? #TVD
@B_inShortsville: Oh here we GO with this ‘other side’ bullshit again. #TVD
@AndySwift: I’m confused. I’m hugging my television, but none of the sad little people inside are hugging me back. That scene. #TVD
@Dayna_Barter: Supernatural Rule #215: To kill a witch, employ a high-powered sniper rifle. Do not tell them you are employing a high-powered sniper rifle
@thomascgalvin: You know what would be a good idea? Not giving the all-powerful witch a chance to murder you with her brain. #TVD
@whatacatchmari It’s moments like this where the #TVD gang desperately needs Sam and Dean Winchester. #SPN